In Between Men

by Mary Castillo

  “Now let’s get to work,” June announced.

  When the kids realized she meant it, they got to work, hands shooting up when Isa called for the first speaker. The only one who didn’t raise a hand was Khadija.

  Of all her students, Isa worried about her the most. She was painfully shy but exceptionally smart, reminding Isa so much of herself at that age. And while she progressed quickly in her written language skills, she still stumbled when asked to speak out loud. But she attended all five sessions, eating quietly yet listening.

  Finally Isa gave her a nudge. “Okay Khadija, you’re next,” she announced.

  She looked up bewildered, holding a chip midway between the bag and her mouth. “I don’t have anything prepared.”

  “Come on,” Phuc pleaded, followed by the others.

  “Yes, you do.”

  “Just go up.”

  “We all did it.”

  Khadija studied her notebook. “They won’t listen,” she said in barely above a whisper. Her reply reverberated through the room and eyes fell to their desktops. Even though they had gone through the motions, practiced their speeches and agreed to show up next Tuesday, they couldn’t shake the belief that they were bound to fail.

  And Isa had no idea what she could possibly say that would make them believe otherwise. “But what do you want to say?” she asked. June sat quietly, waiting for the right signal from Isa.

  Khadija shook her head.

  “Okay, but what do you think about what they want to do?”

  “Maybe you should leave her alone,” a student murmured.

  “Then why are you here?” Isa asked, keeping her voice level even when she wanted to scream the consequences if the board passed the measure. “If you don’t think they’re going to listen, why did you spend your lunch in this classroom rather than outside with the band playing on the quad?”

  Heads hung in the hot silence that smelled like old carpet and potato chips. June opened her mouth to speak but Isa held up her hand. “How many of you will even be there?”

  Applause ratcheted through the walls even though their class was as far from the center quad as possible. A guitar chord throbbed and then the band struck up a new tune.

  She took a different tack. “Remember what I said about what it means to be here in America?”

  They looked at each other, wondering who would be the brave one. Daniel reluctantly raised his hand. “You say—said,” he corrected himself. “That it’s about having freedom to ask what you want.”

  “If you decided not to speak at next week’s meeting and they decided to send everyone back to mainstream classes, what would you do?” she asked, hating herself for making them see the reality of their situation.

  Daniel waited for someone else to speak but continued. “My grades would go bad again.”

  “Then stand up for yourselves. No one else will.”

  Isa let them think about what she said as she opened the door, letting in a rush of wind that circled through the stuffy room. The bell shrilled and the laughing voices of kids rippled out from the quad. Behind her, the students rustled with the business of packing up bags and shouldering backpacks. No one spoke.

  “I’ll be there, Ms. Avellan,” Daniel said before he ducked out.

  Isa thanked him. But the others tried to make themselves smaller as a hulking silence entered the class.

  “Say something now, darling,” Joan hissed from an empty seat at the front of the class. “This is your moment.”

  Now more than ever Isa needed to say something movie-worthy to light the fires within them. The second hand on the clock ticked apathetically.

  She opened her mouth.

  “Good Lord,” Joan heaved and slid out of her desk. “Repeat what I say.”

  “What?” popped out of Isa’s mouth.

  Her students turned to each other and then cautiously stared back at her.

  “Now pay attention,” Joan started.

  When Isa waited for her to say something, Joan rolled her eyes and gestured impatiently for Isa to repeat, “Now pay attention.”

  “Think about what you really want,” Joan prompted.

  Isa repeated it.

  “And whether you can live with or without it.”

  Her students were actually listening.

  “We are approaching the time when you won’t have a choice. While it’s available to you, stand up for what you want because at least you’ll know that you did everything you could. So those of you who want a choice, raise your hand.”

  When she was done, Isa was a little out of breath. June’s lips were crinkled with emotion as she wiped at her eyes.

  One by one, every student raised their hands and Isa knew that no matter what happened, she had won the most important battle.

  26

  “I need you to come down here,” Isa said when Tamara answered her cell phone.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Isa couldn’t stop the shivering ever since she looked at her calendar this afternoon after class and realized that—she had to be calm. “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “Is it Andrew?”

  “Andrew’s fine. I just really need you here.”

  “Isa, you’re scaring me.”

  “Just come down quick.”

  “I’m finishing an appointment now so I can be there in an hour,” Tamara promised even though she had to drive all the way down from L.A. at three in the afternoon.

  But Isa couldn’t do this alone. She tried, but she circled through the parking lot in front of Longs Drug Store and then parked on a shady street.

  “Do you need to go to the hospital?” Tamara asked.

  “Just meet me at Longs.”

  Isa uncurled her fingers from the steering wheel when she hung up and placed the phone on the empty seat beside her. With all the stuff going on, Isa hadn’t noticed until she looked at her calendar today. When she couldn’t remember the last time she’d packed tampons in her purse, she knew she was in trouble.

  She survived the wait by eating. Cookies, M&Ms, full-leaded sodas…anything edible that crossed her path. She even pushed Andrew to go play at his friend’s house so she could—

  God, this couldn’t be happening again.

