by Kirk, Cindy
The grateful look Ruby shot her had Fin’s heart twisting. She knew these bouts of forgetfulness were hard on the older woman. When they occurred, Fin did her best to make them seem like no big deal.
Still, she was as curious as Jeremy and looked up when the French doors opened.
Pastor Dan Marshall, the senior minister at First Christian, stepped out onto the terrace. He was shorter than Jeremy, with a messy cap of brown hair, hazel eyes, and a ready smile. He looked, Fin thought, very un-pastor-like in khakis and a navy polo.
Smiling broadly, Jeremy stood and stepped forward. “I’m glad you could make it this morning. Dinah is bringing out a fresh pot of decaf. We also have iced tea.”
The minister glanced at the patio table, still holding the remnants of their meal. “I interrupted your lunch.”
When Fin saw a look of distress cross Ruby’s features, she stood and began to gather the dishes. “Actually, you have perfect timing. We just finished.”
Relief skittered across the young minister’s face. “Good.”
Dan stepped to Ruby’s side, crouched down, and clasped her hand in his. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Very well, Pastor.” Ruby’s smile lit her entire face. She made a sweeping gesture with one hand. “I’m surrounded by love.”
The minister’s gaze slid around the table. At Fin, with a stack of dishes in her arms, and at Jeremy, who’d risen to help and now had his arms full, too.
“Since I’m here to speak about love, it does appear the timing couldn’t be better.”
“Be right back,” Fin called over her shoulder.
Once they were inside and Dinah had confiscated the dishes, Fin pulled Jeremy into the parlor. Conscious of the woman in the kitchen, she kept her voice low. “What’s he doing here?”
Jeremy shrugged. “I assume visiting members of his congregation who have recently had surgery is one of his duties.”
Some of the tension in Fin’s shoulders eased. “You’re probably right. Pastor Schmidt stopped by often when my mother was ill. There was just something about the way he looked at me . . .”
Jeremy’s gaze sharpened. “As if he’s got the hots for you?”
“No, not like that.” Fin chuckled. “Though it might be interesting. I’ve never been hit on by a minister before.”
“You’re engaged.” Jeremy lifted her hand.
Fin gazed down at the diamond. Yes, she was engaged, and she needed to remember that fact. “We better get out there. Hopefully he’ll want to talk to Ruby about church things and we can make a quick exit.”
“Your mouth, God’s ear.”
She gave him a quick jab to the gut with her elbow.
“Oof.” He pretended to double over.
“Wuss.”
They were both laughing when they stepped back on the terrace, where the table had been cleaned and only a carafe of coffee and Jeremy’s iced tea glass remained.
Ruby and Dan glanced up when they stepped out.
“I know you three have a lot to discuss.” Ruby slowly rose to her feet. “I’m going to my room so you’ll have some privacy.”
Fin’s heart skipped a beat. “What do we need privacy for?”
“Usually premarital counseling is done with just the minister and the engaged couple.” Dan smiled warmly at Ruby. “When she called yesterday, Mrs. Rakes told me that you two were eager to get started on these sessions.”
Fin froze.
Jeremy stiffened beside her.
Ruby’s smile faltered. “Oh dear, did I get that wrong?”
“No.” Fin shot her a reassuring smile. “You were right. Jeremy and I are eager to get started.”
“It’s just that we know how busy Dan is at this time of year.” Jeremy spoke slowly, as if feeling his way through a dark room. “We certainly don’t want to take time—”
“No worries.” Dan shot Ruby a wink. “Your grandmother made that clear. But today works for me, if it still works for you.”
Though Ruby’s expression gave nothing away, Fin noticed the older woman’s tongue moistening her lips. Since the surgery, she’d seen Ruby doing that whenever she was anxious.
“Perfect time.” Fin reached over and squeezed Jeremy’s forearm. “Right?”
“Absolutely.”
Fin hoped Xander appreciated all she was doing to help him. Last night he’d reminded her that he was a results guy. He didn’t care how it was done, he just wanted the approval.
