by Elena Aitken
Drew gave him a look, but she smiled as she shook her head. “I assume the whole gang will be there?”
“You know it.” He grinned. “I even convinced Christy to get the band to play a few songs. I called her on my way over.”
She laughed. “Well, that’s always a good thing. I love Timber Heart.” Ben knew that. Christy was one of Drew’s best friends, but besides that, they were a fantastic band and despite their busy personal lives and the fact that Christy and her husband Mark had just adopted a baby, the success of the band was growing every day and a record deal was imminent. “Of course, I’d love to come by.” She moved across the room to pick up a glass of wine. “Can I get you a glass? I don’t usually drink alone,” she added quickly, likely in an effort to ward off any concerned questions.
There had been one or two occasions in the past few months where Drew had tried to drown her feelings in alcohol. It wasn’t often, and although Ben didn’t think it was okay, he also wasn’t worried that Drew had a problem. “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” he said. “And yes, I’d love a glass.”
“I’ll be right back.” She put her own glass back on the table next to a blue notebook and disappeared into the kitchen.
Ben’s eyes locked on the notebook. He recognized it. It was Eric’s. He’d almost always had it in his hand during those last few months. Ben had only asked his brother once what he was writing in there. “Why so secret, big brother?” Ben said as casually as he could as Eric tucked the notebook away. “Are you writing all your deepest and darkest feelings about me?” It had been a joke, but one that he probably shouldn’t have made. His relationship with his older brother had been strained for too long. They’d taken huge steps in repairing that relationship since Eric had been back in town, but they’d never be able to get the time back that they’d lost.
A fact that Ben was acutely aware of as each day went by and he watched his big brother grow weaker than the day before.
“Just making a few notes about things I don’t want to forget,” Eric responded. “My mind just isn’t what it used to be.” He’d smiled and tried to joke, but Ben could tell there was more behind what he was saying.
He looked toward the kitchen before picking up the notebook, but he hesitated before opening it. It somehow seemed like a violation of privacy, even though Eric was gone.
“You can look at it if you like.” Ben turned to see Drew watching him, a glass of wine in her hand. “The notebook.” She nodded to it. “You can look. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”
“Are you sure?”
Drew walked into the room and handed him the glass. “Very.” Her smile was soft and Ben couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t look sad at all, but somehow much more at peace than he’d seen her in recent months. “I was nervous too,” she added when he didn’t open the notebook right away. “But I promise, he didn’t write any final letters that will make you sad.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “How did you guess that’s what I was worried about?” She was right though. Mostly. They’d talked through a lot in Eric’s final days, but there was one thing they hadn’t talked about. Not specifically. He swallowed hard and, with Drew watching, opened the book.
He was silent for a few moments while he flipped through the pages and sipped his wine.
Drew was right; he needn’t have been concerned. The pages were filled with lists.
“Interesting, right?”
Ben looked up to see Drew watching him.
“I mean, it’s interesting to see all of the things that were important to him in those…well, then.”
“It’s all you and Austin,” he said. “Not that I’m surprised. The two of you were his entire life.”
Drew’s smile dipped. “You’re in there too. And your parents.”
That knowledge made Ben smile. “Have you read it all?”
“No.” A few strands of hair escaped the knot on the top of her head as she shook it. “I thought I’d savor it.”
It made sense. But he wasn’t much of the savoring type. He flipped randomly toward the end of the book and read another list. He shook his head and read it again in an effort to process the words on the page.
“What’s wrong? What’s that one say?” Drew had moved from the chair to the couch where Ben was sitting.
“This one is different,” he said slowly. He flipped quickly through the rest of the pages and it was easy to tell that the list he was looking at was made closer to the end of Eric’s life.
“How so?” Before he could stop her, Drew snatched the book from his hands and started reading the list for herself.
* * *
Sleep under the stars
Catch a fish
Run a race
Carve initials in Bizarro Cave
Vandalize the sidewalk
Teach a dog fetch
Drew read the list once. And then again. Ben was right: it was a very different list than the other ones. Eric’s handwriting was shaky and messy, but it wasn’t just the penmanship. The actual list itself was almost like…
“Are these things he wanted to do?” she asked Ben.
He shook his head and tapped his glass with his finger. “I can’t think so. I mean, I know for a fact he’s done all of those things.”
Drew looked again to the list and the item that involved vandalism. She raised her eyebrows at Ben. “All of those things?”
Ben laughed. “I promise that’s not as bad as you think. I mean, if it’s what I’m thinking of. When we were kids, my dad caught us…well, basically being jerky little kids and he taught us a lesson.”
“With vandalism?”
Ben laughed again, obviously enjoying the recollection of the memory. “Pretty much. We were talking crap about some kids at school and he didn’t like it. For a few minutes, he lectured us about focusing on the positive things and all that, but then he just left. About thirty minutes later, he came back with a bucket of sidewalk chalk and marched us down to the school, where he had us write all kinds of positive things on the sidewalk outside of the school.”
