by Rachel Cade
Her words weighed on him, causing him to lean forward.
He shut his eyes. “Lyndie…”
She pulled her feet out of his lap. He felt the bed shift and then her hands were on his shoulders, rubbing them.
“I needed to say that.” He felt her exhale on the back of his neck since his hair hung over his shoulders. “I just don’t want to be unrealistic. I appreciate you and all the time we’ve spent together… everything.”
So she trusted him, but didn’t believe they would have anything after this time. And she’d already made peace with it. Or at least thought enough to not want him to feel guilty about it ending.
I’m not going to leave you.
He could have just said it.
But would she have believed him? Even if he held her hand and looked deep into her eyes?
Durand had done a number on her.
But Noa couldn’t say who he was and how they’d come together weren’t factors that made it easy for her to not believe in them.
If he said what he wanted, they would probably just be empty words to her. Durand had probably said a lot of words to her too over the years, and still abandoned her and his son.
Noa looked over at Max; his tiny foot moved slightly as he slept on top of his blanket.
Her thumb rubbed near the back of his neck. She had strong hands, but they were gentle when they needed to be.
Noa opened his mouth, not sure what was going to come out, and started talking.
“When a problem happens, I take care of it. I’ve always been like that. It keeps things simple.” He stared hard at the wall across from him. “In Vegas, I had a gun to a man’s face.”
Her hands stopped moving.
“I had a gun on him and my finger on the trigger. I could have handled him for being a problem, but it would have made a bigger problem.”
“Why did you have a gun on him?” There was some weariness in her voice, but it was still soft like it always was.
“He said something I didn’t like.”
Her breathing had changed, it was slowed down and deeper.
“When I was in Florida, back when I ran a chapter, there was an accident. I lost all my people.”
Before he started speaking, he thought the best way to tell her would be to detach himself from the memory. But as he spoke, he still felt it, the pain, the guilt. “I had chemicals stored in the basement and something must have happened that triggered a blast. I was just coming back to the house when it happened.”
He could feel the heat on his face, the shock of the force pushing him back. He could always remember that, but it was better than seeing their faces. Silently, he cleared his throat. “After that, I went Nomad. It’s not a secret, and when he mentioned it like it was a joke, I pulled out my gun.”
Lyndie’s hands held their place.
“And then I heard your voice in my head. The last thing you said to me in the diner about staying out of trouble. And it stopped me.”
Then he let out a breath, not knowing if he’d made things worse.
“Noa…” A moment later, her chin rested over his shoulder, then her arms wrapped around him.
The tightness in his chest began to recede until it was almost gone in the next quiet moments.
He reached up to the hands she clasped over his heart, holding both of them in his.
She had the softest skin. It was so perfect. From the first time they shook hands, he committed how she felt to memory.
He felt something wet on his shoulder and turned his head.
Her eyes were glassy.
“I’m glad you didn’t kill anybody.” Her voice held a bit of rasp.
Noa held her gaze. He hadn’t expected to see her cry from hearing his story. And he wasn’t prepared for the sight’s effect on him.
“He sounds like an asshole, though.” She tried to laugh a little bit.
Noa brought a hand up to her face to wipe away the wetness on her cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Noa. I wish I could say something to make it better.”
There was so much going on in her brown eyes that he felt overwhelmed by it and gently pulled her face to his.
Softly he kissed her, hoping the touch would put her at ease. Her lips pressed back into his and he wished her could drink her sadness away. Even if it was for him, he hated seeing her cry.
He pulled back a bit to look into her eyes. “You and Max being here makes it better.”
*
“You followed them to city limits?”
“Yep, boss. They’re outta here.”
“Good job, Dex. I’ll see you in the morning.” Will disconnected the call.
When he pulled up to into his driveway, he saw his living room lights were on.
Ashley must have come home.
He sat there for a moment.
He thought about going by the hospital, but considered it would be best to give her some time to cool off. There were going to have to be some changes in their relationship if it was going to move forward. He’d be damned if he was one of those guys that came home to a bunch of nagging and bullshit.
Will wanted to chalk her behavior up to just being stressed about her father. But he also understood she was bred to be a princess. Her mother had died in childbirth with Scott, so she was given whatever she wanted by Langley growing up. Everyone in town gushed over her as a kid and teenager.
She was perfect.
And that’s all he needed her to be: perfect and connected.
He wanted to get inside and have a shower and a beer and just relax for a little bit and be thankful the deal went fairly smoothly.
Also Mitch got put in his place, and he was feeling good about that.
It seemed like people were forgetting who he was.
And he hadn’t worked this hard to make it to let that happen.
The first thing he saw when he entered the house was a pair of shoes on the floor.
He hoped she was somewhere showering.
“I was wondering when you would get back.”
