by Mary Frame
“She didn’t, by any chance, tell you where she might have gone? Or do you have any ideas?”
“No…” Freya says, thinking. “Well, she told me that she would go somewhere she couldn’t be found, and that she’d been planning it for a while, but she never said where.”
The detective nods and looks down at the notepad in her hands. “We’ll track her down.”
“What will happen to her, when you find her?” I ask.
Her eyes meet mine. “She’ll be charged with murder and fleeing to avoid prosecution.”
“But the murder was self-defense,” Freya says.
“That’s not for me to decide. It’s up to a jury of her peers. If she gets a good lawyer, maybe they can prove justifiable homicide. Either way.” She shrugs. “It doesn’t look good that she ran.”
“It seems so unfair. It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem like justice,” Freya says.
After the detective leaves, Freya sleeps and I watch her doze while I think over everything that’s happened.
I can’t believe the events of the past couple months. The bad was very bad, and the good was very good. I suppose you can’t have one without the other. I choose to focus on the good and be grateful that everyone I love is alive and well.
No regrets.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Freya
If you take no risks, you will suffer no defeats. But if you take no risks, you win no victories.
–Richard Nixon
“What are we doing here?” I ask when Dean pulls his car up outside the old warehouse. It looks different during the day. The last time I was here was at night, the first time I met Dean.
“I have a surprise for you.” He flashes me a smile before sliding out of the driver’s side door and walking around to open my door for me.
“You’re going to make me wrestle Lucy in a pool full of Jell-O?” I ask when I notice Jensen’s car parked amongst the rest of the vehicles.
“That’s a tempting idea, but no.” He takes my hand and leads me away from the car, shutting the door behind me.
“Is this what you’ve been working on?”
After the whole murder thing blew over and we got through the rest of the semester and finals, Dean spent most of the summer working on some secret project. He’s been really tight-lipped about it, only telling me that it’s a surprise and he’ll show me when it’s ready.
It’s been quite a summer. I’ve spent most of it with Dean, either at his place or mine. We took a quick trip to my mom’s house one weekend, and we’ve spent a fair amount of time with his mom and sister. It’s been idyllic, really. Except for one thing.
We still haven’t had sex. I guess it’s not that big of a problem. We’ve done everything else, but I love Dean. I’m ready to share everything with him. I haven’t told him yet—that I love him or that I want to bang him—and to be fair, he hasn’t said anything to me, either. Not since that one night when he said he would do anything for me and since then…radio silence. Well, not silence of course. I mean, we talk, but not about that. I’m trying not to read too much into it. I know he’s giving me space, but the wait is killing me at this point. I’ve been dropping subtle hints, sleeping next to him in barely there tank tops and flimsy panties. His response? Nothing. Well, hardly anything. He’s like a monk.
We reach the door and he swings it open to reveal that the space has been transformed into…
“A gym?” I look up at him while we’re still standing in the doorway.
He smiles down at me. “Not just any gym.”
Still holding the door, he gestures for me to enter.
The ring is still in the back of the large space, standing empty. The front of the giant room has been broken off into different sections. I notice Jose—the ref from the first night I met Dean—standing in one of the sections with a group of college girls and it looks like he’s showing them how to fight.
He’s still wearing too-tight boy shorts, but this time they’re purple instead of hot pink.
In one of the other sections near a wall, I spot Lucy. She’s wearing her lab coat and eye goggles, and she’s surrounded by a group of young girls. There’s a sink in her section and a small fridge.
“What is Lucy doing?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “She’s going over the physics of pepper spray, and how to make it yourself from items commonly found in one’s kitchen.”
There’s other groups of people in different areas. Some spaces are empty, and there’s a section that has free weights and varying exercise machines.
“What is this place?”
“It’s a self-defense school for women.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” He smiles down at me and takes my hand in his, absently kissing the back of my hand before continuing. “It’s also a gym. The ladies can work out, take classes. Due to high demand, I’ve even started a boxing class for women over sixty.”
I laugh. “Shut up.”
He shrugs. “I thought I could put my skills to better use.”
“I can’t believe this is what you’ve been working on.” I gaze up at him.
“You like it?”
“Like it? I love it!”
He takes me around, showing me the different areas and what each of them can be used for.
Once he’s nearly finished, and we’re closer to the ring, I cut him off.
“Come on,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowd, waving to Lucy along the way, and then dragging him into the little room where we first met.
It looks basically the same. There’s still a solitary light bulb overhead that clicks on when I fumble for the switch on the wall, and the metal bench against the wall, next to a steel countertop. Except now it seems to be used for storage. There’s a few first-aid kits on the counter, and some boxing gloves and safety pads stacked in the corner.
“What are we doing?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I say, locking the door behind us before I grab his head and kiss him. It doesn’t take more than a second for him to get the idea.
