Aside from the pure joy of hearing incessant human shrieks, the practice of human torture also has market value in the City of Hell, since the professional videotaping of human torture by Demons is now widespread, having created a cottage industry for these video entertainments for use at birthdays, pool parties and child sacrifices.
LACKEY (lă kē) n. Formerly, a vice president; presently, a president.
9 NOTE BY LILITH: Among the many Human Animal Experiments performed at the University of Hell, the testing of makeup and facial creams holds a special interest for female Demons throughout the City of Hell. The experiments are performed on Lab Humans who, when alive on Earth, were scientists who experimented on animals. It is a joy to see the Lab Humans in their cages, their necks in metal clamps to reduce squirming, their heads shaved and electrodes thrust into their brains to monitor their reaction to various chemicals layered over their faces or injected into their brains. Their ceaseless shrieks of torment not only encourage Demon Scientists in their experiments, but also, when applied to the faces of Hell’s Womankind, imbues the resulting makeup and creams with a delightful vibratory tingle of terror.
LACTATION (lăk tā shən) n. Biological secretions used to succor Humanity in the brief period between birth and death.
Simulator of Femininity
LADY (lā dē) n. That which simulates femininity for the purpose of receiving free alcohol.
LANGUAGE (lăn gwəj) n. The highway upon which human stupidity drives. See Speech; Word.
LARYNGITIS (lâr ən jī təs) n. Useful malady in that it inhibits alternative comedy.
LARYNX (lâr ĭngks) n. The most deplorable part of the human anatomy, which allows humans to irritate intelligent creatures.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
In gutting a human, the larynx is the first organ to disgorge.
Las Vegas: Demon Insurgent Landing Site
LAS VEGAS (läs vā gəs) n. Prime landing site for Demon Insurgents. Known to Demon Earth-geographers as Vatican West. Like its Italian counterpart, Las Vegas is dedicated to stealing money from the poor and feeble-minded to finance the gold rings and jewelry of its casino owner/clergy. See Landing Sites; Time; Vatican.
LAUGHTER (lăf tər) n. That which is inspired in a soldier when a comrade slips on the gutted intestines of an enemy family.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
The Demon Invader eavesdropping on the inanities of Humanity will soon find himself witnessing the following inexplicable cyclic event:1. Two humans are engaged in typically banal human discourse.
2. One of them emits an unusual, or unexpected, string of words.
3. Both humans suddenly emit a loud, repetitive, obnoxious bleating sound.
4. The bleating slowly dissipates until the cycle begins again.
This bleating, a.k.a. laughter, like orgasm (q.v.) appears to be an explusion of the human brain, such as it is, characterized by a contorting of the face and a quaking and shaking of the limbs in a typically palsied human fashion.
Since laughter is arguably the most annoying and incomprehensible acts of Humanity, the invading Demon who intends to kill and eat a human would be advised, by way of maximizing evil wherever possible, to kill it just as it begins bleating, and thus cut off this irritating sound before it reaches its despicable fruition. See Comedian; Comedy.
LAW (lô) n. The barbed-wire fence imprisoning human justice.
COMMENTARYBY ASMO DEUS
The profession of law is of great interest to the Domain of Hell. Since all lawyers (q.v.) on Earth are either actual or aspiring Demons, it is a Beautiful Irony that it is Evil Itself which decides which human actions shall be deemed Evil or Anti-Evil (the latter known to humans as “good”). Thus, unknown to Mankind, every action which law decrees is bad is, in fact, good, and vice versa.
For example, killing is against the law. Yet killing serves the highest good of a human, allowing him to take the money or possessions of his victim, and thereby elevating his standard of living.
Marriage, as another example, is considered “good” and is therefore legal, and yet it serves the highest Evil, of enslaving and chaining one human to the putrefying flesh of another.
Allowing lawyers the stewardship of Justice is the most exquisitely magnificent evil intervention of human society ever engineered by Demons on Earth.
LAW OF ONE (lô əv wən) n. See Loneliness.
Lawyer: Human Parasite
LAWYER (lô yər, loi yər) n. 1. An Angel of Hell. 2. A parasitic Executive of Lucifer, repulsive even to maggots, who sucks the juice of life from both the oppressor and the oppressed. 3. With mimes, theologians and radio talk-show hosts, the mainstay occupation in downtown Hell. 4. A pervert who achieves orgasm by flashing his genitalia at the blindfolded Face of Justice. See Mercenary; Moron.
LECTURE (lĕk chər) n. The buzzing of an Insect about Nothing.
LEPRECHAUN (lĕp rə kän) n. Mythic midget created to placate a nation of intoxicated idiots.
LEPROSY (lĕ prə sē) n. Beneficent and colorful disorder that encourages the rotting of Mankind.
LETTER (lĕ tər) n. 1. The crumbling vertebra of the fossilized skeleton of human language. 2. Viscera of a tree which provokes shooting sprees by postal workers.