She came out of the kitchen in pajamas, holding a drink in her hand. “Late shift? You never came back to the hospital.”
“How’s your dad?” He ignored most of her words.
“They took him into surgery. It’s going to be a while. I figured I would take your advice and try to come home and put myself together.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Craig’s upstairs.”
“Craig?”
“Yeah. He brought me back here and we had a lot to drink. He’s sleeping it off in the guest bedroom.”
Will almost grimaced at that fat fuck sprawled out on his furniture.
“How long is he going to be here?”
Ashley blinked. “We’re going back to the hospital early in the morning, so not long.”
“I didn’t mean to sound rude.” He put a hand to the back of his neck. “I’ve had a long day.”
“Any news about how the fire got started?”
“It takes time for forensics to look into things like that. They’re still surveying the property. The important part is him and Scott were able to make it out.”
“Yeah I’m glad the bikers were there to help.”
Will’s left eye wanted to tick but he wouldn’t let it.
“Quick thinking is what saved him from dying in the house. I’m grateful to them.”
“One good deed doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous, Ashley.”
“One good deed?” Her brows rose. “My dad could be dead right now! All I’m saying is that I appreciate them for helping.”
“Okay,” he answered softly.
She couldn’t see it. She was just like her father, only concerned about what someone could do for her, not considering other factors.
“You’re right, baby. It was a good thing they were there.”
He turned around and went toward the porch.
“Where are you going? You just got here.”
“I left
something at the office. I’ll be back in a few.”
For some reason, when he went out to the porch, he remembered the night Lyndie had caught them together.
And for the first time, he thought he might have made a mistake.
She was a good woman. And the kid - his son wasn’t that bad. He imagined them outside, Lyndie sitting on the steps while he showed him how to ride a bike.
The image was so clear, it jarred him, like he was actually seeing into reality.
He had her, a good woman that was encouraging and saw the world like he saw it.
The silver pen she’d given him was in his pocket despite being out of uniform.
Fucking god damn. He looked from side to side, taking in a heap of the night air.
He got in his car, knowing he needed some time to clear his head.
On his way through town, he thought about the fire, Mitch’s deal, everything.
He knew he was going to keep it all together.
Nothing was out of his control.
His father had taught him that.
When he drove by the diner, he noticed Lyndie’s car was still there.
Which was strange, given the time. He knew Mitch had told her to close early.
He parked his car near it and looked inside. It was empty.
The diner was dark, but he went to the door anyway.
He didn’t like the feeling he got and decided to call her, something he hadn’t done in a long time.
Her phone rang a few times and went to voicemail.
Will peered inside with his mini flashlight on, and the place looked deserted.
Lyndie had Max with her; it didn’t add up that she would leave the diner and not take her car.
He tried to call again and got no answer.
So he decided to go to her house.
After parking in front, he went to the front door and rang the bell and knocked several times.
No answer.
He knew it wasn’t right, but he decided to jimmy the lock to open it.
“Lyndie?” he called, stepping over the threshold.
The house was quiet and smelled like lemon cleaner.
He flipped on a light.
The living room was clean with the exception of a basket of baby clothes on the lounge chair.
He checked the kitchen, then went to her bedroom.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
The bed wasn’t made, as if she rushed to get out that morning and be at work on time.
She was always terrible with time.
Will picked a t-shirt off the edge of the bed that she must have slept in.
It smelled like her.
I thought we could work things out… try and be a family.
Will pursed his lips.
Where was she?
He looked up at his reflection in her dresser mirror. She had a few scattered perfumes and lotions on it. But that wasn’t what he noticed.
On the side of the dresser was a paper rose.
He dropped the t-shirt and walked over to it.
A paper rose.
He’d seen one like this before.
In Callas’s motel room.
Will lifted it to inspect it more closely.
It was almost identical.
How did she get this?
He searched the room, checking her drawers and underneath her bed.
Then he went to her closet. It was small and narrow, but he pushed aside the garments.
She had boxes on a shelf above it and he went through them. It wasn’t until he opened the last that he found money beneath a stack of birthday cards. Thousands in cash.
What the hell was she doing with that kind of money?
He kept searching the closet and found another box on the ground near the back.
He dragged it out to better lighting.
Once he opened it, he stared down at it for a moment.
A white wedding dress.
Will was kind of stunned. He didn’t understand.
Had she bought the dress thinking they were going to get married after she had the baby?
He picked it up, a paper flapped beneath the fabric.
Will looked down and bent to turn it over as he held the dress.
It was a photograph.
A picture of Lyndie in the dress – getting kissed by Callas.
An earthquake could have hit the bedroom and he wouldn’t have been phased.
It was a real photo he was holding in his hands. It looked like they were in a chapel.
“No,” he whispered.
