Ejder traces a hand down my bare arm, kissing the sensitive hollow behind my ear, effectively distracting me. I shiver a little as he murmurs my name.
"Piper." There's so much desire in that tone. So much want. He wraps his arm around my waist and nuzzles his face against my neck, but he doesn't go any further than that.
The tension drains out of me and I sigh as I close my eyes. This is really nice. I fall asleep more easily than I thought I could, alone in the dark with Ejder.
But I get too comfortable in my sleep. I wake up the next morning sprawled all over him with his hand cupping my butt. I scramble off him quickly, falling onto my backside next to him. He rises up on his elbows, his eyes hot, and one very awake part of him poking up at the brief cloth around his hips. I jerk my eyes quickly away from that pretty impressive tent as Ejder chuckles. But again, he doesn't push it.
"Not zemlja," he teases.
That surprises a laugh out of me and he grins in return.
"Not zemlja," I agree wryly.
"Hungry?" he asks, rolling to his feet without waiting for an answer.
"Yes," I say, relieved at the subject change.
He comes back with some jerky, fruit, and water, sitting down next to me and kissing my cheek before digging in himself. I expected his biting sense of humor and his sexy teasing, but I didn't expect this sweetness. It catches me off guard a bit, in a good way. But as nice as this is, I'm still worried about the others. And I can see he is too from the way he glances around every so often, his eyes distant.
"Mikhos, Kaidan, Anguis?" I nudge him as we go for a short walk so we can stretch our legs. I don't feel great, but lying down all day also takes its toll.
He turns to me with a small smile.
"Soon. One day more," he says, holding up one finger while he says the word for the number.
I nod. He's been teaching me numbers and a few other words since we don't have a whole lot to do otherwise. When he's not touching me whenever he can, of course. He looks even more worried about the others now that I've brought it up though. Impulsively, I reach out and take his hand in mine, giving it a comforting squeeze. He looks over at me in surprise. But then he smiles at me and squeezes my hand back, his expression soft, before turning me around and gently pushing my back against a tree trunk.
"You should be thinking of me," he says teasingly. At least, I think that's what he says. I'm kind of distracted by his mouth coming down on mine in a slow, teasing kiss. That would be how I would describe Ejder. Teasing.
Before the kiss goes any further, he pulls back, his hand smoothing down my front deliberately. My breath catches as it smooths over my breasts, then my hips. But then he pulls back and takes my hand again, tugging me forward. It's like he knows just how far he can push me before I might put a stop to things, and he goes just to that point and no further. That's a talent in and of itself.
That night, he cuddles me to sleep just like the night before, and it's even nicer. I feel like I know him better, know the man at the core of who he is, without the others around to make him behave differently.
The next morning is the same as the one before. But both Ejder and I are a little more subdued, worried when the other men still haven't returned. Ejder is pacing and I'm following along with my eyes in sympathy when the foliage rustles at the edge of the clearing.
Ejder is immediately over by my side, his entire body tense, his staff in his hand. His lochaber. Another word of the day. I slowly get to my feet, my heart skipping a beat. I have to help if I can. There's only one of him.
Mikhos steps out into the clearing instead of another monster. My shoulders slump in relief. Ejder relaxes immediately and I take a step forward, looking behind him for Kaidan and Anguis. Are they okay? I don't have to wonder long, the others appearing after their leader, looking just as tired.
And just as disappointed. I stop, taking in their faces and feeling my stomach drop.
I know right away their mission was a failure.
20
Ejder stops in front of the others. He asks a question, something that has the word epis in it, so I'm pretty sure he's asking the obvious. Mikhos shakes his head grimly, glancing over at me. He asks a question in a low voice that I can't quite make out. Ejder shakes his head slowly. Judging by the lowered voice and the negative response, I'm guessing he was asking about my health. I could be wrong.