The conversation had left her feeling uneasy.
Jeremy’s hand slid down her arm to take her fingers in his warm, firm grasp. It was as if he’d told her, “I’m here. No worries.”
She looked up and fell headfirst into the liquid blue depths of his eyes.
This can’t be worse than the relationship cards, she told herself, then hoped that was true.
Once they were seated, Dan took several minutes to explain the purpose of premarriage counseling. This was an opportunity for the three of them to become better acquainted, to see where they were on their spiritual journey, and to discover if there were any problem areas in their relationship that needed addressing.
Fin listened to the minister’s words and felt dread wrap around her like a straitjacket. This was definitely not what she’d signed up for. But other than hopping up and running into the house—or feigning a panic attack—she saw no other option than to soldier on.
The minister reached down to pull a portfolio out of his messenger bag, and Jeremy’s thumb stroked Fin’s palm in a gesture meant to soothe.
Dan’s gaze dropped to their clenched hands and nodded approvingly. He put the papers on the table in front of him, then leaned forward. “Who wants to tell me how you met?”
“That’s easy.” Fin glanced at Jeremy, then proceeded forward. “We’ve always known each other.”
Jeremy picked up the conversational ball. “Fin’s sister Ami and I were in kindergarten together. Their mother, Sarah, was one of the room moms. She brought Fin with her to one of the class parties. I don’t know where the other two girls were . . .”
He glanced at Fin, and she gave a little shrug. She had no memory of the party.
“I thought she was Ami’s twin.” Jeremy chuckled. “I asked the teacher why she wasn’t in school with her sister.”
Dan leaned back, his eyes sharp and assessing. “You two go way back.”
Fin nodded and began to relax. If all the questions were this easy, she’d been worried for nothing.
Dan cocked his head. “When did you begin dating?”
“My freshman year in high school.” Fin glanced at Jeremy, and his fingers tightened around hers. “He asked me to a school dance.”
“We were together until I left for college.” Jeremy shrugged. “Fin still had a year of high school left.”
If the breakup had to be discussed, Jeremy had done a nice job of making it sound as if his leaving for college had precipitated them going their separate ways.
“Is that why you broke up?” Dan asked.
Suddenly grateful for the coffee, even if it was decaf, Fin took a long sip.
“I’m sure it was part of it.” Jeremy grabbed his tea and took a gulp.
“What else?” Dan set down his pencil, completely focused.
Coffee cup still in hand, Fin managed to feign boredom at the line of questioning. “It was such a long time ago. It scarcely matters now.”
Dan’s pleasant expression didn’t waver. “It may or it may not matter. Sometimes patterns of behavior that were developed early follow us into adulthood.”
Fin took another sip of coffee.
When neither of them spoke, Dan smiled. “Humor me. What caused you to go your separate ways all those years ago?”
Guilt.
One word said it all. But it was the word she wasn’t about to say aloud. Instead she fell back on the story she’d been telling for so many years she almost believed it herself.
“My mother had been diagnosed with leukemia t
hat spring.” Even after all these years, simply thinking about the day they’d gotten the diagnosis brought a lump to Fin’s throat. “Though she ended up living many more years, her initial prognosis was dire. She was given only weeks to live. It was a very stressful time for our family.”
Dan’s hazel eyes softened with sympathy. “It was a very stressful time for you.”
She knew what he was doing, pulling the conversation back to her, making it personal.
Fin thought of the tension in her home, thought of what had happened in Milwaukee, thought of how she’d had no one to turn to for answers, for support. She exhaled a ragged breath. “Yes.”
Dan glanced from her to Jeremy. “Instead of this incident drawing you closer, it pulled you apart.”
Fin didn’t like the way the minister was regarding Jeremy. Didn’t like it one bit. “Jeremy was good to me.”
