After dinner I gave Liam a bath then put him in my bed instead of the bed in his room. I needed to have him close. I turned on cartoons for him then went to clean up the mess he had made earlier. I took me 20 minutes to pick up every little Lego. Liam couldn’t have been alone for 10 minutes and he somehow had gotten the Lego’s under the bed and in the closet. I don’t even want to know how he had made a mess that quickly.
I rummaged through my suitcase until I came across some sleep shorts and tank top. I needed to take a shower and see if the hot water could relax the tension in my shoulders.
I headed to the bathroom and felt my stomach start to churn. I gagged at the horrible taste that suddenly filled my mouth. I flew into the bathroom and fell to my knees in front of the toilet. Throwing up seemed to be a reoccurring problem and I wished it would go away already.
I flushed the toilet then went back to my suitcase to grab my tooth brush and tooth paste. I needed to get his horrible taste out of my mouth before it started making me throw up again.
I turned the hot water all the way on then brushed my teeth while I waited for the water to heat up. After thoroughly brushing the nasty taste out of my mouth I stripped out of my clothes and walked into the small shower.
I sighed as soon as the water hit my shoulders and neck. I felt some of the tension that had been building flood out of my body and I was finally able to relax a little bit. I was worried to death about Mace, but I knew it was me who kicked him out even though it physically hurt me to.
I didn’t want to be yelled at for trying to help. I didn’t want to deal with his shitty mood and I certainly didn’t want that shitty mood around my son. As I lathered my hair with shampoo I thought about what we were going to do tomorrow. Would I have to buy Liam and me a plane ticket to go home or would Mace try and talk me into still going to the cabin?
I made up my mind to wait until he came back before I made any decisions about it. I at least owed him to hear him out when he came back, if he did. As mad as I was I knew he wouldn’t have blown up like that without good reasoning.
Something other than Luke’s words had been bothering him the past month. It was eating away at him because he was keeping it bottled up. And unless he let me help him I didn’t think there was anything I could do.
Actually there was.
I shut the water off and quickly went through the motions of drying off and getting my clothes on. I ran out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where my purse was. I yanked my phone out and checked the time. Nine o’clock. Good, it wasn’t too late to call. I dialed Ryan’s number and waited for him to answer.
I had gotten all the guys’ numbers when the cameras were set up at the house. Mace had said that if anything happened and I couldn’t get in touch with him to call any one of the guys.
“This better be important Araylia.” Ryan sounded like he was winded. I wondered what he was doing this late to make him loose his breath. As soon as the question entered my mind reality dawned on me.
“Oh my God! Ryan! Why would you answer the phone while you were having sex?” I did not need that mental picture!
“Because I was told my balls would be cut off if I didn’t answer your calls. I love my balls and need them to be able to fuck. Anyway, I’m not fucking her right now. What do you need?” He asked and I heard a door shut in the back ground.
“Something weird happened earlier…” I trailed off.
“Go on,” Ryan said.
“Well Mace, Liam, and I were in the elevator at the hotel. Mace and I were laughing at something I did and we woke up Liam. Well I was cuddling Liam; Mace got this look in his eyes. It was a sad look, so intense. I don’t really know how to explain it, only that it broke my fucking heart looking at him. We got into our room and I asked him what was wrong. He blew up. He yelled…no roared at me. I told him to get out.” I took a deep breath and waited for Ryan’s input.
I heard him blow out a loaded breath and imagined him running his fingers through his hair. I knew, just from that breath, that he knew what was wrong with Mace.
“I can’t tell you what’s wrong with him. You’re going to have to wait for him to tell you,” he told me with conviction behind his words.
Dammit. I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to tell me.
“What am I supposed to do to help?” I asked as I nervously bit on my thumb nail.
“Be there for him. Show him how much you love him. And don’t walk away from him. He won’t admit it, but he needs you,” he told me, “oh and Araylia, be prepared. When he does tell you, it’s not going to be good. It’s bad, really bad. Be strong for him,” he finished before I heard the phone go dead.
