“No. Nathaniel has free will, but good angels follow the Divine Council’s orders. And Nathaniel is very firmly on the side of good. So much so, he’s willing to do what needs to be done to uphold the law.”
My lungs deflated in a painful rush. My grandfather was good. Maybe not in Dothan’s eyes…but Nathaniel was like a cop, someone who occasionally had to do bad things to maintain a supernatural society. I dropped my head, tearing at the white wrapper of my discarded sandwich.
Dothan cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, Jamie. This is hard on me too—I’ve never talked about this stuff with anyone but my father. And even that was limited by his desire to protect me. But your birthday is not the time to discuss this mess.”
I plastered a weak smile on my face. “I’m glad I understand now, at least a little bit. It’s very…complicated.” My eyes searched his desperately for recognition of our joke.
“Come here,” he said simply, pushing all the food aside. Raw emotion played across his beautiful face as he opened his arms.
I scooted across the blanket and tucked myself into his embrace. His hands slid across my back, moving up to tangle in my hair. With a gentle tug, he pulled me down on top of him.
My lips hovered over his for one devastating moment. Go big or go home, an inner voice taunted me. I kissed him tentatively, a mere brush of tender skin. Then desire took over, and our mouths slammed together with fiery urgency.
His hands made their way under my shirt, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake as our tongues explored. He tugged at my scarf to get to my neck, and I lifted my head long enough to unwind the layers.
“Oops,” he said, his eyes fixing on the mottled red mark. He rolled me over gently, holding himself on his elbows. “I need to be more careful.” Leaning down, he kissed the spot reverently.
“It’s no big deal,” I said breathlessly. “Scarves are popular.”
He moaned. “Don’t tempt me.” His teeth grazed my earlobe.
Tremors vibrated through every nerve in my body. Exquisite torture. I latched on to his biceps, arching up to close the distance between us.
“You’re going to kill me,” he murmured. His heavy chest pinned me down as he sought out my lips again. Minutes later, he groaned and levered himself away from me. “We have to stop now. I may be half angel, but I’m still an 18-year-old guy.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but a tiny sliver of common sense cut through the storm of physical sensations. If I told him not to stop, was I prepared for the consequences?
He eased off of me and rolled to his back. Gathering me in his arms, he pulled me against his side.
I settled my head onto his shoulder, closing my eyes against the glare of the sun and listening to the sound of our ragged breaths. Dothan played with my hair, gently twirling pieces around his finger. Eventually, my racing heart slowed to a regular rhythm, and I drifted on the edge of sleep.
“Can I give you your present now?” he asked, jarring me back to consciousness.
That wasn’t it? I thought drowsily. “Hmmm,” I said out loud. My limbs felt leaden. I dragged my eyes open, peering up at him. “You didn’t have to get me a present. But I’m happy to accept one anyway.”
“I’m afraid that means getting up,” he pointed out.
“I knew there was a catch.” With a contented sigh, I struggled up to my elbows. Now that my skin had cooled, the sun provided a welcoming warmth as I lifted my face to the sky. Wispy clouds stretched across the endless cerulean canvas.
Dothan opened one of the cantle bags and pulled out a flat cellophane package lined with pink tissue. He handed it to me, adjusting his hat as he sat back on his heels.
The unmistakable wrapping belonged to a local gift shop with fairly expensive offerings. I lifted my eyebrows at Dothan before I slid the tissue from the outer cellophane. Inside, a set of five silver bangles glittered in the sunshine. “They’re beautiful,” I said sincerely, lifting them up. Two of the bracelets were dotted with crystal beads. A trendy charm dangled off each of the other three, and I bent my head to look closer.
The first charm was a circle inscribed with a cursive capital “J”. My heart contracted as I examined the second one, a tiny pewter horse. I smiled at Dothan as I glanced over at the grazing horses. The third charm, a chubby cherub with wings, made me laugh out loud. “This doesn’t look anything like you,” I said, giggling.
“Well, that’s a relief.” He grinned at me, clearly pleased with my response. “It was the best I could do, though. And I saw you wear some gold ones once, so I thought silver…” he trailed off with a shrug.
