by Kirk, Cindy
Her brother-in-law cast a speculative glance in Jeremy’s direction.
“She wasn’t wearing it yesterday, either,” was all Jeremy said.
Beck refocused those sharp brown eyes on Fin. “Will this change in circumstance affect how long you remain in Good Hope?”
Fin was spared the need to respond when her sister entered the room. Like Beck, Ami was dressed for lounging at home in a pair of stretchy black pants and a jersey top with a scoop neck. Instead of shoes, her sister wore the UGG slippers Beck had given her for Christmas last year.
“You have a beautiful little girl, Ami.” Fin glanced down at her niece and realized the butterflies were gone. “I’m happy for you and Beck.”
Ami’s eyes filled with tears. “Every time I look at her I can’t help thinking how much Mom would have loved to meet her namesake.”
“Mom knows.” Fin met and held her sister’s gaze. “She’s right here with you, cheering you on. In the coming years she’ll be that little voice in your head, reminding you of all the wonderful lessons she taught us that you and Beck will use in raising Sarah Rose.”
Ami gave a watery smile. “I believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Mom never let us down.” Fin gently stroked the top of Sarah’s head with one finger. “She’d never leave you alone to navigate the parental waters.”
“She didn’t leave me alone. I have Beck.” The glance Ami shot her husband was filled with love. “And I have you and my other sisters.”
They stayed for another thirty minutes. When Sarah Rose began to fuss and Ami announced it was time for her feeding, Fin and Jeremy made their excuses and left.
“That wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.” Fin slanted a sideways glance at Jeremy and found him staring, a strange look in his eyes.
“What you said to Ami was really nice.” He grinned. “Don’t look so surprised. It was just what she needed to hear.”
“I meant every word.” When they reached the car, Fin put a hand on Jeremy’s arm. “I feel like a walk. Do you feel like a walk?”
The butterfly swarm may have flown, but Fin had something to say and knew it would come easier on a walk.
“Sure.” Jeremy stepped back to the sidewalk and held out his arm to her.
She took it. Instead of heading right, which would lead them to Main Street and the downtown shops, they turned left. Thankfully, when they passed Hill House, there was no sign of Eliza or any of the Cherries.
While most of the trees proudly strutted their fall colors, a few were bare, their leaves draped across the ground like skirts. The pleasant scent of fireplace smoke hung in the air.
Fin walked for nearly a block before speaking. “Beck brought up a good point.”
Jeremy slanted a sideways glance. “Do you really want to talk about the importance of hand washing?”
Fin laughed. “He was a little anal about that.”
“You don’t know the half of it. When you were washing your hands, he asked me if you knew you should sing the ABCs while washing your hands.”
She cocked her head.
“Apparently you need to take that amount of time to do an adequate job.”
“My mother taught us to sing ‘Yankee Doodle.’” Fin gave a little laugh. “I’d forgotten all about that until now.”
Fin felt herself steady as they continued to walk. “I actually was referring to the part when Beck asked if the breakup with Xander would affect how long I stayed in Good Hope. I realized I hadn’t gotten that far.”
“You haven’t had time.” Jeremy’s tone was light. “I kept you pretty busy this morning.”
“I believe I gave as good as I got.” She kept her tone equally light.
“Yes, you did.” He leaned over and brushed a kiss against her hair.
When they reached the next intersection, Fin turned down a residential street filled with well-maintained cottages. Judging from the scooters and chalk on the sidewalk, they’d entered a family-friendly zone.
“If these homes were in LA, they’d bring a half million, easy.”
Jeremy’s gaze shifted from one of the homes, a Cape Cod–style story-and-a-half, back to Fin. He only shook his head. “Yet you still want to live there.”
It may have been a statement, but Fin heard the question.
“My job is there.” Fin waited for Jeremy to say something about her remaining in Good Hope. He’d said he loved her. Wouldn’t asking her to stay be the next step? She found herself wishing he’d ask, then promptly banished the thought. “Of course, if I don’t come through with this deal, that job may be gone.”