Mikhos, Anguis, and Kaidan then come over to greet me, giving me tight hugs that I return in a daze. All I can think is that they didn't find a way back in, and the ramifications of that reality. Is this it? Is this the last stretch of my existence? Hope is a funny thing. It was less painful not to have any at all than to be given some and then have it snatched away again. I feel the loss of it keenly.
We sit down and eat, the mood quiet and somber. Ejder gets up right after and starts packing his things. Wait. Hold on. What's happening now? Kaidan comes over to me, probably drawn by the confused look on my face. He takes my hand.
"Piper and Kaidan here," he says slowly, using simple words to convey what he means. Then he looks over at the others. "Ejder, Mikhos, Anguis . . . epis." He says something in the middle I don't quite understand, but it doesn't take a genius to realize the others are going back out there to look for epis again. Putting themselves in danger for me. Again.
"It's not worth it," I say in a low voice, stepping towards the others. "I don't want you to take that risk again."
They could get hurt and still come up empty-handed. Mikhos stops in front of me, Anguis and Ejder arranged behind him. He cups the side of my face with his hand, his gaze determined.
"Piper . . ." He says something else in a low voice, and then leans down and kisses me lightly before stepping away. I really wish I could understand what he just said to me. It sounded so heartfelt.
Anguis steps up and hugs me close, kissing the top of my head. Then Ejder hugs me tight, kissing my temple before stepping back. And I know nobody is going to listen to me, again. I sigh as they silently exit the clearing without any further fanfare, leaving me alone with Kaidan.
I think he can see how discouraged I am, so he tries to distract me, grabbing a stick and using it to draw on the ground. I step up next to him, frowning at the picture he draws. It takes me a second to realize it's a map.
"Oh, it's a map of the oasis!" I exclaim, distracted despite myself.
He nods, a little unsure of what I'm saying but responding to my enthusiasm.
He draws two Xs that I think are supposed to be us because he points at himself and me. Then he creates a pretty good depiction of the zemlja. I nod, telling him I understand. He's getting me situated so I know what the landmarks are supposed to be. Then he draws another three Xs and draws a line from them to one side of where the zemlja drawing is.
"That's where you looked?" I murmur, pointing at the line. "Okay." I look up at him and nod.
He nods back and circles another spot.
"That's where they went this time?" I ask. "Mikhos, Anguis, and Ejder?" I say to clarify.
He nods. I can almost see him thinking how to communicate things simply.
"Epis for Piper," he says slowly, using simple words he knows I know.
I sigh. "Yeah," I agree, staring down at those three Xs. "That's why I'm worried."
But we can't really do anything about that now. I try to shake of the depression that wants to descend, though it's a little harder while feeling sick. I don't feel like I have a whole lot of resources left mentally. Kaidan picks up on my mood and decides he needs to try another distraction. He doesn't take my hand. Instead, he simply scoops me up and walks me right out of the clearing.
"Where?" I ask in his language, resting my head against his chest and not arguing against being carried. I need to conserve my strength. And another distraction would be nice, actually.
"Water," he replies, picking up the pace.
Water? I feel a little bit of excitement at the thought of another pool of water, but what he takes me to
is even better. We walk out into another clearing, and my breath catches in my throat.
"Beautiful," I whisper, staring at the small waterfall, the crystal clear water falling into a small pool. The rushing sound of it and the light mist surrounding it are so gorgeous, I just stare for a bit.
Kaidan lets me look for good while before he steps closer and lowers me to my feet, crouching down to take my shoes off so we can both dip our feet into the water.
"Oh, this is so beautiful," I say, looking up at him with a happy smile. "Thank you, Kaidan."
He nods, looking pleased with my response.
So that's where we spend the day in an attempt to take our minds off all of the things we should be worrying about. Splashing a little in the water, but keeping our clothes on. I've learned my lesson. Taking my clothes off can have consequences I'm not ready for.
When night starts to fall, Kaidan immediately pulls me out of the water. Time to go back. I pull my shoes on, though he carries me as well. Now that's service. Once we're in the clearing, he gets out the food and water, serving me before himself, talking to me in that low, seductive voice that seems to just be his natural register.
