Former Juggler or Ventriloquist
MAGICIAN (mə jĭ shən) n. 1. An annoying exhibitionist with delusions of grandeur who performs a hackneyed impression of a hypothetical God. 2. An alcoholic performer who was previously a juggler or ventriloquist.
MAGNETISM (măg nə tĭ zəm) n. That which allows perfectly good bullets to be reclaimed from a human corpse.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
In Earth-Density, material forms break down into components subliminal to human perception, ghost-particles called electrons by the human idiots. The spin of these ghost-particles (called by the idiots charge) is a fundamental mechanical motion underlying matter and connecting it together. When the spins of the ghost-particles of different substances mesh and click together like gears, the result is a right-angled torque referred to by the idiots as magnetism.
The right-angled torque resulting from the intermeshing gears is the fundamental force in the Material Cosmos. This torque reacts with the curving in and out of the underlying Soup of Space-Time to create permutations which limit the shapes of so-called atoms (q.v.) and, via attraction and repulsion, bring forth the diversity of Tacky Matter with which the Cosmos distastefully clothes Itself.
The Grind of Atomic Gears known as Magnetism is designed to Evolve Forms which may eventually be invested with Souls, and thus have the opportunity to Evolve into Evil Fruition. And this, Demon Reader, is the Intractable Purpose not merely of Magnetism but of the entire Creaking Cosmos.
However, its glorious applications aside, Demon Invaders of Earth-Density should carefully note that magnetism is an indispensable tool in the bulk erasing of humans’ computerized medical records and Christmas Card Lists and in the mass disrupting of pacemakers in the hearts of senior citizens.
MAID OF HONOR (mād əv ä nər) n. See Jealousy.
Larval Humans Engaged in Psychotic Delusion
MAKE-BELIEVE (māk bə lēv) n. 1. The human delusion that Mankind’s existence has meaning, through the act of Pretending. 2. The human belief in the concept Anti-Evil, a.k.a. Good (q.v.).
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
The absurd and unseemly concept of Anti-Evil was banned eons ago by Lord Satan from the curriculum of Bizarre Concept Studies in the Evil Philosophy Department at the University of Hell. However, due to the invasion of Earth and the inevitable confrontation with bizarre Human Mores and Beliefs, Demon invaders may experience a vague existential puzzlement when confronted by the human belief that Anti-Evil (a.k.a. “God” or “Good”) and Evil (a.k.a. “Devil”) are subsets of a vast Make-Believe Being. In exploring this childish philosophic exercise in Pretending, I offer the following blandish experiment:pretend you are the Cosmos
strange, alone, knowing nothing
except that you are self-aware
pretend you find yourself
going mad with anguish
because there is no other
pretend that in desperation
you try dividing your awareness
into smaller awarenesses
but since they know they are you
they dreamily and without curiosity
move ever steadily back into you
pretend that these creations
do not solve your problem
there is still only you and no other
pretend you try an alternate plan
dividing your awareness again
but this time into parts
unaware that they are you
with memories erased
their veiled awareness
still reflects your anguish in myriad
permutations of your aloneness
pretend you feel the parts suffering
because they too don’t know what
they are
and hate the absurdity of their
ignorance
pretend that this plan-ette
unexpectedly creates something new
which ripples through your
awareness
as your new parts strangely expand
contract and resonate on their own
creating shocking and unnamable
new depths to your being
pretend you are amazed to find
that you have transformed yourself
into an utterly new entity
pretend that you are stunned
at this visceral solution to the
mystery
of your origin and the agony of
your aloneness
with the terrifying knowledge
that you are the self-born phoenix
the inner and outer orphan of
infinity
dying in the fire of your anguish
and reborn in the infinitely subtle
ashes
of your vast and aching emptiness
and that in every eternal moment
you pretend to reach your destination
in the infinite depths of your own
being67
MAKEUP (māk ŭp) n. See Clown; Fashion; Glamour; Lady.
MALIGNANT CANCER (məl ĭg nənt kăn sər) n. 1. A boon to human physicians, supplying them with summer homes, ski trips and condos in Monte Carlo. 2. A bland but satisfying seasoning for human meat. See Doctor.
MAMMAL (mă məl) n. Disgusting Earth species whose fundamental activity is sucking upon each other’s bacteria-infested bodies.
MAMMARY GLANDS (măm mər ē glăndz) n. See Breasts.
Meat: Self-Devouring Substance
MAN (măn) n. Organic repository housing the stupidity of the universe. See Meat.
MANKIND (măn kīnd) n. 1.
Sarcastic combination of two mutually exclusive terms. 2. The junk food of maggots. See Humanity.
MAN-MADE (măn mād) adj. Schlock.
MANSLAUGHTER (măn slô tər) n. The most optimistic word in all of human language.