  In record time, the tires of Tamara’s Karman Ghia screamed into a parking spot. Isa stood up from her table at Starbucks and walked outside.

  “You got here fast,” Isa managed through the panic that had been strengthened by caffeine.

  “Miracle of all miracles, there was hardly any traffic.” Tamara unbuttoned her silver-gray suit jacket. She rested it on the seat and then slammed the car door. Isa felt a little guilty for making her come all the way down but she couldn’t call June in on this one. She was too close to Alex.

  Stabbing her fist into one hip, Tamara cut to the chase. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just spit it out.”

  “Do I need to be sitting down?”

  “No,” Isa turned and walked through the automatic doors into the damp chill of the drug store.

  “Okay. What?” Tamara asked behind her as Isa weaved her way toward the back of the store.

  “You’re going to kill me.”

  “Isa, I drove down through Wednesday traffic and ditched dinner with Will, whom I haven’t seen in a week, to get down here. Please just spit it out.”

  Isa stopped and Tamara rose up on her toes to stop from colliding into her. Isa couldn’t cross the divide between the greeting cards and the feminine hygiene sections.

  “I shouldn’t have called you,” Isa babbled and she never ever babbled, “Oh God, I’m so sorry for calling.”

  “Hey, hey.” Tamara put her arm around her and pulled her in for a tight hug. With a sigh, she took off her sunglasses. “You can call me whenever you need me but right now, you’re scaring the crap out of me.”

  “Just follow me and don’t say anything.”

  Wiping her hands on the front of her jeans, Isa le
d Tamara past incontinence pads, tampons, K-Y, suppositories, and then stopped.

  “Oh, Isa, no,” Tamara groaned, covering her mouth with both hands.

  “Don’t say anything. I just need you here for this.” Isa took a brave step towards the shelves loaded with pregnancy and ovulation kits. They tilted at an odd angle and her vision blurred.

  “How could you do this? Again?” Tamara begged, her voice climbing an octave. “Don’t you remember—”

  Isa whipped around so hard she started to sway on her feet. When her balance righted, she spat, “I didn’t exactly plan it.”

  Tamara dropped her hands. “Same with the first time!”

  “You know what? Go back to your dinner with Will. Oh, and keep your mouth shut.”

  “Isa,” Tamara said in a small voice.

  Isa threw Tamara’s hand off her arm. “You’re not the one who has to live through this again. Think I forgot? Am I that stupid to you?”

  “No, you’re not,” Tamara sighed, yanking a test off the shelf and reading the back of it. “I’m not mad at you, I’m just—”

  “Disappointed?”

  “No. Worried and—” She took a deep breath, looking over her shoulder. “This place brings back really bad memories.”

  Tamara stepped closer and lowered her voice. “I came here when I thought I was, you know.”

  This was news. “You were? With Will?”

  Tamara shook her head. “Ruben.” Her lips curled. “Before Mireya’s wedding. I was too scared to buy one and then I found out I wasn’t.”

  They were quiet while a voice on the PA called for a cashier on number four. The harsh lights bounced off the shiny white linoleum floors, and Isa smelled a nauseating perfume of Epsom salts, mothballs, and medicine.

  With a sigh, Tamara walked to the pharmacy, grabbed a hand-held basket, and returned. “Well, let’s get this over with,” she decided, tossing the test in a basket. “This one says two for one.”

  “But that one’s on sale,” Isa pointed out.

  “Get that one too. And we’ll need some water.”

  “Thank you.” Isa meant it more than Tamara would ever know.

  “You’re welcome. Although, if you’re not—” Tamara looked around. “You know—” She mouthed pregnant and then continued, “You owe me a drink.”

  “I’ll buy one for you even if I am.”

  “How certain are you?”

  “Pretty certain.”

  Tamara rolled her eyes. “Dude, how could you miss—”

  “I lost track! What? Do you know when your last period was?”

  “I’m on the pill.” Tamara would be the perfect friend if she would just shut up. “Am I right in assuming who he is?”

  Isa thought about playing dumb, or just ignoring the question. But this was Tamara, so she admitted, “Yeah, it’s him.”

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  “Tell him what?” Alex asked behind her.

  Isa spun and found Alex standing there with an older man who looked a lot like him. What happened next was a blur.

  For a second, while his eye muscle danced, Alex knew Isa nearly told him the pregnancy tests were for her friend. But when her gaze refocused from his dad to him, Alex knew she couldn’t lie. Nor could she tell him the truth.

  From total numbness he bounced right into action. “Dad, would you give me a second?” he asked.

  “Of course. I have some things I need to get,” he said, clearly hearing the “no questions” in Alex’s voice.

  Ignoring her friend, who took a protective step towards Isa, Alex put his hand between her shoulder blades. “Let’s go next door and talk.”

  Isa told her friend it was okay and she left with him.

  After he got her settled at a corner table in the far back of Starbucks with a coffee for him and a bottle of water for her, he sat down and tried to think of where he was supposed to start.

  “Were you planning to tell me?” seemed like the best place.

  “Yes,” she admitted. “I never planned this.”