“I love them. Thank you, Dothan.” I slipped them onto my wrist and leaned forward to wind my arms around his neck.
“Should we start heading back?” he asked, nuzzling the line of my jaw.
I shivered with pleasure, but it was getting late. “Yeah,” I replied unenthusiastically. What I wanted to do was stay here with him forever, kissing him by the stream—but I knew if we started up again, we’d have an even harder time leaving. And while Nathaniel had agreed to spare me a big celebratory dinner, he’d insisted on doing something to acknowledge my birthday. We’d decided on a takeout order from my favorite restaurant, which he was going to pick up on his way home from work. I tried not to think of all the calories I’d already consumed this weekend.
Dothan kissed me lightly and reached for the container of cupcakes. “Dessert first?”
Oh, hell. The white icing glistened, beckoning me sweetly. I chewed on my lip. Well, it was my seventeenth birthday. “Definitely,” I agreed, holding out my hand.
Chapter 28
I coasted through the week on a tide of birthday memories filled with unexpected joy. Even things at school seemed better; I had the feeling rumors of my superhuman defender in the woods were making rounds. None of the usual suspects bothered me, and I continued to make progress with emerging friendships.
But the following Sunday, I woke up early, cold dread swirling in the pit of my stomach. Today was the one year anniversary of the accident, and my temporary happiness shriveled like the dying flowers bordering the patio. I pulled my mom’s pillow into my chest, staring blankly at the empty side of the bed that would always be hers.
Nathaniel and I had made plans to visit the cemetery before I went in to work. He’d offered to take my shift, but since he’d done that last week already, I refused. I knew it was a tough day for him, too—archangel or no, he’d experienced a horrific accident that took the life of someone he considered a daughter.
We drove together in Nathaniel’s car, since Monocacy Cemetery was 20 minutes away. I sat in the passenger seat with an autumn bouquet in my lap, struggling not to throw up all over it. I didn’t want to leave flowers on my mother’s grave. I didn’t want to visit her grave, period. Not today or any other day.
I’d never felt my mother’s soul was there, buried in the ground, beneath a granite headstone; this conviction led me toward a tentative belief in heaven. The alternative—that my beautiful mother had simply ceased to exist on any level or in any form—was unacceptable. And with words like “Nephilim”, “Divine Council”, and “Fallen” now bouncing around in my head, I was becoming more of a believer by the second.
Still, this manicured cemetery didn’t feel like the right place to connect. Nathaniel shifted the car into park and nodded to me, a final wordless gesture in almost a half an hour of complete silence. My stomach rolled as I scanned the rows of headstones.
The morning air chilled my skin, but the sun gathered strength behind a few low clouds. Pouring rain would be much more appropriate, I thought as we walked to the tidy plot. My mom’s headstone stood alone; no room had been available in the Brandt family plot in D.C. There were spaces on either side, and I assumed one day I would lie next to her. I’d left the burial details to Nathaniel.
Would Nathaniel rest on the other side, when his long angel life eventually ended? Dozens of questions hovered on my lips as I placed the bouquet on t
he ground. I stood back up to join Nathaniel, and we lingered together in a silent tribute, lost in our own thoughts.
I tried to imagine how my mom would want me to handle this mess. As far as Nathaniel knew, Dothan had dropped our friendship when his plan backfired. He had no idea that instead, we’d both completely disregarded his warnings and entered into a romantic relationship.
A small ray of warmth bloomed in my frozen chest as I remembered the kind offer Dothan had made to me yesterday. He’d come out to the jumping ring to watch Beau and I take on a rigorous course. After we’d finished, Dothan walked with us back to the barn.
“You’re really good,” he said, reaching for my free hand.
“Thanks. He’s a great horse.” I nodded back at Beau, who followed behind us contentedly.
“Why don’t you show anymore?”
My breath caught. I didn’t really want to discuss my reasons, but he’d been so honest with me. I shrugged, clearing my throat. “Showing was something my mom and I did together. It’s not very much fun to go alone. Nathaniel works on Saturdays, and Sam has soccer stuff.”
