Even as she thought it, she knew it was ridiculous. He couldn’t fly differently to spare her feelings. But then again, hadn’t he just proved her point? He was reckless and dangerous and had almost just died because of it, nearly bringing down a billion-dollar plane with him.
She stepped out of the classroom. This was not her place. Colton had some things to teach those other pilots, and he was the one to do it. They didn’t need Ivy’s more cautious opinions right now, nor did they want them. And she couldn’t watch while Colton demonstrated the very thing that had killed Alec.
She slipped out of the hangar and called Fatima. “Is there someone who can come get me?” Her breathing was coming faster, her head starting to spin. She knew she was freaking out. Probably hyperventilating but . . . there was nothing she could do about it. And that scared her most of all.
By the time she was back at Fatima’s, she knew she could no longer stay. She would leave the rest of the training to Omar and Colton. If Top Flight didn’t understand, then maybe . . . She choked on the thought. Maybe it was time for her to give up planes. Nothing she could do would ever bring back her brother. She wasn’t saving lives or stopping the same behavior in other pilots. The very man she’d . . . fallen for thought it important to know how to be dangerous. Flying was dangerous. She’d known that when she entered the Air Force.
She packed her things. Her ride would pick her up and take her to the airport before Colton and Omar returned. Fatima’s arms tight around her gave her some sense of comfort, but the predominant desire was to run. She no longer belonged in this world of flying and danger, and she didn’t want to. Perhaps that feeling should have been freeing, but she could only feel a sense of dread about never seeing Colton again . . . but at the same time, she felt a fear of having to face him.
Her car came. The airport was closer than she remembered. And before too long, she was flying away from Brazil toward Boston.
Chapter 19
Colton returned to the house, looking for Ivy. She hadn’t returned any of his calls. He knew she couldn’t be too happy with him, but he’d done the right thing. The pilots had been as attentive as ever. They had even learned from his spin out of control. He’d not known if he would pull out of that, and he told them as much point-blank. He talked about what you do in situations like that, what you can try, and how you hope something will work. He talked about plane malfunctions and when to use certain maneuvers. It was one of the most productive and important days of the Top Flight training. And even if Ivy thought it hard to see, days like today were part of the reason he stayed with Top Flight, were why he thought it important in the first place.
But now he hoped to make it right. “Ivy!” he peeked his head in the kitchen. “Hello, Fatima. Do you happen to know where Ivy is?”
She clucked, and then his heart sank. “She’s probably halfway home by now, querido.”
He checked his phone again for a message, something, from her.
“I think she left you a note? She said to tell you and Omar not to worry. Something had come up, and she needed to be home.”
Colton knew exactly what had come up. He just didn’t know if she forgave him or if she left in angry rebellion. Was she still a part of Top Flight? Were they still . . . friends, at least?
He and Omar ate dinner, but they were both quiet. Finally, Omar downed his juice and said, “I’m sorry she left, dude.”
“Me too, man. But maybe it’s for the best. We can finish out what we need to with these pilots. And she won’t have to be disturbed by it.” He wished she’d just see things his way. But he also understood that today especially, had to have been a trigger for her. He didn’t know exactly what move had sent Alec into a tailspin, but Colton knew watching his plane spin out of control had to have been extremely difficult for her. His eyes met Omar’s. “I’m just glad we were able to spin out of that alive.” He raised his own juice cup. Omar lifted his empty one. “Here’s to being alive.”
“Cheers.”
That evening was lonely. Omar went out to play football with the local guys, but Colton wanted to make some phone calls.
Ivy didn’t answer. His message probably sounded too formal. But he didn’t want to sound too pleading.
Ace picked up on the first ring. “So Ivy left.”
“Did she call you?” Colton asked.
“Yeah. Well, she called Amanda.”
“And? Did she say why?”
“She’s trying to decide if she still wants to be a part of Top Flight.”
Colton whistled. “I really did a number on her.”
“You know about her brother?”
“Yeah.”
“Give her some time.”
“So I think we are good down here without a third. But it is helpful to have another person in the classroom now and then.”
“Do you want me to send someone?”
“Is Ivy really not coming back?”
“She didn’t indicate she was. You’d be the best one to guess at that.”
“I’ve got nothing. The woman is more a mystery to me now than ever. Right when things were getting good. Right when I thought we might go someplace . . . she takes off at the first sign of danger. Ace, dude. We’re fighter jet pilots. This has never been a safe job.”
“Do you love her?”
He let out a huge breath, slowly. “I think so?” The thought hit him. His own words echoed around in his brain. “I miss her.” He laughed. “Omar is great, but it’s not the same.”
Ace laughed. “Go visit. When you’re finished down there, take a few weeks in Boston or wherever she ends up.”
“Good call. Maybe don’t put me on the next round of assignments. I’ll take the last half of the year off.”
“You’re coming back, though, right?”
“Of course, dude. What else would I do?”
“Get married and stay safe so your wife can feel comfortable.”
He didn’t deny the thought had occurred to him. But he couldn’t imagine a life without Top Flight, even if only on a smaller scale. And honestly, he couldn’t imagine Ivy would ever want to marry him.