And yes, it is a little difficult not to be distracted by the way the starlight picks out his defined cheekbones, his chiseled abs. Even in the dark, I can see just how perfect his face is. But he's more than that. Without the others here to compete with, he still preens when he sees me watching, still squares his shoulders and maybe flexes a little, but he's not trying as hard to impress. He's so solicitous, so sweet in his hurry to make sure I have everything I need. He's not prone to teasing or making jokes like Ejder, but he's good company, speaking to me quietly, trying to communicate. I'm honestly a little surprised at how gentle he is with me. I guess I thought he might just jump my bones as soon as he got the chance, but he doesn't.
The next day passes much the same, with Kaidan keeping me occupied, touching me softly, talking to me in that low voice. And then another passes, and another, and I realize that I'm not prepared for this kind of seduction. The kind that he builds slowly, through conversation, through those light touches, the way he looks at me. That voice. I don't even realize it is a seduction until the sun starts to set again, and Kaidan comes to our combined bedroll, sliding an arm around my waist as he murmurs something hot into my ear.
"What?" I whisper, turning to him.
His eyes lock with mine, the heat in them clear, and then he sets his mouth on mine, his clean taste filling me.
I thought the gentle flirting was going to be it. But while the kiss is slow, there's nothing gentle about it. But it's fine, I tell myself. I wrap my arms around his strong neck and he makes a sound of approval as he lays me down on the bedroll. A kiss is fine. It's not too much. Just a kiss.
His hand closes warmly around my breast, his thumb sliding unerringly over my already hard nipple. The kiss deepens as he scoots his body between my legs, making room for himself there. His erection slides against me, hot and hard. I arch up against it, my hands sliding down to grip his hard biceps as a bolt of pure, unadulterated lust goes through me. This is dangerous.
I think that vaguely as Fire—oh, does he feel like a Fire right now—smooths his other hand down my stomach. And straight to the throbbing place between my legs. I cry out, arching up against those inquisitive fingers. Strangely, the fact that it feels so good is what snaps me out of the haze.
Stop.
I have to stop.
I want him so badly, but I don't want to hurt the others, have them think I chose Kaidan over them. So I push back, scoot out from under him, break the kiss. Even though it tears me up a little to move away from him. He looks confused, his lips swollen, his eyes questioning as he looks at me. I shake my head.
"Sorry. No," I say, scooting back a little more. "I—we—can't."
His confusion turns into a frown and he looks away from me, dropping his head. He looks defeated. Rejected. I feel that look hit me. I don't want him to look like that. Licking my lips, I scoot closer to him again, taking his hand. He looks down at my hand on his, but he doesn't look at me.
"Kaidan. Kaidan, look at me." I reach up and tilt his chin towards me. He looks at me, upset, but not unwilling to listen. "I," I point at my chest. "I want you, Kaidan." I pat him on the chest.
He frowns at me, looking even more confused.
"Why?" he asks simply, thankfully using a word I know. "Why stop?"
Two words I know. I sigh, rubbing the back of his hand. How do I explain this? As my eyes move to the side while I'm thinking, they fall on the stick that he used earlier. Oh, that might work! I grab it and draw three Xs on the ground.
"Mikhos, Anguis, and Ejder," I say, tapping those Xs. Then I add another X, next to them. "Kaidan."
I draw a circle around all of them, looking up at Kaidan.
"I care about you and I want you, Kaidan. But it would hurt them," I say, tapping the other three. "Anguis, Mikhos, Ejder . . . Kaidan. You're a team. And I care for them too." I tap my chest and pat the ground next to the group of them. "I don't want to hurt any of you."
I throw in the words I know in their language but the rest is in Common. I don't know how much he actually understands. I look up in surprise as he takes the stick from me, his face solemn. Then he taps the group of Xs.
"Kaidan cares," he says slowly. "I care," he repeats.
