by Mia Kayla
"You're just angry about your dad's birthday, and I get it.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, his attitude nonchalant. “I had something grand planned for your birthday, but you weren't picking up my calls. I'll make it up to you."
He wouldn’t. I knew. I’d played his game before, ridden this rodeo.
I didn't say another word as he weaved in and out of downtown Rosendell. I'd speak my piece when we were seated at dinner. But when he parked in front of Allswell, my world bottomed out.
"Surprise.” He turned to me and gave me a shaky smile. “I know you cover this area, but this restaurant was all over the paper the other day, rated number one in the up-and-coming new restaurants in Rosendell."
I blinked, unable to form words or think through my next plan of action. Nausea slammed through me, making my stomach roll. My hands trembled at my side as I gripped the car door for support.
Did he know? Did he know where I'd been spending all my evenings lately? Why would he take me to this particular restaurant?
I needed out of this situation and stat.
I rubbed at the back of my neck, every one of my muscles twitching. "Roland, I'd rather go somewhere else."
"No, I've got another surprise for you." He ran to my side and opened the door, like the gentleman he’d been groomed to be. I stared at his outstretched hand, hoping, wishing, and waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
This could not be happening. I stood without assistance, and when my four-inch heels hit the pavement, Roland ushered me to the doors with his hand at the small of my back.
It was as if my heels were weighted to the ground, my pace matching my heavy, sluggish heartbeat. Every step toward the door hurt. Hurt my stomach, hurt my heart, hurt my head because I could not figure out how to get out of this. Both of my worlds were about to collide in a big, atomic explosion.
As soon as we stepped inside, I spotted our parents at the long rectangular table at the edge of the room. The familiar crowd shouted “Surprise!” at once, and I nearly buckled to the ground from the shock of seeing everyone together, my family and the patrons in the packed restaurant. My vision blurred, and a full-on panic attack was about to take over.
I scanned the bar for Cade. I couldn't spot him, but my eyes zoned in on Kristy. If I had any doubt whether she hated me before, there was no doubt now as her eyes told me she'd rather see me dead than alive. I couldn’t blame her, even though what she was seeing was not reality. Maybe she thought I was doing this on purpose, that I was a vindictive bitch who wanted to make Cade jealous.
What woman showed up to her lover's restaurant with her whole family and her boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend, I must add, but Kristy didn't know that.
Kathleen, Roland's mother, engulfed me in a hug so tight I thought my dress would rip. "Angie, happy birthday, beautiful." She kissed both of my cheeks and tipped her head to the stack of gifts at the edge of the table. "I hope you love what I got you. It's perfect." She clasped her hands together and reached for her son next, taking off a piece of lint from his suit. "Roland."
And then I was passed around like a rag doll. Kissing and hugging and acknowledging their presence—my mother, my father, Nana.
Tene stood alone in the corner, her eyes skittering around the room. Nervous was an understatement. If my heart was beating a mile a minute, she was about to go into cardiac arrest.
She rushed toward me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "Don't worry. I don't think he's here."
An exaggerated sigh left my body. Thank goodness.
But then in the next second, her body stiffened, her head flipped up to something behind me, and I just knew he was watching this scene unfold.
When I tried to move away, she pulled me tighter against her chest. "You're fine." I didn't know if her words were meant to comfort me or her. "Everything's fine," she repeated. "Fine. Fine. Fine." There was a tremor in her voice, contrasting her normal confident demeanor.
I pushed from her grasp and turned around to see Cade, standing by the bar, his eyes hard, his jaw tight.
God, it hurt. It hurt to look at him when I couldn't talk to him. I wanted to rush over there and tell him that this was not my plan at all. That this was all for show, a façade, and that when I’d hopped in the car with Roland, I'd expected to tell him I'd moved on. I'd expected a different outcome, one where I was free from him and our old relationship.