They’d set it up so that more people could head missions. The board could relax a bit more. Ivy was one they relied on for that. They’d been talking about sending her on her own next. “Dude, sorry I might have wrecked our best pilot.”
“You didn’t wreck her. She’s got some things to work through. You just pushed them to the surface. Unless she figures this out, she’s more of a danger than you are.”
They hung up. He sent another text to Ivy and then turned off his phone.
Working with the pilots was now easier than ever. They were excited. They learned quickly. They studied harder. Colton and Omar pushed them through the whole next month without showing them any more advanced moves. Colton found it more rewarding than ever. And if Ivy had been there, this would be his favorite assignment of all of them. But her absence burned a hole in his peace of mind.
He still checked his phone every day for any news from Ivy. She’d texted him one time. “I explained everything in my letter. I need to think through some things. Good luck on the rest of the training.”
In her letter, she’d basically told him what he already knew. She had been majorly triggered by his spin out. Living through that moment in real time, thinking she might lose someone she cared about, had brought a lot of things home to her, and she had emotionally cracked. She hoped to heal enough to figure out her place in the piloting world. She wanted to be a part of Top Flight, and she was thankful for their patience. Mostly it was an impersonal letter about her job. But at the end, she said something that gave him a sliver of hope. “We have something special. I don’t want to lose that. But I’m not sure how to keep it.”
That made sense to him. But he didn’t know how to keep things either, not if she was going to be living in fear of his work.
He and Omar worked well together. He’d be recommending that the man lead his own team soon.
Maybe in a few more missions. He’d wait to hear what the others thought of him.
The remaining months went by faster than he thought they would. When they were at last finishing up, Colton wasn’t sure where to go. He had an apartment near Ace’s in Arlington, Virginia. He had his parents’ place in Texas where he could ride his horse, or . . . he could go track down Ivy in Boston.
She hadn’t answered him when he’d reached out to see about when he could come to visit. Ace was not anywhere near his place in Arlington. But as he went to buy tickets to Dallas, he couldn’t do it. So he bought tickets to Boston instead. If she didn’t want to see him, he’d catch a Cubs game. He’d been a fan for years.
Saying goodbye to Fatima and the guys was harder than he thought. She kissed his cheeks twice and held his face in her soft hands. He hugged her close. “I’m going to miss you and your special home. Thank you for taking such good care of us.”
“You come back. And bring some more of your American pilots.”
“I’ll try.”
He’d stopped by the home of the nanny he’d found on the side of the road with her employer’s children. She had moved out of that family home and found a job in another, someone Fatima knew. She seemed happy. He’d brought treats to the kids and the men who played soccer on that strip of dirt nearby. Colton was going to miss Brazil. A special people.
The pilots were ready. A few of them were safely doing more advanced moves. And even though Colton was never sure why Brazil wanted a trained group of fighter jet pilots, they now had one. Another Top Flight assignment completed with success.
His plane landed in Boston in the early morning. He made his way to a hotel room and then showered before heading to the address he had on file for Ivy.
When he knocked, a man answered the door. “May I help you?” He was young, could be considered good looking by some, dressed in a suit. Colton tried not to frown. “Hey, I’m a co-worker of Ivy’s. Is she here?”
“Ivy Hatfield? No. I’m subletting. She hasn’t lived here in a couple of months.”
“Do you know where she is?”
The man studied him for a moment and then flat out lied. “No, I don’t.”
“You sure? ’Cause last time I saw her she said she wanted to touch base again.”
“Then I’m sure you can get her on her cell phone.”
“Fair enough.” He lifted his phone to his ear. When voicemail began, he said, “Hey, Ivy. I’m standing in front of your apartment, talking to your new tenant. Just wondering where you are. Give me a call.” He pocketed the phone.
The guy shrugged. “Good luck.” Then he closed the door.
But Ivy never called him back. Colton stuck around long enough to see two Cubs games and to do the historical walking tour of Boston by himself. He knew the hotel staff by name before he finally gave up and flew home to Dallas.
Chapter 20
Ivy tugged on the sail rigging. The wind caressed her face and arms. The sun felt delicious on her slightly chilled skin. The water stretched in every direction, and she drank in the quiet. She loved the first moments with the motor turned off, and the only sounds the wind rustling the sails. She’d seen the last of the Cape Cod shoreline yesterday. Now she set her sights on Nantucket. She’d purchased a tiny run-down cottage that claimed a piece of waterfront and a dock to tie her boat. And that’s where she wanted to spend the rest of her summer. She’d purposely bought no WiFi. Her phone sat turned off in a drawer down in her cabin. And she had begun a strong course of true healing. She’d met with a counselor who thought her perfectly normal but gave her so many useful ways to handle her triggers, to help her safely fly again if she wanted.
So far, she didn’t want to. Which was odd. Even during her first episodes after the incident with Guido and her brother’s death, a part of her always still wanted to fly. But not now. Now she was feeling strangely and happily fulfilled out on the water.
She felt close to Colton.