“Seriously?”
“Shirleen, the owner and CEO, values her connections with industry professionals like Xander.” Fin let out a breath. “I spoke with her. She’s unhappy that I’m no longer with him, but she’ll forgive my ‘error in judgment’ as long as I obtain the agreement to film here.”
“I understand her wanting to please Xander, but quite honestly, you can only do so much.” His brow furrowed. “Ultimately, you have no control over Lynn’s vote. Or mine.”
Xander thought I could control you with sex.
Just the thought of what her former fiancé had proposed had Fin’s stomach churning.
Jeremy offered a distracted smile. “We should head back. I have some e-mails that need my attention.”
“Same here. Only not e-mails.” Fin waved a hand in the air. “I promised Lynn we’d get together to discuss the All About Kids project. I’ll probably call her and set up a time to meet.”
“What are you going to say when she notices you’re not wearing the diamond?”
Fin lifted her chin. “I’m not putting it back on.”
“That’s not what I was suggesting.” Jeremy took her hand, gave it a squeeze. “I just know people will ask. We need to be prepared.”
He was right. People would notice and ask. Heck, Beck had noticed. Whatever they came up with, it’d have to be plausible. But Fin was done lying.
Fin thought for a moment. “I’ll say that particular diamond never felt right. That while the stone was undeniably beautiful, the ring never reflected our feelings for each other.”
Jeremy nodded approval.
As they walked in companionable silence for another block, Fin was reminded of the walks she’d often taken with her father. If something was troubling her, it would always come out during one of those nighttime strolls. Or when they were fishing.
“Do you ever think what you’d have done if you hadn’t miscarried?”
Fin jolted at the softly spoken question. How many times was he going to want to discuss that horrible period in her life? Once again, she reminded herself that while she’d had years to come to grips with what had happened, Jeremy hadn’t even had twenty-four hours to process.
“What would I have done?” Fin’s gaze lingered on a church spire in the distance. “For a time, running away seemed a viable option.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught his look of surprise. “Would you really have run?”
“Probably not.” She sighed. “I didn’t know what to do. My parents wouldn’t have let me quit school. But my mom was in no shape to watch a baby. With all their medical bills, my parents couldn’t have afforded to help with day care costs.”
“Given time, I believe you’d have come to me.” Jeremy’s gaze met hers. “I’d have been there for you. Just like I’m here for you now.”
She squeezed his hand. “I know.”
For so long Fin had fought her own battles and made her own decisions. Leaning on anyone, even someone she loved, didn’t come easy.
Still, she thought wistfully, there were times when it would be nice to lean . . . if only for a little while.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Thanks for helping me.” Mindy slipped her hand in Fin’s. “I’m glad you came. It was so much fun.”
When Marigold told Fin that the Seedlings group she and Cade oversaw w
as doing a unit on constructing games and could use an extra pair of hands, Fin had agreed to help. Jeremy was working late anyway, and Ruby had plans with friends.
With the vote scheduled for Friday and things still in limbo between her and Jeremy, between her and Shirleen, Fin needed to keep busy.
“I had fun, too.” Fin smiled down at the girl, dressed in a fuzzy pink sweater and leggings with her flashy cowboy boots. The scarf she’d given Mindy last weekend covered her head.
“My daddy says you’re going to marry the mayor and I’ll get to see you a lot.” Mindy glanced up at Fin, seeking confirmation.
Though they’d continued to make love, Jeremy hadn’t mentioned marriage or said anything about her remaining in Good Hope. Not even after their rehearsal with Gladys yesterday, when they’d nailed the “White Christmas” duet and Gladys announced she’d like them to be her leads in the January production.
“You and I,” Fin slung an arm around the girl’s shoulders, “are buddies now. We won’t lose touch.”
“My mommy used to call me after she left.” Mindy’s lower lip began to tremble. “She doesn’t anymore. She doesn’t like me being sick. It makes her sad.”