“I remember that.” All the sidewalks, including the stairs that led to the front door, had been covered in brightly colored positive messages like, “You’re beautiful.” And, “Today is your day.” And things similar to that. “That was you guys?”
Ben nodded. “It was. We were there for hours writing things and at first it was really hard. But as the time went on, it got easier and we actually started having fun. When we were finally done, my dad sat us down and told us how important positive messages were and how impactful negative ones could be. He made us promise to keep it a secret the next day when we got to school and not take any credit for it.”
“Nobody knew who it was,” Drew said.
Ben only smiled.
“Except you guys.” She laughed. “Wow. That’s so cool.”
“It was cool. And it definitely made an impact and Dad more than made his point.”
Drew nodded and looked back at the list. “So do you think this is a list of some of his favorite memories? What about the rest of these things?” She didn’t say what she wanted to—that if it was a list of Eric’s favorite memories, none of them were with her, and that would hurt.
Ben leaned over and read the list again. He hesitated a little, but finally said, “I don’t know if they were his favorite things, but they were definitely things we did when we were kids. Maybe a little older than Austin. Maybe he was just remembering things from back then because of Austin.”
A rush of sadness she hadn’t felt all day crashed into her and she slumped down in the couch.
“Drew?” Ben shifted closer to her. “Don’t be sad. I…well, I mean…you can be sad…but—”
“It’s okay.” She stopped him. “I’m okay. I just…well, I guess I don’t know…” Drew closed the notebook and picked up her glass of wine.
“What if…well, it’s just an idea,” Ben said. “But what if it’s a list of thi
ngs that he did when he was a kid that he was hoping Austin would be able to experience, too?”
The idea made sense. “You’re sure these are all things he did?”
Ben laughed. “Absolutely. I know that for a fact because I did them with him. We were definitely older than Austin, though. At least he was. But…” Ben’s eyes took on a faraway look for a moment, as if he were remembering something. Drew didn’t push him and after a moment, he said, “You know what? I think I actually was a few years older than Austin when Eric showed me all of these things. Or very close to it. Austin’s five?”
“Yes.”
Ben nodded. “I remember this one summer, when Mom and Dad were really busy and he was in charge of me. He was only about eight or nine, so that would have made me six or seven. I guess when you look back on it, it was still pretty young to be in charge of a younger sibling, but it was a different time then.”
“It sure was.” Drew laughed. “And he did all of these things with you?”
“Well, most of them. Some of them we did with Dad, too,” Ben said. “Like the sidewalk vandalism and the camping.”
Drew opened the notebook again to the list. “That’s really special.”
“It really was.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, and it was Drew who finally spoke. “He must have remembered that summer while he made the list. It was probably pretty important to him.”
“It was important to me, too.” Ben looked to be a million miles away, no doubt lost in his own memories and not for the first time, Drew felt a flash of sadness for him. She’d lost a husband, but she wasn’t the only one who’d experienced a profound loss. Ben had lost his big brother. He didn’t talk about it much, or the way their relationship had changed when they’d finished school, but Drew knew there was a lot of hurt there. “I have an idea.” Next to her, Ben jumped up so fast that Drew bounced a little with the shift of the cushions.
“You have a what?” She readjusted herself on the couch and looked up at him as he began to pace the living room.
“An idea.” He stopped in front of her and looked straight into her eyes. “I’m going to carry out the list,” he said. “With Austin.”
She wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “What?”
He ran his hands through his hair, leaving it standing up at strange angles. It gave him the look of a madman, but the smile on his face and the excitement flashing in his eyes was contagious. “I’m going to do it,” he said again. “I mean, with your permission of course. But there’s a reason Eric wrote this list and you were right.”
“I am?” She gave him a sidelong glance. “About what exactly?”
“It was special. That whole summer. Every single one of the things we did together. It was all special and one of my favorite summers. I want to give that to Austin.” He swallowed and added, “And to Eric. And I think it would be pretty special, in a different way of course, if I could give this to them.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She hadn’t cried all day, but there was no stopping the tears now. “You’d do that?”
“Oh my God, Drew.” He dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her hands in his. The heat from his touch rushed through her and centered her. She focused on the intensity in his eyes. “It would be my honor if you’d let me do this for them.” She swallowed hard and before she could say anything, he added, “And for you.”
Chapter Five
Amber leaned against the wooden fence and watched the action in the ring with a smile on her face. Logan was working with a new horse that had just arrived at Taking the Reins. Poppy was a dappled three-year-old with a sweet personality. Her previous owner had been an eighteen-year-old girl who’d moved to the other side of the country for college and her parents couldn’t give her the time she deserved. They wanted her to go to a good home where, ideally, she would provide as much joy to others as she had to her teenage owner for the last few years.