“I’ll go with you.”
An aching combination of gratitude and grief pierced my heart. “That’s really sweet, Dothan, but it can be an all day thing.”
“More time I get to spend with you.” He squeezed my fingers.
I smiled. “But, you work here on Saturdays.”
“Mr. White loves you, and he’s thrilled we’re dating. He’d give me the time off. Besides, this job is not exactly a career. I still have a little money saved up, so there’s no rush to make a decision—but now that I’m fairly certain the Divine Council will let me live, I’ll probably consider going back to school.”
My stomach seized. “Wait—what? ‘Fairly certain’ they’ll let you live?” Panic raced through my veins. “But you didn’t hurt Nathaniel!”
“No, but I did try to steal valuable information. And I succeeded, at least in part. I saw the ingredients for qeres.”
“But…there are pieces you didn’t see!” I practically wailed. Since one of my hands was wrapped firmly in his, and the other held Beau’s reins, I had nothing to gnaw on but my lips. I bit down savagely.
“You’re right, and I think they probably took that into consideration. I mean, they don’t keep an outlaw Nephilim apprised of their decisions, so I’m just guessing. But I’m still here. And the biggest thing in my favor, aside from the fact that I’m half human, is that I’ve lost the element of surprise. I’m essentially powerless without it.”
My muscles relaxed by a few degrees, but I was still confused. “I don’t understand. If you did manage to collect all the ingredients, and all the tools, couldn’t you still just rush Nathaniel at any moment? Not that I’m suggesting that,” I added with a grimace.
“No. Archangels can read the minds of any angels in close proximity. Normally that helps protect them from an ambush. But Nathaniel had never been near me—he’d never even seen me. Plus, I wasn’t exactly sure how his power would work on a half blood. I was hoping his initial confusion would give me enough time to…well, you know,” he trailed off guiltily.
I struggled to process this revelation. “You’re telling me Nathaniel can read your mind?” Rocky trotted up to us with his pack of dogs in tow, but I ignored them. Once again, Dothan had taken hold of my version of reality, shattered it into a million pieces, and rearranged it beyond recognition.
Dothan used his free hand to indicate I should lower my voice as we approached the barn. “Yes, if he’s near me,” he said quietly. “He was able to on that day at your house. It doesn’t work in reverse, though. Angels can’t read archangels’ minds, and archangels can block each other out if they choose. It’s all part of the hierarchy.”
“Wow.” I exhaled audibly. “There’s so much to learn.”
He grinned, swinging our linked hands. “We’ll have a lot to talk about on those long drives to the shows. Now, make sure you sign up for a few. I want to watch my girlfriend crush the competition.”
A dark hearse pulled through the cemetery gates, snapping me back to the present. A wave of guilt slammed into me as I realized I’d let my mind wander to Dothan when I was supposed to be thinking about my mom. But I thought about her every day, and every night. And I was pretty sure I knew what she’d want me to do: come clean to Nathaniel.
Back in the car, I studied Nathaniel’s strong profile. He loved me. It would be okay. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Dothan and I are a couple.” The words rushed out like air escaping a balloon.
His gaze never wavered from the road, but a muscle in his jaw jumped wildly. I suddenly realized dropping this bomb on Nathaniel while he was driving might not have been the safest idea in the world. Unfortunately, being in love was scrambling my brain.
I nibbled at a cuticle, watching him out of the corner of my eye. The silence stretched out. He gripped the steering wheel with enough force to turn the knuckles of his large hands white, and Dothan’s superior strength popped into my head. As a full blood, Nathaniel was probably even stronger. I had a terrifying vision of him ripping the steering wheel right out of the dashboard.
“Nathaniel, I promise it’s all right,” I said soothingly.
He finally spoke, his voice rough with anger. “This is very far from ‘all right’. I believe I told you to stay away from Dothan Reed.”
“You did. But things have…changed.” I ripped at a hangnail, gathering my courage. “I know, Nathaniel. About you and Dothan.”