“I was getting ready to leave for college. My parents were having marital difficulties.” A shadow passed over his expression, and Jeremy’s voice rang heavy with regret. “They resolved their issues, but I wasn’t there for Fin, not like I should have been.”
When the minister began to nod, Fin saw red. It wasn’t fair for Jeremy to take the fall. Not when she knew who was really to blame.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Fin turned in her seat to face Jeremy. “It was mine. I pushed you away. Because I—”
She reined herself in just in time. When she realized not only Jeremy, but the minister was waiting for her to continue, she took another sip of coffee. “I’m not sure why.”
Okay, she was probably going to hell for lying to a minister, but she was not going to talk about this, not now, not ever.
“I have an assignment for you.” Dan sat back in his chair, his eyes grave. “Before we meet again—”
“Meet again?” Fin strove to keep the panic from her voice and thought she did a pretty good job. “I assumed this was a one-shot thing.”
Dan arched a brow as if that surprised him, then offered an easy smile. “It’s more of an eight-week thing.”
Fin’s own smile froze on her lips. “Good to know.”
Good to know because she would be busy anytime the minister, and his emissary, Ruby, tried to schedule another one of these sessions.
Something in the way the pastor gazed at her made her wonder if mind reading was also one of his skills.
“Before we meet again,” Dan began again, “I want the two of you to sit down and discuss that time in your lives. I want you to talk about why you reacted the way you did, and how you would handle the same situation now.”
Fin felt perspiration pool at the base of her spine. “What’s the point? It’s the past.”
She glanced at Jeremy, hoping for a little support.
“That was over ten years ago, Dan.” Jeremy rubbed his chin. “Instead of focusing on the past, I’d think we’d be looking ahead to the future. Or at least the here and now.”
Dan’s lips lifted in a half smile. “I’m sure you’ve both heard the saying ‘The past does not determine the future.’”
Fin nodded at the same time as Jeremy.
“The saying has a lot of merit. It tells us that just because we reacted—or acted—one way in the past doesn’t mean that’s how it has to be in the future.” Dan folded his hands in front of him. “It can also mean the sins of the past don’t have to color our future.”
Sin.
A chill traveled along her spine.
Keeping her face expressionless, Fin nodded as if she saw his point and agreed. She’d briefly considered pushing Jeremy’s point about looking ahead but sensed Dan had a stubborn streak. He obviously wanted to give them homework, and that’s what he was going to do.
“What happened all those years ago is still between you.” Dan glanced from her to Jeremy. “You need to discuss it, bring it out into the light of day. Only then will you be able to heal that part of your past, a part I sense still stands between you.”
“Understood. Our first assignment is to discuss that time and figure out where we went wrong.”
The minister narrowed his eyes at her flippant tone, then his expression softened. “Your assignment is to be completely honest with each other about what you did or didn’t do during that time, about what you said or wished you’d said. This is a chance to grow closer. Good communication is at the heart of any successful union.”
Fin carefully placed the empty china cup on the table and stood, signaling the session was over. If the two men wanted to stay and talk, that was fine, but she’d had enough prying into her past.
This was why she rarely went to church. She could only imagine how Dan would look at her if he knew everything. Worse, she could imagine how Jeremy would look at her.
The men stood. Dan followed her and Jeremy through the house.
She was almost home free. They’d reached the porch when Dan clapped a hand on her shoulder, his voice low and reassuring. “Never forget there is no sin too big to be forgiven.”
Jeremy left to head back to work right after the minister left. Ruby was still resting in her room when Fin sat on the porch swing and pulled out her phone.
“Xander, hi,” she said when he answered.
“How’s it going at the farm?” His tone, almost jovial, had her smiling.
“The minister stopped over.”
“Sounds as if it’s a laugh a minute in Good Hope.” Xander’s voice deepened. “But it’s a beautiful place to film. Are you making progress?”
“These things take time.” When Fin found herself moistening her tongue, she thought of Ruby and stopped. “There’s something I wanted to tell you.”
