by Dale Mayer
“It was bad enough,” she heard from the doorway.
She looked up to see Shane standing there. She did her best not to cringe, but she knew he’d seen it.
He held out the green drink to her, tilting the straw so she didn’t have to move, and said, “Take a good sip.”
She took a small sip, not a good one, giving him a sideways glance.
He smiled at her and said, “All of it,” as if she were a two-year-old.
She found her voice and said, “I can’t drink it all so fast.”
“Maybe not,” he said, “but you haven’t had more than a tiny bit. Finish what you have left.”
She groaned and took a decent amount, tasted it, then wrinkled up her face.
“Apple juice, some mangoes blended in, and a whole pile of supplementation,” he said. “Your body is extremely depleted in vitamins and minerals. We’ll start feeding it properly in order to build up some energy.”
“Feeding me properly, so says you,” she said. “I’m totally okay to eat food, you know?”
“Good,” he said. “But the amount of vegetables that you would need to eat to get the same amount as this supplementation has? You couldn’t possibly eat that much.”
She frowned. “I could try.”
“Nope. This just became part of your normal everyday habit.”
“And if I don’t want it?”
He stopped, looked at her, and said, “I thought you wanted to get better.”
“That’s cheating,” she said.
“Whatever works,” he said with a big smile.
She shook her head, pulled one arm out from under the bedding, and grabbed the glass from him. “Will they all taste like this?”
“No, they’ll be different variations on the basics,” he said. “The bottom line is, it’s one of the easiest ways to get this much nutritional value down you.”
“Fine,” she said. “It still doesn’t taste very good.”
“You’ll get used to it,” he said. “It’s really not an option for you.”
“Right,” she said, heeding his warning. She understood what he was saying. It was just that she’d never been a shake person, never took vitamins or any other supplementation, and found it hard to do so at this stage too.
He looked at her, laughed, and said, “It really will get better.”
“Uh-huh,” she said, not believing him in the least. He was the guy who would tell her what she needed to hear. And whether it was the truth or not, well, the jury was out on that. She didn’t know him well enough. But she knew she was caught in a system here to help support her, and, if she didn’t let them do that, she wouldn’t be giving it a full test, and then how would she know if it was any good or not?
He stepped back and said, “Make sure it’s all gone. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
As soon as he was gone, she set the glass down and sank into the bed. Did he mean that she had to have it all drunk by the time he came back? Because that might be a bit much for her stomach. She was also drinking what water she needed to drink, but this was a lot of liquid. And a lot of liquid meant she would have to go to the bathroom a whole lot faster than she really wanted to. But still, if he was coming back, she didn’t want to be caught without it gone. She picked it up again and valiantly took a big drink. It didn’t seem to be quite so bad this time. She took another big drink and then another one.
By the time he came back, she had it over half gone. He looked at it and nodded. “See? It’s not that bad.”
“It’s not that good either,” she said, trying for some spirit. She didn’t want him to think she was a complete pushover.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It will make a huge difference in your body.”
“Good.” She took another big drink and set it down.
He looked at it and said, “Can you get the last bit down?”
“You’re sending me to the bathroom. You know that, right?”
He grinned. “What goes in must come out.”
“So it makes sense to stop now,” she argued.
He just chuckled and held out the glass for her. She groaned and sucked back the last of it. When she finally set it down, he looked at it and nodded. “Perfect. We’ll see how your stomach handles it tomorrow.” He turned and walked out with the empty glass.
“Wait. When do I work with you again?”
“Tomorrow,” he said, looking back at her. “Remember? You have your schedule in your tablet.”
“Oh. I thought maybe you’d push it off because of today.”
“No,” he said cheerfully. “No time to push off anything. We went a little too far, too fast today, so we’ll adjust it tomorrow.”
“And does that make it easier?”
“Not likely,” he said, his lips tilting up at the corners. “When you think about it, it just means we’ll stop where we should have stopped today.”
“Sounds easier.”
“Well, it may seem easier maybe, but I doubt it.” And, with that, he gave her a finger wave and left.
She sagged back, wondering how her life had changed. But she didn’t have much time to contemplate it. When she looked up, Dani walked toward her from the hallway.
“How are you settling in?” she asked, her tone a little worried.
“I’m doing okay,” she said. “It’s a lot to get used to.”
“It is, but we’re not that different from any other system.”
“No,” she said. “You are different, but I had adjusted to the other center, so I’ll adjust to this one too.”
“It’s all about making sure you get what you need,” she said comfortably. She smiled. “It looks like Shane gave you one of his green juices. Did he?”
“What? They’re infamous?”
At that, Dani burst out laughing. “Maybe,” she said, “but they’re very effective.”
“And how did you know?” she asked.
Dani reached out and touched the corner of her mouth. “Because your lips are still covered in it.”
She groaned. “He didn’t say anything to me about that.”
“Nope, he wouldn’t,” she said. “Not sure he would even have noticed.”
