This is going to be harder than I thought.
To say the first study session didn’t go very well would be an understatement.
I sat as far away as possible from Jeremiah at the table and listened as he droned on about presidents and wars, all the while fantasizing about the last time his arms were around me, but keeping my face stony cold.
It was mentally exhausting.
“Are you okay?” he’d asked at one point, and I’d just scowled deeper.
“I can keep up,” I snarled. “I’m not some dumb cheerleader you need to speak slowly to.”
His face flushed red, and my heart sank.
Yikes, I was scary when I wanted to be. I reminded myself it was for my own good.
I am over him, I repeated to myself over and over while he kept talking about the reasons behind the civil war.
My stomach was in such a knot afterwards that I could barely eat lunch. I didn’t get a chance to grab anything else to eat in between classes so I was seriously lagging at practice that afternoon.
“Parsons!” called Coach, her face scrunched up in an angry way that got my heart to beat like it was inside my throat. “What is wrong with you today? Did you skip a meal?”
“She’s just lovesick over Ryan,” Staci rushed to defend me, and I shot her a grateful smile. She raised her eyebrows at me, so I knew I needed to think about an excuse to give her later.
Coach rolled her eyes and clapped her hands together three times. “Let’s go again. From the top.”
An exhausting hour later, Staci was at my side, demanding details.
“It’s nothing,” I said, pulling my sweater over my head to hide my undoubtedly bright-red face.
“Oh my gosh, you talked to him!” she whisper-shouted, glancing around at the full locker room. “You were supposed to text Ryan last night.”
“I did text him.”
There had been a whole scintillating ten minutes of What’s up? Not much, you? Nothing, just hanging out. before I’d given up and told myself I’d talk to him today at school during break.
Which I hadn’t, because I’d been with Jeremiah. Oops.
“I’m doing my best here, Sammi, but you need to give me something to work with,” she said, her voice still low. “And you have to stop thinking about Jeremiah.”
“I’m not…that much.”
All the time.
“Have you talked to him?”
I pressed my lips together. I hated lying.
Staci sighed and sat on the bench. Most of the other girls had left, and it was just the two of us.
“We have this project to do together,” I said, making my voice as small as possible. “For history. For fifty percent of our grade.”
“What?” She jumped up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought I could handle it,” I said, a tear forming in my eye. “But we’ll have to spend so much time together and…I don’t think I can.”
Staci pulled me into a hug. “Sweetie, you have to get over him. Use Ryan. He’s mega hot. Do your worst with him. Chew him up and spit him out. That’s what rebound boyfriends are for.”
Could I really treat someone that badly? I didn’t think so. That was something Linzie would do.
“Remember who you are,” she whispered in my ear as she hugged me tight. “You are Samantha Parsons, queen of this school. No guy can ever be a match for you.”
I sniffed into her shoulder and pulled out of her arms, a grateful smile on my lips.
“Okay,” I said, nodding once. “Tell me what I need to do.”
She held up a finger and turned to her locker. I groaned as she rummaged through her bag.
“I meant you tell me, not the tarot,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“You already know what you need to do,” she said, finding her deck and shuffling the cards. “The cards just help you see it.”
I knew better than to try to argue with her. And besides, it was kind of fun sometimes. I shivered at the memory of getting the Lovers card once when asking about Jeremiah. But then obviously that had been a total lie, hadn’t it?
“All right, now let’s focus on the question…” Staci held out the deck, and I dutifully held my hand on top of it and closed my eyes. It would go faster if I just went along with her. “What do you need to know about the Ryan-Jeremiah situation?”
I took a deep breath and flipped over the top card.
“Six of swords,” Staci murmured, her lips pursed. “What do you think?”
I stared at the card in my hand. I just wanted my friend to help me, but this was what she wanted to do instead.
“I see a sad woman,” I said, tilting my head. “Duh. Of course I’m sad. I don’t like Ryan.”
