by Bella Jewel
I go to ask Koda about it, considering the club owns this land, so he probably knows where this leads, but I did just ask him not to speak with me, so I keep my mouth shut and walk. I can hear his boots crunching behind me, and I’m suddenly very aware of him. I rub my arms consciously and keep moving. I wonder what I look like from behind? God, I hope I don’t look awful, because right now, he’s just watching me as I walk.
Awkward.
I move farther down the path, and the trees slowly start getting lusher and thicker, the rocks bolder and bigger, and I can’t mistake the sound of trickling water. A stream! Excitement bubbles in my chest. As a child, I loved to explore, but after my mother was killed, my entire childhood was taken from me. I miss the days of feeling free, of being able to adventure off and not have a care in the world.
No fear.
Just me.
I stop when the trail narrows down to a beautiful, crystal-clear river. It’s flowing, trickling over rocks, the sun making it sparkle in areas. My heart expands, and my body relaxes, just for a second. It’s still quite cold up here, especially at night, so I know the water is going to be freezing, but I don’t really care. I rush down, stopping at the edge of the stream and then launching my body into it without warning.
The cold water hits me hard, making me gasp. My whole body feels like it’s been sparked to life, and I close my eyes, diving back under, over and over, even though it’s so cold my teeth are chattering. It’s like being breathed a new life. It feels incredible. I surface, running my fingers through my hair and glancing over at Koda, who is perched on a rock, staring at me with a strange expression on his face. I swim over, climbing out of the water and finding a sunny spot.
“You’re goin’ to freeze in about five minutes, you know that, don’t you?” he says, his voice gruff.
“It’s the little things in life, Koda, that make people feel good. With good always comes bad. I’ll take the bad, in this case. Because that made me feel so damned good.”
He studies me, only for a moment, then shrugs his leather jacket off and tosses it at me. I catch it and immediately smell him on it. Mixed with the leather, it’s a unique, intoxicating smell. I stare at him. “It’ll get all wet inside. Aren’t these jackets sacred or some such thing?”
He snorts. “It’ll dry. Been through worse. Put it on so you don’t fuckin’ die.”
I run my fingers over the leather. It’s worn, well loved, and it holds so many stories. I wonder why Koda ever joined the club to begin with. Why does anyone join a club? Is it for protection? Or is it just because they have nobody left in the world, and these men are like family to them?
I rub my finger over the Vice President patch.
Koda is a big deal in the club.
No doubt.
Then I pull the jacket over my shoulders and pull it on. It swims on me, but it’s warm and smells amazing. I glance at Koda, whose big arms are now on full display, bulging out from his tight, black tee. God, he’s so fucking beautiful it hurts to stare at him. It makes everything inside me want to pounce, to just taste him once.
Normal feminine reactions, I’m sure.
“Thanks,” I murmur.
He nods, staring out at the water for a bit, then, finally, he says, “Goin’ to need you to talk eventually, Charlie. Can’t stay up here forever. We have to find who is after you and end them, or you’ll spend your life runnin’.”
I flinch and look away, my jaw tightening.
He has no idea the depth of what he’s getting into. The dark world he’s about to walk into with his club by his side. My father, who only located me because of Treyton, is a dangerous and very deadly man.
And he runs a big operation.
As much as I hope, I don’t know that the club will be able to end it.
“I’m not so sure that’ll matter, honestly, I’m not sure you can do anything for me.”
“Why?”
It’s a demand—a gruff demand.
“Because he’s dangerous, and his operation is big, and I’m just not sure anything can be done about it.”
“It ain’t about manpower, Charlie. It’s about how fuckin’ much you want it. It’s about the fire that burns in your belly. It’s about bein’ smart.”
“And you want it, why?” I ask him, staring over finally.
“Because I don’t like to see people killed for things they don’t deserve.”
I swallow. “And how do you know I don’t deserve it?”
“Do you?” he asks directly. “Do you deserve to be killed?”
I think on that for a moment. I mean, I’ve done things wrong because of my father, so many things, but it was only because I didn’t have a choice. When I did have a choice, I took him down. And because of that, he’s going to make me pay. He’s going to try and ruin my life in the most painful way he can.
“No,” I finally answer. “I’ve done some bad things, but no, I don’t deserve to die for them. My hit is vengeance, and vengeance alone.”
“Then tell me who is after you.”
I stare at him. I’m not sure I want to do that. I trust the club, I do, but when I open this door and let all my demons out, they might change their mind. God knows I would. When they realize what they’re truly about to walk into, they’ll hit the ground running.
Of that I’m sure.
Nobody wants to die, after all.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. Right now, I’m not sure who I trust.”
He glares at me. Pure scorn thrown right in my direction. I don’t glance away; I hold his glare. I won’t back down, not from him, not from anyone. My life, well, it’s mine for right now. I know eventually, I’ll need to come up with something, or help them, but right now I don’t think that’s a good idea at all.
I’m still not sure the club has what it takes.
No matter how bad that sounds.
“How the fuck do you think we can protect you if we don’t even know where to start lookin’?”
I take a deep breath. “Do you honestly think I’d just throw your club into a fire, without first checking that you were fully protected? If I tell you everything, I know exactly what you’ll do. You’ll all get yourselves killed.”
