by Adam Graham
“Oh, they’re done, but Robolawyer says that’s not enough. If we want Dave’s royalty checks to go to the corporation, then Robolawyer recommends we have liability insurance. Otherwise, one lawsuit could drive the corporation to bankruptcy and all of Dave’s royalties forever go to pay off on legal claims and attorneys.”
Carmela wrinkled her nose. “How likely is that?”
“With a lawyer having put a bull’s-eye on him? It’s a big danger.”
“I’ll pray for you guys. What are you going to do in the short term?”
“I’m going to keep looking for an insurance company willing to cover Powerhouse. In the mean time, I’m going to have to come up with a legally safe way for Dave to do his thing.”
“Why doesn’t he just do like all the other superheroes, be a man of mystery, and then no one can sue him, as they don’t know who he is?”
“He wants to be above ground and helping in the community. Besides, the comic book royalties give the lawyers something to go after.” Naomi took another sip of her coffee. “It’s enough to make me hope Zolgron’s plan to rid the world of lawyers works.”
“Is he still pushing that?”
“Mm-hmm. He’s been so busy on that, he even let us go out to dinner one night so he could work on his patent application.”
Carmela whistled. “Wow! He must be serious.”
“He finally got an appointment with the president of Dorado Industries for tomorrow morning.”
“What’s wrong with his plan to get rid of all lawyers, again?”
Naomi grimaced. “On days like today, I don’t know.”
Dave sat downstairs on his leather brown couch, watching Spider-Man 2 on his computer monitor. He wore a Spider-Man T-shirt and was eating dry Kix out of a Spider-Man popcorn bowl.
Zolgron came down to Dave’s mancave dressed in a tan suit.
Wow. Dave whistled. “Looking sharp.”
“Thank you.”
“Even with the suit on, aren’t you afraid of being recognized as the Gray Giant?”
“No, I have a disguise.” Zolgron reached into his inner pocket, pulled out a pair of horned rimmed glasses, and put them on.
Cool. “That takes care of that. Good luck.”
“You know that whole concept goes against your religion.”
Dave rolled his eyes. “Zolgron, it’s just an expression.”
“A quaint human excuse to stop thinking about what you’re saying and to just say something because other people are saying it.”
“Okay, um, how about have a nice day?”
“Humans. If I sell Robolawyer, it won’t be a nice day, it’ll be a landmark day, a day that will be written about in history books. Is July 4th a ‘nice day’? No, it’s a great, historical day. If it doesn’t sell, it will be a tragic day like the burning of the Hindenburg. The one thing I won’t have will be a nice day.”
I hate it when he gets into smart-aleck mode.
Naomi jogged down. She carried a clipboard and peered at her dressy, quartz-studded watch. “Zolgron, shouldn’t you get to your appointment?”
“I was just going.”
“All the best to you.”
“I can’t argue there.” Zolgron turned on his heels and marched out.
Dave stood and faced his wife. “Do you have the articles of incorporation ready? Can I go into action?”
“Yes and sorta.” Naomi grimaced.
“Sorta?” Dave blinked. “Every day I waste on sitting around waiting for you to get done is another day of people not getting the help they need.”
“I understand that, but the corporation needs liability insurance, and I can’t find anyone to provide it.”
“What should I do?”
“Do you remember that guy you fought, the Emerald Avenger?”
Dave swallowed. He should remember. He’d been the Emerald Avenger and staged that fight with himself to get that persona out of the way. “Yes, I remember him.”
“Do you think there’s any chance he survived the implosion?”
“Um, no.” Dave scratched his itchy neck.
“Well, then its easy. You could impersonate the Emerald Avenger.”
Dave thrust out his right hand. “He was brutal. I’d be ashamed if I ever acted like that.” Again. “If I wasn’t brutal, people would be suspicious.”
Naomi stroked Dave’s cheek. “I know you could never do that, but you could use that thing he flew around in. What was it?”
“The Avenging Eagle.”