Devotee of Pauper-Worshipping Cult
LIBERAL (lĭ bər əl) n. Member of Pauper-Worshipping Cult who advocates legalizing the robbery of the rich. See Conservative.
LIBERTY (lĭ bər tē) n. The exhilarating freedom to choose from infinite means of enslavement.
LIBRARY (lī brâr ē) n. An aggregation of books giving humans the illusion of wisdom, as a toupee gives the illusion of hair. See Literature.
LIE (lī) n. Synopsis of human knowledge.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Every Demon Student of Inane Human Logic is familiar with the dull Human Paradox:“All humans are liars. I am a human. Therefore I am lying when I say that all humans are liars. Yet as a human, I am lying when I say that I am lying when I say that all humans are liars; etc”.
As Demons are instructed at the University of Hell, to apply logic to a string of words such as this and pretend that this aping of meaning somehow equates to truth is an example of the Utter and Unredeemable Stupidity of Man. See Logic.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Concerning the Lie and its corollary, Love, I offer the following versification told through the eyes and tongue of a Human Liar:
Of every love that e’er I gauntly
wooed,
I wooed with manly masks of bold
pretense,
Disguising trembling fear with
laughter lewd,
Exchanging a fine madness for
common sense.
But adroit in easy lies and seeming
truth,
Disguise sustained me when all else
would not,
And while denouncing fancy false
and dreams uncouth,
I told crass lies and the sweetest
kisses got.
Yet now, I see a truth within my Lie,
For ersatz love can be an ersatz
treasure.
Thus there is no inconsistency in why
My loving lies fill all my loves with
pleasure.
For I woo my loves with truth in
falsity,
And know my loves are falsely true
to me.
LIFE (līf) n. On the Toilet of
Sentience, a brief emittance from the Vast Cosmic Bowel.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
Since all Demons, unlike humans, share the splendor of already being Dead, the obsession which humans have of remaining alive at all costs is an amusing and pathetic aberration.
Since only in death is there true “life,” the state which humans consider being alive is in reality a state of death, of the soul being trapped in the confines of a gauche and messy chaos of fluids.
Thus the Demon invading Earth will be faced with an ir
ritating paradox: to kill a human is to do it a service by freeing it from its disgusting imprisonment, yet to refrain from doing Evil to a human is Inconceivable for a Demon.
Therefore, when killing humans, the correct emotional stance of a Demon Insurgent should be indifference, and an emphasis on the correctness of killing and devouring a human as a satisfactory, albeit imperfectly nourishing, meal.
Shark Food Container
LIFE BOAT (līf bōt) n. In the Refrigerator of the Seven Seas, Tupperware keeping leftovers fresh for sharks.
Detestable Object
LIFE PRESERVER (līf prĭ zər vər) n. A detestable object linking two tasteless concepts.
LIFE INSURANCE (līf ĭn shr əns) n. Delightful contract with death at the direction of Demons. See Insurance Agent.
That Which Excretes the Abomination of Light
LIGHT (līt) n. 1. The Abominable Excrement of a Star. 2. When combined with equal amounts of Darkness, the ultimate composition of matter. 3. That which a human female turns off to dim the grotesque abomination of fornication. See Photon.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
The Hatred of Light, the instinctive emotional posture of all Evilkind, has motivated Demons Immemorial in the ceaseless creation of Vile Engines to Destroy Illumination.
In the Cosmic Realms, the Annihilation of Stars (which excrete Light) is a successful and profitable business for Entrepreneurs of Hell, who deign to torment the souls of Stars until they at last commit suicide. See Nova.
In the microcosm of Earth-Density, this Instinct has resulted in the design and implementation (by Demons) of the entire Evil Engine of Photosynthesis (q.v.), that Glorious Machine of Hell which endlessly eats the noxious photonic rays of Despised Sunlight and Transforms them into a Sweet and Palatable Dioxide.
LIMOUSINE (lĭm ə zēn) n. Innocent shards of metal coaxed from the Earth for the purpose of transporting cocaine-addicted humans to film premieres.
Festive Flesh-Sewage Dampeners
LINGERIE (län zhər ā) n. Intricate, delicate garments designed to attract human males to the sewage portals of the vagina.
LIQUOR (lĭ kər) n. 1. Innocent plant life, boiled alive by humans, which is symbiotic with the Beernut Industry and facilitates the daemonic scourge of Twelve-Step Programs. 2. That which, when drunk by Demons, makes unappetizing humans seem more attractive as foodstuffs. See Alcohol.
LITERACY (lĭ tər ə sē) n.
Symbolic faculty enabling humans the linear assimilation of matter and energy which, at the end of each cycle, leads to the construction of weapons with which humans tastefully annihilate themselves.
LITERATI (lĭ tər a tē) n.
Cult dedicated to the obfuscation of knowledge.
LITERATURE (lĭ tər ə chr) n. Toilet paper for the excretions of the human mind. See Writer.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Due to the paucity of reference materials concerning Earth, and the incomprehensibility of Earth literature, Lord Satan found the research involved in the preparation of His Invasion Manual irritating in its scope.
