Onyx: Heart

by J. S. Lee

  Day-um.

  “Yongsik said he pushed you.” Considering he was propped up by the ridiculously fluffy pillows, his arms behind his head, he looked far too casual for this topic of conversation.

  “I don’t really want to talk about my ex-boyfriend with you,” I told him, folding my arms. I felt a little hypocritical at that, especially considering I had brought up ex-girlfriends with Xiao once.

  “Why not?” he asked. “We should be able to talk to each other about anything, right?”

  Well, yes… but that didn’t mean I wanted to.

  “I’ve had exactly one girlfriend since I joined Atlantis,” Youngbin told me, suddenly.

  “Since you joined?” I couldn’t help myself. “I thought you had a no dating clause in your contract?”

  “Atlantis didn’t know about her, and we split up not long after I debuted.” He patted the bed beside him.

  “Is she in Atlantis too?”

  “Sit, and I’ll tell you.”

  My curiosity won out and I sat down next to him. “Do I know who she is?”

  “She is a member of Deity.”

  I’d actually heard of Deity. They were an eight-member group and their last four singles had topped the charts. They were also all stunning.

  “She was a trainee too, but she debuted about six months before I did. We were together nearly four years.”

  “Why did you break up?” I asked, keeping my gaze fixed on my feet.

  “She was in another company with a completely opposing schedule. We never saw each other and naturally drifted apart, I guess. We still speak to each other, and she’s a good friend, but there’s no spark there,” he explained.

  I played with the hem of my shorts. “I was with my ex for just over four years,” I told him. “We met in college. Turned out, he was from Las Vegas too. We broke up a month or so before Christmas.”

  It was easier to talk when I wasn’t facing him, but the idea of going into the details still felt uncomfortable.

  “Usually, when a guy pushes a girl around, it’s not his first time,” Youngbin said, quietly.

  “He broke up with me.” He broke up with me in a completely dickish way which involved telling me by text after he had changed the locks on the door. “He was seeing someone else.”

  I could feel Youngbin’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d been heartbroken about the breakup, though I hadn’t found out about his wife until I’d seen it on his Facebook page not so long ago. Seeing him with another woman hadn’t upset me like I thought it would.

  When I’d gone back to my mother with my tail between my legs because I had nowhere else to go, the only thing I wanted, for weeks, was for us to get back together. He’d told me he’d broken up with me (eventually, via a text), because I was never there. My mother then spent the whole time I was at home informing me I was a fool and it was all my fault.

  I think, if it hadn’t been for the fact I was in the middle of the tour with Onyx, trying to understand their fandom, trying to understand what was happening with the guys and me, that seeing his new girlfriend – wife – would have hurt a hell of a lot more.

  The worst part was that I had never suspected it.

  “That’s not your fault.” I looked at Youngbin, confused. Had I said that aloud, or had he read my mind. “That he was seeing someone else.”

  I dropped my gaze back to my lap. Yes, it was. I was an absent girlfriend. I’d run off to Japan for a year. I’d run off to Seoul on two occasions. It was no wonder Damien had found another girlfriend. “Damien cares about me.” I pulled my phone out and pushed it under his nose.

  “My English…”

  “He says he misses me. He can’t stop thinking about me, and he wants to meet me.”

  “Do you still care about him?” Youngbin asked, gently.

  I shook my head. “No. I just…” I couldn’t put it into words in English, never mind in Korean.

  “If you still care about him too, go meet him. If you don’t, delete the message.” He handed the phone back to me. “I don’t know him, and I wasn’t there, but from what CX was telling me, the guy is a tool and if he was pushing you around, he’s nothing but bad news.” I went to take the phone, but he clung on. “He might not have laid a finger on you before, but the fact he has now, in front of other people? That’s a slippery slope, Kate.”

  I took the phone and looked at the messages. Since I’d left for Seoul to start this tour, I’d never even looked at my old messages from Damien. I’d not even thought about him.

