by Owen, L
Sitting up in bed, I anxiously rub at my face over and over. What the hell have I done? I understand the difficult situation Caitlin has found herself in, and I know Beth has been family to her since she was three, but I thought I was important to her, too. I thought she loved me, for God’s sake. I sound like a big baby, but I just can’t help it.
I need coffee, so I walk into my kitchen and find Roman sitting at the bar eating some cereal. Since we’ve gotten back, both of us have been moping around the apartment without our girls. I open a cabinet, grab my mug, slam in onto the counter, and bang the cabinet door shut. As I rattle the cutlery drawer, Roman asks in the only way Roman can, “What the hell has the kitchen done to you, jackass?”
I have my back to him as I rest my hands on the counter top, my head hung low. “I’ve ended it,” I answer.
He continues to chew his food. “Ended what?”
God, do I need to spell everything out for him? “I’ve ended it with Caitlin,” I say, now losing patience.
“WHAT!?” he shouts out in shock. “What the hell did you do something as stupid as that for?” He appears completely dumbfounded.
I’m still bent over the counter. “She wasn’t coming back,” I mumble.
“Did she say that?”
“No, she didn’t have to.” I begin to straighten, then turn to face him.
His brow is furrowed. “What the fuck have you done?”
“The only thing I could do!” I shout, taking my anger and pain out on him.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” he says, shaking his head.
I snap my head up. “What did you just say to me?”
He stands, walks around to my side of the counter, and throws his bowl in the sink. “I said, you’re a fucking idiot. I would do anything to have Beth back and to help her, but all she does is push me away. You had everything, but because it wasn’t going your way for a few weeks, you decide to act like a fucking child. I never thought I would say this, but you don’t fucking deserve her.” He storms off to his room, slamming the door behind him. Well shit! He’s right, but I don’t have to like hearing it.
Later that evening I’m sitting on the sofa eating a piece of toast when Roman comes home. When he spots me, he walks over and sits down next to me. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I reply.
“So maybe I was a bit harsh earlier,” he says, nudging my arm.
I clear my throat. “I don’t know, bro. Maybe you were right.”
He chuckles. “Of course I was right. I said I was harsh, not wrong.” Only Roman can make me smile when everything seems completely fucked up. “Do you want her back?”
I breathe out a long breath. “Yes, but she needs time. Beth needs her help, and I think I should give her that much. It might kill me to do it, but what she needs right now is time.”
“You sure she needs time?” he questions.
“Yes.” I try sound confident, but I’m not really sure about anything. When I woke up this morning, I was missing her loads but was still happy. After one phone call, everything has gone to shit.
***
I wake up in the morning with my head killing me and so is my hand. It’s been six days since my phone call with Caitlin, and last night I had the bright idea to go to a bar. I have no idea how I got home and completely lost count of how much I had to drink. My throbbing head is obviously due to too much alcohol. My knuckles are bloody and swollen, but I have no recollection as to why. My mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert, so I stumble out in to the hallway to get a drink. Roman must hear me moving about and comes out of his room. With a knowing smirk, he leans on his door frame. “How you feeling, bro?”
The light is too bright for my pounding head, so I shield my eyes with my good hand. “Peachy.”
He doubles over in laughter. “I bet. How’s the hand?”
I lift it to show him. “It’s shit, thanks.”
He grimaces. “I told you not the punch that tree, but oh no! You wouldn’t listen. Poor tree.”
“Poor tree! What about my poor hand?” My brain catches up. “What tree?”
“The poor tree you decided to take the brunt of your frustration out on,” he says, folding his arms over his chest.
I take a deep breath. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Roman.”
“I know, bro. That would be the side effect of all the alcohol you consumed. You phoned me mumbling all sorts of shit about loving Caitlin. Eventually, you told me where you were, and I picked you up. When we left the bar, you punched that poor tree three times before I could get you in my car.”
“Oh right, sorry,” I mutter.
“Don’t worry about it. What else are little brothers good for?” He slaps me on my shoulder before going back to his room.
Four days pass since waking with a mangled hand, and I’ve tried to put all my time and energy into the gym. It’s been good; it’s kept me focused. Today I’ve decided I’ve given Caitlin enough time and damn the consequences, I’m going to fight to get her back. As I walk in my front door, Roman, who has been MIA all day is sitting on the sofa. He jumps to his feet as soon as he hears me. “Good, you’re home at last. Why are you so late?”
“Well, I was doing the work of two people, so it took a while.” I huff, wondering where the hell he’s been all day.
“Well, I think you’ll forgive me soon enough.” He slaps me on the back as he walks past. “Night, Ethan. Oh, you can thank me later.” He walks out the front door, and I’m left confused as fuck. What the hell was that about?
It’s past ten, and I’m completely exhausted. I’d missed dinner, so I make a quick sandwich and grab a beer before making my way to my room. I open my door, and the plate and beer nearly fall to the floor. My brother is right yet again; I’ll definitely be thanking him. I owe him big time for this one.
