by Emma Lea
I rolled my eyes again. The fake Dorian was back. It probably had something to do with my fake fiancée being in the room and the whole posturing and dominance thing, but right now it just annoyed me. I was already annoyed with Lucas for not only standing me up the night before but for the change in who he was. I knew the country and the royal court needed money, I just figured Lucas would find a way that didn’t include his own family getting a major stake in it. It was so very out of character for him, as was the way he was talking with Sophia.
I growled under my breath as I watched them.
“Not worried, eh?” Dorian asked as he sipped his coffee. “You could have fooled me.”
“Whatever,” I said with a wave of my hand, my ring flashing.
“You know, the idea he came up with is pretty good,” Dorian said, glancing over to where Lucas was still talking to Sophia. He hadn’t even looked my way or smiled at me or anything.
“I’m sure it was,” I said.
“I’m a bit mad I didn’t come up with it myself.”
“I’m sure you are,” I said, not even listening. I was too focused on Lucas and Sophia and how complimentary they looked together. Like two peas in a pod. Like they were made for each other.
Sophia was delicate and beautiful in that classic way that I was not. She was sophisticated and graceful and polite and knew how to behave in society and around people of importance. Unlike me.
I bet Sophia had never worked in a bar. I bet she never even wore ripped jeans. I bet, if Maya were here, she would be falling all over herself to pair Lucas up with Sophia and get rid of me.
They would make beautiful babies together. Royal babies. Babies with just as much grace and sophistication as their parents. They would be the most adorable and photogenic babies in the history of babies.
“Would you stop mumbling about babies,” Dorian hissed. “It makes me uncomfortable.” He shifted in his seat as if to prove just how uncomfortable he was.
I turned to glare at him, but he just grinned at me in response.
“If you’re so worried, go over there and stake your claim,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
I pushed up from the table and stalked over to where Lucas and Sophia were standing. I snaked my arm through Lucas’ elbow and popped up on my toes to press a kiss on his cheek, and I hated myself the entire time I was doing it. It felt so wrong and…and for the first time this whole charade actually felt as fake as it was.
“Good morning,” I said brightly. “Did you sleep well?”
“No, not particularly,” Lucas replied, frowning down at me. He could see straight through me, but I beamed back at him anyway.
“It was lovely to talk to you, Lucas,” Sophia said as she slipped away, leaving Lucas and me standing awkwardly together at the food table.
“I think we need to talk,” Lucas said and my stomach dropped.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I think we do too.”
This was not the same as the moment we had the day before when I for sure thought Lucas would reveal his undying love for me, or whatever nonsense I’d made up in my head. Seeing Lucas with Sophia made it very obvious to me I was not the woman he needed in his life, as much as I wanted it to be me. Lucas needed a Sophia, if not Sophia herself. They would be perfect together and I was just kidding myself to think I could ever be part of this life. I’d started to believe my own lies, and that was never a good thing.
“Let’s go for a walk,” I suggested. “And talk.”
Chapter 16
Lucas
Frankie and I were quiet as we picked our way down the steep stone stairs to the private beach below the castle. I didn’t hold her hand, although I wanted to…for balance, of course…ah, who was I kidding? I wanted to hold her hand because I liked the way her hand felt in mine. I wanted to be as close to her as I could and I couldn’t say I’d ever felt that way about anyone else. Yes, Frankie would be better off with someone like Dorian, but for once in my stupid life, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted something for me. I wanted Frankie. I wanted her in my life as more than just my best friend—my best platonic friend. I didn’t have the first clue about how to make that happen or even how it would work between us. Frankie was going back to Boston. She had to present her dissertation and then she had plans to get a job in sociology and how could I even contemplate asking her to give all that up to stay here with me?
And yet…I wanted to. It made me an awful person, but lying to myself about what I wanted and what made me happy was becoming an unbearable burden. I’d done it my entire life. I’d tried to please my parents and my sister and even Clarissa, and none of it made me happy. For the first time in my life, I’d found a place where I felt comfortable, where I felt like I actually belonged and I wanted to stay here and I wanted Frankie with me.
“You and Sophia seemed to be having a pleasant talk,” Frankie said, not looking over her shoulder at me as we traversed the last flight of stairs.
“I didn’t really know who she was until just now,” I replied, my feet hitting the sand at long last. I shoved my hands in my pockets and watched as Frankie sat on the bottom step and took her shoes off. “She didn’t grow up here, unlike the others.”
“You knew the others from before?”
“Yeah, but only peripherally. Our parents were all part of the court, so we were acquaintances by association.”
“None of you kept in touch?” she asked as she stood and smoothed her skirt. She still hadn’t looked at me. Instead, she stared out at the sea.
“No. I don’t know if our parents did, but I certainly didn’t. I think it was an unspoken agreement that we should just scatter.”