“No fuckin’ faith,” he growls.
“It has nothing to do with faith,” I snap back. “It has to do with logic. I know the darkness out there, okay? I fucking know it better than anyone. If I honestly thought it wasn’t a risk, I’d send you all running in there. But it is a risk. To your club. To those women the men call family. To kids. To everyone. If you think I’m going to just throw you all into that, then you don’t know me at all.”
“Eventually,” he grates out, “it’s goin’ to catch up with us. Eventually, we won’t be able to hide anymore. Fuckin’ eventually, we’ll have to find a way to end this so you’re protected. We swore our loyalty to you after what you did for us, but we can’t hide you forever.”
“And I wasn’t asking you to. I’ll figure something out. I just ... Give me a little bit of time, okay?”
“You have a million-dollar fuckin’ hit on your head, Charlie. Someone is goin’ to find you, and someone is goin’ to put a bullet in your skull. If you don’t tell us who wants that, we’re fucked, and so are you.”
I flinch at the thought of losing my life. Of him winning. Of him having what he’s always wanted. The last woman in his life dead. The very thought makes me angry and frustrated, but mostly scared as hell. My father is the deadliest kind. Dangerous. Reckless. Cold blooded. He will stop at nothing, I know this as much as Koda does, but he simply doesn’t know yet the monster he’s facing up to.
Nobody does.
They have no idea.
None, whatsoever.
~*~*~*~
THEN – CHARLIE
“Nobody will know you’re mine.”
My father’s rough fingers scrape through my scalp, burning my head as he puts something that smells really bad in my hair. His fingers come back black
as he grabs the messy bottle and squirts more on, scrubbing it into my hair and making my eyes water. I don’t know what he’s putting onto me. I don’t care. I just want my mommy back. But she isn’t coming back.
I know that now.
I belong to my dad.
“You’re going to work for me. Find out what I need. It’s perfect. This worked out perfectly. Your mother dying was a blessing. I’ll be the fucking best.”
A blessing.
My heart hurts, but I don’t cry anymore.
Dad told me the more I cry, the more he’ll make me wish I didn’t.
So, I stopped crying.
Except for when I go to bed at night and I know he can’t hear me. Then I cry. I cry really hard. I miss my mommy. I want her to come back. Knowing she isn’t going to makes everything really empty. Our maid, Rebecca, comes into my room sometimes and pats my hair. She’s not really supposed to, but I think she feels sorry for me. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t eat or get to school.
Dad doesn’t care about me.
He told me so yesterday.
His fingers wrap around my upper arm after a few minutes with this yucky stuff in my hair, and he drags me into the washing room and pushes my head over the sink. It hurts, a lot, but I don’t complain. He’ll only make it hurt worse. I don’t know why dad doesn’t love me. All my friends at school, their dads love them. They come and pick them up and swing them around in their arms.
My dad has never hugged me.
Or kissed me.
Or told me he loves me.
But I don’t love him, either, so maybe it’s fair.
Black liquid fills the sink, and I stare at it, washing down the drain until it becomes clear. I see strands of my hair, and it’s not red anymore. It’s black. Dad changed my hair color. I’m not sure why. He keeps telling me I’ve got a job to do, and I need to learn and pay attention. And mostly, I can never tell anybody he’s my father. If I do, he’ll send me to be with Mommy.
The same way.
Sometimes I think that wouldn’t be so bad, going to be with Mommy. Even if it did mean some cruel man had to shoot me. At least I wouldn’t be here with Dad.
Maybe.
Dad’s harsh fingers pull me into an upright position and he takes a towel, rubbing my head until it hurts. I bite my lip to stop from making any sound. He doesn’t like it when I complain. He scrubs my head dry and then tosses the towel. “Brush it. Then come into my office. We’re going to go over everything you’ve learned.”
He storms out, and I take the brush, panicking. What if I forget something he’s taught me? There is so much to remember. So many papers and words I have to look for, things I have to find. I don’t think I’m old enough for what he wants me to do. I don’t think I’ll be able to get it right, and if I don’t, he’ll hurt me.
I’m tired of being hurt.
I brush my hair quickly and rush to his office, knocking on the door. He yells something, and I walk in, timidly standing and watching him. He calls me over, and I go, right away. I stop in front of him and he crosses his arms. Mommy told me once that she fell in love with Dad because he was so handsome. I don’t really understand what that means, I just know to me Dad is only scary. And mean.
Really mean.
“What are you going to do? From the top?”
I swallow, and my fingers tremble. “Ummm ...”
He steps forward, his fingers grabbing me by the shoulder. He squeezes really hard, so hard tears burn in my eyes, but I don’t cry. “I swear to God, Charlene. I will make you remember, no matter how hard I have to hurt you to get there. Now, what the fuck did I teach you?”
“I’ll go to the houses you tell me to go to,” I whisper, my voice shaky. “I’ll knock on the door and tell the people I’m lost and I don’t know where I am. When they let me inside, I’ll ask to use the bathroom. Then, I’ll run off and find any information I can.”
“And what information are you looking for?”
