by Owen, L
She relaxes a little but stays firmly in place, her eyes wary as she asks, “Why do you want to see me so badly?”
She looks terrified, and that’s the last thing I want. If I tell her I can’t get rid of the mental image of her naked and moaning underneath me, it may not help matters. So I omit that part when I say, “I’m not sure what I did to make you dislike me, so I was hoping to get a second chance to make things right.”
She frowns as she bites at her fingernails. “It’s not that I dislike you; I’m just a private person who likes to keep to herself.”
I can tell now is not the time to push her. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights. It’s best if I leave her alone, for now. “I see. I’m sorry I upset you; that wasn’t my intention.”
Caitlin is tall and athletic in her build, but backed up cowering into the far corner, she looks so small and vulnerable. It’s obvious there’s a lot more to her story, and it can’t be just because of me that she’s become so upset. Well, I hope it’s not all on me. She gives me a sad smile.
“Ok, I’m sorry for being so standoffish. I promise I’ll bring your coffee tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“No, you paid for it. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she insists, but still keeps her distance.
It may make me an asshole, but I don’t refuse her offer. I want to see her again.
The next morning as the ticking of my clock alerts me it’s 10:30, I can’t keep my eyes away from the monitor. This time, Caitlin sticks to her word. As I see her enter the building, I revert back to a teenage boy when the nerves hit hard. I quickly check my hair and breath. Shortly after, there’s a gentle knock at my door. When she enters Caitlin says, “Hi, here’s your drink.”
I manage out, “Thanks,” in return. She quickly crosses my room and places the hot beverage on my desk. With that and an awkward half-smile, she’s gone.
It’s the same routine every day, until we get to Friday.
The storeroom at the back of the gym is a mess, and Donnie and I have the pleasure of cleaning it up. If something breaks, it gets packed away in here. By the looks of it, we have a few years of broken equipment to either fix or take to the dump. We manage to mend two broken treadmills. Some other stuff that’s not worth fixing is chucked in the back of my truck, when we hear a cough in the doorway. It’s Caitlin, looking stunning as usual with those legs that go for miles. What I wouldn’t do to have this woman feel comfortable around me so I could at least take her out sometime. Every day she appears to gain confidence in me, even if she’s still a little quiet. It probably helps I have stopped trying to get in her pants, like I did every other time before this week.
“Hi, Ethan. Roman asked me to bring your order back here. I brought you a muffin, too.” Her face shows a slight blush as she moves inside the room. “Sorry, Donnie. I didn’t know you would be back here. What would you like? I can go and grab you something.”
“It’s ok, Caitlin. Ethan brought me breakfast today when he picked me up.” Donnie says, as he continues to work on tightening a bolt.
“That was nice of you,” she directs to me.
“You sound surprised that I was nice,” I joke.
“Oh no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” she stutters, looking embarrassed.
“Ethan’s the nicest person I know, and my best friend,” Donnie proudly states.
Caitlin smiles at me but says nothing. You could hear a pin drop. This is not the first time Donnie has said this; he’s a great kid. The truth is, I’m the lucky one.
Caitlin’s still looking at me when the most entrancing smile graces her face. She’s so beautiful, and she has no clue. God, I’ve got to get a grip. Whenever she’s around I can’t seem to think straight.
“You’re very lucky then,” she mentions to Donnie, but her eyes are still on mine, shocking the hell out of me. It’s the first time she’s ever said anything nice about me, and it seems genuine, too.
Donnie’s already focused back on his work, so he ignores her comment. “Don’t take it personally; he loves to fix things. It takes all his attention.”
She laughs, and I wish I could record that sound to listen to it over and over again. Caitlin sits on the edge of a table.
“You’re very good with him.” She’s let herself truly relax in my company for the first time.
“He’s a good guy. People can be shit to him, and that doesn’t sit right with me.”
