GEOGRAPHY (jē ä grə fē) n. The study of man’s ignorance of the Earth. Seventy percent of all humans, for example, think that Belgium is a planet.
GEOMETRY (jē ä mə trē) n. The exquisite form of mathematics which humans use to aim death lasers.
GERBIL (jûr bəl) n. See Hamster; Homosexual.
Favorite Land Mass of Satan
GERMANY (jûr mə nē) n. Source of the finest sausages and Hitler Memorabilia. See Hitler.
GERMS (jûrmz) n. The microscopic equivalent of a human being.
GEYSER (gī zər) n. A gag-reflex action of the Earth, periodically vomiting up its DDT-contaminated water.
GHETTO (gĕ tō) n. In America, a term for a bankrupt Northern slave plantation.
GIFT (gĭft) n. That which one human gives to another human who is then obligated to feign delight at its wretchedness.
GIN (jĭn) n. See Vodka; Widow.
Human Girls Saluting Precepts of Lesbian Cult
GIRL SCOUTS OF AMERICA (gûrl skoutz əv ə mĕr ĭ kə) n. Scheme contrived by brilliant lesbians to bring the nation’s girls into the woods for mass fondling. See Boy Scouts of America; Fetishism; Lesbian.
GLACIER (glā shər) n. Frozen water equaling one nanosecond’s worth of Humanity’s tears. See Menopause; Suffering.
GLADIATOR (glă dē ā tər) n. Low-IQ human forced by the rich to enact a human cockfight. See Armed Forces; Soldier.
GLAMOR (glă mər) n. See Fashion.
God, Witty Pseudonym of Satan
GOD (gŏd) n. 1. Tedious human nickname for the Cosmos. 2. The sadistic, Mythic Tormentor of Hell. See Good; Supreme Being.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
God and Religion were created by Lord Satan to trick Humanity into worshipping Evil while calling it Good. Lord Satan achieved this goal by writing all religious Scriptures under the pseudonym, God. See Religion; Ritual; Scripture.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Regarding the surreptitious existence of the nonexistent Lord of Existence:So dimly hid, I love my silent lord
Refusing me his voice, his form and
face
With silent love denying me reward
With silent love denying me his grace
Such perfect love is manifest in this
That though he be truth he gives me
only lies
Though he be love my lips he shrinks
to kiss
Though he be life my body falls,
and dies
For although enlightened not my
mind perceives
His steadfast love in guise of noth-ingness
And although enraptured not my
soul believes
That he comforts me, though I am
comfortless
Thus my loving lord I cannot feel
nor see
So cunningly he hides himself from
me
GOLD (gōld) n. Man’s Mythic God with an “L.”
GOLD COAST (gōld kōst) n. West African region wherein Negro slave salesmen peddled their in-laws to Caucasians in exchange for candy and gum. See Africa.
GOOD (gd) n. A demented human concept which, like Infinity and Light (q.v.), is an Incomprehensible Radiation to Demonkind.
GOVERNMENT (gŭ vərn mənt) n. Slavishly detailed and highly organized incompetence. See Chaos.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
The government of Hell, a dictatorship, is ruled with an iron fist by Myself, its Philosopher King — and operates magnificently. The truth that humans cannot face is that for a government to effectively control its citizens, its rulers must be allowed to operate without dissension in a state of pure, unassailable evil, free from the Corruption of Ethics.
GOVERNOR (gŭ vər nər) n.
A corporate hand puppet which, if elected to the Senate, evolves into a corporate marionette.
GRAVITY (gră və tē) n. Term used by humans to hypnotize themselves into thinking that they are not atomically part of the surface of the Earth.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Gravity is the absurd, sentimental phenomenon of matter wanting to stick together in a clump, such as a mudball, a planet, a star, a galaxy, etc. Bandying about the official-sounding word gravity allows humans to smugly pretend they understand this most simple of natural phenomena, of which they are fantastically and utterly ignorant.
Insignificant Britain
GREAT BRITAIN (grāt brĭ tən) n. A peculiar euphemism for Insignificant Britain.
GREEK-STYLE (grēk stīl) adj. The style by which a politician serves his constituents. See Senator.
Fondling Groin of Human Male
GROIN (groin) n. The most tender and delicate part of the human body, and naturally the first place humans will kick, shoot off, or slice into ribbons.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
The groin of a Negro, indisputably the meatiest and most succulent, is most tasty when baked into the usually obese anus of a White Supremacist, creating a Tart and Tangy confluence of tastes. See Invasion Manual, Book One, Section 8: On Eating Humans.
GUEST (gĕst) n. 1. The tapeworms, ringworms, ticks, lice, and bacteria who check into the Human Gore Hotel. 2. The relationship of Humanity to the Cosmos.
GUILLOTINE (gē ə tēn) n. Device for decapitating Frenchmen. See France.