  “I didn’t say you did.”

  “But you think so.”

  He shook his head, oddly calm even as both their lives teetered precariously on catastrophe. “It was that first night, huh?”

  She kept turning the bottle in her hands. “I still don’t know for certain. It could be a medical thing or stress.”

  He didn’t dare give himself that hope. “We should find out.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I was about to do.”

  “I want to be there when you find out. Is that okay?”

  She stopped playing with the bottle and looked up at him as if he’d surprised her. “Why?”

  “Because we got into this together.” His mind blipped the possibility that maybe he wasn’t the only one but he pushed that thought away.

  “You’re the only one,” she answered, seeing his thoughts so clearly.

  “I wasn’t going to—”

  “If I were you, I’d wonder the same thing.”

  “But you’re not me and in case you’re wondering, I’m not like Carlos. No matter what, I won’t walk away from you or the—” He couldn’t quite say baby. If he just thought of her as “possibly pregnant,” it seemed he’d have an easier time getting through this. “Or what happens next.”

  She looked away.

  “Are you planning to—” He couldn’t wrap his lips around the word “abortion” either.

  “No. I couldn’t.”

  “If you are—”

  “Let’s not talk about this right now. This could all be for nothing.” She straightened up and twisted the cap off her bottle but she didn’t drink.

  But this wasn’t for nothing. Somewhere deep in his gut he knew this wasn’t for nothing, and when they found out for certain, he knew he’d never look at Isa the same way again. It struck at the core of him that she could be the mother of his child, that he could be a father right this very second.

  His old job had trained him well for any and all disasters, so he went back to what could and needed to be done right now. “I need to drop off my dad. Can I meet you at your place?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Where’s Andrew?”

  “He’s at Little Danny’s house.”

  Andrew was another problem. Alex hadn’t been able to bridge the distance the kid firmly put between them.

  She looked up and he turned to see her friend walk over with two bags.

  “Hi, I’m Tamara,” she said to Alex.

  “Alex Lujon.”

  “We met. Isa, are you ready?”

  “I’m going to…”

  “I’ll take her home,” Alex said, suddenly overwhelmed with protecting Isa.

  But Tamara was just as protective. “Your dad told me he was walking back,” she replied, assessing him coolly. “Isa, do you want me to meet you at your place?”

  Isa shook her head. If this were any other situation Alex would appreciate Tamara’s loyalty, but right now he needed to be in control.

  “Isa, let’s go,” he said, standing up.

  Tamara didn’t back up. “If you hurt her, you have me and my mother to deal with.”

  That pissed him off. What’d he do to be spoken to like that?

  “Tamara, it’s okay,” Isa said before he said something he’d regret. “Thank you for coming all the way down here.”

  Sizing him up again, Tamara thrust the bags at him. “Call me tonight, okay,” she asked Isa, her eyes promising cruel and unusual punishment if Alex hurt her friend. She then turned on her heel and walked out, making other people move out of her way.

  Alex turned to Isa. “Are you ready?”

  “How am I going to pee for all of those tests?” she wondered, staring at the bag.

  He grinned, holding up the second bag with two large water bottles. “Looks like we better get started.”

  27

  ALEX’S HOROSCOPE FOR OCTOBER 16

  Embrace the unexpected. After all, what o
ther choice do you have?

  “What does it say?” Alex asked through the bathroom door. Even the dark apartment seemed to hold its breath.

  “It doesn’t say anything,” she said.

  “I know but is there a line yet?”

  “No.”

  He looked back at the box in his hand and then his watch. It said she was supposed to take the test in the morning because the hormone would be more concentrated. But he didn’t think he or Isa could wait till tomorrow morning.

  “Would you go do something?” she asked. “You’re freaking me out.”

  “I agreed to wait in the kitchen while you…you know in the cup, but I’m staying here,” he insisted, laying his hand on the door.

  He heard her mutter.

  Josie slowed her van when they turned the corner onto Isa’s street. Creeping along, Patty and Susan scanned the cars for Alex’s 4-Runner.

  “There it is!” Susan pointed out. “I told you!”

  “It’s not going to work, Susan,” Patty warned. “I told you the auras do not lie and I double checked, then triple checked.”

  “Can I speed up now?” Josie interrupted, her heart beating for fear that Isa and Alex would catch them.

  “No!” they both shouted.

  “This is the second weekend he’s been here and I know in good time, he’ll propose,” Susan insisted.

  “You’re setting yourself up,” Patty sang.

  “You know what?” Susan twisted in her seat to point her finger at Patty. “You don’t know love anymore. When Roberto left, you let him win.”

  Josie sucked in her breath. Here they go again.

  “Excuse me?” Patty drawled, the whites of her eyes glowing lividly. “Miss I-read-those-trashy-romance-novels with those, those women flaunting their chests and those men with those big pee-pees—”

  “They do not flaunt their—”

  “You live in a Snow White world, m’ija,” Patty yelled over Susan’s sputtering. “You think the real world has those fairy godmothers and dancing midgets and shit. I know reality.”

  “You’re just a dried-up old woman.”