“That’s it, and you wouldn’t be brutal. You’d say you were the original Emerald Avenger’s nicer and gentler cousin.”
“This doesn’t seem like a good plan.”
“You want to help people without some lawyer bankrupting us, don’t you?”
Sure, but as the Emerald Avenger? “I don’t know.”
“Give it a try.” Naomi kissed him on the cheek.
Guess it would be better than staying in the house waiting for an insurance company all day. “All right, if you think I should.”
In the Avenging Eagle, the New Emerald Avenger sat in a black suit and an emerald green dress shirt. His viewscreen displayed two young men using a bar to unlock a silver BMW parked on the street.
He said through his loud speaker, “Attention, this is the New Emerald Avenger, the old Emerald Avenger’s kinder cousin. Cease and desist your thievery and surrender to me, or I shall have to take extreme measures.”
Two youngsters ran down the sidewalk past a pawn shop, carrying their stolen car radios.
The New Emerald Avenger pressed a button. The guns fired Nerf Ping Pong balls at the escaping miscreants. The two slipped on the foamy balls and stumbled. The New Emerald Avenger pressed a button. A king-sized, pillow-soft mattress dropped out from the Avenging Eagle, broke their fall, and then folded up to lock their legs in place.
One of them struggled. “I can’t get loose.”
The other said, “I can’t either, but this is a really nice mattress.”
The Emerald Avenger pressed a button. The Avenging Eagle vacuumed up the Nerf balls. I may have taken that gentler thing a little too far.
The Pharaoh stood in the warehouse. Dr. Fournier slipped in, wringing his hands. “You wanted to see me, sir?”
“Someone has solved our problem.” The Pharaoh reached into his robe and pulled an envelope. “Take a look at these designs for a Robolawyer that Dorado Industries brought this afternoon. I’m no expert, but that seems to provide us the strong AI and power that our battle robots needed.”
Fournier looked at the schematics and clapped like a happy little school boy. “Yes, sir. I could take these designs and make my own battle robots.”
“Why should we spend tons of money on that when Dorado Industries is mass producing these? We’d have a greater opportunity if we made a few design changes so that, at our command, an army of Robolawyers would turn into the fiercest robot warriors this world has ever seen.”
Fournier smiled. “I like it, Mr. Farrow.”
“Excuse me?” Pharaoh blinked.
“Come on, sir. You’re obviously Mitch Farrow, Dorado Incorporated’s new CEO. Only he could be sure of our sabotage not being detected and then there is of course your street name.” He snorted. “A clever pun, sir.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry, sir. I’m the soul of discretion.”
“On the bright side, I can stop wearing the costume when I meet you.”
“I wouldn’t recommend that, sir. We could always be seen by someone, and it wouldn’t be good for Seattle’s leading CEO to be seen with a desperate criminal like me.” Fournier adjusted his pink bow tie.
Dave Johnson sat in front of his computer, checking email. The Powerhouse phone rang. Powerhouse picked up the flashing red phone.
Stone Bachmann’s voice blared over the receiver. “This is the Seattle Chief of Police.”
“Hello, Chief.”
“Have you seen that the Emerald A
venger has re-emerged? I don’t know how he survived. No one could’ve escaped that implosion.”
Powerhouse swallowed. “Chief, he’s not the same guy. He’s his gentler cousin.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“I’ve heard he captured criminals by pelting them with ping pong balls.”
“So the guy’s toned it down from the Punisher to Captain Kangaroo. If I catch him, I’m going to want some answers. Be advised if you see him.”
“Yes, Chief.”
The chief’s voice softened. “Off the record, I’ve noticed you haven’t been in town for a while.”
“I said I wouldn’t be around all the time on my website.”
“Yeah, but you’re a symbol of hope, and Emerald Avenger has me worried. If you’re out of town long, it’ll create a vacuum, and someone will fill it.”
“Not to worry, Chief. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Thanks. Take care.”
