by Bella Jewel
God.
That hits me right where it hurts. Right in my core. The most sensitive parts of me.
“When you look in the mirror and all you see is failure. Loneliness. Bitterness.”
I say that with my voice soft, a little fragile, mostly broken.
Koda looks over at me. “Braxton was my twin. But he was more than that. He was a part of me. Literally, my second half. He was fuckin’ all I had. And I failed him.”
“How?” I dare to ask.
“Because he was in trouble, and I didn’t see it. I didn’t help when he needed me to help. I didn’t realize he had gotten himself in deep until it was too late. And it was, it was too fuckin’ late.”
God.
My heart aches for him.
“Was it drugs?”
Koda exhales and crosses his arms. “Don’t really do the talkin’, deep and meaningful shit ...”
“That’s wonderful,” I say, still staring at him. “Neither do I. I’m simply asking for your story, Koda.”
His silences stretches for a while before he finally murmurs, “It was drugs. He got in deep. Got hooked. Started selling them. Started fucking people over. Got in deeper. Stole weapons. Thought he could sell them off, pay off his debts, and be free. He was wrong. Got a hit put against him. I tried to change his name, get us out, but they got ahold of us before I could.”
God.
I want to reach over and hug him, to tell him it’ll be okay, to tell him it wasn’t his fault his brother got into trouble. But I can’t do that. I can only listen, because it doesn’t matter what I say to him now. He is never going to feel okay about losing Braxton, and he’s never going to stop blaming himself. My words won’t change that.
“I’m really sorry, Koda.”
“Worst part was they got me first. Used me to get him. I should have fuckin’ run when I had the chance and taken him with me. Then tried to get us free. I shouldn’t have been in that fuckin’ town. Because of that, he got killed. He got killed, and they got what they wanted.”
“And you were left with a hole that can never be filled.”
He looks over at me, his eyes intense. He just watches me, as if he’s seeing me in a different light. As if, for the first time, he actually understands me. Because, whether he likes it or not, we’re one and the same. We’re both so incredibly broken, so incredibly damaged by our past, but mostly we hold blame, and guilt, and an emptiness not many can understand.
I open my mouth to say something, but Koda reaches out without warning and grabs me, as if I weigh nothing, and pulls me onto his lap. For a moment, I’m stunned completely. I don’t know what to do or say, I just know that I’m here, on his lap, and it was his choice to put me there. My heart races, and I turn my head only to crash into his lips. They’re hungry, and desperate, and he kisses me with a greed I feel deep into my soul. I reach over, tangling my hands into his hair, and kiss him back with the same desperation.
The kiss turns almost frantic, tongues clashing, breaths panting, bodies crushing together as close as we can get them. I need more of him, and even though I’m molded against him, it doesn’t feel close enough. I need him again. Inside me. His hands slide to my robe and he jerks it open, exposing my naked body beneath. He doesn’t move his lips from mine as his hands reposition me to the correct position on his lap, then they glide over my breasts, squeezing, before moving down my sides and going between us for his jeans.
He has them unbuttoned in a few moments, and his cock is freed.
I’m desperate now, hungrily kissing him, fingers jerking at his head, moaning every chance I can get.
He lifts me a little, and then I sink down onto his cock.
I gasp, he growls, and then we’re fucking.
And kissing.
And fucking some more.
My hips rock on his, my mouth devouring his.
His hands are all over my body, sliding up my back, gripping my ass, using my hips to make us fuck harder.
I can’t hold on.
Hell, I’m not even embarrassed this is happening so fast.
I let my orgasm take hold of me, ripping through my body and exploding outward, making me cry out in an ecstasy I’ve never experienced. Being here, alone with him, fucking him with this intensity, it makes my soul catch on fire. It burns, god does it burn.
“Koda,” I gasp, finally pulling my lips away from his and tipping my head back, exposing my breasts to his hungry mouth.