And strangely, she’d acquired a new fascination with sharks.
The boat sped up as the wind filled the sails. “All right!” She laughed. For the most part, she was completely satisfied with her new solitude.
Except for this itch that wouldn’t go away, a consistent tugging and emptiness in one part of her heart that she now recognized belonged to Colton. But she didn’t know what to do about it.
She knew he texted and called her often. Sometimes she listened to his messages. Sometimes she didn’t. She read all of his texts. They were short, simple, reaching out to be able to talk to her.
Maybe she would be ready soon. She admitted to herself that this whole sail and summer in Nantucket would be much better with Colton than it would be alone. But what? They weren’t married. They weren’t even dating.
She’d been out on the water like this for months. She stopped to restock her supplies. And then she learned she could anchor offshore and pay for grocery delivery and trash pick-up. That had been a game changer. She had filled her Kindle before she left and had a stack of books to read down in her cabin. This boat was her best purchase yet. She hoped her cabin in Nantucket would be equally enjoyable.
She smiled up into the sun. She would sail to a known sandbar, drop anchor, and then finish her journey to her new island home the next day. A part of her wanted to start up the portable WiFi she’d brought for emergencies. What had Colton said recently? Did he still want to see her? He’d finished their Top Flight assignment and was undoubtedly home from Brazil by now.
The idea persisted for long enough that as soon as she was safely anchored, she booted up her WiFi, used the generator for electricity for the first time in a long time, and checked her phone messages.
She laughed out loud with pleasure at his message when he was standing in front of her apartment. So, he’d come all the way to Boston? She dialed his number. Her hands shook a little, but mostly she just felt happy anticipation.
But the call went through to voicemail. “Hey, this is Colton. I’m back on my horse for the next month or two. If I don’t get back, Pepper says hi.”
She almost didn’t leave a message, but then she said simply, “Hey. Miss you.”
She turned off the phone, shut down the WiFi, and turned off the generator. Falling asleep to the sound of waves lapping and the gentle rocking of her boat was one of heaven’s greatest gifts.
The next morning, helicopter blades woke her. She sat up, wiping sleep from her eyes. Her heart flipped a couple of times. She hurried up on deck and squinted into the early morning sun toward the sound.
A government-issued bird approached. She could tell it wasn’t going to be a flyby. She moved to the railing, wondering. And hoping.
When it got close enough, she laughed into the wind at Colton’s face, leaning out the opened door. She waved back.
Then he held the intercom radio to his mouth. Over the loudspeaker, she could make out his words over the sound of the blades whipping in the wind, keeping the helicopter hovering slighting above her position. “Can I drop down?”
She grinned, thinking for a moment, then nodded and waved him to come.
He didn’t wait another second before jumping down into the water.
She lowered the ladder over the side and ran for a towel.
When his face popped up, water cascading off of him, his hair beautifully mussed up, he said, “I heard someone missed me?”
“It’s the strangest thing.”
He climbed out and walked to her outstretched towel. He ran the towel through his hair and looked around. “All this beauty to look at, and you missed a sorry cowboy pilot?”
She stepped closer. “It’s like everything I do is missing something.”
His eyes lit. Then he stood close enough she could see his skin underneath his wet shirt. She could feel the heat between them, even though he was drenched with the cold northeastern ocean water. She stepped even closer, his wet clothes brushing against her dry ones.
“You’ll get wet.” His voice was
low, husky, inviting.
She wrapped her arms around him, immediately drenched through. “Thanks for coming.”
“I’ve learned something over these last few months without you.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
He got as close as he could without actually kissing her. She felt the cold from the ocean off his mouth. She felt the puffs of his breath on her lips. “Everything I do is missing something too.” Then he pressed his lips to hers, capturing her in a great love that seeped through everything between them. Tendrils of happiness, joy, and completion filled in all the lonely gaps, and at once, everything that had been missing all these months was now found. She wrapped her hands tighter around his shoulders.
His fingers spread, and his palms slid across her back, lowering down to her waist. He pulled her closer, and she tried to capture more of his mouth, more of him.
After a moment she hoped would never end, she noticed the area around them had once again grown quiet. “I think you lost your ride.” She mumbled against his lips.
“Hmm?”
“They left you.” She pulled away. “Is that a problem?”
“Not for me.” He searched her eyes. “But, they are ready to come back and get me whenever you think it’s time to give me the boot.”
“How about a sail to Nantucket and a fixer-upper project this summer?” Her eyes sparkled.
“As far as invitations go, that is the best I’ve heard in years.” He cradled her closer. “I love you, Ivy. In case that isn’t clear. I love you. And I’m sorry I scared you. And if I could, I would keep you blissfully safe and unscared for the rest of your life.”
His words flowed through her, igniting her insides with the power of his words. “I love you too. And I wouldn’t stress too much about keeping me safe. I should tell you. I swim with sharks now.”
The shock on his face, the horror of it in his mind, almost made her laugh, but she knew what it felt like to worry for the safety of the person you loved. “But I won’t tell you about it if you don’t tell me about whatever you do.”
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