Generic Earth Guitar: Cat Intestines Plucked Against Corpse of Tree
GUITAR (gĭ tär) n. 1. A musical instrument involving the plucking of a cat’s intestines against the corpse of a tree. 2. In the case of the male rock guitarist, an extension of the genitalia.
Only Guitar Played by Lord Satan
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
For the edification of the Invading Demon, I will reveal that the only Earth artifact which I possess is a 1970 Starburst Strat.
Edible Portions of Human Guts
GUM (gŭm) n. A plant substance masticated hypnotically by humans working in corporate slave camps.
Mechanical Human Phallus
GUN (gŭn) n. 1. A mechanical human phallus. 2. A sleek atomic configuration which allows metal the joy of killing a human. See Automatic Weapon; Death; Machine Gun.
GUTS (gŭtz) n. 1. The faculty which allows humans to courageously slaughter the children of the enemy. 2. Pocket of edible human organs least noxious to Demons. See Figure 3; Abdomen; Chain of Eating ; Food; Invasion Manual, Part 1, Section 8: On Eating Humans.
h, H (āch) n. Pictogram symbolizing the rickety one-rung ladder of the human intellect.
HADES (hā dēz) n. To those with eyes to see, the surface of the Earth.
Excessive & Useless Brain Antennae
HAIR (hâr) n. Tens of thousands of hopeful antennae futilely attached to the non-receptive human brain.
HALITOSIS (hăl ĭ tō sĭs) n. The noxious turbulence of stink constantly emitted from the large hinged orifice in the human head. See Mouth.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
After observing firsthand that the gauche aroma spewing from a human’s body was compounded tenfold by the humans’ constant devouring of rancid foodstuffs, I dutifully composed an epic of six thousand, six hundred and sixty-six verses on the subject, of which the following is an excerpt:
A human braggart eating rotted
pork exclaimed,
“Like Samson, thousands of war-
riors I have maimed”.
His wife clamped shut his mouth to
stop the porcine gas
And cringed. “True, both with the
jawbone of an ass”.
Urine-Drenched Glucose Cult
HALLOWEEN (hă lə wēn) n. 1. A holiday in which human children, dressed as urine-soaked cartoon characters, go house to house begging for glucose compounds. 2. An inane human tradition improved by the introduction of razor blades into apples.
HALLUCINATION (hə lū sə nā shən) n. The tingle of happiness when two humans fall in love. See Agreement; God; Laughter; Love; Marriage; Oasis; Optimism; Progress; Supreme Being.
Gore of Filth Pig: Beloved Huma
n Nourishment
HAM (hăm) n. Camouflage term for the parasite-riddled carcass of a swine.
Crucifixion Accessory
HAMMER (hăm ər) n. That which allows humans to attach a Messiah to a cross.
Hamster: Homosexual’s Friend
HAMSTER (hăm stər) n. A cute, fur-covered animal which humans often find behind the sofa as a cute, maggot-covered corpse. See Gerbil.
Jewelry for Humans With No Money
HANDCUFFS (hănd kŭfs) n. Trendy techno-pop jewelry worn by the poor.
HANDWRITING (hănd rī tĭng) n. Means by which humans transmit their lack of intelligence. See Literacy.
Creating Bridge for Bacteria Exchange
HANDSHAKE (hănd shāk) n. Sealing an agreement by exchanging bacteria. See Agreement; Contract.
HARMONY (här mə nē) n. A vibratory perversion of a human soul’s natural dissonance.
HARP (härp) n. Music favored by angels and mental patients.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
Angels (q.v.), a race of irresponsible Demonic buffoons who have been ejected from the City of Hell for Vagrancy and Loitering, favor the harp for musical expression, presumably because the act of twanging requires no intelligence.
Aid for Hacking Dolphins
HARPOON (här pūn) n. A happy-sounding name for a tool used to slit the throats of whales and dolphins.
Signet for Death Ray Alumni
HARVARD (här vərd) n. An institute dedicated to higher learning and the development of napalm, germ warfare and death-ray machines. See M.I.T.
Human Parasite Protector
HAT (hăt) n. That which insures the protection of lice, fleas and vermin on the human head.
Diagram of Lobes Housing Stupidity
HEAD (hĕd) n. 1. A meat module which houses the lack of human intelligence. 2. That which holds upright a hat. See Skull.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
The fat, balding head of the human politician, baked and served in a bed of steamed attorney-anuses, is a lovely centerpiece for any Demonic party, with the caveat that the politician has an unusually small brain, and that its mouth and throat should be carefully scrubbed out with lye to remove the layers of encrusted lobbyist semen.
1
A cross-section of the ungainly contents of the Human Head is given in comparison to the sleek configuration of the Demonic Head. Note that while the Demon Head, of course, is composed of one Receptive Substance (Cosmic Ether) and has no moving parts whatsoever, the Human Head, like the Human Body (q.v.) is composed of billions of sloppy organic machine parts which wither and break down after a pathetically short duration of eighty paltry years.