I guess he was done talking. I put my phone on the counter and stared at it for a minute before crawling into bed with Liam.
I pondered Ryan’s words long after I had climbed into bed. His words made me all the more curious as to what happened to Mace. I had so many questions that I wanted to ask, but couldn’t. I wasn’t going to bug Ryan to tell me, I knew he was loyal to Mace and he wouldn’t tell me. I wanted to come out and ask Mace what happened, but we all know how that went last time.
After Ryan told me to be there for Mace, I felt terrible. Mace had silently needed me and I kicked him out. I didn’t know what to do; I highly doubted he would answer his phone if I were to call. It was hard, but I finally drifted off to sleep with a million thoughts running through my head.
I woke the next morning when I felt weight hit the bed. I stretched my arms over my head not paying attention to the weight in the bed. I reached over to the side of the bed that Liam had been on, but didn’t feel him. I looked over still not seeing him.
I sat straight up and my head collided with something hard. Shit that hurt. I heard a low moan filled with pain. I put a hand to my now throbbing head and saw Mace looming over me holding a bloody nose.
“Oh shit honey, I’m so sorry!” I went to get up but I was tangled in the blanket and went down so I threw my hands up out of natural reaction.
I found myself flat on my face and I knew Mace was going to have a black eye since I smacked him in the face trying to catch myself.
“I guess I deserved that.” Mace groaned.
I got my footing and successfully got up without injuring any one. I got a wet rag from the bathroom and brought it back to Mace.
“Put this on your nose and tilt your head back. It will slow the bleeding,” I said then scurried to the kitchen to get ice for his eye.
I brought the ice back to him and set it on his eye carefully. Before I had set the ice on his eye I saw the discoloration. That was going to be one hell of a shiner.
“You’re really clumsy, you know that right?” He mumbled around the rag that was plugging his bloody nose.
I started crying. The tears were a combination of relief, sadness, anger, and embarrassment.
“I’m…s-s-so…sorry,” I blubbered, I couldn’t get control over my emotions.
“Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing?” He laughed uncomfortably.
“Mom, why did you beat up Mace? That wasn’t very nice!” Liam stood behind me with his hands balled into fists and his face scrunched together in anger.
I stopped crying to laugh hysterically. Liam looked so silly with his face scrunched up and his tiny fists squeezed together. I love my baby.
“I didn’t mean to baby. It was an accident.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried smiling at Liam.
He scrutinized me for a moment then let his fists unclench and his face unwrinkled.
Now that everything had calmed down and I wasn’t punching Mace or head butting him, it was awkward. There was an awkward silence and tension hanging in the air. The tension was so thick that I could have sliced it with a butter knife.
“Why don’t you go build mama a tower with your Lego’s?” I asked Liam.
His eyes lit up and he ran off to the bedroom. I shifted from foot to foot and fidgeted with my hands. I didn’t know what to say to Mace. I w
anted to apologize for kicking him out last night, but I didn’t want him to think it was okay for him to yell like he did.
Mace tilted his head back down, took the ice off his eye, moved the rag, and checked to see if there was any more blood. When he was satisfied there was no more blood he grabbed my waist and hauled my legs between his. I rested my hands on his broad shoulders to stop myself from toppling over on him and harming him ever more. He wrapped his thick arms around my waist and rested his head against my stomach and I ran my hands through his hair.
“I’m sorry,” we both said in unison.
“Me first?” He lifted his head off my stomach to tilt his head back and look at me in the eyes.
I nodded my head in approval.
He took a deep breath then started, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled and been an ass. You didn’t deserve that, you had been trying to help. I’ve…my head is so messed up. I’m going through some things and when we get back home we can talk about those things. For now, this trip, it’s about us.” Tears welled up in my eyes at the sincerity in his voice and plastered on his face.