As the author of expert sociological treatises on Earth Evil, and a specialist in the blasphemous tracts of the banished Demon Abra Kadab who first settled the planet, I was therefore commanded by His Majesty to scour the stinking heaps of human literature for further explication by way of sundry notes and commentaries. See Abra Kadab; Library; Taboo of Earth Density.
LIVESTOCK (līv stäk) n. To Demons, the pulpy gore-sacs of Humanity.
COMMEMTARY BY BEHEMOTH
After the Invasion of Earth, more and more Demons in Earth-Density will be dining on humans; therefore, care must be taken not to deplete the supply. As history is our greatest teacher, refer to the Chart on the next page.
Note the dips after the births of Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed [historical periods in which humans, due to soul development, tasted bad] which revitalized during the Plague in 1100, which served to sweeten the flesh with its tangy rot and pustules. After word of the delicious ripeness of Humanity got out circa 1250, the influx of Demons has strained the human food supply to the maximum, covering millions of milk cartons around the globe with the faces of humans eaten or stored for snacks.
As this chart shows, if the present trend continues, human flesh may become depleted as a Demon food source by the year 3000. See Pamphlet #66F: 800 Per Demon: A Responsible Yearly Guide to Eating Humans, Office of Behemoth.
COMMENTARY BY BAAL ZEBUB
Note to Demons subsequent to the Invasion: While humans may be killed for food, a permit is necessary to kill humans for sport. The reason is obvious. Unprecedented waves of Demon Invaders began killing humans indiscriminately, thus depleting the human livestock and ruining the experience of post-invasion visitors who wish to kill humans for sport. Thus a license is necessary for wholesale slaughter, genocide, water-supply poisonings, and so on.
When annihilating a human village, a responsible Demon Insurgent always leaves one breeding couple behind in order to allow the restocking of new victims.
Living Room with Magical Screen
LIVING ROOM (lĭ vĭng rūm) n. A room designed to house a Magical Screen which transforms humans into the Cult of Consumption. See Consumer; Television.
LOBOTOMY (lō bä tə mē) n. 1. The greatest achievement of human medicine. 2. The highest evolution of the human brain. See Brain; Nun; Optimist; Philosopher; Surgery.
LOGIC (lŏ jĭk) n. 1. The mindless, sterile tool of Human Reason.
2. That which a condemned human utilizes to choose death by injection over death by decapitation.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
What the inane, logic-worshipping Clod of Humanity does not understand is that Reason is openended, but logic is not. In their stupidity, humans allow Reason to be ruled by Logic, instead of the other way around. Even worse, just as Human Mathematics is perversely fixed, so too is Human Logic. Thus, spinning in the destinationless Gyroscope of Logic, Humanity’s thoughts forever circle in delusional paradoxes like dizzy, impotent gnats flouncing in a bug jar. See Mathematics.
Loneliness: Human Devoid of Other Flesh-Bags
LONELINESS (lōn lē nĭs) n. 1. The psychology of an unmarried human. 2. The psychology of a married human. See Make-believe.
COMMENTARY BY LLU CIPHER
The Paradox of Loneliness is implicit in the subjugation in which Demonkind finds itself by the Immutable Law of One. The Cosmos, as every Demon knows, is composed of Lord Satan’s Mind-Stuff in Ever-Permutating Opposites.
The Manipulating of Opposites is the basis of Conjuring. Yet these permutations must, in the Great Evil Equation, equal the Cosmic Sum of Zero.
Thus the loneliness at the core of All Evil Beings is a hypothetical resonance of the singular aloneness of the Ultimate Evil of All That Is.
For more on this subject, see my pamphlet, Cosmic Onanism: The Singular Perversity of a Masturbatory Universe.66
LONG SHOT (lông shät) n. The chances of an elderly human being able to control his or her bowels.
LOOPHOLE (lūp hōl) n. Small portal in human legal documents connecting the contractee directly to Lord Satan’s anus.
Homely Signet of Female Bust and Buttocks
LOVE (ləv) n. The sublime gateway to hate. See Free will; Romance ; Sentiment.
COMMENTARY BY LILITH
The illusory emotion referred to as love is a waste product of the human nervous system’s primary electrical capacitor known as the orgasm. The discharge of this bioelectric circuitry is so overpowering that the human dullards interpret its meaningless resonance in their mental-emotional which, one hopes, his mottled hide will be flayed to within an inch of his Deathless Life.*
* NOTE BY LORD SATAN: Belial’s arse-osculating note, while respectful of the Immensity of My Being, does address a matter which this present Investigation into the Mystery of Humanity has catalyzed in My Mind; namely, the inconsistency between the Inarguable Existence of the Law of One (the essence of the Black Arts) and My Supremacy as Master o
f the Cosmos. For, as the Law of One wordlessly articulates, All That Is must include also Myself, which bespeaks the Hideous Paradox of an “All” Greater Than Myself, a paradox which exudes an Unbearably Noxious Vibration of Fallaciousness in every cosmic atom of My Black Being.
Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 14