Caitlin
Since asking for Roman’s help, which he was more than happy to give, everything has happened so fast. We booked our flights and only had three days to finalize everything. The most important thing was Beth’s health. She phoned the hospital and made calls to someone in Philadelphia to have her care transferred. Beth’s grandparents were millionaires who left her with a nice trust fund at the age of twenty-five. She’s loaded, which happens to make this transition much easier for her. Libby agrees to oversee selling her house, and Beth handed in her notice at work.
It’s when I was standing waiting for my bags that my anxiety levels went through the roof. Roman’s sure that Ethan and I can sort out our ‘misunderstanding’ as he put it, but I’m not so sure. I should’ve phoned him, and now I wish I had. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he rejects me. Beth says it’s simple; we just move on together. As great as it is to have her support, I don’t want that to be an option. I want Ethan. I always have.
As we walk out of arrivals, I’ve never been so happy to see Roman as I am at this moment. He has the biggest grin on his face and holds up a piece of cardboard in one hand that says welcome home, and two balloons in the other hand. I run across the airport and fling my arms around him. He drops the sign and loses a balloon that floats up to the ceiling. “Hey!” I greet him. He grins. “You made me lose your balloon.”
We both look up, and I start to shake with laughter. “What the hell did you bring balloons for?” I look to the ground. “And shouldn’t that sign have our names on it?”
His brows pinch together. “Well, I know who you are, so I just wanted to say welcome instead. I’m happy you’re back, sis.”
I kiss his cheek. “Me, too.”
In all the commotion, I realize Beth’s not with me. I follow Roman’s gaze and see she’s further back, near the entrance we just left. She looks very uncomfortable and keeps pulling at her scarf to make sure her scars are covered. Her eyes dart around just to make sure no one is seeing them. I look to Roman and realize he’s unsure of what to do. “Hold on,” I tell him as I go to her.
“You ready?” I ask. She says nothing but ta
kes my arm as we walk to Roman.
“Hi, Beth,” he says, sounding choked.
Her eyes drift to his then back to the floor. “Hey,” she mumbles.
I look at Roman and see he’s crushed, but I don’t know how to help either of them right now. I just squeeze his arm and give him a sad smile while keeping linked arms with Beth. His smile reflects my own as he picks up our bags, and we make our way to his car.
When in the safety of my apartment, Beth noticeably relaxes and is even beginning to talk to Roman a little. I leave them to talk, and I go visit with Grace. We have one hell of an emotional reunion.
I’m not ready to see Ethan just yet. He’s at work, and I don’t go to Betty’s because I don’t want to bump into him there. I’ll visit Len tomorrow. Even after leaving, I kept in touch with Kiaya, and we can’t wait to see each other tomorrow.
I spend the rest of the day with Roman and Beth. That night, I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. The plan is for Roman to drop me back at his place before eight, when Ethan usually finishes work. Once Ethan’s home, Roman will come back to Beth to keep her company and to give us some time alone.
I’ve changed my clothes so many times, but in the end I settle for some skinny jeans and a black fitted t-shirt. I figure it’s better to be comfortable, plus it’s easier to run home in if things don’t go well. A little black dress and high heels won’t work all that well if I get rejected.
At eight o’clock, Roman drops me off as planned. At first I wait with Roman, but after a while Ethan still hasn’t arrived. “You’re exhausted. Go lie on Ethan’s bed, and I’ll send him in when he gets home,” Roman says. I’m reluctant at first, but eventually I give in. There’s no way I’ll sleep, but I might as well get some rest.
Walking into his room, I know I’m home; his familiar scent envelopes my senses. I’ve been such a fool staying away for so long. Spotting Ethan’s huge welcoming bed, I can’t resist curling up for a while. So much for not going to sleep; one minute I’m trying to decide what to say to Ethan, and the next I’m feeling the bed dip and my hair being stroked away from my face. A kiss is placed on the top of my head, and my eyes shoot open. Ethan lies next to me, mirroring my position. He looks happy, and my nerves unclench a little. “You’re here?” he says in shock and disbelief.
“Yes,” I breathe out.
“Are you still mine?” His eyes are hopeful, but a little wary.
“Always.” His lips crash to mine, taking what had been denied him for weeks. His kiss is needy and desperate, and I love it. I have missed him so much; I missed this. I don’t want to take this slowly. My desire for him is so strong; I need him now. Without breaking the kiss, I push myself forward and straddle his hips. A throaty moan escapes him when he digs his fingers into my hips to pull me closer, hardening beneath me. I lean up to pull off my T-shirt, and Ethan does the same. We rip away our clothes quickly, casting them wherever they may fall. I ache to get back to his touch.
Our lips collide once again, and Ethan places me on my back. With a wicked grin, he pushes my hands above my head then covers my body with his while I shudder with excitement. He holds my hands in place and tenderly kisses my neck, along my breastbone, and makes sure he takes his time doing it, too. His kisses are driving me insane with desire.
