Nameless

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by Joe Conlan


  His dream to work in law enforcement was originally conceived when he was just four years old and living in the home of his grandparents in Chicago. For the first two years of his life, Daniel and his parents lived with his maternal grandparents in the three storey brownstone not far from Grant Park where he would live again later with his brother Peter and the rest of the family. Daniel didn’t have many memories of that initial time in his grandparents’ home. One thing he could recall with exceptional clarity was the impeccably fitted, blue police uniform his grandfather wore to work every day. The brilliantly shiny silver badge and legion of medals decorating the lapel and shoulders of the jacket never failed to fill him with wonder and awe.

  At the time they moved in, Daniel’s parents, John and Maria, were recently married. John had just secured a position as night watchman at the Hancock building in downtown Chicago. Finances were tight for the newlywed couple. In order to be in a position to save money to purchase their own home, they decided to live with Maria’s mom and dad temporarily. When John finally received a promotion from the security company to a supervisory position, they rented a small apartment near Wrigley Field. Two years later, Maria’s father passed away suddenly from a ruptured brain aneurism. Maria’s mom, Filomena, who was both devastated and lonely as a result of her husband’s death asked John and Maria to move back to the house, offering the top two floors to the Falcone family. John, being a proud man, was initially resistant to the idea of living under his mother-in-law’s roof again. Maria ultimately convinced him the move would be better for the family since they now had three young boys, were expecting a fourth, and were living paycheck to paycheck. Daniel’s parents would end up living there until they divorced, years after the boys were grown.

  Taking advantage of the opportunity of living with her mother, Maria decided to go back to school to become a licensed practical nurse, leaving Filomena the primary caretaker of the boys. Though she kept her feelings secret, Filomena always had a special place in her heart for Daniel and he responded in kind. During those years, they developed a very close relationship. He could still recount the stories she often told him of his grandfather’s exploits as first a beat cop, then detective with the Chicago Police Department. What his grandmother always seemed most proud of was her husband’s rise through the ranks of the force. Just before he passed away, he was promoted to leader and Captain of Chicago’s metropolitan area and Southside. Daniel would never admit it to anyone, but it was his granddad who became his hero and role model. Though he wasn’t proud of the fact, Daniel was embarrassed about his father’s career and lack of education. Daniel had plans to do much bigger and better things. It was to his grandmother, rather than his dad, who he first announced his intention to become an FBI agent.

  Daniel suffered from a severe state of depression for many months after Peter’s tragic accident. Even the idea that the police were considering charging him with manslaughter didn’t evoke any real emotion. He simply didn’t care. Finding the motivation just to get out of bed in the morning was hard enough. His hope for a career in law enforcement became a non-issue. He received no help from his parents. Maria was in a deep depression herself and was of no use to her son. John made Daniel’s condition infinitely worse. His father's words would haunt his dreams until the day he died... "You deserve to rot behind bars for the rest of your life." That beer you forced down his throat might as well have been a loaded pistol. You’re a fuck’n murderer.” Daniel’s relationship with his father was irreparably damaged that morning, if not completely destroyed. The few words they spoke to each other when they happened to be in the same room were mechanical, empty, and superficial.

  If it hadn’t been for the love and support of his grandmother, the path Daniel chose after Peter’s death might have been completely different. Daniel could remember the conversation that turned things around for him like it was yesterday. It was four months after Peter died. His parents and his brothers were visiting his grave site on a Saturday afternoon; Daniel wasn’t invited. Lying on his bed, contemplating the advantages and disadvantages of living, there was a light knock at his door. He considered telling his grandmother to go away, then changed his mind and invited her in.

  “Daniel, I’m gonna tell you a story that’s just between you and me, alright?”

  “I’m really not in the mood, Gramma. I just want to be by myself.”

  “I know you’re feeling really bad, honey. I want you to listen to what I have to say. You keep on this road, I’m afraid what’s gonna happen to you.”