Will quickly knelt down to search the box, and sure enough, he found a marriage license.
“Lyndie Hargood and Noa Callas.”
He remained there like a statue as he tried to process it. He felt like his face was going to crack in two.
Lyndie Hargood. His Lyndie had married that fucking biker trash?
Don’t you have a kid?
Callas’s words from the office meeting rang out in his head.
He was baiting him.
He’d told him that day at the motel that he was engaged.
“Oh my God.”
Will looked at the date on the license. All this time?
His chest rose up and down with each breath.
Married.
He stared at the photo.
She was married to him.
He stared at the ceiling.
The picture of the two kissing could have been painted on it. It was all he could see.
“Fuck!” he cried out, fingers clenching around the dress.
Chapter Six:
Coming to Terms
Noa pulled his lips from hers. “Don’t cry, okay?” he said softly. His fingers skimmed beneath her eye, gently pushing away the fresh tears.
“I’m sorry…”
“Babygirl.” His gaze shifted down to her hands as he shook his head. “You really are the sweetest girl I ever met. I don’t know why you’re with me.”
Trying to settle her breathing, she wiped at her other eye.
“My life’s crazy,” he added. “You see it.”
“Yeah, it’s crazy.” Their faces weren’t far apart. She caressed his cheek with the edges of her fingers skimming his earrings. “But I trust you, Noa. I do.”
He pulled her to him, holding her tightly in a hug. She wrapped her arms over his wide shoulders like she always did until she started to hear the familiar cries of her baby.
She lowered her arms looking over at her squiggly bundle.
With a small smile at Noa, she crawled over his bed and turned Max over.
“You need a change. I already know.” She started to unbutton his sleeper. “I left the baby bag in the other room.” And she slipped off the bed to grab it, but Noa beat her to it.
“I’ll get it. Stay.”
“Okay.”
When Noa went out of the room, she realized she was so used to being by herself she was just on autopilot when it came to doing things for Max.
“Here you go, one diaper.” He handed it to her like a ticket and she giggled.
Max’s eyes were closed, but his legs were moving.
Noa sat on the bed and handed her a few baby wipes.
“You take good care of him. He got lucky in the mom department.”
Lyndie moved quickly to get him changed so he could fall back to sleep. “Thanks,” she said without looking up at Noa.
“We kind of took over your bed. We can go back in the living room-”
“You’re joking, right?” Noa moved off the bed to grab some shorts out of his bag. “You guys are staying right in here with me.”
And that’s what happened.
They fell asleep in his bed together, with Max on his stomach in between them.
*
Noa woke up to a something pressing in his chest. He opened one eye and realized it was a tiny foot. Max had turned sideways during the night somehow. And judging by the lips smacking and small arm movements, he was awake,
probably checking out the new spot.
He wondered if he could pick him up without waking Lyndie, who was sleeping fairly deep. Shadows marked under her eyes where the morning sun hit her face.
Noa swooped up Max and got off the bed. They managed to not wake her.
“Success,” Noa whispered at the little boy as they moved through the living room.
“I don’t know what I got in this kitchen, Big Man.” He checked the two cabinets for food. “Let’s see if we can make Mom some breakfast. It’s the least we can do, right? Before we get started though,” he found his lone frying pan and put it on the stove, “why don’t we have a little man-to-man chat?” He glanced at the door to see Lyndie was still sleeping.
“So I really like your mommy. And I think she likes me too.” Max curiously looked around the trailer. “But I want to know if you think it’s okay if I stuck around?”
Max’s head turned to his chest and seemed to get occupied by the ink. “You want to give me a sign or somethin’?”
A moment later the baby blew a raspberry that sent drool down his chin and looked up at him with a smile.
Noa laughed and the same time, he felt a bit of tightness in his chest.
Then he nodded. “Okay… well you were pretty good about it, now we’ll have to work on Mom next.”
A tiny knock came to his front door.
It was Chaos.
“Awww.”
“Shut up,” Noa said over his laughter. He pointed at him, looking at Max. “He’s loyal, but you have to watch out for him.”
It was quiet on the property, but a few guys were moving around.
“Did you hear from Whisper?” he asked.
“Nope. Things are pretty quiet.”
“Did Tin give you any shit about not going to Vegas?”
“Not yet.” He offered him a paper bag. “It’s donuts.”
Noa reached for them. “Thanks.”
“No prob, boss.”
Noa narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything. “I know I owe you a beer and a backstory. I didn’t forget.”
“It’s a case of beer.” A breeze caught on his hair.
“We fucked up.” Noa glanced up, sighing. “Everything we tried to avoid ended up happening.”
Chaos pulled at his white t-shirt, which sweat stuck to his skin. “Nobody moves into new territory without problems. It’s a small town, but it’s on a prime route.”