“Ethan!” I scream when he finally sucks on my hardened nipple. He let’s go of one hand and gently brushes his fingers over my heated flesh. A trail of goose bumps lie in their wake. Finally, parting my thighs he plunges a finger inside me, and I whimper and tremble from the pleasure that courses through me. His hand is gone too quickly, but I don’t mind as he’s lining himself with my entrance.
Bringing his mouth to my ear, he whispers, “Say it.”
“I’m yours,” I cry out as he enters me fully. His thrusts are painfully slow as we savor the feeling of each other again.
I edge closer with each thrust. “Harder, Ethan,” I beg, and at last his pace quickens. I push my toes into the mattress as warmth spreads inside me. My body tenses just before my orgasm takes over, ripping through me with the force of a lightning bolt. It’s not long after that Ethan finds his own release while kissing me.
We lie facing each other, our fingers intertwined. “Please tell me you’re here to stay this time. I can’t lose you again,” Ethan says.
I lean forward gently kissing his lips. “I belong here with you. I love you, Ethan. I won’t be going anywhere again, I promise.”
Ethan breathes a sigh of relief. “I love you more.” I very much doubt that.
We fall asleep easily in each other’s arms that night, largely because I’m finally home, and I won’t be leaving again.
EPILOGUE
Caitlin
One month later
“Oh my goodness, we’ve created a monster,” I say to Ethan as we watch an over eager Roman flip through the list of songs at the karaoke bar. Beth’s not here; she’s been at The Center for three weeks, and being at the bar is making me miss her deeply. Kiaya and Asher are also at our table, but they didn’t come together and are sitting apart, barely speaking. When I try to bring it up to her, she said we’d talk about it some other time, and I know better than to push her because she’s a very private person.
Since coming back home, I’ve stayed at Ethan’s every night since Beth left to go to The Center. I’m all but moved in with him, and I don’t regret it for a second. I’m keeping my apartment for the time being so Beth has somewhere to live eventually. I got my old job back from Len, and soon I’ll start my training course so I’ll be able to help Roman at the gym. Yes, at last, life is good, and it feels so wonderful.
Roman has sung three songs tonight already; one being “Eye of the Tiger” in tribute to me. A woman at the bar approaches him to sing a duet, which he begrudgingly agrees to sing. It’s funny because a few months ago he would’ve been flirting like crazy, but now he’s oblivious to the woman’s advances and just wants to perform. The brunette slides into the seat next to him and moves in close trying to look at the list too, but he just looks annoyed and hogs the book.
I’m leaning into Ethan, and I feel him shaking as he silently laughs at his brother’s behavior. The woman finally manages to get a look, and she says, “What about ‘I Got You Babe’?”
Roman’s face becomes sad at the mention of the song he and Beth sang all those months ago. He firmly shakes his head. “No, we’ll do this one.” She pouts when she sees his selection, but it’s too late for her to argue because Roman has already left to make the request. When they’re called, I can’t help but laugh when the music to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” starts, and Roman’s face lights up. The first line is his, and the next line is hers, and so on, but once he has sung his line, instead of letting her sing hers, he just continues on.
Ethan asks, “Do you think he knows they each have a line?”
I shrug. “Maybe.”
It soon becomes apparent; he’s made this duet into a solo. The girl stands there looking awkward as Roman continues to sing slightly out of tune. After a few minutes, all of us sitting around the table are howling with laughter as the woman slinks from the stage, finally realizing that fact herself. When the song is over, Roman joins us again minus the woman.
“I thought that was a duet?” Ethan asks him.
“Didn’t feel right not being with Beth,” he says, taking a sip of his beer. His eyes focus on no one in particular.
He’s right. We need her back, but I’m glad Ethan helped secure her a place at The Center. It will be a long road I’m sure, but I know she can get there.
I snuggle into Ethan’s side, and as he wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head, I feel so content. Looking around the table at this group of new friends who have begun to feel more like family, I realize something—I wouldn’t change a thing about my past, as it’s shaped me into who I am today. I’ve finally forgiven myself and like who I’ve become. It’s funny to think how much my life has changed and how much I’ve gr
own over the past couple of years. At my lowest point with Stephen, I couldn’t see a way out. There was no light at the end of my tunnel. It was always hard to see how much better life could be because I felt so lost. I’d fooled myself for so long, believing I deserved his punishment and that I could change the way Stephen treated me. All along it was I who needed to change. I now know I have no control over the actions of others. If I just have the courage to demand better for myself, to demand the respect I deserve, I’ve already won.
This journey of mine has been painful at times, uplifting at others. I was a weak, emotionally crippled girl, but deep down, I knew I deserved so much more.
I like to compare meeting Ethan to the impact of a sucker punch. I never saw it coming, not for a moment. The force of what we feel for each other is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, but I wouldn’t change my journey because it led me to him. I know now it is Ethan who really saved me.
The End
COMING SOON
BETH’S STORY
RECLAIMING BEAUTY
RESILIENT HEARTS SERIES
BOOK TWO