She rolled her eyes at that. “How is that even possible?”
“Well, for one, he’s a guy,” Dani said with a smirk.
“True enough.” She paused. “I can’t believe you pulled together this center,” she said, studying her friend. “And you look so happy.”
Dani gave her a bright smile. “Well, I found a purpose in life. I found a passion to follow, and my heart’s full of love for somebody who loves me back,” she said. “It’s hard to be upset with any of that.”
“No, I hear you there,” she said. “You told me a little bit about Aaron but not a whole lot.”
“Well, there’s just so much that, once I get started,” she said, “I have a tendency to not know when to stop.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
Dani looked at her. “What about you? Boyfriends?”
“No,” she said, frowning, shaking her head. “After this? Are you kidding? I’m trying to reconcile myself to being alone for the rest of my life.”
Dani’s eyes twinkled. “Well, this place has gotten a reputation,” she said, “for a ton of matchmaking going on here, although not necessarily on purpose.”
“What do you mean by matchmaking? With the staff?”
Dani studied her for a long moment. “You know you won’t stay like this forever, right?”
Melissa shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “Sure seems like it.”
“I know,” Dani said. “But it honestly won’t be forever. You won’t stay this way. And a time will come when you think that maybe something else could be out there for you, and I’m here to tell you that lots of patients here found love again, even after thinking that they were too broken and were only half of what they used to be for anybody to care.”
“I haven’t seen any response that was terribl
y positive from any of the men I’ve met.”
“And I don’t think that’s necessarily quite true,” Dani said, her tone a little cautious. “I think we often view everybody from our own lens. So, if we see ourselves as broken, we think other people will see the same thing. But it’s not true. Everybody sees people from a different perspective, and you have to be open to seeing what they see too.”
“Wow. That’s pretty Zen words coming from you,” she said. “I hadn’t realized you became such a guru in this stuff.”
“I’m so not,” Dani said. “But one of the things I have learned is that our perception often is tainted by our experience, and we need to open up to see that a lot more is to life than just our negativity and our problems and the challenges that we face.”
“Maybe,” Melissa said. “I’m just not there yet.”
“And that’s why I’m here to tell you that you will get there,” Dani said with the softest of smiles. “And, by the way, I’m really happy that you’re here. It’s great to catch up with you.” With that, Dani headed back to her office, leaving Melissa alone with her thoughts.
“Here, Dennis,” Shane said, holding out the empty glass. “We got it down her at least.”
“Was there much of a fight?”
Shane chuckled. “Well, a bit of a fight,” he said. “Seems to be almost a standard response, regardless of how good it is for them.”
“I can understand that,” Dennis said. “We’ve all become big proponents of these shakes. Yet it took time to get the doubters on board.”
“But, if they know it’s good for them,” Shane argued, “you’d think they would step up a little more.”
“Some people will accept it blindly. Other people have been lied to or given such optimistic responses to everything they do that they no longer believe what they’re doing.”
“I think, in Melissa’s case, she’s been given optimistic outcomes that haven’t manifested. So she’s more of the belief that it’s not so much that we’re lying but that we’re not based on reality for our outcomes,” Shane said.
“And we’ve seen that before too,” Dennis said, grinning broadly. He took the glass from Shane and said, “I’ll take it to the kitchen and get it into the dishwasher. What about you? Do you need anything? I think you missed a meal or two today.”
“We seem to get busier and busier every day.”
“Which is also why you need to stop and look after yourself,” Dennis scolded. “You can’t be a mother hen to everybody.”
“And yet,” Shane said, “the longer I’m here, it seems to be the more I do.”
“Because you have yet to come up with your own girlfriend.”
“I work so much it’s almost impossible to even imagine it happening at all.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that’ll change over time,” Dennis said.
Shane looked at him and asked, “What about you? You’re always behind that counter. You haven’t got a partner either.”
Dennis nodded. “It’s something I’ve been considering, wondering what to do about it,” he said. “But, like you said, it’s not an easy answer when we work so much. The trouble is, I love my work, so it’s not something I want to stop doing.”
“Nope. I’m in the same boat, and we’re needed here,” Shane said quietly. “Both of us. We each have a unique perspective to offer everybody who comes through these doors. And I think it’s important that they see that.”
“How can I disagree with you there?” he said. “It’s amazing just how much people have suffered throughout the years, and all they really needed was a new outlook on life.”
“And that’s not easy to get,” Shane said. He walked over to the coffee area and asked, “How old is the coffee?”
“Let’s put on a fresh pot,” Dennis said, doing just that, as Shane looked down at the food.
“The last thing I need is more carbs.”
“I’ve got some stir-fry happening in the back. If you want some, we’ve got a couple staff members who didn’t get lunch either.”
“I could have a bit of that,” he said. “Not too much though.”