I know he didn’t intentionally lash out at me. I was just the closest person and the one that was bugging him at the time. I kissed his forehead tenderly; I was trying to give him all of my strength. My gut told me he needed the strength.
“I’m sorry for kicking you out. I can see that you needed me and I made you leave. From now on, if you need a minute, let me know. I would give you all the time in the world if you needed it.” I looked into his eyes so he could see my own sincerity. I saw love, adoration, awe, and the ever present sadness shining in his eyes before he closed his eyes and rested his head back against my stomach.
When he opened his eyes the only emotion in his eyes was love. He put pressure at my waist and pulled me on top of him. I fell on top of him, gracefully this time. He pulled on my neck till my mouth was lined up with his. He forcefully took my mouth in an agonizingly slow kiss. I stroked my tongue with his and felt the hardness on my stomach.
I moaned and lifted my legs to straddle him. He grabbed my hips tightly when I ground my pussy against his cock.
“Eww mommy! Why are you kissing daddy? He’s got cooties now!” Liam was standing at the end of the bed with his head cocked to the side.
At first his whole sentence didn’t register in my head. I smiled at the cooties comment and looked down at Mace. He had his head turned and was studying Liam. He held out his hand to Liam, beckoning him on the bed. Liam climbed on the bed with a smile not even realizing that he called Mace, daddy, again.
“Do you want to call me daddy, buddy?” Mace stroked Liam’s hair and awaited a response. Liam’s eyes got wide and he looked scared.
“I didn’t mean-” Liam started responding.
“It’s okay bud. Do you want to call me daddy?” Mace repeated his question.
Liam looked at Mace to see if he was playing then looked to me to see my reaction with it. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at Mace in bewilderment. I had no clue what he was going to say to Liam. We had never talked about this. When Liam had accidentally called him daddy the first time and I told Mace, he looked scared at the idea. I don’t know why, but he’s apparently had a change of heart. He didn’t act scared at the thought anymore, more like he was taking it head on.
“Y-yeah,” Liam stuttered and crawled into my lap. I kissed his forehead and nodded my head to indicate he should listen to Mace.
“Why do you want to call me daddy?” Mace propped his head in his hand and seemed to settle in.
“Because you are like my daddy. I’ve never had a daddy before, I’ve always wanted one,” Liam responded.
“I’ll be your daddy,” Mace said. He didn’t hear that my heart just split in two.
For as long as Liam had been alive I had been trying to be his mom and his dad. I always tried to do my best, but I knew he was missing out. He didn’t get to go outside and throw a ball around with his dad. He didn’t get to build towers and monsters with his dad. He didn’t get any kind of fatherly bond, because he didn’t have a dad. I tried as hard as I could to fill in the void that I knew was there. Mace was giving that to Liam. My heart felt like it was going to come right out of my chest. It swelled with so much love that I was afraid it was going to burst. Words couldn’t explain the emotions that ran through me at that moment. I was stunned into silence. I held my breath, waiting for Liam’s response.
“That is awesome! So I can call you daddy?” Liam bounced up and down waiting for his daddy’s consent.
Mace nodded with a boyish grin on his face. Liam pounced on Mace, knocking his head right out of his hand with a large hug. Mace buried his face in Liam’s neck and rocked him back and forth. Mace pulled back and kissed Liam’s head.
Liam took ahold of Mace’s cheeks and whispered, “I love you daddy.”
My heart stopped.
It didn’t beat.
Just stopped.
My breath was stuck.
I love you daddy.
My little man had somebody.
I love you daddy.
I burst into tears. The only men my baby had in his life were my brothers. He finally had somebody to call daddy, somebody to look up to. I couldn’t have picked a better man to take on this role.
“Mom, why do you cry so much?” Liam looked at me in confusion. He didn’t understand how big of this moment was for me, for him.