Maybe he understands a little? He looks calmer at least. Maybe he gets enough of what I'm trying to say to understand what I'm getting at. I let out a relieved breath as he tosses the stick aside and nudges me back down onto the bedroll. But this time it's just to hold me, stroking my back soothingly. I close my eyes, feeling the heat still throbbing between my legs and the erection Kaidan still has. But if he can ignore it, I can too.
That night, my sleep is a little more fitful than usual. When I wake up feeling worse, I decide that must be the reason. Kaidan watches me, worry clear in his eyes, but I smile and shake my head at him.
"Sleep bad," I say simply.
He nods, but I can see he's not completely convinced. Turns out he's right. Damn it. Over the next couple days, I just get worse and worse. I can't sleep. My nausea increases and I have a constant low-grade headache that just won't go away. All I want to do is lie there, my body aching, sweat coating my skin.
Kaidan wipes me down with a wet cloth and pushes me to eat and drink, his face grim. But it's clear I'm just not going to get better without more epis. It's been almost two weeks since I last had the plant. I have no idea if the others will be back in time to beat the cancer. Assuming they're even able to come back with any. I squeeze Kaidan's hand as he sits down next to me, smoothing my damp hair back from my face.
I try to hold on to hope with my fingernails.
21
It's morning again.
I don't know exactly how many days have passed at this point. They're starting to blur together a little due to a combination of how I feel and the repetitiveness of them. It's not like there was a lot to do here even when I was feeling better.
Kaidan lifts me up, bringing a water skin to my mouth as he's taken to doing over the last couple of days.
"Drink," he coaxes.
My stomach doesn't want anything in it, but I know he's right. My body needs water.
I feel Kaidan stiffen against me as I take a sip, but I don't feel well enough to even feel alarmed. I mean, I'm already dying, right? Gallows humor. Isn't it grand?
Kaidan starts to speak.
"Did you find the epis?" he asks urgently, his supporting arm not letting me go.
It takes me a moment to process that he isn't talking to me, that's how out of it I am. The other men must be here. By the time I turn my head to look at them, the three of them have already reached my side, grouping around me in a huddle. I know I look as bad as I feel. Their faces are grim as they take me in.
"How long has she been like this?" Mikhos asks, sliding his pack off his back and getting down on his knees immediately.
>
"Days," Kaidan responds, his tone tense. "Too many."
Mikhos shakes his head as he pulls out some strands of those familiar, tiny leaves.
Epis.
My heart jumps at the sight, but they aren't glowing.
"We found a way to reach the epis," Mikhos confirms as he helps me take some into my mouth. "Eat, Piper," he urges, his tone as urgent as Kaidan's.
He doesn't have to tell me twice. I chew on the plant, that refreshing taste filling my mouth, that wave of welcome coolness spreading through my body. My stomach settles enough that I don't feel like it's trying to do somersaults, and my headache eases into a nagging ache instead of the pounding pain it's become the last couple of days. I feel better. Like a human again. But it's nowhere near the amazing rush of pure life I felt in the cave.
"Thank you, Mikhos," I say after I finish what he gives me, smiling at him. "Thank you Anguis, Ejder," I add, sitting up on my own to give them all hugs. They lean down to make it easier on me as they murmur their own greetings.
I'm so happy they've made it back whole.
"I am sorry the epis is not fresher," Mikhos says apologetically, looking me over with a critical eye. "Straight from the source is best. I am certain you have noticed the difference." He shakes his head. "But we traveled for days to bring it back to you, even going as quickly as we could. It's simply too far."
The time spent here in this clearing has had one good effect. I've had enough practice with their language at this point that I can basically understand everything he says, filling in what I think he means when he uses unfamiliar words. And I can reply with some level of confidence.
"Don't be sorry," I say, reaching out to take his hand. "You did so much . . . for me. And I feel better for it." I smile at him and the others. "You have my thanks. All of you."
"It is nothing," Anguis interjects.
The others nod, agreeing.
"But we want you to feel well," Ejder adds, his face concerned. "And this isn't enough."
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