I shook my head. “Yeah, whatever, let’s not start this argument again. I’m not in the mood for it. Besides, the only aspect of purity that’s ever in you is the penis of the occasional virgin ploughboy you catch alone in a barn.”
She squinted a bit and paused, staring at me, then licked her lips. “I know what you’re in the mood for, even though you don’t want to play with me. You’re quite taken with Angelina, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “It’s been good to spend time with her. But I can’t hope for much more. We both know where that leads.”
“I think you’re scared. You should open yourself up more. Be willing to let her in.”
“You can stop with the counseling to the lovelorn. We both know why you’re here. Dad sent you. I already spoke to Yond and Enyo. Now, it’s your turn. But you’re right. I am scared. In fact, I’m petrified. I just came from a scouting trip to the Jegu camp. It didn’t go well.”
“How so?”
“Long story. Suffice to say I didn’t get anywhere close to Jegu and the only thing I learned is we have a lot to worry about. What is dad saying?”
“End of days. Signs and portent. The usual mumbo-jumbo. Nothing much useful as far as I can see. He hasn’t been very complimentary toward you. Yond reported back about the argument you had with him. He said you’re a coward and would rather sit and watch everyone die, even the gods rather than risk yourself. Dad seems to agree with the assessment.”
“What do you think?”
“I know your heart, brother. I think you’re more afraid of Angelina than of Jegu.”
“What do you mean?”
“When it comes down to it, I don’t think you’d think twice about doing whatever it takes to oppose Jegu. Even if it means your death. But I know your heart. You like the girl and you dread the thought of watching her grow old and die like others before. You usually compensate by running away from your mortal loves. But, it stops you from being honest with yourself. You’re more the home body than the playboy.”
I sighed. “Gods who fear love, next on Oprah. Why are you here? I am not in the mood to be analyzed.”
Nanaya crossed her arms in front of her, pushing up and her breasts prettily in the process. I’m sure it was a reflex action by this time. “I’m here to help, brother. That’s all. We’re at a crossroads. Either Jegu will sweep over the land and take it for himself, or the old gods will prevail. I of course would prefer to live. I understand you’re torn. Perhaps you even think Jegu can do no worse than we did.”
“No, I’ve seen what Jegu is capable of. It is far worse than anything we have ever done.”
“Then your path should be clear. Take up the Bright Sword and lead the gods and these mortals against the Jegu.”
“To tell the truth, Nanaya. I don’t think it’ll work. Jegu is more powerful than you can imagine. I think we’d be committing another atrocity against humanity and it will be all for nothing. I think there’s something else required to defeat Jegu. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know if we’re even capable of attaining it. But I know I can’t lead these people to their deaths for a lie. Not again—never again. We’re not the guardians of the afterlife. There’s no paradise. This is the only life these mortals will ever have as far as we know. I won’t lie and tell them otherwise, even if it would make them stronger in battle.”
“Then we will lose.”
I shrugged. “At least we lose honestly.”
“For all you complain about hypocrisy you seem blind to your own. You of all people should know there’s no justice, no reward, no great righter of wrongs. The evil and powerful triumph and are rewarded; the good and just are defeated and miserable. If it occasionally happens the other way around, it’s just a fluke. Your honest defeat could be a dishonest victory. No one will care as long as you win. These people will hail you as a hero and your name will no longer be tarnished by the past.”
I laughed at that. “And the only one left hating will be myself.”
She scowled. “But you already do, what would be different?”
Even in anger she couldn’t help but look cute. I had to smile.
She didn’t take that well. “Yond is right. You are selfish. You think of no one but yourself and your hurt feelings about having to be the bad guy.”
“It is amazing to me how quickly you and the rest of the family are ready to spend the lives and self-respect of others to keep yourselves safe on your mountain tops. What price are you prepared to pay? Will you comfort the dead and dying? Will you repair the broken hearts of the children who lose their fathers?”
“But either way—they—will—die.”
“But will they die for a lie? If there’s a choice, I choose the truth.”
Nanaya looked disgusted. “I’ve done everything I can. Go upstairs and enjoy your little mortal bitch. She’ll wither and die like all the others so you’d better hurry while the fruit is still ripe. I hope you live long enough to have your heart broken again before Jegu consumes all of our souls.” She vanished in a golden flash of light, and the sweet smell of roses turned to the stench of horse shit.
My sister, the gold-plated bitch. Strange how quickly you got to the core of her true self when you didn’t play things her way.
But you couldn’t deny that she had the best set of tits in all of creation. And, as usual, there was far too high a price for any man to pay to enjoy them. She was the original high maintenance woman.
Did I mention all of my relatives are horrible? Actually, to be fair, there are one or two that actually do some good. It’s just they’re so far down the food chain they can’t possibly make up for all the bad done by the others.
In any event, I’d had enough dealing with gods. I had a woman to see. A living, breathing, intelligent, beautiful mortal woman who liked me. There was still hope for a good evening.
CHAPTER TWELVE
I walked up the stairs behind the Inn and rapped softly on Angelina’s door. She opened it and the golden candlelight from within spilled out into the night. She was alone, which was convenient. I knew, of course, she’d often be entertaining customers at this hour. Intellectually, I had no problem with that. But I’m glad I didn’t have to test the theory this evening.