Frankie started to walk along the shore, heading for the water’s edge where the cerulean sea lapped gently at the sand. We were in a protected bay and the waves were small, not that Kalopsia was known for its surfing beaches. You could surf, if you were determined, but most people preferred wind or kite surfing to the traditional board surfing. But not on the beach where we stood. Not only was it protected from the swell and the wind, it was also protected from any unwelcome visitors. The only access to the beach was via the stairs from the palace or by water. It was thought that that was how the attack on the castle happened. A water landing in the dead of night. I wondered what security precautions had been put in place since then. Knowing Danika, it would be significant.
Frankie turned to me and smiled, but it wasn’t the usual, uninhibited smile I was used to. It was guarded and fake and it didn’t reach her eyes and I wondered just how much I’d messed up the night before.
“The king kept me later than I expected last night,” I said, taking a hesitant step toward her. “I came to your suite, but I figured you’d be asleep.”
Her smile dropped, and she turned away. “So, he liked your idea then?” she asked, her face toward the sea.
“It’s early stages yet, but yes, I think so.”
“Your parents will be happy,” she said, an unfamiliar note in her voice.
“I doubt that,” I said with a sigh. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” she asked, turning to look at me before once more turning away.
“I wanted to talk about what happened…yesterday afternoon…when I kissed you.”
Frankie took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and then falling as she exhaled in a whoosh. She turned to face me with a very large, very toothy, and very fake smile on her face. “It’s okay, Lucas. We don’t need to talk about it. I understand. You’d had a bit too much raïda, and it was just a kiss, right?”
I searched her face. She looked uncomfortable. More uncomfortable than I’d ever seen her. God, this was awkward. She was trying to let me down gently. She was trying to give me an out so I didn’t embarrass both of us.
This was the moment where I could do what I normally did and tuck my tail and run. I should back away gracefully. Laugh it off. Pretend it was the raïda. But…
But I really didn�
�t want to.
“I wasn’t that drunk,” I murmured, watching her face carefully for any sign she understood what I was trying to say.
She laughed. It wasn’t her real laugh, and it had an edge of hysteria to it. I was making this whole entire thing worse by the minute, but would I ever get another chance to tell Frankie how I really felt about her? If I let my fear win, would I ever get what I wanted? Would Frankie ever really be mine if I didn’t take the chance and bare my heart and soul to her?
But what if I did? What if I tore my heart from my chest and presented it to her, would she stomp on it and leave me for dead? No, Frankie wouldn’t do that. No, she would be more likely to take my heart, shove it back into my chest and tape it closed with duct tape, firmly cementing me forever in the friend zone.
Francesca
I knew what Lucas was going to say and I just…I couldn’t let him say it. I just couldn’t bear it if he said the kiss was a mistake. It hadn’t felt like a mistake and it wasn’t a mistake for me, but I would die, just die, if Lucas told me that’s how he saw it.
And he looked so damned sincere, like he was really trying to let me down gently. He was such a nice guy, and I knew, I just knew, he was too good for me and yet I’d still let myself get caught up in the magic of the lie. Somewhere along the way, I’d let down my guard and had fallen for Lucas and if I didn’t shut this down, I would embarrass both of us. So I laughed.
“Not that drunk?” I snorted even as my heart was breaking inside. “You were three sheets to the wind, my friend. I don’t even know how you got it together before dinner. I thought for sure you would pass out face down on your bed while Maddox was trying to get you dressed.”
Lucas frowned at me and I had to look away. He was looking at me so intently that I was sure he would see through the lie and see how I really felt, and I was bound and determined for him to never find out.
“That was nothing,” he eventually said and although he was trying to inject a casual tone into his words, I heard the strain. “I was a hell of a lot drunker the night I proposed to you.”
We both froze for a moment, his words sucking the air out of our lungs as we looked at each other. I swallowed thickly and widened my smile, which I was sure made me look like a deranged Pomeranian.
“Which was probably why you proposed to me,” I said with a forced chuckle. “You would have had to be drunk off your backside to even think of me that way.”
I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see the relief in his eyes. I didn’t want to see his shoulders relax as he realized I wasn’t taking the kiss seriously.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I can see you here, being a lady of the court. You and Dorian sure seem to have hit it off.”
I snorted, a genuine one this time. Me? A lady of the royal court? He had to be kidding. And me with Dorian? Well, that was laughable. As much as Dorian and I were friends, that man loved himself far too much to ever fall in love with anyone else. Besides, I didn’t have nearly enough money or breeding to even come close to being on Dorian’s radar.
“Hardly,” I said. “I doubt very much anyone would see me as a lady, let alone one of the royal court. I’m a bartender.”
“No, bar tending is what you do, it’s not who you are,” Lucas said. “And the Kabiero court would be all the better for your inclusion in it.”
“But that’s not going to happen, is it?” I said, finally turning around to look at him. “Because this is all fake and a lie. I’m not really your fiancée and I never will be part of this court or any other.”
“Frankie—”
“No, it’s fine. It’s good. Perfect, in fact, because I have to go home and finish this damned Ph.D. and graduate and then I have to find a job, and as much as I love Kalopsia and all the people I’ve met, I hardly think there are any sociology jobs available. Besides, Drinks is holding my job until I get back—“ a small lie Lucas didn’t have to know about “—and you have so much to do here and the last thing you want is me hanging around and cramping your style.” I smiled brightly. “I think you and Sophia would be fantastic together and she is definitely not the gold-digger your mother was worried about.” I laughed. “Your mother would be over the moon to have Sophia as a daughter-in-law. And she is really lovely—Sophia, I mean. And you two looked great together.”