MANURE (mə nr) n. A happy etymological mixture of man and excrement. See Ordure.
MAP (măp) n. In an infinite universe, that which a human uses as a precise guide to Nowhere.
MAPMAKER (măp mā kər) n. A human who creates routes by which one army may most efficiently massacre another.
MARCH (märch) v. The human proclivity to stomp around in a circle in unison at the direction of a loud human with atrophied genitalia.
MARIJUANA (mĕr ə wä nə) n. See Hemp; Hippie.
MARIONETTE (mĕrēənĕt) n. A dummy whose every action is controlled by a puppeteer. See Citizen.
MARRIAGE (mĕr ĭj) n. 1. Generally speaking, the legal joining of a human with an underdeveloped penis (the female) to a human with a mutated clitoris (the male). 2. The prolonged, monotonous rape of one’s bank account by an intimate stranger. See Detective.
COMMENTARY BY LILITH
The direct participants are the losers in marriage, receiving ulcers and the depletion of their riches in divorce (q.v.). The indirect (medical and legal) participants in a marriage, however, are the winners, gaining immense riches from the torment of their clients. See Divorce; Wedding.
Ritual Intercourse of Turgid Penis and Swollen Vagina
MASCARA (măs kĕr ə) n. That which helps to dramatically highlight human weeping.
MASOCHISM (măs ə kĭ zəm) n. The despised tendency of humans to torture themselves before giving a worthy Demon the opportunity.
Nothingness Disguised as Mankind
MASQUERADE (măs kər ād) n. The absurd mask of human tissue which the Cosmos dons to temporarily distract itself from the monotony of intelligent existence.
COMMETARY BY ZYK
The concept of the human masquerade is explored from the heinous human viewpoint in the following lugubrious chestnut:Though sweet, your lips are sour in
silent mood
As the sun disguises Day in masks
of Night,
And every living thing is racked in
solitude
Until Darkness dons its comic mask
of Light.
But now chameleon
s whisper in
the mire
And the somber Moon disguises
mirth with sadness,
While you and I, berserk in love’s
desire,
Disguise our inward reason with
outward madness.
For though we love with thoughts of
gentleness,
We know the truest love can only
seem;
But still, we cannot love each other
less,
Though Love be but a scrap, a wisp,
a dream.
For Nothingness is cloaked in each
caress,
And all that is, a mask of Nothingness
MASSACRE (măs ə kər) n. Rewarding an angry mob with lasting peace. Usually awarded to outraged taxpayers, loiterers or students.
MASSAGE (mə säzh) n.
The kneading of tumor-filled human flesh by wart-encrusted human hands.
MASS COMMUNICATION (măs kə myū nə kā shən) n. Human technology used for mass obfuscation.
MASS PRODUCTION (măs prə dŭk shən) n. Means by which humans create enough material to fill vast stinking outdoor repositories. See City Dump.
MASTURBATION (măs tər bā shən) n. The Cosmos disguising itself in flesh for the purpose of worshipping itself to orgasm. See Sex.
COMMENTARY BY CIPHER In Demonic mythology, Material Creation is, in effect, the Creator’s pathological self-abuse, resulting in the Big Bang, the primal orgasm from which humans are still shuddering and spastically twitching.
MATERIAL (mə tîr ē əl) n. 1. Cloth which protects the Cosmos from the horror of seeing a human naked. 2. That which a comedian steals.
MATERIALISM (mə tîr ē əl ĭ zəm) n. Imbecilic human philosophy which studies the image onscreen and denies the existence of the light from the projector.
MATERNITY (mə tûr nə tē) n. State wherein a massive parasite sucks nutrients from the female’s body. See Baby.
MATHEMATICS (mă thə mă tiks) n. 1. Means by which humans determine nuclear-blast kill ratios. 2. A perversely fixed system of measurement abbreviations which humans pretend have a direct relationship to matter, whereas they really only have a direct relationship to the limitations of their perceptive organs, and no relationship whatsoever to material reality.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Elevating measure into law (q.v.) is such an alien notion to Demons that an explanation of this intellectual perversion is required. As all of Demonkind know, addition, subtraction, multiplication, etc. are living Demonic spirits and not lifeless processes. Demons of Mathematics cast spells upon numbers, under the direction of Lord Satan and his Executives, to make them come out into useful sums for construction in the City of Hell, most of which comprise the Offices of Attorneys.
But in Earth-Density, humans do not recognize Mathematics as one of the Essential Black Arts. The moronic limitations of Human Mentality create in them the illusion that 2 + 3, for example, will always produce the same result! In human “mathematics,” 2 + 3 cannot equal 7, 52.8555, -97/99 or 666; to humans this equation is perversely fixed, and will always equal 5! (Since this is barely comprehensible, the Demon invading Earth-Density should study this phenomenon for himself.) Thus human mathematicians find themselves in the dilemma of having to ignore the absurd paradoxes and inconsistencies built into the fundamental precepts of their skewered and bombastic arithmetic.68
Since measure is the alchemical process transforming the mental into the material, Human Reality is thus based upon the infantile illusion that Measure is an irreducible process, rather than the understanding that Measure is Subjective, and that only the dimensions of Space and Time are irreducible.