“The six of swords is about letting go of the past,” she said, her voice taking on a somber and serious timbre. “And there being endless opportunities in the future.”
I bit my lip. I knew it was Staci telling me that, not the cards, but I played along. “Well, all right then. Onward toward endless opportunities.”
She grinned. “Come on, let’s go see if we can catch the guys as they leave practice. Get started on those opportunities.” She waggled her eyebrows.
I giggled and grabbed my stuff before following her out of the locker room. I didn’t need the universe or Staci to tell me I needed to let go of Jeremiah. But being open to new opportunities…that couldn’t be too bad, right?
Getting Ryan to ask me out had been easier than even Staci had expected. All it had taken was leaning back against the lockers outside the exit to the gym and a simple “Hey, Ryan” as he filed out along with his teammates, and his eyes lit up.
Jeremiah’s had, too, with something that my aching heart wanted to call jealousy, but I didn’t have time to indulge in that fantasy. Ryan had taken one look at me standing there in my cheer uniform, and he’d sauntered over, Preston and Anderson hooting as he made his approach. Jeremiah hovered at the edge of the group, his bag slung over his shoulder, glaring down at the floor.
The beginnings of something like anger at him rumbled through me. So he was allowed to move on but I couldn’t? Stupid boys. Jealous of someone else playing with toys they didn’t even want anymore.
“What’s up, Sammi?” said Ryan, leaning a hand against the locker by my head. He towered over me. Even though he was only a junior, he was one of the tallest on the team. His dirty-blond hair was cut short, and his brown eyes were lined with thick lashes like a baby dear. He wasn’t bad-looking. Just, well, ‘gangly’ was the first word that popped into my mind, but I tried to squash it down with the memory of Staci’s slap.
“Nothing much,” I said with a little shrug. I lowered my lids halfway and licked my lips. “Just wanted to say hi.”
He took a shuddering breath and my heart filled with the warmth of victory. Staci had laid the groundwork for me, but I still knew how to make a guy’s pulse race.
“You, ah…you doing anything Saturday night?” His question was hesitant, and low, like he wasn’t sure if those were the right words to use.
The hooting from Anderson and Preston got louder. I flicked my eyes over to where Jeremiah was, to see him still scowling at the floor, his face bright red.
My stomach lurched, and I brought my attention back to Ryan, who was looking at me expectantly.
“What did you have in mind?” My voice was silky smooth as I let my hand rest on his shoulder then trailed it slowly down his arm.
He cleared his throat and glanced over his shoulder. The guys were all grinning and nodding, except Jeremiah, who was now staring longingly down the hall at the door to the parking lot.
Where Linzie was probably waiting. A hot flash of anger bubbled up inside me, and I had to fight to keep my seductive smile on for Ryan’s sake.
“Dinner?” he asked, a shy smile on his face.
“That sounds wonderful.”
His eyes lit up. “Great, I’ll treat you to Marlowe Junction’s finest dining establishment…Pizza Pet
e’s. I’ll pick you up at six?”
That wasn’t quite my idea of a nice first date. Pizza Pete’s was probably the opposite of the town’s ‘finest’ dining options. Plus it was Jeremiah’s favorite place to take me after games to talk. It was quieter than the Platform, the diner the guys liked. I hadn’t been to Pizza Pete’s since he’d dumped me; I actually hadn’t even eaten pizza since then. I shot one more glance over Ryan’s shoulder to see Jeremiah making his way to the door.
I kept my grin plastered on my face and accepted with a “Sounds great!” loud enough for Jeremiah to hear as he pushed open the door and headed out into the cold January evening where Linzie was waiting.
Chapter Six
Saturdays had been date night with Jeremiah. Not that we’d ever really gone anywhere or done much. But to be at the same pizza place as we’d spent so much time laughing and kissing was not going to be easy.