“You too.” Dave Johnson hung up and walked upstairs. Naomi stood at the dishwasher and had pulled a glass plate out. Dave frowned. “Zolgron and I could imagine the dishes clean.”
Naomi smiled. “Dave, as I’ve already told Zolgron, I don’t believe in the disinfectant power of super-imagination.”
Her sweat. “Powerhouse got a call from the Chief of Police in Seattle. They’re not buying the kinder cousin thing. The chief raised a good point: Powerhouse is needed in Seattle, not the Emerald Avenger.”
“I’ve thought of that. Come.” Naomi put the dish she was drying away and led him to the dining room to her china cabinet. She pulled a two-inch thick stack of paper off the shelf and handed it to him. “With Robolawyer’s help, I’ve come up with a complete list of company policies that will allow Powerhouse to work without getting into legal jeopardy. These policies are marked effective today.”
Dave touched the document. His super-mind absorbed all of their contents. He frowned. He’d been reduced to a flying, costumed neighborhood watch. “This’ll take all the fun out of being a superhero.”
“This isn’t about fun, this is about business. Change can be difficult, but change is good. I’ve been through a lot of changes at work. I know what I’m talking about. You need to look on the positive side. These new policies will ensure Powerhouse can go back to work and help people.”
Dave frowned. Deal with change? In twelve years, the only change he’d endured at work had been when the security guard stopped doing rounds. “I’ll be happy.”
Naomi kissed Dave on the cheek. “I need to do some strategic planning. If these policies prove effective, I can quit my job and really make this work.”
Oh joy. “I’m happy for you.”
But how had Powerhouse ended up as his wife’s employee?
Chapter 4
Legally Correct Superheroing
Naomi knocked on the open door of Carmela’s office with her elbow while carrying a tray of coffee cups.
“Come in.” Carmella kept her head buried in paperwork.
Naomi walked in. Carmela’s desk had four pictures facing her. Facing the other chair were two model lighthouses. The walls were covered with 3D paintings of ocean scenes in addition to a picture of Carmela with the CEO at an awards dinner and three Employee of the Year awards.
Carmella looked up from her paperwork. “Hey, I have ten minutes.”
“Gotcha.” Naomi slid the coffee across. “Raspberry latte, double sugar.”
Carmela raised her left eyebrow and wrinkled her nose. “Thanks.”
“What’s the matter? I remember what you got yesterday.”
“I’m just weird. I like something different each time, but this is okay.”
“I think I’m ready to give my notice.”
“Now?” Carmela slammed her cup down. “That would mean your last day would be the 24th, right before we have all the closings.”
Naomi gasped. “I’m glad you’ll miss me.”
Carmela sighed. “I’ve already accepted that you’re leaving. We’ll remain friends because we can contact each other at home, and now we’re going to church together, but I don’t want to be left with half a dozen extra closings.”
“Fine.” Naomi put up her left hand. “I’ll wait until the seventeenth to give my notice.”
“So you solved that whole legal problem?”
“Yeah.” Naomi beamed. “With the help of Robolawyer, I came up with a complete list of policies like we have here.”
Carmela frowned. “You gave Powerhouse policies?”
“A mere nineteen pages that will keep us out of legal hot water.”
“Did you consult Dave on any of this?”
“Why should I? I’m the CEO.”
Carmela sighed and took a sip. “Honey, how can I say this?” She put the cup down. “Don’t quit your day job.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Carmela grimaced. “If I issued Randy a list of policies on how he should run the garage, it would not end well.”
“That’s Randy. Dave had no objection to the policies.”
“Did you ask?”
“No. He would’ve told me.”
“Mm-hmm. I’ll be praying for you guys. Um, I’ve got to get the paperwork ready for the next client.”
How rude. Naomi stomped out of the office. Dave didn’t mind the new policies as long as he could be Powerhouse.
Powerhouse flew over the city. Down below in a neighborhood where every house had a swimming pool, a man with a crowbar, dressed in black, pried open a back window.