Cade’s eyes had once held so much reverence and adoration for me, and now they were filled with fury. I wished I were anywhere but here. Anywhere but in this moment.
Roland pulled out my chair, breaking me out of my trance, and I didn't dare look up at Cade as dread filled me and the ache in the back of my throat spread to my chest.
How do you know that I'm just not protecting myself?
His words, his honesty, rang loudly in my ears.
Who was I? I didn’t recognize this person I'd become, hurting people around me, the ones I cared about the most.
"Let's get a bottle of wine to celebrate this girl turning twenty-five." Roland slipped an arm around my shoulder, but I shied away with an awkward smile. Though I couldn't see Cade watching, I knew he was. It was as if I could feel him boring a hole into the side of my face, lighting it up like he had laser vision.
"Yes, let’s. I need some wine." Tene shifted in her seat. I wondered who was more uncomfortable in this moment. I appreciated her empathy, but what I really needed was an escape.
"Finally, there's our waitress." Tene's voice was soft, shaky, and so unlike her.
The waitress recognized me as soon as she approached, her eyes flickering first in my direction, and then to Roland's arm around my chair. Heat rushed to the apple of my cheeks, and I ducked my head into the menu.
Kathleen and my father's laughter boomed in the background, but I didn't hear a word. All I could hear was the intense ringing in my ears and the rapid beating of my chest.
"Angelica?" Roland’s voice raised to get my attention.
"Huh?"
"What do you want to order?"
All eyes were on me, and I smiled awkwardly. My teeth hurt from clenching my molars, and I rubbed the back of my neck and spit out the first thing on my mind. "Burger, please."
Roland’s face pinched. "You want a burger for your birthday?” He opened the menu and pushed it in my direction. “What about the lobster or the steak?"
I glanced behind me. Though Cade wasn't in the same spot, his eyes were laser locked on mine. A dizzying current took over, and I clutched my stomach to keep myself steady. "Burger is fine," I repeated, glancing up at the waitress glowering down at me with her judging eyes.
All I wanted to do was cry. Cry about the craziness around me. But here I was, maintaining composure when my whole world was falling apart.
"Honey, you don't look too well." My grandma proceeded to stand, and I held my hand out. "No, Nana, I'm fine. Really."
"I’m the one not feeling too well." Tene seemed as if she were going to puke. Her eyes teetered between Cade, Roland, and me. She was going to go cross-eyed.
"You know what,” I said abruptly. “I think I need something other than water." Water was on the table, but our drinks had not come yet. "I'll get it at the bar." The need to get to Cade and explain was overwhelming.
"The waitress is coming right back," Roland said as I shot up from my chair.
"No, I really need a walk."
"Fine, I'll get it." Roland placed his hand on mine, possessively, stilling me.
"It's okay,” I blurted. “I think I need to walk off this queasy feeling in my stomach." I pivoted toward the bar and rushed away before anyone else could stop me.
"Fuck." It was Tene. Everyone turned in her direction, and she replied, "I think I broke a nail."
My steps quickened, but not before I heard my mother scold Tene for her use of language.
I walked straight toward him, past the first and second bartender, all while he tracked me from across the room.
"I'm s
orry.” The words rushed out in one soft, broken sigh. I didn't care that he was serving a patron. The apology had to be said. I was tired of the guilt, of being the bad guy, of being unfair to the people around me. "I'm sorry. I had no idea Roland was taking me here."
Both hands fisted the top of his hair. "You agreed to go to dinner with him?" His anger turned incredulous.
"What?" I reeled back. "I did, but it’s not what you think. I didn't know he'd throw me a surprise birthday party. If I’d known, I wouldn't have come. But you have to stop looking at me like that."
I flipped around, noticing that the only eyes on me were Tene's.
"Like what?" His gruff voice had me flipping back around.
"Like you hate me."
"I don't hate you."
"Then why are you looking at me like that?"
His eyes hovered above my head, and I knew they were fixed on my table. "Nice to see you're all out enjoying family dinner." His curt tone and quick change of subject gave me whiplash.