  I did one better than Youngbin’s suggestion and not only deleted the whole message thread, but I also blocked his number. There was something cathartic about that. I didn’t have any of his belongings to throw in a trashcan and set alight, so this was essentially the next best thing.

  I had barely set the phone down before Youngbin was pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around me. My body molded around his side as my face settled against his chest. While one hand held onto my waist, the other began stroking my hair.

  “Kate,” he said, softly. “No matter how much you think a guy cares for you, he shouldn’t be pushing you around. I promise you now, if he ever lays a finger on you again, I will knock him out.”

  I looked up, my eyes narrowing as I frowned at him. “Don’t hit him.”

  “So, you do care about him?” he asked, his hand stilling.

  “No,” I said, pulling a face. “I care about you. Damien works out – he’s built like Xiao.”

  “You think I couldn’t take him on?” he asked, still looking offended.

  “I don’t want you to take him on!” I pushed myself away from him so that I could see him better, but my hands remained on his chest. “Even if you ended up winning that fight, Damien could hurt you. If he doesn’t hurt you physically, he could hurt your career. He wouldn’t think twice about pressing charges, and from what I’ve learned from CX, your company wouldn’t react well to that.”

  “My company is run by your best friend.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, because me telling her you hit him because you were sticking up for your girlfriend is exactly what’s going to help that situation.” I let out a breath, forcing myself to calm down. “Look, we’re in Las Vegas for one more day; a day which will be spent working, surrounded by security. Damien had no idea who CX is. Hell, the ignorant dick thought he was Japanese. By the time he works that out – if he works it out at all – we’ll be in LA.”

  Youngbin slowly nodded, his hand threading through mine. “Did he hurt you?”

  “I cracked my elbow on the table,” I admitted. “It doesn’t really hurt now though.”

  “Let me see.”

  I wasn’t sure what good it would do, but I let go of Youngbin so that I could pull my hoodie off, then turned my arm towards him, finally seeing it for the first time myself. There was no mark. I wasn’t even convinced it was going to bruise.

  Youngbin’s fingers were cool to the touch as they ran over my skin. “Here?” When I nodded, he leaned down and kissed the spot. It sent a shiver down my spine. Youngbin’s hands moved to my waist and then he lifted me up, settling me in his lap like I weighed nothing. Clearly, I had underestimated how strong he was.

  His hands went to my face, cupping my cheeks, before he pulled me to him, his lips capturing mine. The only reason I’d stopped myself from melting into him was because my hands were on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat pounding against the palm of my hand as his lips moved against mine. I was sure it was beating as fast as mine was.

  His kisses were strong but tender. He knew what he was doing, but he wasn’t in any hurry.

  It was nice.

  It was more than nice.

  It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

  Youngbin broke the kiss, gently pushing me back so he could look me in the eyes. “I have no idea why your ex decided to cheat on you, but you deserve better than that.”

  The look was so intense, his words so since
re, I had to do something before I started crying on him. I held my hand up, brandishing MinMin’s ring. “In the interest of being honest, and while we’re talking about cheating, MinMin proposed.”

  Youngbin’s eyes flicked between mine and the ring. Then he burst out laughing. “MinMin?”

  I sat back, cocking my head. “That’s funny to you?”

  “Yes!” Youngbin gasped before clearing his throat and growing serious. “Do you ever watch our interviews?” I shrugged. “We’re always asked what our ideal type is. We all have our answers – I like a girl who is shorter than me with long hair. That kind of thing; pretty generic. MinMin’s is even more vague: I’ll know when I find them.”

  “And?”

  Youngbin slowly shook his head. “He’s never said it, and whenever he’s been asked outright, he just shrugs it off, but I think he likes guys.” He peered up at me. “That in the corridor, that was the most we’ve ever heard on the subject.”

  “You think that was the truth?” I asked, thoughtfully. “But he was like that with me in the taxi,” I informed him when Youngbin nodded his confirmation. “And does it matter?”