“Carl,” She said, smiling.
She pulled me inside and hugged me tightly. She was wearing a plain, white, cotton nightdress and her body was warm beneath it. I held her rightly, and luxuriated in the moment.
“Where have you been?” she asked.
“I thought you didn’t want me to risk coming at all, and now you are upset I’m late?”
“Oh, you idiot. You know what I mean. Usually you arrive earlier than this. I didn’t think you were going to make it at all.”
“I had some scouting duties to attend to,” I said. “Can I sit down?”
She looked at me closely. “Are you all right?”
“Sure, never better—now, don’t look at me like that. I’m fine. It’s just been a long night.”
I sat on the bed and pulled her onto my lap. “Come here.” Took her cheek in my hand and drew her lips toward me. I kissed her long and deeply. I felt her warmth in my arms. I held her close and nuzzled her neck, smelling her sweet skin. I pulled back and regarded her. The candlelight reflected reflected red highlights in her hair. Her dark eyes glistened. She was alive and vital, perfect for this brief moment. She danced in the brief afternoon of her life and the blackness of her night was racing toward her even now.
It wasn’t fair. My “sweet” sister knew me too damn well. In spite of her mortality, and the inevitable fact of loss, I cared for her. But, I needed to know how Angelina felt about the matter.
“Angelina. What do you want to do?”
She giggled. “Carl—”
“No,” I laughed. “Not this instant, I mean when the Jegu are gone. What do you want to do?”
Her smile faded somewhat. “Carl, let’s not talk about this now. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company while we have
a chance. Dawn comes too soon.”
“Just tell me, Angelina. Just tell me. It’s okay to talk about it.”
“I serve at the Inn. I don’t make much money. I’ve been with many men. You know this. Some have been generous. Some have loved me and I’ve hurt them. I’ve loved some who’ve hurt me. My life has never been much more.”
“What do you want?”
She sighed. “What does anyone want? I want someone to love, a place to live, a quiet, calm, warm place where I am safe. I want to grow old in someone’s arms and not alone.”
“Would you like to spend that time with me?”
“Carl, is this a test? Some sort of game? I don’t like games. Let’s just leave things where they are for now. With the war and everything, you don’t know what you want.”
“This isn’t about what I want. I asked you a question. Even though we’ve only known each other a short while. I’ve learned in my life you generally know in an instant if a person might be compatible. You can confirm it in an hour and in a day you know if that person is part of your tribe or your family of friends and lovers that’ll always be with you. I care very much for you. We are comfortable together. I just need to know what you want. If you want to spend your time with me and grow old with me, let me know. If not, let me know that too. I just want to hear your honest answer, no strings attached. I won’t run away scared, and I won’t cry if you just like me for a bed partner. I’m a big boy and we are both adults. The Jegu are such a threat we all need comfort. I just want to know.”
She held me tight. “Yes, Carl. I think I would. I don’t know why, and maybe I shouldn’t say it. But I would like to spend that time with you.”
It was enough for me. I didn’t ask her to speak of love. Love was as fickle as my sister. For her it might be a lifetime, for me it was a span of years I would gladly spend with this fair woman. It sounds stupid. But I truly found in her a kindred spirit. I had been around and knew the difference between bodily lust and true companionship. I was true to my word. If we survived the Jegu, and she still wanted me, I would stay with her.
“Angelina, if we survive the Jegu. I will stay with you for the rest of your life.”
The time for words was over.
I took her cheeks in my palms and drew her lips to mine, then kissed my way along her slim cheek line and down to her graceful neck. Her warm, salty skin made my body hunger.
She eased back from me and pulled the simple nightdress over her head and threw it to the floor. I devoured her body with my eyes as the warm candlelight flickered across it.
She reached out to me and pulled me back onto her. We held each other and made love, sweating and writhing and thrusting like it was the end of the world. I didn’t get a moments sleep that night, and was glad I didn’t.
After we rested in the glow of our spent bodies for a while, I rose and began to leave. I had to be back at the camp before sunrise.
“Carl,” she said softly in the darkness.
“Yes?”
“I won’t hold you to anything. But, it was nice you asked, and I’m glad I told you how I felt.”
I brushed the hair from her face. “I won’t hold you to it either, but I won’t forget my promise. I meant every word, Angelina. I will take you away.”
And I did mean it. I just didn’t know how to make it happen. Somehow, I had to get her away from Guldon. I would wait until the siege began to get ugly, but before people started to starve or die of disease. Then in the confusion, I would get Angelina and ride across the veils with her to someplace safe and far away. Then I would leave her there and return to do whatever I could to help. But from what I had seen of Jegu, I wasn’t sure I could do anything to stem the tide.
If Jegu was true to form, this kingdom would fall, then another, and another. I didn’t know any kingdom that could stand against the type of power I felt demonstrated that night. But it would still take time. I could take Angelina and keep her safe. Hopefully she could live out her span.