"Cade, please stop."
By this time, the patron in our area had left, and I was glad because I was reaching desperation.
"Stop what?” His glare cut through me, slicing my insides like paper through a shredder. “Are you back together?"
"What?" His question was ridiculous. I could tell he was pissed but trying his best not to show it. He wasn't very good at hiding his emotions.
I leaned in, my voice soft but firm. "You're the one with the commitment issues. You're the one who just wants to ‘have fun.’" I used air quotes around the words.
"This is fun," he deadpanned. He fixed his stare behind me again for a brief second before saying, "It's fine."
"It's not fine!" I whisper-yelled. "I'm not with him, okay? Our relationship has been dead for a long time now." It had been. With or without Cade, I was forever done with Roland.
My true feelings fell out of my mouth, the fear, the reasons as to why I was holding back, not giving myself fully to whatever was happening between us. "At the end of this, you're leaving. You're going to your new destination, and I'll just be a blip in your past."
He stretched his hands over the bar, and when I didn't take them, he shook his head, and his voice softened. "You don't understand anything, Angel."
With my arms wrapped around my chest, I said, "Well, then tell me. Tell me so I can understand. Don't be indifferent toward this, toward us, like if we end, it won't matter to you." I tried to control the quiver in my voice but failed. "Because ... because it matters to me."
He lifted his head, focusing behind me, and I turned to see Roland approaching the bar.
"You were taking a while." Roland placed his hand on the small of my back, causing tiny spiders to crawl up my arms, a feeling that his touch shouldn't have given me.
Cade crossed his arms over his chest, and his lips flattened, his eyes icy cold. He didn't move from his spot, and they stared at each other through the ring of silence.
Roland's eyes wavered between the both of us. "Everything okay here?"
The tension in the air shifted to arctic icy cold, making me want to hide. If I could only speed up time. "Yes." I nodded. "Cade was carding me, and I didn't have my ID."
I stepped away from Roland, but he grabbed my hand when I did. Cade's focus flickered to where we were connected, and his eyes hardened.
Roland laughed. "It's her birthday."
"She said her birthday was days ago," Cade snapped.
Roland's eye twitched, his stance changing. "Whatever, man. I totally vouch for her. Long island." Roland reached in his back pocket and threw money on the bar like it was trash.
"Rules are rules." Cade didn't budge, didn't move, didn't try to pretend. And I blinked rapidly at their interaction.
"Really?” Roland scowled. “She's not eighteen. If you're going to be a total dick about this ... Angie, go get your purse and get your ID."
Cade hunched forward, his fists perched on the bar like a gorilla about to hop over. His voice, though, was calm but deadly. "Is that normal for you? Barking orders at her?"
Roland stepped up to the bar, squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. "What's your problem, asshole?"
"Asshole?" The muscle in Cade's jaw twitched, and anxiety rose within me, my whole body tensing.
I reached for Roland's hand and tugged him away from the crazy scene about to unfold. "I don't want a drink anymore. Let’s go back."
Neither man moved. They stood statue still, their eyes warring without words.
There was going to be a full-on wrestling match if I didn’t break this up, and there was no doubt in my mind who would win.
Kristy approached from nowhere and pushed Cade back. "Don't. Leave. I have this." She shoved at his chest again, though he didn't budge. "Cade!” she barked. “Take a breather."
His eyes flickered between us.
"Cade, you're not going to fix anything here right now, and you know that." Her eyes burned with a feverish desperation. A desperation to stop a fight from escalating.
Cade's gaze turned my way before he stormed toward the kitchen, the door flying open then shut as he stomped through.
Roland's eyes met Kristy's. "Are you the manager here?"
Kristy nodded. "I'm sorry. He's a bit temperamental, and I have no idea why. He was in a good mood earlier." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. She stared directly at me, not even acknowledging Roland in front of her.