  “I don’t really care.”

  “Don’t you say that, Daniel. You have to forgive yourself. It was an accident. You didn’t set out to kill your brother.”

  “I might as well have. Dad wouldn’t agree with you.”

  “I don’t like to say bad things about him to you, sweetie, but your Dad can be a real jerk. He’s wrong what he said to you. You’re not a criminal. You’re not a murderer. You did what millions of kids your age do. I’m not gonna say it was a great idea... It’s what teenage boys do. Most of the time, by the grace of God, no one gets hurt. It’s not like you decided to get behind the wheel of a car. It was just a horrible accident.”

  “Is that what you wanted to say?”

  “No. I want to tell you a story about your father, just between us. I could throttle him for the way he’s treated you. He knows better.”

  “Ok, Gramma, I don’t think I’m gonna get rid of you anyway.”

  “No you’re not. You just have to know we all make bad decisions. I feel bad you’re so young and you have to pay so dearly for something most of us have gotten away with, including your dad. He was two years older than you are now when he got damn lucky. It was prom night. Of course, Maria was his date. He was too stubborn to rent a limousine for the night. He had to drive his Mustang his parents bought him for graduation. Spoiled him rotten- didn’t have a pot to piss in and went into hock to get their eighteen year-old kid a brand new car and give it to him before he got his diploma. Anyway, he got his older cousin to buy him a bottle of vodka. He had a few drinks before the dance. Went back to the car with his friends a few times and finished off the bottle. Your mom had a drink or two. That’s beside the point. John was half-crocked by the end of the night. Definitely had no business driving. They decided to go to some hotel afterwards where some kids were throwing a party. Damn parents, they asked for trouble. Gettin’ their kids a hotel room thinkin’ it’s safer, they won’t drive. Stupid, I tell ya. Your mom and dad made it to the party alright. John had a few more drinks...your mom too. Maria was still seventeen, so she had a curfew. I probably was kinda dumb lettin’ her stay out as late as I did. They were supposed to be home by two. Of course, time got away from them and before they knew it, it was after two. Your dad thought he was ok to drive. The house was only a mile away. Your mom was drunk enough, she didn’t know any better. They didn’t make it a hundred yards from the hotel when a police car flipped on its red and blue lights to stop them. John was all over the road. Then he saw the lights and panicked. Instead of stopping, he got the bright idea to try to run. He actually thought he could lose the cop on the way here. To make an already long story short, he crashed into the next door neighbor’s house- almost ended up in their living room. He’s lucky he didn’t kill himself or someone else and even luckier he didn’t kill Maria. If your mom did get hurt, he woulda wished he got killed cause he woulda had to deal with your grandpa.”

  Filomena had Daniel’s full attention. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His mother was a saint and his father was a lawmaker not a rule breaker. Though he would experience significant guilt over his brother’s death every single day of his life, Daniel could almost feel a heavy weight lift from his shoulders that day. He asked, “Did Dad go to jail?”

  “Actually, he was extremely lucky he happened to commit the crime in your grandpa’s jurisdiction. He did spend the night in jail, but charges were never filed. Luckily for John, our neighbors were go
od friends and were satisfied just to get the insurance company to do the repairs. My Tony did your father a huge favor. He could’ve have been charged with several felonies. Your mom begged your grandfather to drop the charges. She was already pregnant with you.”

  This time Daniel’s jaw dropped. His whole concept of his parents was changing in a matter of minutes. Noticing his shocked response, Filomena continued, “Now you see why you can’t repeat any of this. It’s not something that I would ever have told you if it wasn’t for what you’re going through. I know it’s gonna take a long, long time to heal and probably we never will totally. You have to use this experience to make you a better person, Daniel. You’re being given the same opportunity your father was given so many years ago. The police chose not to charge you with any crimes. They know you’ve suffered enough from Peter’s accident. Whatever the reason may be, you’re fortunate enough to have a choice. You can still be the FBI agent you always wanted to be. Peter would want it that way. You have an incredible opportunity. Now, are you gonna take it?”