  “Hell, no!” Youngbin said, firmly. “Love is love, and he can love any person he wants. Or not, if it turns out that’s what he’s about. I don’t care. The guy is my brother and I want him to be happy. Besides,” his hand waved about between us. “Look at us. Who am I to judge?”

  I brushed my hair back over my shoulder, staring down at the man under me. “Well, hell,” I murmured. “I think I’m going to end up falling in love with you,” I informed him as my lips sought his again.

  제 7 장

  Want You Back

  Youngbin had been called away part way through our make out session. He was in a league of his own with his kisses, and as disappointed as I was at his exit. It had definitely left me wanting more.

  When I joined everyone for dinner – minus MinMin – I discovered that Sungmin had told them they needed to prepare for MinMin not performing with them. Almost immediately Youngbin had assured me that they were hoping MinMin could sit on the stage with them, even if he couldn’t dance, and that if it came to it, they would let JongB take over his rap part.

  We’d all stayed at dinner for a while. One of Sungmin’s assistants had stayed at the hotel with MinMin, but I think Sungmin’s plan was to let MinMin get as much rest as possible before we went back.

  Something seemed to have changed with me and Sungmin too. He seemed more relaxed around me. I was sure he wasn’t going to leave me alone with any of the members at an airport again, but I had a feeling helping with the dentist had reassured him a little.

  With a more relaxed atmosphere at the restaurant, I sat back and observed the group, pulling out my Polaroid camera. I loved candid shots more than the orchestrated photoshoots. Smiles were genuine, on bare-faces. Even though CX had only been with them a couple of months, you couldn’t tell anymore. He was currently sitting beside Youngbin, the latter resting his elbow on CX’s shoulder in a casual manner as they laughed at JongB’s terrible puns. Xiao and Jiwon were having an animated conversation about lord only knew what…

  It hit me then, I was being sucked in by all of them in only a good way. Onyx were my life…

  I’d returned to my room, happy. Damien the Dick was the past and he could stay there. Onyx was my present.

  Onyx was my future.

  I fell asleep with a smile, and even though the knock at the door woke me before my alarm, the smile was still there when I opened my eyes. I was turning into a sap and I didn’t give a damn.

  I padded over to the door, still half asleep and opened it without checking through the peephole. This time it was MinMin. “What are you doing out of bed?” I hissed, ushering him in. “Does CX know you’re here? Does Sungmin?”

  “CX is asleep. I assume Manager Sungmin is too,” he said, not meeting my gaze. His eyes were fixed very firmly on his bare feet.

  He was wearing a pair of track pants and a t-shirt the size of a tent. “What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” I realized he was mumbling then.

  “Are you in pain? I have drugs. I mean, it’s just ibuprofen and acetaminophen, but it might help.” I frowned, thoughtfully. “The dentist gave you painkillers. I should probably read the Drug Facts before I give you more. We don’t want you overdosing.”

  “I’m not in pain,” he said, wrapping his arms around himself. “I mean, I am, but the painkillers will kick in soon. I’m just embarrassed.”

  My eyes widened in understanding. “Dude, I get it. Don’t worry. When I had my teeth removed, I was convinced I was the Pink Power Ranger. You’ve got a long way to go before you hit my level of humiliation.”

  “I proposed.” He said it so quietly, it took me a moment to understand him.

  I pulled the ring off and pushed it towards him. “I was going to give it back to you later. Don’t worry,” I added as he took it. “People say crap they don’t mean thanks to the anesthetic. Honestly, you can YouTube that shit and have a good laugh.”

  MinMin’s finger’s curled around the ring. “It wasn’t all crap.” Still not looking at me, he turned and walked out of my room.

  I shivered, reaching out to turn the air conditioning onto heat mode. “Which bit wasn’t crap?”