She’s lost in thought and looks conflicted, but after a moment of watching Donnie engrossed in his task, I ask, “So, how are you finding living in Philly?” Caitlin doesn’t converse with me ever, and I secretly cross my fingers behind my back, hoping that this won’t make her run for the hills.
“It’s good, thanks. Everyone has been really welcoming to me. In fact, I’m going out tomorrow with Kiaya for a girly day. I’m really looking forward to it.”
I’m so shocked she’s finally talking to me that I lose the ability the talk back. Before I manage a reply, she jumps off the table.
“I better get back to work, Ethan. Len wants to know if you want the deliveries next week, too.”
“Do you mind having to bring them over?” I ask, hoping it doesn’t bother her anymore.
She smiles again, and I try to fight the strong desire to close the distance between us and kiss her.
“No, I don’t mind.” She turns and walks out. I may have looked like a complete idiot standing there, silently wishing she’d stayed longer, but the fact remains, Caitlin’s agreed to see me again. Though it might be small, it’s still a victory in my book.
SIX
Caitlin
A warm breeze hits me as I step onto the pavement after leaving the gym. As I stand there a moment enjoying it, visions of Ethan won’t seem to leave my frazzled brain. The way Donnie’s face lit up when he called Ethan his best friend makes me smile. Gosh, the way Ethan’s face had lit up at being called Donnie’s best friend—it just melts my heart. I don’t know why I stayed and finally chatted with him, but I hadn’t wanted to leave. There seems to be an invisible force drawing me to him, and I’m having trouble resisting. I’m not even sure I want to anymore.
At the end of the day, Kiaya and I arrange the schedule for our day of fun, as she likes to call it. We’ll meet at the shopping center for breakfast at ten, and I feel it’s going to be a long day. Once back at the apartments, I check on Grace, and for once she has a friend over. Grace asks me to join in a game of cards, but I decline because I feel like I need a quiet night of reading.
I’m enjoying a glass of wine in the bath with my Kindle when I hear the ding on my phone, alerting me to a text.
Unknown: Hi. Got a hold of your number. Hope you don’t mind.
I have no idea who it is, but my mind immediately goes to Stephen. I sit up quickly causing water to splash over the sides of the bath, and my relaxed state vanishes in a second. At first, I don’t want to text back, but as I stare at the phone, the curiosity gets too strong. If it IS him then he might know where I am. I’ll have to leave and start again. Surprisingly, that thought makes me teary-eyed; I’m just starting to make a life for myself, one I’m beginning to enjoy. With shaking hands, I type my reply.
Me: I’m sorry, I think you have a wrong number.
Almost immediately my phone dings again.
Unknown: Caitlin, it’s Ethan.
I’m suddenly relieved and breathe out the breath I had been holding. I’m thankful it isn’t Stephen, but then I realize it’s Ethan. I’m not sure if the situation is much better. How did he get my number? Anger sets in. Jeez, I’m beginning to get whiplash from my emotions!
Me: How the hell did u get my number?
E: The membership form you filled out at the gym.
He’s such a sneaky bastard.
Me: WHAT! Have you not heard about the privacy and confidentiality agreements promised to me when I joined?
E: What are you going to do? Tell my boss? ;)
&
nbsp; Me: I hate you!
E: No you don’t, you like me. That’s why you’re being like this.
Well, he has worked me out! Deny, deny, and deny, that’s my motto.
Me: Sorry but I don’t. I’m being like this because you keep doing things to piss me off. Don’t piss me off, and I’ll stop. Simple!
It doesn’t escape me how brave I am when I’m hiding behind my phone. I know for a fact I would be hiding away right now in a cupboard if we were face to face.
E: I’ve done nothing but be nice. You’ll admit you like me one day.
Shit! Trying to ignore the last comment, I write my reply.
Me: I thought you were working tonight. Shouldn’t you get back to it?
E: Ha-ha. Ok, I’ll drop it for now, but can’t we at least be friends?
Friends? Well, maybe if we’re friends it won’t be so awkward. I doubt it, but I can always hope.
Me: Ok.
E: Really?