Time to stop this miscreant. Powerhouse swooped down towards the house. He stopped a hundred feet above the house and zoomed back up. He had to follow the new policies’ procedures. Powerhouse pulled out his pay-as-you-go cell phone and dialed the dispatch number.
“Seattle dispatch.”
“This is Powerhouse, I’m reporting a burglary at 622 Millhouse.”
“So you have the burglar tied up outside? Or inside?”
Powerhouse swallowed. “Um, no. I left that part for you.”
“Really? You usually—”
“Are you officially complaining that I didn’t illegally tie him up?”
Silence buzzed.
The dispatcher sighed. “We’ll dispatch a unit right away.”
Powerhouse hovered over the house.
After ten minutes, the police showed up and Powerhouse flew away. He soared through the Seattle skyline.
Billowing smoke poured from an apartment building. A fire engine was parked by it. Powerhouse landed in the parking lot and ran over to the fire chief. “Anyone still in there?”
The fire chief pointed up at the smoking red brick building. “A mother said her daughter’s caught on the fifteenth floor.”
“You have an ambulance here yet?”
The fire chief nodded. “Yep.”
Powerhouse flew to the fifteenth floor and super-imagined a Nabothian Firebug. The go-kart sized red vehicle appeared and Powerhouse drove into the midst of the smoke. Powerhouse drove ten feet.
A teenage girl in a gray sweater and a pair of blue jeans lay curled up on the floor. Powerhouse stopped the Firebug beside her. He opened the door and swooped her into the cabin.
Powerhouse drove the vehicle through the wall. It gave way before the mighty alien metal. The machine glided to the ground and he drove her over to the ambulance.
He opened the side door and lifted her up into the ambulance.
The EMS said, “Thanks. We’ll take it from here.”
The fire chief marched to Powerhouse. “Where do you get those things, eBay?”
Powerhouse raised an eyebrow. “There are many great mysteries in the universe and eBay is one. Unfortunately, this is a trade secret. Where are the girl’s parents?”
As if in answer, a middle-aged woman with a light brown complexion ran past Powerhouse. “Tina!”
The EMS said, “Ma’am, the girl is suffering from smoke inhalation, but she’ll be fine.”
“
Oh, thank God.” The mother ran over to Powerhouse and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you. Oh thank you. I don’t know what I’d do.”
Powerhouse sighed. Stupid procedures. “I was glad to. Now, there’s one thing I need to give you.”
She let go.
Powerhouse super-imagined a piece of paper into existence and handed it to her.
She frowned. “What is this?”
“An explanation of the limitations on liability put in place by the Good Samaritan laws in Washington State.”
“You think I would sue you?” She put her hands on her waist.
Powerhouse shrugged. “Lawyer said I had to give out this disclosure to everyone I rescue. It’s not personal.”
She sighed. “I guess everyone’s got to deal with legal mumbo jumbo.”
“Yeah.” Powerhouse put his hands up to take off. “Powerhouse Away!”
He flew over the city.
A man’s voice cried out from inside a liquor store. “Help!”
Another man said, “Shut up, old man, and give me the money.”
Powerhouse flew up to the convenience store and flew in the door.
A black-masked criminal stood at the counter with a gun pointed at the elderly cashier. He put his gun away and dashed toward the door. Powerhouse used his X-ray vision. Under the mask, the man had thinning red hair and two earrings in each ear. Powerhouse pulled out his cell phone and dialed the police dispatch
“Seattle Dispatch.”
“This is Powerhouse. A man just robbed the Laughing Liquor Store and ran out headed east.”
“And you’re not going to catch him?”
And face a lawsuit? “Correct.”
The owner of the store pointed at Powerhouse. “What are you doing? Why aren’t you chasing him?”
Powerhouse grimaced. “My lawyer is requiring me to use your taxpayer-funded services, citizen.”
The dispatcher said. “Okay, we got a car in the area. Do you have a description of the suspect?”
“He was wearing a ski mask, which indicates an expectation of privacy. Invading his privacy would be a violation of his rights.”