“I’m sorry baby, mama’s happy,” I told him as I wiped my eyes and smiled at him.
“You’re only possed to cry when you’re sad.”
“You can cry when you’re happy too.” I held out my arms for him to crawl in my lap.
He crawled out of Mace’s arms and into mine. I hugged him and looked over his shoulder at Mace. He had a large affectionate smile on his face. I was taken aback at his smile. The shock must have been evident on my face because Mace gazed at me and his smile grew larger.
Mace sat up and wrapped his arms around Liam and me. He squeezed.
Hard.
Giving both of us his love.
“I love y’all so much,” I whispered, my accent thick because my emotions were high.
“Love you mama,” Liam smiled.
‘Yeah. Love you mama.” Mace smirked at me.
I playfully rolled my eyes at him and looked at the clock. 11:23 A.M. I sprang out of bed quickly and frantically scurried around the room. We should have left hours ago. We needed to have been on the road no later than seven and here it is 11. What the hell? Why didn’t Mace wake me up?
As I was standing in front of the mirror ripping my brush through my hair, Mace yelled.
“Babe, what are you in a rush for?” I heard his voice getting closer and closer until he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.
“We should have left hours ago! I don’t understand why you let me sleep in!” I was getting frustrated at the rat’s nest that was my hair.
“Bright eyes,” he walked behind me and rested his hands on my hips and placed his chin on my shoulder, “we aren’t going to leave today.”
I set my brush on the counter and looked at him in the mirror.
“Why not?” I asked in confusion.
“Because you looked too peaceful to wake up. Plus, I told you this vacation was about us, and no matter where we are it’ll be about us.”
He slid his hand from around my waist to my stomach. I melted against his front and rested my hands on top of his. He always knew what to say. His hard exterior was just that, an exterior. On the inside he was a big teddy bear.
We walked out of the bathroom and made pancakes for Liam. After breakfast we all played in the extra room then camped out and watched Spiderman. The rest of the day went much the same, having family time and making this trip about us.
Chapter 21
Mace
I woke to the sound of my phone alarm ringing noisily in my ear. 5 A.M. I scrubbed a hand over my face, careful not to touch my sore eye. For Araylia being so
small she could throw a hell of a punch. My fucking eye was throbbing.
I untangled myself from Araylia’s limbs, which were clasped tightly around my body. I went to the bathroom and took a piss then started a pot of coffee. I’m sure Araylia would appreciate my efforts to make her morning better.
After the coffee was done, I strode to Liam’s room. I wanted him to help me wake his mom up. When I opened the door he was sleeping the same way his mom did. On his stomach, leg cocked up, and the blanket up to his waist. They were alike in more ways than one.
I thought about his sweet voice calling me daddy yesterday. It was emotional to be called daddy again, but I loved it. After Araylia kicked me out I got another hotel room and stayed up until I came back down the room Ray was in. While I was sitting in that room alone I thought about what Lauren and Khloe would have wanted. They would have loved Araylia and Liam and after I thought about it long enough, it was like Lauren and Khloe had sent them to me. Lauren would have wanted Liam to call me daddy. Even if I wasn’t his father by blood I was in every other aspect. Although I didn’t want to admit it for a while, I loved that little boy like he was my son.
I stepped out of my thoughts and bent at the waist to whisper in Liam’s ear.
“Buddy. Time to get up.”
He moved around a little and settled into a more comfortable position, away from me. I shook his arm and whispered, “come on little man. Time to get up.” He groaned and finally cracked an eye open.
“Daddy?” He asked causing my chest to swell and expand, I was never going to get used to that.
“Yeah bud. Time to get up and hit the road,” I whispered and moved the blonde waves out of his eyes.
He raised his arms, asking me to pick him up. I lifted him up and he rested his tired head on my shoulder, like I had seen him do so many times with Araylia.
“You want to help me wake up your mom?” I asked while striding in the direction of her.
The Lucky Bullet Page 16