Still, hearing Staci’s voice in my head and fearing another tarot intervention, I dutifully clasped my trembling hands on my lap and tilted my head closer to Ryan while he talked about the basketball game. The same one I’d been cheering at and he’d been playing two days ago, but apparently in the intervening forty-eight hours he’d had all sorts of insight and needed to share it with someone.
And tonight, that lucky someone was me.
I nodded intently, watching his arms wave around, and listening to his play-by-play description of the game. I fiddled with my skirt, tugging it down a little over my white tights. I wasn’t super dressed up, but I thought I definitely looked cute. Ryan hadn’t said anything when he’d picked me up, but I’d been all bundled up in my coat. When we’d gotten to the restaurant and he hadn’t pulled out my chair or commented then, I’d gotten a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Did it matter that Jeremiah had always let out a breathless “Wow!” when he’d seen me?
No.
Or that he’d rushed to open doors, even complained once that we were too close to it and demanded we move tables, worried I’d get cold.
No.
I had to let go of that. I could practically feel Staci’s hand on my cheek. Jeremiah had been special, but it was over. Ryan surely had something special about him.
I just hadn’t quite figured it out yet.
His enthusiasm for sports? He’d listed the ten pro games he’d been to this year in the car on the short drive over. That was…cute, I guess.
His wardrobe was the standard jock-when-not-playing uniform of jeans and a logo hoodie, though he had taken the time to swipe some gel into his hair. Or at least I thought it was gel before it had dried on the way to the restaurant. Just water, then.
Did clean hair count as ‘something special’?
Just as I had started listing the positive aspects of Ryan’s physique (One: he was taller than me so I could wear my heels. Two: his dirty-blond hair went well with my brown curls so pictures would look good) the door jingled open. I could see who it was, since I was facing the door.
Of course, it was Jeremiah and Linzie.
Linzie was staring at her phone, but Jeremiah was scanning the room for an open table. His eyes landed on mine, and as much as I wanted to look down, I held his gaze. I was here with Ryan. He needed to see that.
After a few heart-stopping beats of staring down Jeremiah, his eyes a confusing mess of something I couldn’t quite place—Anger? Hurt?— he looked away first.
Ha! I’d won this round at least.
I turned my gaze back to Ryan, who hadn’t noticed anything. He was still describing the game. We were up to the second quarter now.
“And then I was all set to go, we had our play ready, and then Jeremiah throws a ball wild, and it slipped out of my hand,” Ryan said.
I nodded. I remembered. Did I need to comment somehow? I had remained silent until now, and Ryan hadn’t invited any input in his retelling.
“That idiot. He lost us the game.”
“Because you didn’t catch the ball?” I said, without thinking. I pursed my lips shut. This was not the way to treat a new potential boyfriend.
“Because he didn’t throw it right.” Ryan’s cheeks tinged pink. “We lost all momentum after that. I can’t believe that jerk got into Murray State.”
I blinked and sat back in my chair. Jeremiah never talked about his teammates this way; I thought they were this tight-knit group. But it sounded like the cheerleading team wasn’t the only squad to be having issues this semester.
Also, what had Ryan just blurted out? Jeremiah was going to Murray State? On a basketball scholarship? He hadn’t mentioned anything back in the fall, when I was worried about my applications. I’d applied to a few in Kentucky, too, so that we’d be close.
Oh. Maybe he’d known all along we wouldn’t still be together by the time college rolled around.
My cheeks heated with a simmering anger. Jerk indeed.
“You’re way better than him,” I said, sliding forward and putting my hand on top of Ryan’s. He stared down at my hand and smiled slowly. “You’re totally the star.”
A twinge of betrayal shot through my stomach at this outright lie, but it was worth it to see way Ryan’s face lit up.
“And you’ll have all next year to run the team the way you want to,” I said, lacing my fingers through his.
His chest puffed out, and I stifled a laugh. He was so young, but trying to seem older. I knew he looked up to the rest of the guys on the team—Jeremiah had talked about him like a little brother. Whatever end-of-season drama was happening, I hoped I wasn’t starting more.