  Now wide awake and with my alarm set to go off soon enough that it wasn’t worth going back to bed, I jumped in the shower. Once I was dressed, I started to pack my things into the suitcase. Although we would be returning to the hotel after the show, the flight was another one at stupid o’clock, which meant we needed to be checking out at some ungodly hour. The next show was once again on the same day as the flight, however, this time, we would be spending several days at our next stop: Los Angeles.

  I was distracted from my packing by the photographs on my desk. I’d gotten into my room last night and discarded the Polaroids haphazardly with the others. Now, with one of MinMin catching my attention, I scooped them up and flopped onto my still unmade bed to look through them. Since Seoul, I had a big collection that was still growing.

  The piles were getting big enough that I should have taken advantage of being in Vegas and mailed them home. Something stopped me from going to the front desk to ask them to arrange that. I realized that I wasn’t sure where home was anymore.

  For the first time since starting the tour my mind drifted to what was going to happen afterwards. We still had Europe to go, but everything was still going to wrap up at the end of March.

  And then what?

  Aside from a slight spending splurge in Japan on underwear (worth it), I hadn’t spent much money. The hotels and all the food were covered by Atlantis, which meant I was saving. I would have enough money to pay for the first and last month’s rent on an apartment, and still have plenty left over to furnish it.

  I got off the bed and walked to the window, staring at the sun as it came up over the city. Las Vegas didn’t feel like home anymore.

  Hell, the hotel rooms felt more like home than my mom’s did.

  Where was home?

  “Onyx,” I muttered at my reflection in the window. Onyx was what felt like home.

  Only, I didn’t know how that would work in Seoul. Could I move to Seoul? Would they want me to move to Seoul?

  I shook my head at that last thought. I was certain Youngbin, Xiao, Jiwon, and JongB would want me to move to Seoul. The problem was I wasn’t sure what would happen then. I needed a job. I needed to pay rent. Yes, I had enough for a couple of months, but then what? I couldn’t rely on Holly finding me a job – not without arousing suspicion.

  I moved back to the bed and sat down on the corner with a sigh. It wasn’t like I could stay with Onyx. What would MinMin and CX think about that? And I was sure Manager Sungmin would be there a lot too.

  I reached for one of the photos. This was of JongB having a piggyback ride from Xiao in Jakarta. Xiao, in a pair of shorts, which were probably an inch off being considered bo
oty shorts, and an open sided-T, looked completely unperturbed as JongB had his arm wrapped around his forehead.

  Given that I had witnessed JongB trying to get piggybacks off almost everyone (Jiwon was the only one who refused – even Youngbin had him on his back at one point), this was a regular occurrence.

  These were six guys who had come from all over South Korea (and China), who, on paper, had completely different personalities. Who, in the real world, probably wouldn’t have even ended up spending time together. Who, after working their asses off together, had begun conquering the charts. They weren’t just colleagues – they were family.

  The chances of this coming together like it had, had to be one in a million. Hell, I was crap at math – my odds were probably well off… but regardless, somehow, it was working.

  If that could work, I was sure our future could too.

  Somehow, that thought had warm and fuzzies in my belly.

  I reached out for a few of the Polaroids, smiling at the antics now frozen in time. The details of my future were uncertain, but I knew it would involve Onyx. I could worry about the rest another time. Right now, I needed to finish packing and head downstairs to meet with the team.

  There was already a line. The House of Blues was inside Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. Living in Henderson meant I had a lot of friends who had parents that worked in the casinos and resorts when we were growing up. Hell, most of them were still working there. We’d shared stories and rumors with each other when at school, gossiping like each one of us was the leading authority on whatever joint our parents worked at.

  I was the resident expert on showgirls, thanks to my mom. My mom, who had never allowed me to call her that. She was Deena to everyone, including me.

  One of the many things I’d learned was that each of the casinos had an underground entrance that was reserved for VIPs – whether that be the high rollers, or the performing artists. The Mandalay had one of these, and that was what we were using.