He takes the chance with a ragged growl, slipping my nipple into his mouth and sucking as he bucks his hips harder, making the old swing chair creak in protest. He bucks and bucks until a feral growl is ripped from his throat and he cums inside me, pumping upward until every last drop has left his body.
I slump against him, dropping my forehead to his chest, loving that I can feel his heart beating, loving the warm, sweaty body that is beneath me, loving that his hands are still on me and he has yet to throw me off. For a few blissful minutes, as our bodies recover yet again from the intense passion, he just holds onto me. Not tight, but he doesn’t let me go. As if he knows I need it. Maybe I do—hell, I think I really do.
“Koda,” I whisper into the darkness.
“Yeah?”
“I’m grateful. For you. For your club. For everything you’re doing for me. I know that it might not make a great deal of sense to you, but that man, the man I call a father, he terrifies me. I rarely tell people that, because most of the time, I’m tough enough to deal. But ... the thought that my last breath on this Earth will be right before he takes my life, makes me want to curl up and block the world out.”
His hands slide around my back, and he scoots me closer, our bodies bound together so tightly it feels like he’s pushing everything back in. All my fear. All my worries. All my doubts.
I feel protected.
“Not goin’ to let him have you. Not goin’ to let your last breath be at the hands of a fuckin’ monster. Made that mistake once, you can be assured it will not happen again.”
And those words.
Yes.
Those words.
They speak to my soul.
-15-
THEN – KODA
“What the fuck are you doin’ here, Koda? You could have been followed,” Braxton hisses, glancing around the gardens of the rehab center, as if at any moment, someone is going to come out and blow his brains out.
Wouldn’t surprise me.
I’m not sure how I’ve managed to stay low for this past week while I wait for our I.Ds to be made. I’m trusting a stranger, because he could tell anyone where I am, and all they’d have to do is get ahold of me to find out where Braxton is. It’s a risk, I know this more than fucking anyone, but it’s a risk I have to take.
For my brother.
For his life.
“Had to come here. Need you to know things have changed. Can’t get you out of this, Braxton.”
His eyes widen, and for a second I see panic in them. Pure terror. These men scare him far more than he’ll ever let on. He knows it’s dangerous. He knows that if he gets caught he’ll die a slow and painful fucking death. I’d be scared, too. Hell, I am fucking scared. Scared for him. Scared for me. Scared for everyone involved. Because if I get us out of this, it’ll be a damned miracle.
“So, what? I’m just goin’ to die? You’re goin’ to let them fuckin’ kill me?” he rasps out, fists clenching, face angry.
I lean across the table. “Do not fuckin’ speak to me like that. I’m the only person you’ve got on your side, and I have no intentions of lettin’ you do this alone. What I am going to do is try and get you away from it. I can’t change it. You got a hit on you, brother, a fuckin’ big one. Don’t matter if I killed every motherfucker workin’ for this prick, they’re goin’ to make sure you’re dead. The hit is clear sign of that. You gotta run. Only way out.”
“I can’t run,” he says, running his fingers through his hair, the fear apparent in his eyes. “Can’t fuckin’ run, D
akoda. They’ll hunt me down. Find me. Kill me.”
“Not if I can get us out with a whole new identity. Means leavin’ this life, all of it, every single person you know. Means movin’ somewhere far fuckin’ away, stayin’ low for at least five years, never comin’ back.”
His eyes meet mine. “And you think that’ll work? You think I can just disappear? These men, they know how to find people. They will track us down.”
“Maybe they will, or maybe they won’t.”
“I fuckin’ rolled them over,” he barks, clawing at his face. “Runnin’ is not goin’ to save me, I’m a dead man.”
“You’re a fuckin’ dead man if you stay. Either way, you’re probably dead. This way gives you a damned chance.”
“What if I fake my own death? It can be done; people do it all the time.”