  Daniel answered that question in the affirmative and followed his grandmother’s advice. He dedicated himself to being the best person he could be in memory of his brother. With a score of 1475 on his S.A.T. and the title of valedictorian of his high school senior class, acceptance to George Washington University in Washington D.C. was just a formality. His penchant for hard work and his innate intelligence rewarded him with a space in the 1996 freshman class at Harvard Law School where he ultimately graduated third in his class. In his final year at Harvard, Daniel didn’t have to apply for a position with the FBI. They came to the college to recruit him.

  News travelled like wildfire at the North Miami field office. It didn’t take very long before Daniel was being approached by his colleagues to offer their congratulations. There were a total of seven- hundred Special Agents and support personnel at the facility and by 1:00 that afternoon, at least a third had offered their best wishes. With each new well-wisher, Daniel began to realize the magnitude of his accomplishment.

  The North Miami field office was founded in October of 1924, as a satellite to the official Florida field office located in Jacksonville. As it became apparent that South Florida had a greater need for FBI presence, a field office was established in Miami in 1937. Since its inception, the North Miami office had been involved in many high profile cases, which included the largest bank fraud embezzlement arrest in FBI history. Daniel would proudly assume the role of the thirty-fourth Special Agent in Charge.

  Daniel realized that with all the commotion he forgot to tell his wife his good news. Since he hadn’t taken time out for lunch and was ready for a break anyway, he decided to deliver it in person. He advised the squad secretary he would be gone for approximately an hour, and three minutes later, he was behind the wheel of his government-issued 2003 Crown Victoria, bound for home in Hallandale Beach. The traffic on I-95 was unusually light even for that part of the day. Fifteen minutes later, he was unlocking the front door of his three bedroom, two bath condominium. He stepped into the small foyer then climbed the staircase of eight steps that lead to the main living area.

  Deborah, who wasn’t one to sit still for long, was busy fixing a broken ceiling fan in the boys’ upstairs bedroom. She had aspirations of being an important psychologist one day, but her true passion was for fixing things. There wasn’t a mechanical device that was beyond her magical powers of mending. Having two young, extremely active sons afforded her the opportunity to practice her reparative talents often enough. Pegging the fan with tennis balls was their most recent handiwork. Totally engrossed in her chore, she didn’t hear the closing of the front door or Daniel’s footsteps as he climbed the stairs.

  If Daniel were to more closely scrutinize his motivations, he would be forced to confess there was a reason why Deborah wasn’t the first person to receive news of his promotion. No question, she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever feasted his eyes upon. She was tall- 5’11”- with a long torso and athletic legs. Her hair was chestnut, her eyes the color of the crystal clear waters of the Caribbean Sea. Having a marriage proposal rejected by the love of his life less than a year before he met Deborah, his relationship with her couldn’t be described as anything less than rebound. It took a long time for Daniel to admit to himself that was the case and he still didn’t like the idea. Nevertheless, that spark for his wife was missing. As he caught a glimpse of her femininely muscled arms and shoulders reaching up toward the ceiling fan, he felt a twinge of familiar guilt. To avoid startling her, he knocked on the door of the bedroom. Despite his effort, Deborah nearly fell off the ladder that was positioned precariously underneath the red, white and blue helicopter propeller fan.

  “Shit, Daniel, you scared the hell out of me. What are you doin’ home in the middle of the day?”

  “Nice greeting. I tried to be subtle.”

  “I’m sorry. You startled me.” She climbed down the ladder and gave her husband a quick smack on the lips. “So, what are you doing here in the middle of the day?”

  “I actually have some really good news. I wanted to come home and tell you about it. I’ve been promoted to Special Agent in Charge.”

  “Which office? We don’t have to move, do we?”

  “No, Rick’s decided to retire. With the cancer and all, he wants to spend more time with the family. I’ll be heading up the North Miami field office.”