"Well, he needs an attitude adjustment. Can you get my girlfriend here a long island?"
"Sure thing."
I turned to Roland when she was making my drink. "Friend, Roland. I'm not your anything anymore." Maybe with repetition, he'd finally believe it.
But Kristy didn’t seem to hear or care or believe me as she slammed the cocktail into my hands, shooting daggers in my directions. But what she didn’t know was that she didn't need to hate me because I hated myself enough for the both of us.
Chapter 19
Dinner was horrible. Seconds, minutes, and over an hour ticked by, and all I wanted to do was go home. My mother chatted with Kathleen while my father chuckled at James's jokes. The scene in front of me only reiterated how much our lives and families were intertwined, how much our families got along and loved each other.
I rubbed at the back of my neck as the chummy scene felt like my walls were closing in, choking me, forcing air from my lungs. But I had a plan. I had planned to formally and finally end my relationship with Roland, discuss the logistics of our apartment and our belongings. Then I had planned to break it to my parents, but Roland had deterred those plans tonight, a grand detour that had led me into this deep ditch.
Tene was talking to Roland, and when his phone vibrated on the table, we both stared at it. His gaze flickered to me first before landing back on his phone. It was as though I could hear the wheels turning in his head. To pick it up or not pick it up ... that was the question. But I already knew what he would do. What he would always do.
When he didn't budge, and it went to voice mail, he seemed to relax and turned to Tene once more. And then it rang again, and he sat straighter in his seat. He cracked his neck from side to side while his hands twitched at the end of the table.
"You can pick it up, Roland." I needed to put him out of his misery. It was just as tortuous watching him watch his phone.
"I need to run to the washroom anyway." He stood without giving me a second glance back.
This. Coming here. Was a mistake. All of this was giving him hope, and more guilt rose within me. I couldn't win.
When Roland left, Tene jumped in his chair. "You know you can no longer handle this property, right?"
"I'll be fine. Everything will be fine," I said. My whole body and mind were numb. How could I come into this bar and talk to Cade about business when I had clearly crossed that professional line?
I'd failed in every possible way—in my love life, with my family, at work.
She placed a hand on my knee. "It's okay. I'll talk to Dad."
My life was turning upside down. I wanted to show my father I could handle Armstrong Realty, the downtown properties, the more lucrative tenants. Not cave in and sleep with the hottest tenant. "Can we just not tell him? Please?" My father had so much faith in me. If there was anyone in the world I didn't want to disappoint, it was my father. "It'll be business as usual when he leaves. I told you I can handle it."
Her eyes were cautious.
"Please, Tene."
Tene pinched her bottom lip, her look pensive. She reached for my hand under the table, gave it a little squeeze, then nodded.
When Roland tapped the chair, Tene scooted over to make room. He snaked an arm around me, but I distanced myself.
"Did you take care of what you needed to take care of?" I asked.
"Yes. And that's not important. What's important is that we’re getting to the very exciting part of the evening. Your favorite part." He smirked.
When I glanced up, Cade was trudging toward our table at an incredibly sluggish rate. He held a chocolate cake in his hands, lit with candles.
Roland stiffened beside me and angled closer, his arm protectively slung over the back of my chair.
When Cade locked eyes with mine, my stomach rolled, causing nausea to hit my acute senses. His mood had changed like a flick of a match.
He smiled, which seemed to indicate that his anger had dissipated, but it was his eyes; his eyes gave him away. The eyes that held so much mischief were tinted with sadness.
He placed the cake in the center of the long glass table, his arm was just a few inches away from mine.
The night of my real birthday flashed through my thoughts. Making cake. Making love. New beginnings.
A gush of emptiness filled my veins as the cake's candles lit everyone's face around me.
Though Cade didn't touch me, the heat from his closeness was only amplified when he leaned into me and whispered, "Happy birthday. Cake may mean the beginning of a new year, but when some things begin, other things end."