by J. S. Lee
A look of incredulity washed over Youngbin. “Are you shitting me? The guy hurt you. Why wouldn’t you speak to the police? And-” He stepped back, just enough to pull the phone out of my hand, quickly typing in it, then passed it back.
I don’t want this getting lost in translation. If you don’t go home, how are you going to be able to pick up your things? I don’t think it’s going to be possible to go with you, but how am I going to sleep if I’m worried that dick is going to be waiting on your doorstep?
I read the message over and over. Was this coming down to a fucking translation problem? “I thought you wanted me to go home permanently,” I whispered, mortified at my misunderstanding.
Youngbin let out a long breath before leaning down and kissing me. He pulled me flush against him, holding me there as his kiss left me breathless. When he pulled back, he pressed a kiss on my forehead. “Why did you not say anything before now?” he asked me. “We agreed that dating, dating all of us, would only work if we were honest.”
“I did speak to you,” I told him, feeling like I was going to cry again. “I didn’t feel this way until the other night, and I could barely think straight. I didn’t even remember the conversation properly until just now. I just feel like an idiot.”
Youngbin leaned forward, resting his forehead on mine. “You shouldn’t ever feel like an idiot around me.”
“Not even when I don’t understand you?” I asked, miserably. I’d thought I was doing well with learning the language. What else had I misunderstood?
“Especially when you don’t understand me. I’ll type it all out like that if I have to.”
“What the actual fuck?”
Youngbin and I leaped away from each other. “CX? What are you doing here? I thought you were… out,” Youngbin finished, lamely.
“Are you two seeing each other?” he asked.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Youngbin told him, coldly. “And if you’re going to talk to me like that, you can use honorifics.”
“It’s not what you think.” I stepped between the two of them, knowing Youngbin’s hotheadedness wasn’t going to help here.
“How do you know what I think?” CX demanded, but his tone was hurt. Like I had betrayed him. He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head before the words left him. “Sungmin texted you both. We have reservations at the Hard Rock Café. You should think about heading back to the house and cleaning up.” I knew that wasn’t what he was going to say.
“CX,” I said, but he shook his head once more, shooting me a look of disappointment, then he turned on his heel and walked off.
I made to go after him, but Youngbin’s hand was around mine, stopping me. “Let him go.”
“We can’t just let him go like that,” I disagreed. “We should explain.”
“Explain what?” Youngbin let go of me, folding his arms over his chest. “How you’re dating four of us? He’s pissed thinking it’s just me.”
It wasn’t cold, but a chill set over me and I rubbed at my upper arms. For the first time, this relationship made me feel uncomfortable. I knew that how things were with us four could never become public. Even if you took the fact that I was dating idols – idols who needed to appear single to the public and had some clause in a contract dictating that fact – a polyamorous relationship wasn’t conventional in the western world. In Asia, in South Korea…? While the country and its beliefs were certainly becoming more liberal, this kind of thing wouldn’t be met positively.
I was prepared for that. I was ready to deny everything if I ever needed to, claiming ignorance and that skinship wasn’t a thing in the US. The likelihood of a member of their fandom, or the public, guessing that I was seeing them was slim. In some ways, it was going to help because I would just claim that I was like that with all of them. I’d spent time letting my mind conjure up those responses – just in case.
Not once had I considered CX, or even MinMin, finding out. If I had, I would have had a better reaction than whatever that was.
I felt like I was close to CX and I didn’t like hiding it from him. If anything, I wanted to tell him the truth. The problem was that it wasn’t just my secret to tell. “I don’t know,” I admitted. I had zero experience of this. “But I think we need to talk to him.”
“We should discuss it with the others.”
“What if he says something?” I asked. I turned but I could no longer see CX.
“Then he’s going to tell Sungmin we’re dating.”
“And that doesn’t worry you?” I asked in amazement. I was absolutely certain that Sungmin would be smiling as he kicked me off the tour if he found that out.
제 11 장
Burning
The Hard Rock Café was horrific.
The restaurant, the food, and the service weren’t bad; that side of things was amazing. No matter what is happening in my life, no matter how stressed or upset I get, I will eat. I need to literally be throwing up and physically unable to eat to not do so.
It was everything else which was the problem. We were at the back of the restaurant where several tables had been pushed together so we could be sat as a group. I ended up sandwiched between Ina (she still hadn’t forgiven me for Shanghai, and spent the time talking to Eunhae, ignoring me), and MinMin. I’d tried a few times to pick up a conversation with MinMin, but he was distracted, pushing food around his plate.
Convinced CX had spoken to him, I couldn’t help watching him, seeing as CX was on his other side, but if MinMin’s attention wasn’t on his plate, he was staring down the table. I tried to follow his line of sight, but with his eyes half hidden behind his fringe, I couldn’t tell if it was Jiwon or JongB who held his attention.
Under normal circumstances, Jiwon would have had my attention. The faded orange hair had been replaced with a touch of pink and the effect made it rose gold. It was beautiful.
Unfortunately, my eyes kept drifting to CX. He was seated at the end of the table with Sungmin next to him and Jiwon opposite.