“This sounds serious,” he teased. “Should I make sure I’m sitting down?”
The fact that he was being so kind made the telling even more difficult.
Just spit it out, Fin told herself. Tear the Band-Aid off.
“I kissed Jeremy Rakes. When we were in Milwaukee. I don’t quite know how it happened, but I swear it will never happen—”
“Delphinium, it’s okay. I don’t want to say I don’t care, but it really isn’t major. I’ve kissed other women since we’ve been dating plenty of times.” He paused. “Did Rakes kiss you back?”
Shame flooded Fin. “He did.”
“Even better.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The mayor obviously still has a thing for you. We can play on that to get what we want.”
Fin was far from naive. The sole reason Xander had left her behind in Good Hope was due to her connections in the community. Because she believed strongly in a well-informed vote, she’d been happy to take on the task of ensuring that not only Jeremy, but those town board members who’d voted against the proposition, were aware of the value the filming would bring to the community.
But to use Jeremy’s feelings for her to influence his vote . . . well, that smacked of pandering. Still, she might be reading too much into Xander’s simple comment. “You want me to use Jeremy’s possible feelings for me to influence his vote?”
“Whatever it takes.” Xander’s voice turned persuasive. “You’re doing a good job for us, I know that. Just don’t let some Midwest moral high ground stop you from going all out in pursuit of the goal.”
“Are you saying that—”
“Sweetheart, it was good to hear from you, but Harvey just walked in.” Xander lowered his voice. “It looks like the joint project we’ve been discussing is a go. I’ll tell you all about it when I have the time. Ciao.”
He clicked off.
Fin pushed with her feet and sent the swing moving back and forth. Instead of feeling as if she’d cleared the air between them, she was more confused than ever.
And what the heck did Xander mean he’d kissed plenty of women since they’d been dating?
Chapter Nine
After a morning spent baking—and decorating—sugar cookies in Jeremy’s amazing kitchen, Fin and her sisters decided to take a short break.
<
br /> “I felt as if I was being interrogated by a CIA operative,” Fin told her sisters when Ami brought up the topic of last week’s counseling session with Dan. “Worse, I think Jeremy is on board with completing the homework assignment.”
“Max and I were married by Pastor Schmidt.” Prim’s hazel eyes grew thoughtful. “We had several sessions with him, but he focused more on our spiritual journey than past stuff.”
Instead of sitting at the table, Fin stood by the stove, carefully adding sugar to a pot of water.
Ami lifted her hands. “We had Schmidt, too. Our experience was pretty much the same as Prim and Max’s.”
“I could ask Marigold. Dan married her and Cade. Then again, what does it matter?” Fin would be returning to LA in a few weeks. Despite what Dan believed, there was no point in dredging up the past.
“I don’t understand why you participated.” Ami’s steady gaze remained focused on Fin.
“I wondered that, too.” Prim inclined her head. “Why didn’t you simply put him off?”
“Ruby.” As far as Fin was concerned, the one word said it all.
“It’s not like you to be so . . . agreeable.” Prim spoke hesitantly.
“I know.” Fin gave a half laugh. “Believe me—I’ve wondered more than once why I keep falling into step.”
“Why do you?” Ami appeared genuinely puzzled.
“I guess because I know how difficult it’s going to be for Jeremy and Ruby after I split.” Fin’s heart swelled. “It won’t be easy for you, either. Or for Dad.”
Ami’s eyes softened. “It’s going to be difficult for you, as well.”
Through the kitchen window, Fin spotted a ruby-throated hummingbird hovering above a hanging pot of impatiens. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” She kept her tone light. “I’ll be back with my fiancé.”
Fin saw no reason to mention Xander hadn’t returned her most recent call or text. Another woman might be worried, may have even called friends to make sure he was okay. Fin had no such concerns. This behavior was standard operating procedure for him.
When he was ready to talk, he’d call. Or more likely, text.
At least when they were married, she’d see him when they both got home at night. But she had difficulty picturing the scene.