HEADACHE (hĕd āk) n. That which a human experiences when trying to do two activities at once, such as chewing gum while machine-gunning enemy children.
HEAVEN (hĕ vən) n. 1. A soporific Myth created by Humanity to lighten the Reality that there exists only Hell, which will torment every member of Humanity until the End of Time. I, Satan, have yet to see a human soul that did not, immediately after death, careen straight to Hell.
In fact, never have I seen, heard, tasted, touched, or in any way even intuited the whiffiest whiff of evidence supporting the existence of Humanity’s infantile utopia, their fabled Heaven, nor the existence of any Supernatural Beings Ruling Humanity other than the Detestable Magnificence of the Power of Lord Satan.1 2. In the folklore of Hell, the despicable locale whence originated Muzak.
HELL (hĕl) n. The divine locale whence originated Rock and Roll.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
The City of Hell may seem to have no bearing on the Demented Topic of this Illustrious Tome, which is an Explication of Earth and Mankind.
Yet the perceptive Demon Reader will recall that the ultimate destination of every human soul is directly to My stables behind the Royal Palace of Hell, where they work as slaves, ceaselessly shoveling excrement from the cages of My hellish Abattoir housing the Ten Thousand Spewing Anuses of Gryphons, Firedragoons, Pit-Minotaurs and Überwolves.
Thus the inclusion of Hell as an entry in this Compendium is
1 NOTE BY GOD, LORD OF THE PERSONIFIED UNIVERSE: My Angels, Satan cannot Know of the Existence of Heaven, of Intelligent Infinity, nor of its complementary inclusive ability, to Love. Indeed, this and any other interpolations by Myself into His Vile Tome are utterly invisible to Lord Satan, Zyk and His Hellish Commission. But you already know that.
justified as a reminder to the Invading Demon that the Fetid Swath of Humanity will come to a Just and Fitting End. See Cosmology of Hell.
Hellcraft: Time-Traveling Disk of Death
HELLCRAFT (hĕl krăft) n. See Flying Saucer.
Severed Head Preserver
HELMET (hĕl mət) n. A plastic shell which beautifully preserves the severed heads of warriors and motorcyclists.
HEMORRHOIDS (hĕm ə roidz) n. Human mementos of a Mexican meal.
HEMP (hĕmp) n. Intoxicant favored by filthy, unemployed dunces and outlawed by alcohol lobbyists. See Hippies.
HERESY (hĕr ə sē) n. That which offends a Vatican-sponsored pederast.
Threat to Civilization
HERMIT (hûr mĭt) n. 1. A human who does not pay taxes, does not serve in the military and does not watch television. 2. A threat to civilization.
HERO (hē rō) n. Formerly, an exemplary human; presently, a sandwich.
HEROIN (hĕr ō ĭn) n. That which, in the bloodstream of musicians, causes a revulsion for surf music.
HIEROGLYPHICS (hī ər ə glĭf ĭks) n. The instruction manual for the United States Federal Income Taxes.
HIGHER SELF (hī ər sĕlf) n. The Eternal One, watching from inside every human, and holding back vomit.
COMMENTARY BY LLU CIPHER
It remains only to be said that the Cosmic Harlequin wearing the Grotesque Mask of Mankind is not merely sickened by its Soporific Disguise, but also by the Tendrils of Stench attached to the human body, which is one interpretation of this puzzling entry by His Magnificence Lord Satan.2
HIGH SCHOOL (hī skūl) n. A place of learning in which human children learn the market value of drugs and weapons.
Purveyor of Road Rage and Toxins
HIGHWAY (hī wā) n. Elevated paths which facilitate the mass spewing of toxins into the atmosphere. See Automobile.
HIGHWAYMAN (hī wā măn) n. Formerly, a dramatic robber on horseback; presently an asthmatic robber in a tollbooth.
2 NOTE BY LORD SATAN: The blatancy of Llu Cipher’s dismal sucking up to the Evil confluences of My Favor would be rather repellent, were it not for the Utter Truth of his assertion.
Fetish Plant of Filthy Hobo Cult
HIPPIE (hĭ pē) n. Mindless Hobo Cult that worships Hemp. See Bacteria.
HIPPOCRATIC OATH (hĭ pə kră tĭk ōth) n. That which gives doctors license to price-gouge terminal patients.
HIROSHIMA (hĭ rō shĭ mə) n. A vast serving of Oriental foodstuffs prepared by American chefs in which roasted women and senior citizens were the appetizers and French-fried children were the entrée. The Oriental feast temporarily satisfied Humanity ’s voracious appetite for Death; in fifteen minutes, however, they were hungry for more.
Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 11