Dennis disappeared while Shane waited for the coffee to brew, then poured himself a cup of coffee and wandered about the almost empty cafeteria. It was a popular place for meetings, and a lot of the patients would hang out here with their friends. But, at the moment, it was relatively quiet. And he appreciated a lot of the time when the quiet was something he craved, and a lot of the time it was something hard to get a hold of because just so much activity was going on, sometimes even live music.
Lance was setting up more and more concerts, and it was a joy to hear, yet, at the same time, silence was golden. And right now, for whatever reason, maybe because of Melissa, that’s how Shane felt. It was nice to see her coming along, but she’d scared him today too, to see that much stubbornness, that much blind obedience, and yet complete lack of regard for her own health and safety.
She had a lot to learn. He knew that he could help her with a lot, but she had to be open and accepting of it. And that was always where a lot of the hurdles were with patients like her. They had to get over that initial stumble and get to the point where they could accept the help and be grateful to get that because then they got thirsty for more, and that was the point in time where it didn’t matter what he did. They just wanted more and more and more of their progress; they thirsted for more. They hungered after it and would do almost anything at that point to get better.
He needed her to get there. He knew she was in a tremendous amount of pain, to the point that her mind was almost dulled, and she just accepted what people said and did what she was told, but she didn’t really think about it. And that was worrisome too because he had to get her pain levels down where she took notice of what was going on around her, so that she could fully engage in what she was doing.
His mind wandered on as Dennis said, “Here you go.”
Shane turned to see Dennis holding out a plate of beef and veggie stir-fry. He smiled and said, “That looks delicious.”
“Remember? You’ve got to look after yourself too.”
Dennis had the advantage, as he could see from his perspective what Shane could not see of himself.
“You have as much hard-headedness as anybody in this place, and you work harder than anybody I know to make sure your patients are doing the best they can,” Dennis said. “Don’t let yourself fail because of it.”
Shane flashed him a smile. “Same to you, buddy. Same to you.” He picked up his plate, coffee, and cutlery, then headed to the deck. If he had the time, he would take his meals down to the animals, but lately it seemed like there was never time. They had more and more patients, so many people in need that sometimes he wondered if it was even possible to help them all.
But, when he focused on helping the ones he had been assigned, people in his little corner, then he was doing his best for them. Just not enough time to help everybody. His gaze landed on the horses. Midnight nestled against the little filly. Shane smiled at that because everybody was happy to be with other people on their own terms.
Sometimes they were thrown together, where they had to make the best of a situation. And he knew that Melissa was there. He wasn’t exactly sure if she’d chosen to come or whether she’d been convinced to come or whether she figured, Why not? Nothing else would do any good. She was a fascinating person, dark, quiet, and she’d obviously been through enough trauma in her life that she had come out on the other side with a lack of trust and a lack of faith.
He understood, but it was just as important for her to rebuild that broken spirit as it was for her to rebuild that broken body. But somehow he had to convince her of that, and he couldn’t do it fast. He muttered about that as he ate his lunch. It was, as usual, delicious.
Dani walked outside and sat down in the chair beside him.
Shane looked at her, smiled, and said, “I almost never see you out of your office,” he teased.
“
And we don’t often see you separated from your clients either,” she said in the same tone. “Tough day?”
“Just another busy one in the middle of multiple very long and busy days,” he said. “You?”
“I’ve got no arguments,” she said. “Life’s pretty decent.”
He looked at her and smiled. “Don’t get me wrong. Life’s very decent,” he said. “It’s just, sometimes, every once in a while, you hit a low spot.”
“Just remember who your friends are,” Dani said firmly, “because, in a place like this, people don’t stay alone long. Not unless they choose it.”
Chapter 4
Early in the morning Melissa woke up. She wasn’t even sure why she was awake. She’d been here several days now, and so far had slept late every day. But this morning, guessing by the light outside, she figured it was somewhere near five-thirty, maybe six o’clock. She lay quietly in bed, knowing that she would have to move soon because of a full bladder but not really wanting to deal with the pain of walking there.
Shane had been pretty solid in believing that they could deal and work with that pain, but, so far, they hadn’t really done anything after the testing. In fact, the testing had set her back. They hadn’t made very much progress since.
He kept saying she wasn’t ready; she wasn’t ready. She knew she was ready, she just didn’t know what it was that he was looking for as a marker to say that she was ready. And she hated feeling like she had to come up with the right answer. It was like being in school, where, on exams, it wasn’t so much about knowing the right answer but you had to give the answer the teacher was looking for in order to get full marks. And that was how she started to feel with Shane. And she hated it. Surely that wouldn’t go over well here, when everybody was so emotionally delicate.
Even at that she winced. “Emotionally delicate?” she whispered. Who would have thought she’d use a phrase like that for herself. But she had spent her lifetime trying to be tough, trying to be one of the guys, part of the group, and honestly, she had finally made a place for herself. But it hadn’t been a comfortable fit. She’d made it work in the end, but it hadn’t been where her heart was. But then, joining the navy had been a way to escape her ugly life. Plus she’d seen it as a way to belong, a way to have something of a life for herself.