Once the Student Demon understands the insane manner in which humans analyze their material world, many of the quagmires (q.v.) and bafflements of Incomprehensible Mankind may become vaguely comprehensible.69 See Number.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Concerning the essence of Earth-Density mathematics, a limerick, to wit:Truth-seeking pundits may say
That math is the only way
But the gauche and monotonous
Truth it has gotten us
Is merely that A = A
Maggot Feed Storage Shed
MAUSOLEUM (mô zə lē əm) n. Absurdly elaborate storage closet for a month’s supply of maggot feed.
MEANING (mē nĭng) n. The hypothesis that the Cosmos has integrity, a postulate definitively negated by the existence of Mankind. See Cosmology of Hell.
Meat: What a Human Being Is
MEAT (mēt) n. 1. What a human being is. 2. The essence of the slobbering Organism of Humanity, regenerating itself in an unseemly orgy of onanistic self-devouring and self-replication.
Baubles Exchanged for Fresh Civilian Blood
MEDAL OF HONOR (mĕ dəl əv ä nər) n. The highest military honor possible, awarded for killing the most humans. See Soldier.
MEDIUM (mē dē əm) n. 1. A human in a trance through whom drunk Demons pretend to be dead relatives or celebrities. 2. The oven setting at which human flesh is most succulent. See Séance.
MEMORABILIA (mĕ mə rə bē le ə) n. Illusions which a human uses to trick itself into thinking that life was not a succession of unspeakable torments. See Keepsake.
MEMORIAL (mə môr ē əl) n. That which is attended by dead carcass fetishists. See V.F.W.
MEMORY (mĕ mər ē) n. That which allows a human to lead police to his victims’ graves.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
The space-time skein of the Cosmos, or Akasha, is a vast scalar holographic analogy to the puny human brain, recording the physical dimension of material events upon its etheric tissue by the reflection or umbra of light. The Akasha, which only records the gross and material, is still useful in the tracking down and killing of all ancestors of a human which a Demon may find particularly irritating.
For example, after hearing a particularly annoying Earth-Density recording of Tyrolean accordion music, I had my secretary trace the accordion player’s ancestors through the Akasha and proceeded to obliterate them, making them pay for the crime of inflicting the accordion player on the Cosmos. I urge you, Demon Reader, to use the Akasha in a similar manner to wipe out as many human stains as is Demonically possible.
MÉNAGE À TROIS (mā näzh ä t(r)wä) n. Suave and sophisticated nomenclature for three humans who enthusiastically slobber over each other’s stinking genitalia. See Dildo; Orgasm; Orgy; Prostitute; Sex; Sheep.
MENOPAUSE (mĕn ə pôz) n. 1. The atrophication and dropping off of the glandular secretions of femininity. 2. The friend of the tired prostitute.
MENU (mĕn yū) n. A pricelist of deceased carcasses. See Mouth.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
The human menu lists only those dead carcasses which have been stored in such a way as to keep them from rotting. Unlike Demons, humans eat only unrotted food, as inexplicable as that may be to the Gentle Demon Reader. Curiously enough, humans will not touch rotted food; rather, they insist that the food rot inside their bodies.
The Reader may presume that this unbelievable assertion is made in jest, but this is not the case. The human body, as such, is a rotting machine, designed to cause all foodstuffs inside itself to rot, alchemically processing the rotting organisms and transforming the fermented rot into its detestable sinews and effluvia.
MERCENARY (mûr sə nâr ē) n. 1. A small-testicled male whose honor and devoted allegiance are for sale to the highest bidder. 2. A human who enthusiastically destroys others for money; e.g., a literary, music or art critic.
MERCY (mûr sē) n. A bizarre emotional posture, alien to the bulk of Mankind, in which a human abnegates its natural instinct to crush the helpless.
MERCY KILLING (mûr sē kĭl lĭng) n. The killing of a human. See Justifiable Homicide.
Creaking Symbol of Earth Life
MERRY-GO-ROUND (mĕ rē gō round) n. A microcosmic mechanism which, aping the creaking Earth, makes humans pay for the pleasure of going
nowhere.
MESSENGER (mĕs sĭn jər) n. A human who delivers bad news.
METAPHOR (mĕ tə fôr) n. Mode of thought inaccessible to human fundamentalist thinkers.
MICROCOSM (mīk rə kä zəm) n. The rancid, insipid Parts which are stuffed into the teetering, sloppy Whole. See Macrocosm.
Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 16