I’m not surprised he’s shocked. I am, too.
Me: Yes, really. See, I’m not so mean.
E: Great, I promise to behave myself. Have a good day with Kiaya tomorrow, whatever you do. :)
That last message seemed to go well enough. Maybe I should be a little friendlier?
Me: Thanks, I hope so. We’re meeting at ten, and she has a whole day of shopping planned. You have a good weekend too, whatever you do. x
I press send before I realize I put an x on the end of that last message. Bugger! Let’s hope he doesn’t notice.
E: Night, and don’t think I didn’t notice the kiss, friend.
He noticed. I won’t dignify it with a reply because if I do, I’ll likely get myself into more trouble than I can handle right now. Instead, I turn the phone off, and I get into bed, restlessly tossing and turning a long time before I fall asleep; when I finally do, I dream of Ethan all night long. Crap!
***
After the pathetic night’s sleep I’ve just had, it’s no shock I wake up late. I arrive at the shopping center just in the nick of time. There’s a sense of unease in my stomach… something hard to explain, but I feel like I’m doing something wrong. This is not the first time I’ve felt like this. Even though I left Stephen months ago, it’s hard for me to break the habit of needing to please him. This wouldn’t have pleased him.
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks; this wouldn’t have pleased him, but I’m doing it anyway. I begin to giggle, which rapidly grows into bellowing laughter. The people who are mulling around give me the strangest looks. I suppose I resemble someone having a mental breakdown, but this is more of a breakthrough than a breakdown. I don’t need to please him, but most importantly, I don’t bloody want to. It’s the first time I truly feel the emotional hold Stephen had on me lifting, and it’s an amazing feeling.
Waiting outside the shopping center, I begin to wish I hadn’t rushed. Kiaya is now ten minutes late. It’s then I remember that my phone is switched off, so I turn it back on just in case she is trying to get hold of me. It beeps once. Looking at the screen, I see it’s from Ethan.
E: If we’re gonna be friends, I think we need to get to know each other better. ;)
What does he mean by that?
Me: And how do you want us to do that?
E: Questions, maybe a quick fire round?
What the fuck?
Me: A quick fire round?
E: Yes. Favorite color?
Ok, so we are doing this right now?
Me: Black.
E: Not a color. Doesn’t count.
What? Why do people always say that?
Me: Ok then, green.
E: Green? I thought maybe you would like pink or purple.
What the hell is going on?
Me: Why? Because I’m a girl? How sexist! I thought the point is you ask the questions and I answer them. Not for you to argue about my replies with me.
E: Sorry. Green’s great. :) Dog or cat person?
Me: My turn. Your favourite color?
E: Blue. Which one? Dog or cat?
This is weird.
Me: Cat.
E: Wrong answer. I prefer dogs.
Me: Good for you! Kiaya’s here and I have to go.
I hear a reply, but I decide to deal with it later as I go over to greet Kiaya.
“Hi, you ready?” she asks.
“I’m not sure.” I laugh as she makes a face of mock disgust.
“We’ll have the best day! I have it all planned.”
“Ok, what’s first on the agenda?”
“Ok,” she says, “first we can grab some food. I really need coffee. Then it’s on to clothes shopping. After that, more food and I have booked us joint appointments for our hair this afternoon. I told them we will have a color and cut, but if you don’t want that you can just have it styled,” she says clapping her hands together and doing a strange dance.
“Okayyy,” I drag out. “You really do have it all planned, don’t you?”
“Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.” She looks a bit disheartened now.
“No, it’s a good plan, really, and I think I may add some caramel highlights to my hair,” I say, trying to cheer her back up.
A massive grin has plastered itself across her face. “Yay, I will get a color, too.” Kiaya has beautiful hair; it’s auburn, wavy, and hangs half way down her back.
“Really, what color?”
“Blonde dip dye, I think.”
“That sounds nice. Ok, let’s get that drink.”