  “Is Rick ok? It hasn’t spread, has it?”

  “Geez, honey, I thought you’d be a little more excited about this. Rick’s fine. He just thought it was time to retire.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. You took me by surprise. This has to be the first time in five years you’ve come home before eight o’clock at night. I am excited. That’s incredible news. I’m really proud of you.”

  Deborah did her best to be happy for Daniel and hide the fact she was already experiencing some mixed emotions. On the one hand, she was thrilled for her husband, knowing it was a huge accomplishment. Yet, the amount of time he spent at the office was becoming an issue in their marriage, at least for her. Now things were just going to get worse. Expressing those feelings would only serve to minimize his achievement. She decided it probably wasn’t the best time to complain and threw her arms around his waist and gave him an extended congratulatory kiss. Daniel wasn’t convinced.

  “I get the feeling you’re upset. What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t be silly, honey. I’m fine and I’m thrilled about your promotion. Maybe now we can afford some new furniture for the dining room. Why don’t I make something special for dinner tonight? Anything you want. We can celebrate together. We’ll even make it a little romantic, just the two of us.”

  Daniel squirmed in his dark blue, Calvin Klein suit while picking at the tight collar of his white dress shirt. He knew exactly why Deborah’s initial reaction to his promotion wasn’t what one would expect. Just the previous night, she was complaining about his late nights at the office and how they rarely sat down as a family to share dinner together. His drinking was another bone of contention. If you asked him, he didn’t think it was an issue. Two or three beers in the evening barely gave him a buzz. It could hardly be considered a problem. That didn’t make it any easier to tell her he had already committed to going out for a drink with Rick Suarez and a couple of his closest friends at the Bureau.

  He said, “That sounds great sweetie, but Rick and the guys are taking me out for a drink after work. I should be home by eight though. Why don’t you join us?”

  Deborah gave herself a moment before she answered. She knew if she reacted on emotion alone, Daniel’s celebration for his promotion would be over. After taking a few seconds to calm herself and carefully consider her options, she chose to leave the drinking issue alone for the time being. She wasn’t totally successful.

  “Yeah right. Just what I want to do. Sit around and drink with a bunch of FBI agents. Besides, it’s too late to get a babysitter and the boys have tennis drills
tonight. Don’t worry... I’ll just wait for you to get home.”

  “You sure, honey? This is a special occasion. The boys can miss practice for one night. We can get your parents to watch them. I’d love to have you there.” Daniel was pretty sure his attempt to make nice was going to be rejected. He was starting to regret coming home. There were certainly times she could be high maintenance. When she was like this, it was probably best just to listen and not say too much. He’d make it up to her later tonight.

  “No thanks, I’ll pass,” she said.

  “Well we can still have that dinner. I’ll make sure I’m home before eight. I promise.”

  For a split second, Deborah considered not accepting that offer either, but instantly righted herself, feeling guilty she had already thrown enough of a dark cloud over his achievement. Continuing her efforts to exercise self-control she replied, “You go ahead and have fun. We’ll celebrate when you get home.”

  “You sure honey? I can cancel with the guys. We can reschedule for tomorrow.”

  “No, don’t worry about it. I’ll make dinner for the boys before you get home. I’ll be fine.” Daniel figured it was best to not belabor the subject so he agreed to Deborah’s plan.

  Deborah inquired, “By the way, how did Leland take the news?”

  “I have to give it to him. He was actually very polite and cordial.”

  “I’m sure he was. Now you really control his destiny.”

  Special Agent Robert Leland was one of Daniel’s top agents in the criminal division. Deborah hadn’t trusted him from the moment she met him. He was ambitious and made no bones about his interest in becoming the Assistant Special Agent in Charge of the criminal division back when Daniel was being considered. Leland didn’t take the news well that he had been passed over. He was pleasant enough, but for Deborah, he was a fake.

 

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