If Tessa Vaughn were standing in front of Fin, she’d punch her.
“I don’t like having cancer,” Mindy confided in a voice just above a whisper.
Out of my league, Fin thought.
“I’m sure your mother loves you.” Fin kept her tone matter-of-fact. “I know your daddy does. His eyes light up whenever he sees you.”
“But I want my mommy, too.”
Sometimes we can’t have what we want. The words were on the tip of Fin’s tongue when she pulled them. True, but harsh. Too harsh.
“It’s easy to think of all the things we want or stuff we can’t have at the moment.” Or ever, Fin thought. “Have you heard of a gratitude jar?”
Mindy shook her head, curiosity driving the shadows from her eyes.
“My sister Ami keeps one. Each day you write on a scrap of paper one thing you’re grateful for, then you put it in the jar.” Fin touched the girl’s shoulder, and they stepped aside to let David and Brynn past. Though the architect smiled, his eyes were hooded, and sadness filled the depths. “Whenever you’re feeling sad, you pull out some of the scraps of paper and read them. It’s a count-your-blessings kind of thing.”
Mindy’s forehead wrinkled. “I think I understand.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Fin saw Owen at the end of the long hall, waiting just inside the doorway. She’d heard him mention to Prim that he might be a few minutes late picking up Mindy, and Fin had promised to keep his daughter company.
“Like tonight, you might be grateful you got to make up a new game, or maybe you’re grateful for your friends, or even for the pretty blue sky.” Fin kept her tone light and smiled down at the child. “It doesn’t have to be anything big.”
A determined glint filled Mindy’s baby blues. “I know what I’m going to write.”
Fin wasn’t going to ask, then decided this wasn’t a wish. “What is it?”
“Not what, who.” Mindy flung her arms around Fin and squeezed tight. “I’m happy I have you.”
“What a little sweetheart.” Ruby dabbed at her eyes with a linen handkerchief when Fin relayed the story. “My heart breaks for her.”
“I saw that you and she had connected at the Wish Fulfilled party, but I didn’t realize the extent of the bond that had formed.” Jeremy splashed more wine into Fin’s glass.
When Fin had arrived home—or rather at Jeremy’s home—she’d found him and his grandmother on the terrace. Ruby appeared to be enjoying her cup of herbal tea, but after Fin’s close encounter of the Mindy kind, it was the bottle of Shiraz that beckoned.
“There’s just something about her,” Fin mused, taking another sip. “In so many ways Mindy reminds me of myself at that age. She comes across as supremely confident but she feels things deeply.”
Ruby exchanged a glance with Jeremy. “It sounds as if you handled her questions quite well.”
“I don’t know about that.” Fin stared down into her glass. “I didn’t want to dash her hopes about her mom, so I redirected.”
Jeremy sat back, his fingers wrapped around the wineglass. “Tessa may come back.”
Fin shook her head. “She doesn’t even call anymore, but Mindy still hopes and wishes. That’s a dead-end street.”
Ruby lifted her teacup, her gaze curious. “Why do you say that?”
“She’s setting herself up for disappointment.” Fin gave a harsh laugh. “Think about it. If you don’t wish, if you don’t hope, you can’t be disappointed.”
Looking startled, Jeremy frowned. “Do you really—?”
The phone Fin had tossed on the table cut him off when it began to vibrate and ring. She scooped it up.
“No, you’re not interrupting.” My dad, she mouthed. Her smile disappeared. A roaring filled her ears as he relayed details. “Yes, I understand. Thanks for letting me know.”
Fin dropped her hand to the table, the phone slipping from her grasp. She closed her eyes for a second.
How could this be? Mindy had skipped down the hall to her father only hours before.
“What is it?” Jeremy reached forward, covering her hand with his. “Is it Ami? The baby?”
Fin heard the panic in his voice and fought for composure.
“It’s Mindy. She had a seizure. Dad saw the ambulance pull up. They’ve taken her to the hospital.” Fin raked a hand through her hair. “Apparently she wasn’t doing as well as Owen thought.”