My phone bleeped at me and I picked it up, not recognizing the number. Come outside and speak to me. I rolled my eyes and quickly typed back a message telling the sender they had the wrong number. When I put the phone down, I looked up and found Xiao watching me. “Is everything OK?”
I nodded, showing him the message. “Wrong number.”
Xiao didn’t look at the phone. “That’s not what I mean.”
I gave a sideways glance at both MinMin and Ina before giving Xiao a pointed look. “Nothing that can’t wait until later.”
Xiao pushed his plate towards me. I had finished my meal and was waiting for everyone else. “Finish my fries,” he offered.
I spent exactly 0.5 seconds thinking about it, then proceeded to eat the fries. Considering I was surrounded by some super-slim people, I probably should have reconsidered that. I didn’t.
Considering my diet while being on the road was going down the pan, I really did need to think about what I was eating, or at least balance it out with going to the gym. Maybe I needed to join Xiao in the hotel gyms more often. I looked up at him and instantly, my mind went to a completely different workout. I reached for my iced water, chugging it down while Xiao gave me a smirk; like he knew exactly what I was thinking.
Damnit, now I wasn’t getting that image out of my mind.
Then again, I wasn’t sure I wanted to…
It was late when we got back to the house. After the meal, we had gone out along Hollywood Boulevard to do a little bit of sightseeing, but after a while, when it was evident people had started to realize who Onyx were, we’d gone back to the house.
In my room, I’d sat back down at my laptop, ready to finish the rest of the photographs off. Then my phone bleeped, and my plans changed. Come to my room. The others are here. Youngbin.
I abandoned the work and made the short walk to his room. The house was huge, covering three floors. Sungmin was on the first floor taking the only bedroom that happ
ened to be by the front door. Paranoid much?
Otherwise, Onyx and their team (myself included) were spread across the other floors, although I was the only one in a room by myself still. I knocked on the door before it was pulled open. With a bright smile that made his eyes disappear, JongB stepped out of the room. The door had barely closed before he was kissing me. I felt like I hadn’t seen him in ages, and I kissed him back as fiercely as he was kissing me.
All of a sudden, he was pulled off me. “Stop mauling her,” Jiwon growled, shoving the younger member into the room. As we followed after him, Jiwon turned on me, backing me up against the door, sending my heartrate into a frenzy. His lips went towards mine, but at the last minute, he turned his head. “I think I’ve just discovered what makes you a naughty girl.”
I swallowed, his words, his thickly accented English turning me on. “And what are you going to do about it?”
One hand left the door, settling on my ass. He squeezed it. Hard. Whatever his answer was, he had reverted back to Korean and I had no idea what he was saying, but whatever it was, he could do it.
I was willing to head back to his room… he was sharing with Youngbin. This was their room.
And I had been invited in by Youngbin. “Youngbin,” I sighed.
The curse that came out of his mouth I did understand. He stepped back and followed me into the room where the others were waiting patiently. Youngbin was looking at me and Jiwon with a confused expression. “What’s up?” I asked.
“I thought that would bother me more than it did,” he admitted.
“It was kinda hot,” JongB murmured. He let out a yelp and I turned just in time to see him go flying onto the bed from where Jiwon had shoved him. “I didn’t say anything!” Judging from how he was laughing, I suspected that hadn’t hurt at all.
“Don’t pretend you weren’t watching.”
Xiao let out a long sigh before turning to Youngbin. “You said we needed to talk.”
Youngbin nodded, waiting for me to sit on one of the two beds, crossing my legs beneath me. “CX suspects.”
“Suspects what?” Xiao asked, surprisingly calm.
“That there’s something going on between Kate and I.”
“How?” Jiwon asked, sitting down on the other bed.
“He caught Youngbin in my bedroom when we left Vegas, and then us together earlier. He asked Youngbin.”
“What did you say?”
Youngbin shrugged at Xiao. “That it was none of his business.”
“For what it’s worth, I think we should tell him the truth,” I said, my gaze flicking between each of them as I told them.
“And what kind of response are you expecting?” Jiwon asked, carefully.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I do think being honest with him will probably be better.”
“What if he asks to be a part of this?” Youngbin asked me.
I hadn’t considered that. “I was thinking that he’s new to this group and it shows you trust him. As to whether or not he wants in?” I shrugged. Honestly, I’d have no issues with that. I was definitely attracted to him. “I guess that’s up to you guys.”
“I would say that’s up to him,” Xiao said, sharing a look with Jiwon, like they knew something else.
“What about MinMin?”
“MinMin won’t be interested,” Jiwon scoffed.
“Are you interested in MinMin?” JongB asked with an arched eyebrow.
Before I could answer, Jiwon snorted. “I think MinMin is more interested in you,” he muttered under his breath.
“I think he’s more interested in you,” JongB retorted, but only after he had moved out of Jiwon’s reach and put Xiao between the two of them.
“I think we should speak to CX,” Xiao announced before war could break out. “But it needs to be a mutual decision, so anyone who disagrees with having CX?” Although Youngbin didn’t look thrilled at the prospect, nobody said anything. “I’ll go get CX.”
I was biting my lower lip, hard, trying not to laugh. How CX had decided on that name, I would never know, but whenever Xiao said his name, it really sounded like he was saying sex.