I stare at him. “It takes a whole fuckin’ lot of plannin’ to do somethin’ like that. Believe me, I considered it. But we don’t have time. Those people are hot on your trail and it won’t be long before they find you. The best chance we have is to flee. Leave the weapons where they are, they’ll find them, they’ll re-sell them. Still want your head, no doubt, but it might calm them enough to remove that hit. Then we’re dealin’ with only one fuckin’ monster.”
Braxton shakes his head. “I don’t think we’re walkin’ away from this, Dakoda. If, by some small fuckin’ miracle, we actually get out of the state, all it will take is for them to find the name of the person who gave you the new identity. They’ll track us from there.”
“Maybe, or maybe he will deny ever seein’ me. Seemed like a good man. Family man. Don’t think he’s a problem.”
“You’re being naive!” he roars, causing a worker to turn around and stare at us.
He forces a smile and waves.
She studies us for a few moments, then turns back.
“Listen,” I hiss, leaning over the table so I’m in his face, “you got yourself into this mess. I’m only tryin’, best I fuckin’ can, to get you out of it. You don’t take my help, you’re dead the second they find you. This is the only hope, it might be a fuckin’ small one, but it’s all we have. You’re either in it with me, or you’re not. You’re not, I take my shit, change my name, and fuck off away from all this. Alone. What’s it going to be, Braxton?”
He stares at me, his eyes flaring with rage and anger.
“I don’t have a fuckin’ choice, do I? I’m dead either way it goes, but at least I’ll have longer with your plan.”
I understand his hesitation and fear. Hell, I really fucking do. He’s probably right. There is a good chance we’ll be found. I even thought of going to the cops, giving information, helping them bring down the operation in exchange for our safety. But, again, that’s a risk. There is a good chance they’ll lock Braxton up and he’ll only get killed anyway.
Cops can’t be trusted.
Most of them are being paid off.
Someone, somewhere would give information and we’d be found. Money talks, and people like this Shanks, they have fucking money. They have it and they have people in all areas working for them, including the cops.
Can’t risk it.
The only two people I need to know about this change is Braxton and myself.
And the man who changed our I.Ds.
He’s one person. Only one person to worry about.
That’s exactly how I need it.
“Only choice we have, like it or not. Got one week until the new identities are ready, until then you stay here. So far nobody knows where you are and you’re safe. At least for now. Eventually, they’ll find out you came here, and they’ll come after you. Can only hope we have a week’s worth of time.”
“And if we don’t?”
I hold his eyes. “Can’t think of that right now. Can only think of gettin’ us the hell out of here.”
He shakes his head, closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. “I’m a fuckin’ idiot.”
Yeah.
He is.
But he’s still my brother. I reach over and grab his chin in my fingers, squeezing hard enough for him to meet my eyes. “Yeah. You’re a fuckin’ idiot. You did somethin’ incredibly stupid. But you’re only human, and you fucked up, and you were strugglin’. We all make mistakes, some bigger than others. All you need to know right now is that I’ve got your back and, no matter what happens, I’ll keep havin’ your back. You go down, Braxton, I’m going with you.”
His eyes get glassy, and he growls, “Love you, Dakoda.”
“Yeah, brother, I love you, too.”
And I wonder.
Is that the last time I’ll get to say that to him?
~*~*~*~
NOW – KODA
“Busy night, brother,” Maverick murmurs, walking into the kitchen the next morning to take the one stash of coffee we have until someone can get more.
I glance over at him. “Makes you say that?” I mutter.
“Heard that girl screamin’ from our cabin. Pretty sure she wasn’t doin’ that on her own.”
I shrug. “She wanted it. I gave it. Everyone was happy.”
He doesn’t say anything, and when I look back, he’s staring at me. Really fucking staring. I hate when he does that, like he can see I’m a fucking liar and he knows it. Of course he knows it. Everyone in this place knows it. Charlie is under my skin. No matter how fucking hard I try and fight it. She’s there, and I can’t get her out. Every time I look at her, my chest tightens.