His tongue slides against mine as he picks me up and walks me to the counter, setting me on top of it before stepping in between my legs. Things get heated quickly, like they normally do, and like he normally does, Dean steps away from me, leaning his forehead against mine, and taking a deep breaths to calm himself.
“No,” I say, pulling his body back towards me with my legs by wrapping them around his waist.
I can feel proof between my legs that he wants this as much as I do.
“You’re driving me banana-hammock crazy,” I say.
“Am I?”
I pull my head back from his to look at his face. He’s smiling.
“You’re enjoying this,” I accuse.
He rubs his hands over my back and down to my waist. “You have no idea how much.”
“I mean, you like driving me nutso.”
“Yep. That too.”
“I’m not waiting anymore.”
His smile grows. “You think you’re the one that’s been waiting?”
“Uh, yeah!” I smack him on the shoulder. “Why else do you think I’ve been wearing super uncomfortable lingerie to bed every night, and strutting around half naked every day?”
“Because you were trying to drive me crazy,” he says.
“Well, yeah. Sort of. It’s just that…I love you,” I say.
Silence.
My face heats. I can’t believe I said that. I can’t meet his eyes. Instead, I stare down at our legs. I’m not sure I can take seeing his reaction so I keep talking. “And I’m not sure how good I am at making the first move. I thought you would get it by my actions and then you’d say something or do something.”
“No,” he says, his voice sounds a little hoarse. He clears it and then says, “I didn’t get it. I’m a normal guy not a mind reader. You just have to tell me.”
“Well, now I’m telling you.” I’m still staring do
wnward.
He cups his palms around my face and gently lifts my gaze upward.
Once we’re looking each other in the eyes, he says, “I love you, too.”
I smile. “Awesome. Now let’s get it on.” I immediately begin fumbling with his belt.
“Whoa there, tiger.” He moves my hands away. “We are not having our first time on a metal table in a dirty room with a hundred people right outside the door.”
“Why the hell not?”
He shakes his head. “You are so unromantic.”
“Bullshit. Now take your clothes off.”
He laughs.
“Come on.” He steps back and grabs my hands to help me jump off the counter. “Let’s go home.”
***
The entire ride home I’m a bundle of nerves and anticipation. What if I suck in bed, and not in the good way that you can suck while in bed?
I mean, Cameron is the only person I’ve ever been with, and we only did it twice. Dean has probably done it loads of times. Just look at him.
At that thought my eyes are drawn to his profile. He’s got such a great face, a strong jaw, beautiful cheek bones. Maybe I stare a little too long.
“You okay?” Dean glances over at me and then back at the road, his face concerned. “We don’t have to do this, you know.”
“Oh yes we do. We have to do this, or I might explode.”
“As long as you don’t explode in my car—I just washed it.” He smiles.
I try to return it, but it must not look very convincing, because his grin falters right before he turns his gaze back to the road in front of us.
A few minutes later, he parks in front of my apartments, shuts the engine off, and then turns towards me.
“Tell me what’s bothering you,” he says, taking my hand in his.
“I might be bad in bed,” I blurt quickly.
He laughs.
“This isn’t funny.” I try to pull my hand away, but he catches it and holds on a little tighter.
“Why would you think you’re bad in bed? From what I’ve experienced so far, you have nothing to worry about.” He pulls my hand up to his mouth and kisses my wrist.
“I slept with Cameron twice. The first time hurt terribly, and the second time it was against my will. Whereas you…” I trail off. I have no idea what his experience is, and I haven’t asked. I don’t want to know about all the hot chicks he’s been with.
“Whereas I’ve slept with a veritable harem of women.”
My mouth drops open. “You have?”
“No,” he laughs. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve been with two people. There was Angelica, of course, and then a one-night stand after we broke up. I don’t recommend one-night stands, by the way. It wasn’t that great, and the day after was horrible and awkward.”
I frown at him, disbelieving. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Odd. “Okay.”
“Do you feel better now?”
“Not really, I thought you were more experienced than that. At least one of us needs to know what to do!”
Now he’s really laughing. “Will anything make you happy?” he asks.
“Kiss me.” I lean my head back against the headrest.
He doesn’t hesitate, immediately leaning towards me over the center console and kissing my lips gently.
“Better?” He leans back.
“No.”
He grins. “Come on.” He gets out of the car and walks around to open my door.
We’re heading up the stairs when I notice he’s kinda hunched and squirmy. “Why are you walking funny?”
“I’m a little…excited.”
I snort out a laugh and stop walking. “Really?”
“Yes, really, now hurry up before I carry you up these steps.”
I stay put.
He laughs softly and shakes his head. “You’re enjoying this way too much,” he says as he reaches towards me and swings me up into his arms.
“Yep.” I snuggle into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
It gets cumbersome when we have to unlock my door because I won’t let him put me down. Somehow, we make it inside. After I lock the door behind us, he runs us into the bedroom and chucks me on the bed, crawling immediately over me.