“How’s she doing?” Amber asked Logan when he led the horse to her. “Do you think she’ll be ready soon?”
“I think she’s ready now.” Logan leaned over the fence and pressed a kiss to Amber’s lips, sending a thrill through her. “In fact, I’m really excited to see how she does in the ring tomorrow. We have a new client starting. She’s young and having a hard time with anxiety. I think Poppy will be perfect.”
Just watching Logan’s face light up when he spoke about his work made Amber’s heart happy. He’d worked so hard to make Taking the Reins, his horse therapy program—now their program since they became partners—a success. And in only a few short months, their client roster was already bursting at the seams. It wouldn’t be long before they would be able to open the lodge, which would be a residential center for clients who lived farther away to come and stay on site during their treatment. They’d broken ground as soon as they possibly could when the ground thawed in March and construction was coming along quickly.
Logan left Poppy in the care of Amber’s dad, Joseph, who’d been volunteering with Logan’s program since before Amber returned to Timber Creek. In fact, he was indirectly the reason for Amber and Logan meeting and falling in love.
Amber blew him a kiss. She knew he’d come by the house for a coffee before he left, and together, she and Logan walked to the construction site to meet with Harry, their project manager.
Just as he always seemed to be, Harry was standing out front of the building, staring intently at a clipboard in his hand. He looked up as soon as they walked over. “Amber. Logan. How are you today?” His face transformed into a smile, but Amber still noticed the worry that had been there a moment earlier before he knew they were looking.
“We’re doing great, Harry.” Logan shook his hand and Amber gave the older man a quick hug. “What did you want to see us about today?” Logan asked the question, but Amber watched the other man closely for the answer he might not offer. From the moment they’d met him, Harry had always given them the optimistic building scenario, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but more and more, Amber was looking for a realistic scenario. They had a business to run and it was proving to be very difficult to run it based on optimism.
“Well…” He scratched at the scruff on his face. “Everything is going well,” he said quickly, “but there’s this…well, I don’t want you to worry, but—”
“Harry,” Amber interrupted him. “Just tell us the situation. What the hell is going on?” Coming from the corporate world, and her past life as a hard-hitting attorney, Amber struggled at times to remember that life in Timber Creek moved at a different pace altogether and there were definitely times she got frustrated with the entire process. Logan put his hand on her arm, a signal for her to stay calm. “I’m sorry.” She forced a smile. “I just know you’re very busy, so if we could get to the point, that would be great.”
Next to her, she could hear Logan stifle a chuckle, and she had to resist the urge to smack him.
“Of course, Amber,” Harry said. “I just wasn’t sure how to tell you that we’ve had some delays.”
Amber wasn’t surprised by the news; obviously, she knew something was up.
“What kind of delays?” Logan asked. “Will they put us terribly off schedule or are they minor?”
“A bit of both.” Harry nodded and consulted his clipboard again. “Why don’t we go inside and I can talk specifics?”
Amber and Logan grabbed hardhats from the back of Harry’s truck and together they walked into what would hopefully soon be the lodge that would house live-in residents. The main structure of the building had gone up quite quickly and that early progress had been exciting to watch, but then things had slowed down. As they walked through the large wooden-framed structure, Harry pointed out all of the places that were experiencing those slow-downs.
“My main framer has had some staffing issues with a few of his guys having family emergencies,” Harry explained, “which is the main cause of delay for the rest of the construction. We’re almost
closed in now, and as soon as he can get that finished, we’ll be in a better spot for lining up the rest of the trades. He’s working on getting a few guys in from the city to take over the project, but I won’t know more about that until later today.”
“And that’s the biggest delay?” Amber walked next to the men, her eyes trailing over the partially finished walls that would be the bedroom wing of the lodge.
“That’s a pretty big one, Amber.” Logan had stopped walking and was watching her. “Don’t you think?”
“I do.” She nodded absentmindedly. “But I just want to know if that’s the only delay?”
They both turned to look at Harry, who, judging by the look on his face, had more to tell them. “Well, as you can imagine, getting the construction phase complete is pretty major.”
“Agreed,” Logan said.
“And because we’re experiencing delays with that, everything has been pushed back, causing the entire project schedule to have some major hiccups.”
Amber sighed. There was once a time, not so long ago, when she would have freaked out at the lack of control she had in the situation. But that was before. She’d come a long way since those obsessive, controlling days. Although she still definitely had those tendencies, she was a lot better at controlling them. “Okay,” she said after a moment. “Well, I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to keep the project on track.”
She didn’t have to look to know that Logan would be staring at her with shock and surprise, so she didn’t. “Please do keep us informed as things progress, Harry,” Amber continued. “I’m confident that you are doing everything you can.”
A few minutes later, when they’d finished up with Harry and were on their way back to the little cabin that they shared, Logan grabbed her hand and stopped her in her tracks. “You’re pretty incredible, you know?” He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight to him. “And I have to say, I’m very impressed.”