Neither of us feels hungry, so I have tea and Kiaya gets a huge mug of coffee. It’s more like a bucket. We finish our drinks and head to the clothing stores.
Kiaya has me trying on so many outfits that at one point I decide to stay in the fitting room, while she runs around the store picking out items for me to try on. I like to shop as much as the next girl, but Kiaya, she’s something else. Once we finish, I have loads more than we came for: a few pairs of skinny jeans in different colors and an array of tops in different styles. There are also a couple of dresses, some knee-high boots, plenty of sexy underwear, and a new outfit for the gym. Kiaya was right, I really did need this day with her. It’s been great! Kiaya’s purchased loads, too.
I’m knackered, and as we skipped breakfast, we really need some food. So we put the bags in the car and go to the food court. We settle on pizza, but it’s really busy so I find a table while Kiaya queues for the food. Remembering the text from Ethan I have yet to answer, I pick up my phone.
E: Ok. Have fun. You ask the next question.
We are in a pizza place so I ask the obvious question.
Me: Pizza toppings. Pepperoni or ham and pineapple?
A few moments later he answers.
E: Pepperoni. Fruit should NEVER be on pizza. Are you asking because you’re eating? Hope you’re having a good day.
That’s something I always say about my pizza too, so now I’m smiling from ear to ear.
“What has you so happy?” Kiaya asks, walking over with the tray piled high.
“Ethan.”
She’s taken aback. “Ethan! Since when have you been texting Ethan?”
I shrug. “Since yesterday when he started texting me.”
“Oh right,” she says with a grin. “You like him, just admit it.”
Groaning, I reply, “Have you seen him? Who wouldn’t like him? It’s just not the right time at the moment.”
“That’s just silly. You like each other; why not see where it goes? It’s not like you have to get married or anything.” She takes a bite of pizza.
I like Kiaya. She’s becoming a really good friend, and my counselor wants me to open up to people, so I decide to be honest with her.
“A few months ago I fled from England. My ex wasn’t a nice guy, and I needed to get away from him. Without warning, I left and came here. He can’t find out where I am. I just need to get over everything that happened before I think about another guy, even a hot one like Ethan.” The situation was a lot worse than I
like to admit, but at this time, I don’t feel I can open up more than that.
“Oh.” She looks a little startled by my explanation.
“You ok?”
She seems to shake it off. “Of course, it just shocked me to hear that. It’s not what I expected you to say.”
“No, I suppose it wouldn’t be.” I shrug.
“I’m sorry you went through all that, but I’m glad it brought you here. I love having you as my friend.” She squeezes my arm.
“Thanks, I like having you around, too.”
We are starting to well up, smiling and wiping our eyes, when she says, “So, what’s Ethan texting you?”
She’s not going to drop this. “Not much. Just hoping I have a good day with you.”
“What? Of course you will have a good time with me.” She looks disgusted, and it’s really quite funny.
“So this ex, he was a mean bastard?” she asks.
“Yeah, not in the beginning, but it got really bad by the end. He made me feel powerless and weak. That’s what I can’t seem to move on from, you know? I should’ve been stronger emotionally.” My eyes are turned towards the table as I pick at my fingernails.
“How did you get away from him?” I mentally debate it for a second, but decide to tell her the story of how Beth helped me get away. “You can tell me if I am over stepping the mark here. I know you think you’re weak, but from where I’m sitting, you are one of the strongest women I know.”
I look up at her. “What?” Strong is the last thing I feel.
“Look, you must have loved him, right?”
“Yes, at one time.” I really had, but with every punch he doled out, it chipped that love away.
“Well, that’s why you stayed as long as you did. He’s the one who betrayed you. He was the weak one treating you the way he did. You got away in the end and moved half way around the world to escape. You did this on your own, and that’s fucking amazing.” I laugh at her comment. I’m glad she said the last bit; it’s lightened the mood.
“I think it will take a while for me to see it like that, but thanks.”
“Come on,” she say’s grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my chair after we finish our lunch. “Let’s go get our hair done.”