Jeremy was already on his feet. “Let’s go.”
She looked up in surprise. “Where?”
“To the hospital. She’ll want to see you.”
“She might already be dead.” Though Fin spoke calmly, the noose around her heart tightened painfully.
I can’t do this, Fin thought. I won’t do this.
Shock whitened Jeremy’s face. “Is that what your dad said?”
“No, but it’s clear this won’t end well.”
Ruby’s worried gaze shifted from her to Jeremy.
“I can’t do this, Jeremy.” Fin lifted her glass, her voice cool and detached. “I’m going back to LA. Things are simpler there. Everything stays on the surface. That’s how I like it.”
“Fin.” His tone was as gentle as a caress. “Let’s take a walk and talk this out. I’ll call the hospital and see—”
“No.” She shook her head as panic rose to choke her. “Can’t go there. Won’t go there.”
“Don’t shut me out.” His voice rose, but with visible effort, he pulled it back down. “I’m here for you. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Mindy isn’t mine. She’s nothing to me.” Saying the words felt like a betrayal, but Fin wouldn’t take them back. She’d already lost one child. She couldn’t bear losing another.
Getting close to Mindy had been a mistake.
Wishing for more with Jeremy, that had been a mistake, too.
Fin pushed back her chair with a clatter and rushed into the house.
When Jeremy rose to follow, Ruby grabbed his arm.
“Let her go, son. She’s got some hard things she needs to work out in her own head.” Her eyes softened. “She’ll be back.”
Jeremy dropped back into his chair, exhaled a ragged breath. “You’re only saying that because you think Rakes marry their first love.”
“I’m saying that because Delphinium loves you.”
Jeremy knew Fin loved him. But he also realized she’d built a wall around her heart after the death of their child. She’d opened it a little to let him in, but could she open it wide enough to allow herself to experience all the pleasures—and pains—of a life together?
That was the million-dollar question.
At the stop sign where the country road intersected with the highway, Fin took a moment to send Jeremy a text.
I won’t be home tonight.
The second
she hit Send, she wished she could pull back the message. Though she believed she’d done the right thing in notifying him—she wouldn’t want him or Ruby to worry—Rakes Farm wasn’t her home.
It had started to feel that way, Fin admitted as she turned onto Highway 42, in a way that nothing had since she’d left her family home at eighteen. But she couldn’t stay in Good Hope. Her experience with Jeremy—and with Mindy—had helped her see the truth.
Fin had spent years giving love a wide berth. She’d refused to lay herself open to hurt and disappointment. And she’d been happy. Relatively happy, anyway.
But even an engagement ring on her hand hadn’t been enough to keep her heart from opening to Jeremy. And Mindy, well, the little fashionista with the gap-toothed smile and pink cowboy boots had somehow slipped under her defenses when she wasn’t looking.
Where had any of it got her? She was miserable.
It was time to return to California.
But when Fin drove by the hospital in Sturgeon Bay, instead of continuing down the highway that would lead her out of Door County, she turned into the parking lot.
She wasn’t certain how long she’d been sitting in the car when the door opened and Eliza slid into the passenger seat.
Fin frowned. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I wasn’t looking for you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“That’d have been hard to do, since I didn’t know myself that I was headed here until I parked the car.” Fin gathered her courage. “Mindy?”
“Laughing and charming the nurses.”
Fin blinked. “Are you serious?”
“They’re releasing her in the morning. The doctor made a change in her medication that should take care of any future seizures. They’re only keeping her overnight as a precaution.”
Fin expelled a heavy sigh. “The cancer is worse.”
“No.” Eliza reached over and touched Fin’s arm. “Not at all. That wasn’t the impression I got, anyway.”
Tears slipped down Fin’s cheeks. She turned her head quickly, hoping Eliza hadn’t noticed.
“You and I are a lot alike, Delphinium. We act as if we don’t care when we do.”