I have to laugh at his eagerness as his body covers mine and he starts kissing me. He’s finally, finally, FINALLY going to put out.
His hands span my waist, fingers pressing gently under the hem of my shirt.
“You’re so tiny,” he says.
“I’m normal size. You’re a giant.”
He chuckles. “Let’s hope you continue to think so once you’ve seen all of me,” he winks and gives me a cheeky grin.
I laugh. “I’ve seen enough. I don’t think I’ll be too disappointed.”
“Not too disappointed?”
“Right, just moderately disappointed.”
He shakes his head solemnly. “That is so not funny.”
I reach up and trace a finger down his jawline to his lips, covering them gently with a finger. “No more talky talky,” I whisper.
He laughs, jarring my hand away and I scoot up to press my mouth against his.
He presses back, and we sink into the mattress together.
Our clothes disappear an item at a time. His shirt. My shirt. My bra.
His hand moves towards my shorts, and he stops after undoing the top button. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he says in a quiet voice.
“Me too.”
He shakes his head. “Not as much as me.” His eyes move from my waist to my eyes. “I fantasize so much during the day that I dream about it at night.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
I smile. “That’s sweet.”
“Me being a hornball is sweet?”
“As long as you’re thinking of me…yes.”
He takes a breath and lets it out, the warm air fanning over my exposed skin. “It’s always been you,” he says. And then he’s moving, kissing, touching me everywhere.
Our hands trail over each other like we’re memorizing each other’s form.
Somehow the rest of our clothes disappear and I have no recollection of how they were removed or where they went. The only sound in the room is our ragged breathing.
I escape from the haze of lust long enough to grab a condom from my nightstand. I bought some weeks ago with this exact moment in mind, except I have no idea what to do with it. I hand it to him and it’s awkward for the brief moment it takes him to open it and put it on as his body hovers over mine. His hands are shaking slightly.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, grabbing one of his trembling hands in mine.
“I’m just…really nervous.” His eyes search mine and he gives me a half-smile. “I want this to be perfect.”
“Hey, come here.” I pull him down so we’re lying side by side facing each other. This time I’m the one that slows us down. I cuddle into him, sliding a hand up and down his back. “Nothing is ever perfect,” I tell him. “Perfection is boring. I prefer flawed and interesting. Besides, didn’t you say it’s our imperfections that make us perfect for each other?”
“I did say that,” he remembers. “I’m pretty smart.”
“And modest.” I laugh.
He kisses my laugh away and we got lost in each other.
His hand trails down my leg, pulling it up and over his hip.
With a gentle thrust of his hips, he slides himself against me, making me shudder and gasp.
He watches my face as he pushes into me carefully, but only an inch or so, before he pulls out and rubs against me again. He continues this pattern with near-agonizing slowness, driving me to madness bit by bit.
He lowers his head to my breast and I come completely undone, shuddering and shaking and that’s when he slides himself completely into me.
“Oh, wow,” I whisper when I can speak.
He rolls onto his back, pulling me on top of him
, still wrapped around each other.
He kisses my neck. “Is this okay?”
I sit up, looking down at him and adjusting my position until I feel comfortable.
He groans at my movements, making me smile.
“This is okay,” I say.
His fingers grip my hips and he apparently can’t take it anymore and thrusts up into me, making me gasp.
It takes a few minutes to get a rhythm down, but before long, we’re moving together. Intense sensation and lust slowly build back into my body. Again.
My hands are on his chest, and I’m watching him react to our movements, which is turning me on even more.
He pulls my face down to his and presses his lips against mine. “I love you,” he murmurs and then his body shudders underneath me. Watching him lose control tips me over the edge, and I follow him into bliss.
I collapse against his chest, my head resting in the nook between his shoulder and neck, body completely spent.
“Wow,” he says while we’re catching our breath.
“Yep.”
“That was…” he trails off.
“Incredible,” I finish.
His arms tighten around me. “I was going to say perfect.”
“That was so not perfect,” I scoff.
“It wasn’t?”
“Not even close.” I slide a finger down his chest. “We have to practice more.” My hand moves even farther south.
“Oh, right,” he says, beginning to get the idea.
“A lot more.”
“I have no problems with this. I think we should start practicing right away. In the shower.”
He sits up drawing me closer to him and then somehow getting us both off of the bed, while hiking me up in his arms.
I squeal and wrap my arms around his neck.
In his haste to get me into the shower, he runs my legs into the wall, making me laugh and smack him on the back of the head.
“Sorry about that. I’m a little eager to get started on this whole practicing thing.”
Once in the bathroom, he sets me carefully on my feet and hugs me into his chest.
I look up into his face, those piercing blue eyes meeting mine with affection and love. “I hope we’re never perfect,” I say.