“Frankie—” he tried again, reaching for me, but I was backpedaling and heading for the stairs hoping to get away from him before any more inane ridiculousness spilled out of my mouth.
“Um, sorry, look at the time,” I said looking at my wrist where there was no watch. I’d never worn a watch in my life, but it was what people did, look at their wrists. I even tapped the bare skin for good measure. “I forgot I have an appointment, so I need to go. And don’t you have to meet with the king too? So, um, look, I need to go. Bye.”
I turned and practically sprinted for the stairs, barely stopping to pick up my shoes before starting the long climb back to the top. Lucas could catch me if he wanted to. His legs were infinitely longer than mine, so I pushed myself into a jog, praying I didn’t slip and fall on the unevenly hewn stones under my feet. My most prominent thought—apart from not tripping and breaking my neck—was getting as far away from Lucas as I possibly could.
I didn’t look over my shoulder to see if he was following. I honestly didn’t know whether or not I wanted him to chase me. On the one hand, if he tried to catch me, this entire thing would only get infinitely more uncomfortable, but if he didn’t come after me it was confirmation he didn’t feel the same way about me as I felt about him. Not that I needed any more confirmation on that point. This entire little ‘chat’ had been all about him letting me down gently. The kiss yesterday afternoon had to have been an anomaly. A drunk anomaly which quickly sobered him up. He must have realized instantly that it could never work between us, which was what he would have said to me last night if the king hadn’t called him in for a meeting.
Ugh. I was such an idiot for thinking he was about to profess his love for me. Things like that didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t that girl. I was the good-time girl who was great for a laugh and someone you could be friends with, but I wasn’t the girl men like Lucas fell for. I knew that—I’d known it all along—and yet I’d still let myself fall for him. But no more. I had my research to do and then I was gone. We could be Facebook friends and eventually this feeling of heartbreak would fade.
That’s what I hoped would happen, anyway.
Lucas
I tossed my pen on the desk and ran my hands through my hair as I exhaled with frustration. This morning with Frankie had not gone well, nor had the meeting I’d had with the king afterward. I was unfocused and distracted and I knew I was wasting everyone’s time, but I just couldn’t get all my thoughts together, not with the way Frankie and I had left things.
I felt like a fool. Frankie seemed to deliberately misunderstand what I was trying to say. It was obviously her way of letting me down gently without actually letting me make a complete idiot of myself.
She’d brushed off the kiss as if it were nothing. It wasn’t nothing to me and I really wasn’t that drunk. I was maybe a little tipsy, just enough so that my usual anxiety took a backseat. I kissed her because I wanted to and I thought it was good…the best damned kiss I’d ever had, if I were honest, and Frankie refused to even acknowledge it.
And what did I do? I did what I always did and backed off. I didn’t push. I didn’t even chase after her when she fled from me, leaving me standing on the beach watching my future run away with her.
But what choice did I have? She obviously didn’t want me. Not like that, at least. No, Frankie wanted me as her friend, just like I’d been for years. It wasn’t her fault my feelings changed. It wasn’t her fault I wanted more, and so I let her go because having Frankie in my life as a friend was better than not having her in my life at all…right?
I growled low in my throat and tugged at my hair once more. I didn’t know if that was true
anymore. I didn’t know if having Frankie in my life—so close and yet so far away—was such a good thing for my mental health or for my future prospects. How could I get over her if she was always in the background? How could I move on if I was always haunted by my feelings for her? Maybe it would be better if we were no longer friends. The thought made my gut clench and my heart ache, but what was the alternative? Pining after her for the rest of my life?
“Little Lord Lucas,” Dorian smirked as he stepped into my office and plopped himself down in the chair across from me.
“What do you want?” I growled. The absolute last thing I needed right now was Dorian and his crap.
He held his hands up in mock surrender. “Whoa. Who stole your lunch money?”
I frowned at him. “Probably you,” I spat.
He laughed. “As much as I would love to take credit for your foul temper, I don’t think I’m the one you’re mad at. Trouble in paradise?”
“Shut up.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, smirking once more.
I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest, aiming a glare at Dorian. For some reason he was the one person who got under my skin enough that I had no qualms about standing up to him.
“Did you come in here for a particular reason, or are you just trying to make my day even worse than it already is?”
Dorian sighed and then sat forward in his chair. “I came to talk about the distillery.”
“What about it?”
“I want to help,” he said, sitting back and adjusting the cuffs of his suit, not looking at me.
I snorted. “You want to help? Right.”
He looked up at me and narrowed his eyes. “I know we might not have gotten off to the best start,” he said, no smirk in evidence. “But I want this idea of yours to work and I can help you make it work.”
“So you can take the credit for its success?” I asked. I couldn’t help but be cynical about Dorian’s offer of help. The man did nothing unless he benefited from it in some way.