No, I reminded myself, Linzie started it.
I focused more on Ryan as the night wore on, trying to really find something interesting. He wasn’t terrible or anything, just a little bland. Not really my type. He was cute but not extraordinary. Funny but not hilarious.
It was a perfectly fine date, with a perfectly fine guy.
When the check came, however, he looked at me with wide, expectant eyes. I blinked slowly and raised an eyebrow.
“You pay at the cash register,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll wait for you here,” he said, pulling out ten dollars and handing it to me.
My heart almost stopped. That wasn’t even half the check.
I could totally afford it, that wasn’t the issue. But he’d asked me out, so I’d just assumed he would pay, or at least do that whole ‘take out the wallet and then I wave him away’ game the way Jeremiah had done. I’d never cared that Jeremiah’s family wasn’t as well off as mine.
Maybe Ryan just assumed I was well-off enough to cover our dates.
As I stood, my cheeks flushed. I looked around, trying to find Jeremiah and Linzie. My throat tightened up when I spotted them, sitting on the same side of a booth all the way in the back.
Our booth.
I blinked quickly and turned to head toward the cash register. It was over with Jeremiah. I was here with Ryan. Ryan the perfectly nice guy who was maybe a little clueless about date etiquette but so far had done nothing even remotely close to breaking my heart.
I smiled at him as I returned to the table and extended my hand. He hesitated a beat, then took it in his, giving it a slight squeeze that was just a tiny bit too tight. I took a deep breath as he stood, ignoring the slightly uncomfortable feeling of my hand being squished.
At least it felt better than a broken heart.
Chapter Seven
“So, how was it?”
Staci was sitting on my living room couch eating an apple covered in almond butter. We had practice later that morning, and she’d come over for breakfast so we could ride in together.
I sighed and leaned back into the armchair. “Fine.”
“Fine? You go out on your first date with one of the hottest guys in school, and it was just fine? Veronica said you guys looked super cozy.”
I made a face. “How does she know anything? I didn’t even see her at Pizza Pete’s.”
Staci shrugged. “She has her sources. Bu
t I want to hear it direct.”
She looked so excited and eager as she bit into her apple. I sighed and fought back the prickles of guilt sneaking their way through me. I’d really tried to see all the good aspects to Ryan, but he just really wasn’t my type.
“Jeremiah and Linzie showed up.”
Staci’s hand stopped halfway to her mouth, almond butter dripping onto her hand. “Did you talk to them?”
I shook my head. “Ryan didn’t even notice. Linzie pulled Jeremiah over to the other side of the restaurant as soon as she spotted me. I guess they wanted to be alone.”
It had been a relief really. I wasn’t exactly ready for a double date.
My mom’s footsteps padded down the stairs. I made a wild hand motion to Staci to hide the food. My mom was really particular about eating in the living room. She hadn’t always been, but since my dad had left, she had canceled the cleaning service and was now all on her own to keep up the house, so I tried to help where I could.
“Hi, Staci,” said my mom with a small smile. “No Linzie today?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
Staci opened her eyes wide at that, but I just shrugged. I hadn’t wanted to bother my mom with all of my drama when she was so busy with her own. We hadn’t talked about my dad, or Jeremiah, or anything, really, besides school and what to eat for dinner for the past few weeks.
I wished I was close with my mom like some girls, but between the cheerleading team and my older sister, I’d had more than enough female influence in my life. Besides, she’d always been more career-driven, and I loved that about her. But apparently, that had been the big reason why my dad had left, if all the yelling on his last night at home could be believed. She wasn’t around enough for him.
Now she was around all the time, and no one was at home.
“We need to be getting to practice,” I said, standing.
Staci shoved the last of the apple in her mouth and stood as well, making her way to the kitchen to drop off her plate.
“Practice?” My mom’s brow furrowed. “I thought competition season was over.”
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