Fuck.
This is not good.
It’ll only cause pain. So why the fuck can’t I walk away?
“You and I both know you could get any woman. We also know that woman is protected. You wouldn’t fuck her for the fun of it, and we both know it. You got feelings for her?”
I shoot him a glare. “No, I do not have fuckin’ feelings for her. I like her, she’s a good chick, she’s fun, and she’s hot. End of story.”
Maverick shakes his head. “Like to hope that’s the end of story, because if you don’t have genuine feelings for her, you should back the fuck off, brother. She’s havin’ a hard time, and we’re supposed to be protectin’ her. Can’t be doin’ that if you’re in her pants for a bit of fun. Trustin’ you to have her back.”
I clench my fists because he’s making me fucking angry now.
“First of fuckin’ all, don’t ever make out like I’d stray from my job over pussy. And that’s all she is, just pussy. I wouldn’t, not for a single fuckin’ second. Second of all, told you, it was a bit of fun. Not goin’ to let it get in the way. But if it makes you happy, I’ll get pussy from somewhere else from now on. As I said, it’s all the same to me.”
He shakes his head.
He knows.
I fucking know.
But he also knows I won’t say it.
She’s more than pussy.
His eyes go up and over my shoulder, and his face softens just a little. I know, even before he murmurs, “Mornin’, darlin’,” that she’s there. I know it, I can feel the fucking vibe as I turn and see the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth, standing in a long tee, hair messy, cheeks rosy, looking so fucking perfect it hurts, and staring at me with a hurt expression.
I just called her pussy.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Fuck.
“Just pussy, hey?” she says, running her hands through her hair. “If that’s the case, you can get it from somewhere else, and I’ll stick with Mason. And Mason alone.”
My jaw clenches. She’s getting on my nerves. She is hitting me back hard, and I probably fuckin’ deserve it, but I don’t like it. Not at all. The thought of her fucking Mason, his cock sliding into that perfect fucking body, makes me wild with anger.
No.
Fuckin’ no.
I don’t say that, I just glare at her for a few seconds. Then I grind out, “Whatever you want.”
Worse thing I could have said, because her face falls just a little, and her eyes flash w
ith that strong rage I’ve come to know so well. When Charlie is mad at you, she lets you know, and she does not back down. She’s strong, and she’s not into quitting.
“Awesome,” she bites out and then walks past both of us and grabs my coffee mug straight off the bench then saunters out with it.
Fuck me.
“Well done, bro,” Maverick mutters, grabbing his mug and shaking his head. “One day you’ll learn that when a good one comes along, you don’t fuckin’ push her away or you’ll end up very fuckin’ alone. And I’d hate to see that. You’re already bitter enough.”
Then he walks out.
Well, fuck me.
I make another coffee and move out onto the patio where Malakai, Scarlett, Amalie, and Maverick are all sitting around on chairs. Charlie is standing, back against a pole, and she doesn’t look at me when I come out.
“Hate to push, especially this early in the morning,” Malakai says to her, “but gotta ask a question, darlin’. Gotta get this show on the road today, try and finish this so we can make you safe again. To do that, we need your help.”
Charlie looks to him, her eyes empty. I hate seeing that look. That broken fucking look.
Especially because it’s on me.
“Anything,” she says, her voice softer than it usually is.
I hurt her.
And I’m a fucking idiot for that.
But maybe it’s for the best. Malakai is right. We need to get her safe. My head needs to be in the game for that. One hundred percent.
“It’s a long shot, but was wonderin’ if you might know anyone in your dad’s little group, anyone at all, that might be willin’ to double cross him.”
Her eyes widen and she glances at me for a split second before saying, “You mean someone who will go out of their way to betray him?”
“Only way we’re gonna take him down is to start a war with someone bigger. We need an inside man to do that. Someone who is willin’, for the right price, of course, to do what we need them to do to make that happen.”