He glanced at me sharply. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
The dangerous glint in his green eyes told me he was lying. Fine, I’d spell it out. “Angels,” I hissed, dropping my voice despite the fact we were alone in the car. “It’s okay. I would never tell anyone. But now I understand everything that’s happened. Dothan explained.”
Nathaniel’s jaw clenched even tighter. “That was very foolish of him.” He sighed heavily, changing lanes. “Before you believe everything he’s told you, remember there are two sides to every story.”
Anger burned through my chest. “Well, I’ve only been given one side,” I said hotly. Maybe if Nathaniel had been truthful with me about his secret identity, I wouldn’t have put us all in such a risky situation that day in his bedroom. But I didn’t want to think about a version of the past that didn’t lead me to Dothan, either. What a disaster.
“I never meant to lie to you. I was trying to protect you.” Cords on his neck stood out above the collar of his jacket. “He has put you in danger by telling you.”
My empty stomach rolled. This conversation was getting away from me, fast. “No—I pushed him to tell me the truth. And he would never hurt me! He’s given up trying to hurt you, too,” I added miserably. “Don’t you see? You were in danger—but Dothan loves me, and that changes everything.”
Nathaniel’s mouth curved in a grim smile. “He couldn’t have hurt me. I was never in danger from him. Even if he had all the knowledge he needed, as a half blood, he doesn’t have the power to hurt me. Trying might even have killed him.”
Bile crept up my throat. Did Dothan know that? Did he have a plan? Maybe he was going to tap into someone’s psyche. Maybe mine. I shuddered, wrapping my arms around my abdomen. “I…just wanted everything to be out in the open. I was trying to be honest. And I can’t just forget everything I know now.”
“I realize that, Jamie,” he replied, turning into our neighborhood. “I’m sure we’ll need to talk more in the future. But in the meantime, you can’t share these secrets with anyone. Not even Sam. No one.”
“I promise,” I said, injecting as much conviction into my tone as possible. We made the right onto Locust Street and I sighed with relief. Even though threads of nausea still tugged at my belly, I needed food desperately. “I’m starving.” Such a mundane statement at the end of a conversation like this bordered on absurd, but hopefully it would help change the subject. I glanced at my watch; I had an hour and a half to eat and ge
t ready for work.
Nathaniel caught my eye when I looked up. He cleared his throat. “Do you need me to go in for you?”
I shook my head as we pulled into the driveway. A trio of pumpkins I’d picked up sat on our doorstep. “No, I should go. I need the distraction.” With any luck, today would be exceptionally busy—Center Street would be crawling with tourists visiting the area over Columbus Day weekend. And honestly, this day couldn’t get any worse. Might as well finish it off with a five-hour workday and an evening of studying for an upcoming mid-term.
As soon as Nathaniel put the car in park, I flung the door open. “I’ve got to go get ready,” I called over my shoulder, dashing across the lawn toward the safe haven of my little apartment.
Chapter 29
We lay on Dothan’s bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, breathing heavily. The lunch I’d brought us sat untouched on the floor. A different kind of hunger had overtaken us once we’d shut ourselves in Dothan’s little room. But we’d come to that frustrating point where things had to stop before all control was lost.
He groaned, rolling onto his back. “I like having you around all day Monday. We should make this a regular thing. Although it might kill me,” he added, tucking me into the crook of his shoulder.
“The school system would probably have an issue with that plan,” I murmured, running my hand across the hard planes of his stomach. The current hummed through my palm. “I wish I could stay until dinnertime, but I have the exam tomorrow.” With a sigh, I pushed myself up to sitting.
“I suppose suggesting that you wing it would make me a less-than-supportive boyfriend.” He grinned as he curled his arm around my waist and tugged me backwards.
I struggled against his hold and he released me grudgingly. “I’d love to blow it off, but I have to get a scholarship.” Scooting to the edge of the bed, I reached for the bag of food. “Which reminds me of something I wanted to ask you.”
“I swear, I’ve told you everything,” he joked, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.
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