I made a terrible, terrible mistake when I looked up and caught JongB’s eyes as the door closed behind Xiao. Then we were both trying not to laugh. In the end, JongB broke first, doubling over with his ridiculous laugh. Which then had me laughing, despite the situation.
“Did I miss something?” Jiwon asked Youngbin.
I couldn’t stop laughing until I heard the door rattle again. The sound quickly sobered me up. This was a serious conversation and laughter wasn’t appropriate. As the two stepped into the room, CX just behind Xiao, Youngbin moved from the chair he had been sitting on to beside me.
“What’s going on?” CX asked, suspiciously as he saw who was in the room.
“Sit down,” Xiao said, gently ushering him towards the now vacant seat.
“We need to talk with you,” Youngbin told him.
“Is this where you tell me you’re seeing Kate?” he asked, flatly.
“Not exactly.”
CX sighed. “Don’t tell me. You’re bed buddies.”
I blinked, processing the words. Bed buddies? He’d said that in English. I was fairly certain he meant fuck buddies, but I kinda liked that. Even if it was said with a hint of irritation. “I’m seeing Youngbin,” I said. CX gave Youngbin a pointed look, before shaking his head in disgust. “But I’m also seeing Xiao, and Jiwon, and JongB.”
CX let out another sigh. “You need to work on your Korean,” he told me, in Japanese.
“I’m seeing all four of them. We’re together,” I told him, in Japanese, as I looked him dead in the eye.
CX stared back, expressionless.
“Say something,” JongB said, eventually.
Slowly, CX turned his attention to JongB. “What do you want me to say to that?”
Xiao walked over, resting a hand on the younger member’s shoulder. “Whatever you want. Whatever you think.”
“Nothing,” CX said, abruptly, getting to his feet and knocking Xiao’s hand away. “I have absolutely nothing to say to that.” Without looking at any of us, he walked out of the room.
“Now what?” Jiwon asked, directing his question at me.
Like hell I knew. I stood, but Xiao shook his head. “I think, for now, we leave it. Let him sleep on it.”
Jiwon scowled. “And what if he tells someone?”
“I don’t think he will,” I said, quietly.
“It’s late,” Xiao declared. “We were going to watch a movie. Let’s pick this up with CX another time. Let him sleep on it,” he repeated.
I blinked. Usually, when someone said it was late, it was followed with, it’s time to sleep. Only Jiwon stretched his back out. “Oh yeah.”
If I watched a movie, I would probably be asleep within five minutes. I was going to raincheck on the movie and finish up the photographs. I made to follow Xiao, JongB and Jiwon out of the room, but a hand wrapped around mine.
I looked down and found Youngbin holding on. I arched an eyebrow at him, but instead of speaking, he tugged us both backwards. He sat back down at the chair at the desk, pulling me into his lap. “Aren’t you watching the movie?” I asked as the door closed, leaving us alone.
“I was the one who told them to go watch a movie.” His arms wrapped around my waist as he settled his chin on my shoulder. “I wanted to make sure you were OK after earlier.”
I nodded. “I think I overreacted a bit. I want to blame the concussion.”
“You don’t ever need to be embarrassed about your Korean, you know,” he told me. “And if I – if any of us – say something you don’t understand, just ask, OK?” His lips moved to my neck, placing a gentle kiss on it. “We’re all learning English for you too you know.”
“You don’t have to do that!” I exclaimed. “I’ll get better, eventually.”
“If you’re learning Korean for us, we’re going to learn English fo
r you,” he said, his tone firm, unlike his lips which were leaving a trail of kisses along my neck and collarbone. “With Korean, English and Japanese, it’s going to make for some interesting conversations, but we’ll get there. We have all the time in the world.”
I was sure that last part was making a point, but hell, if it didn’t leave me all warm and gooey inside. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Youngbin pulled back, then, making sure his grip around my waist remained, slowly spun the chair around so we were facing the desk. “I wanted to share something with you.”
There were only two items on the small desk: a laptop, and a microphone. One of Youngbin’s hands left me to reach up for the MacBook, nudging the mouse to disturb the screensaver. I vaguely recognized the program as something used to record songs – which made sense, considering the microphone.
The sight of it made my eyes light up. “What are you working on?”
“It was supposed to be a track for the next album, but I don’t think it will be what we’ll go with. It’s not right for Onyx’s sound.”
“Don’t artists evolve and come out with different sounds all the time?” I asked. “Why can’t it be your next single?”
“It’s definitely not a single. At best, it could be an album track.” His hand moved to my neck, the coolness of it making me jump as he brushed my hair over my shoulder. “But I think I might release it on my Mixtape.”
“Can I hear it?”
Youngbin leaned forward, hitting something on the laptop. As he moved back, the music starting, he pulled me straight back into him. “What do you think?” he murmured, his mouth trailing kisses and nips back along my shoulder.
Given that I had barely heard more than ten seconds of it, I was going to go out on a limb and say he was talking about the erection I could feel poking my behind. I licked my lips. “I would say there was a chance this wasn’t suitable for the average Onyx fan,” I said, my voice already husky.