“N-N-N-Names. Places. Phone numbers.”
“And if they catch you?”
“I t-t-t-t-tell them I’m homeless and I was looking for money.”
“And you never what?”
“Tell them you’re my father.”
“And if they capture you, or get suspicious?”
My bottom lip trembles. “It’s my o-o-o-own stupid fault.”
“Exactly.” He nods, releasing my shoulder. “It’s your own stupid fault. Be smart, that’s what this family is all about. You get smart, you do the job, I might keep you around. You don’t, I’ll make you wish you were never born. And trust me, Charlene, you don’t want that. I’m a very mean man.”
I know.
I know you are.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?” he growls.
“Yes, Sir.”
He nods. “Get out. Keep practicing. Tomorrow, you go to your first house. And remember, Charlene, we don’t have time for tears, or sniveling. Get tough, or I’ll make you that way.”
I swallow and turn, rushing out the door.
I’m afraid for tomorrow, so deathly afraid.
I don’t want to do it, I don’t, but I have no choice.
He’s going to make me.
He’s going to turn me mean, just like him.
Just. Like. Him.
-4-
NOW – KODA
“How’s it goin’?”
I glance over at Charlie, who is sitting on the side of the porch, legs dangling off. She’s staring off into the darkness, not a care in the world. It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that she’s not afraid of much. I know why. I know the life she’s led. Nothing out here could frighten her more than what she’s already seen. I’d say I feel pity, but I don’t. Everyone has a story—you either choose to embrace it or let it eat you alive.
Charlie is strong.
I’ll give her that much.
But she doesn’t need pity.
She needs to give me information.
I need to end this.
For more reasons than she’ll ever know.
“First night, already fuckin’ long,” I mutter to Malakai on the phone.
“She behavin’?”
“She’s mouthy but not difficult. Won’t talk.”
“Tell her how important it is that she talks?”
“’Course I fuckin’ did. She thinks if she talks, we’ll get killed.”
Malakai hums. “Whoever is after her she obviously knows is deadly.”
Yeah.
Fucking deadly.
A deadly secret.
One she’s holding close to her chest.
We all have our own demons. Our own secrets. And our own battles.
I glance at Charlie again.
No doubt our demons have danced. More than once.
“We’re no closer down here,” Malakai tells me. “We’ve got men out everywhere, tryin’ to find more information. Treyton is dead, which means we need to find new leads. His threat to our club is now gone, but whatever happened when he had Charlie, whatever information he shared, has created a whole new world of problems. Because now she’s being hunted.”
Hunted.
Yeah. Fucking hunted.
“Yeah,” I grunt. “I’ll keep lookin’. I find a lead, I’ll let you know. All we have, so far, is her name. Until she talks, that’s all we have to go on.”
“I’ve got people keepin’ ears to the ground, tryin’ to get word on the street, whispers. Someone big is out there, runnin’ this show, and whoever it is wants Charlie. My guess, it’s a family member, or an ex-boyfriend.”
Right.
“Either way,” I say, clenching my fist, “we’ll get to the bottom of it.”
I fucking hate this.
My demons are eating me from the inside out.
And I can’t tell a damned soul about it.
“Yeah, we will. Few of us comin’ up on the weekend, go over information, have a meeting. Do Charlie good to have female com
pany, no doubt she’ll be sick of you by then.”
“Send a fuckin’ woman up, Malakai. If I can’t get out of this fuckin’ hell hole, I need to get my dick wet.”
Malakai chuckles. “Always about the pussy.”
“Comin’ from someone who has regular pussy.”
He grunts. “True. I’ll send Sugar up. She knows the way. She’s got a sweet ass. She’ll do the job.”
“Don’t give a fuck who it is, so long as she’s got a useable pussy.”
Malakai snorts. “Harsh, brother.”
“Like you haven’t had the exact thought,” I grunt.
“Too right. I’ll send her up.”
“Good. Check in later.”
“Be nice to that girl, Koda. She did a good thing for our club.”
Yeah.
“Later.”
I hang up the phone and crack another beer, staring at Charlie again. She’s deep in thought, hands resting on her lap, staring into the darkness with no expression on her face. Scared? She should be. A hit like that, people will come after her, at all costs. It won’t take them long to track her down. That’s what I’m here for, but I can only hide her for so long.
Eventually, it’ll catch up to her.
And she’ll be standing on the edge of hell, more than willing to fucking jump to escape it.
~*~*~*~
THEN – KODA
“Who the fuck are you workin’ for, Braxton.”
Arms crossed, I glare at my brother who is sitting in his hospital bed, attached to more tubes than I’d like, staring at me with a pale, sunken face and a body that is far too thin for his build. How the fuck did I get so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t notice he was sinking so heavily? What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Fuckin’ no one, Dakoda. You need to back the fuck off. I had a big night, that’s all.”
“Do you forget who I am?” I bark. “You lie as fuckin’ well as I do. Which means, I know you’re feedin’ me bullshit, and I don’t appreciate it. One look at you tells anyone glancin’ that it wasn’t just one big night, it was many. You look like you’re walkin’ on the edge of death. So, I’ll ask again. Who the fuck are you workin’ for?”