Except I wasn’t sure Jegu would be satisfied with only one world. I knew he must have come from another veil of reality, so he had the traveler’s blood. There was nothing to stop him from taking world after world. Until one day, Jegu would find Angelina no matter where I took her. If I couldn’t find the strength to defeat him then, I suppose, I would finally die, too.
Maybe that’s the way it was supposed to be. You live for a while, and then when it is your time, you die. That’s how it was for everything except the gods. I was tired of outliving my lovers anyway. Maybe Angelina was going to be my last. I could live with that. I was getting tired of forever.
Maybe it was because I had been too long away from the Bright Sword, but I felt very mortal that night. I wish I could tell you it was a good feeling and that I was satisfied and all right with the fear and weakness, but I’d be lying through my teeth.
The whole point of being human is dealing with reality of your fear and mortality, but living your life as if you weren’t afraid and as if you would live forever.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The next day was a complete pain in the ass. It was time for the grand inspection of the troops by his Most High Royalness King Whatshisname. Actually, his name was King Cornelius the Third. I remember because it was stupid sounding. He was a typical inbred elitist snob who felt that he needed to inspire his troops to victory with some grand words. The problem is that there was work to do. Real work. Fortifying defenses, sharpening blades, repairing equipment. But all we had time for that morning was polishing, cleaning and organizing camp for the dog and pony show.
I did my part. I didn’t kill anyone who screamed at me because my boots were muddy. I feel that I exceeded all expectations for humility in a god. I just hoped no one would push it because the day was not over.
We were lined up in the hot sun for over an hour before the jerk decided to come outside on his pretty pony. I’m sure he did it because he wanted to raise the level of expectation to a fever pitch. All I thought he was accomplishing was seeing how many troopers were stupid enough to lock their knees and pass out.
I was in the back, way in the back with the stinkier peasants. Did I mention it was hot? I think we could have taken out a few companies of Jegu with our smell by the time the king started talking.
I could see him, but I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. He and his entourage were seated on white horses with colorful barding. He had his high priest with him, along with a mess of nobles and courtiers, and on either side of him—his generals. The king wore a crown and lovely white enamel armor highlighted with golden gilt work. There were arabesques and curlicues and little naked fat babies all over it. I couldn’t imagine a better breastplate to catch a blade. The problem is you want armor to guide blades away from you. But it was pretty and shiny, so everyone could see the king was with us. Whoopee.
He was reading something from a scroll held by a hose-wearing, sissy-boy courtier. He hadn’t bothered to memorize the speech. I should give the guy a break. It’s not like it was an important speech or anything. I mean, your kingdom is collapsing around you and it all comes down to the morale of your fighting force against a powerful opponent. No reason to put yourself out.
The generals who flanked on either side wore sumptuous cloaks. One wore red and the other blue. I have no idea what their names were and I didn’t care. At least their armor was more practical, but it was telling that this was the first time I had seen either of them and I had been in the camp for over a week. These were not “hands on” leadership types.
The High Priest was dressed in the typical white robes trimmed with gold thread. I ‘d seen him before and knew a bit about him. It was a matter of professional curiosity. He was of a sect which worshiped the royal family as a whole, from the king down to the idiot cousins as if they were direct descendants of the gods. As a result, he had an entire pantheon of idiots to satisfy his hunger for contradiction and stupid blind faith.
In fact, he demonstrated several cont
radictions himself. Vow of poverty and yet he was festooned with gold. Vow of sobriety and I’d personally seen him drunker than Cooter Brown last Saturday night. Vow of celibacy and yet he was surrounded by the most girlish and shell-shocked choirboys I’d ever seen.
But for all my cynicism, I looked around and I could see the men in my company were swelling with pride. They were in awe of their ruler. Olo was standing next to me and he actually had tears in his eyes.
“Look,” Olo whispered. “The king can read.”
Ah yes, I forgot for a moment. It’s all about perspective. If your expectations are low enough, you’ll always be happy.
Suddenly, a horn sounded from far off, interrupting the king. All eyes turned toward the North where a lone rider approached. He put away the bugle he had blown and lifted a white pennant. He was dressed as a herald and wore livery with a red “X”—an emissary from the Jegu. Of course, no one had raised the alarm. The soldiers were all sick with sunstroke and staring at a fat king giving a speech at the time.
As he approached, all could see that he was a tall, handsome young man. He was clear-eyed and rode tall and proud in the saddle. He wore no armor. He carried no sword.
He rode up to within twenty feet of Cornelius the Inaudible and there he was stopped by the king’s men.
He held up an open hand and spoke. “I am Thomas Laflin. I used to be one of your subjects, but now, I am the avatar of Jegu.” His voice was loud and strong, unlike our glorious leader’s.
“You’re a traitor,” one of the generals shouted. He obviously knew enough to let the men hear his defiant tone.
“I’ve come here to offer you the peace of Jegu. If you surrender yourselves, there will be no battle. There will be no death, no destruction, no pillage of your fine capital. Your farmers can return to their fields, and you, King Cornelius, will even be allowed to rule as always. All shall be as it was. If only you accept Jegu as god.”
Duty Calls: The Reluctant War God Book 1 Page 7