“I should’ve told you about the show,” Rachel said to Ty. “I didn’t want you to lose respect for me, but I should have trusted you anyway.”
Ty’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. She could see his knuckles get whiter with the effort.
“I guess we have a lot to learn about relationships,” he said.
The words were seemingly positive, but she got the feeling that her attempt at clearing the air didn’t make anything any better.
“You’re really upset, aren’t you?” Rachel tried again to get him to open up to her.
“So now you want to talk,” Ty said, not looking at her. “Because you don’t have a more important television show taking up your attention. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work for me. I think we rushed into a relationship. I want things from you, like honesty, that you don’t seem ready to give. You think that’s controlling. So maybe it’s best we take a break.”
The way he said take a break sounded like his intentions were a lot more permanent than a break. Her heart started to crack into tiny pieces, and she tried telling herself that he was making a big deal out of nothing.
But this didn’t feel like nothing.
“I need to get gas,” Ty said, pulling in to the gas station.
She shifted in her seat, reaching for the bag of refreshments Wanda had so thoughtfully packed for them. Ty had already eaten his breakfast burrito, but Rachel hadn’t been hungry, and even though she really wasn’t right now, either, at least it would give her something to do.
As she reached for the small bag, she accidentally knocked over Ty’s leather bag. Some papers scattered around the floor of the truck, and even though she didn’t know where they belonged, she ought to at least pick them up so Ty didn’t step on them when he got back in. He could reorganize things later.
But as she grabbed the first set of papers, she couldn’t help noticing the names Alexander and William Bennett, listed as Ricky’s grandchildren.
Why hadn’t he told her there were more grandchildren? He knew how important it was to her to find someone who might be able to donate a kidney. After all, that was exactly why they were on their way to Denver. Because she was sick and needed help.
How could Ty keep this from her?
He was mad at her because he perceived her making excuses to have a quiet evening watching her favorite show as being lies, but he was keeping secrets from her that could potentially affect her life. Unbelievable. And to think she’d actually thought that she and Ty could use this time to talk about their relationship. Oh, there’d be talking, but she wasn’t sure he was going to like what she had to say.
Ty entered the truck, carrying two cups of coffee.
“Sorry about that,” he said. “John was trying out a new brand of coffee and wanted to know what I thought of it. He sent me with some for you to try, as well. You can have it before your appointment, right?”
He held the coffee out to her, then noticed what she had in her hands.
“What were you doing, looking through my papers?”
She glared at him. “I wasn’t snooping, if that’s what you’re implying. I accidentally knocked over your briefcase and was picking things up, and I found them. How could you keep a secret like this from me?”
The most unbelievable part was that he was mad at her for going through his things.
“It’s complicated,” he said, putting the coffee in the cup holders on the center console. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to tell you or Ricky. I was trying to find the right time and place.”
Rachel shook her head. “That doesn’t make it right. I thought you understood how important it was to me to not feel like you’re always trying to control things. And the hypocrisy of you being mad at me over a small lie when this is something really big!”
He started the truck. “I didn’t lie to you about this. I haven’t told you yet because I’m waiting to have all the facts before sharing. It’s the responsible thing to do with news like this.”
His face was hard as he focused his attention on the road. He viewed her as the guilty one, and he didn’t seem to understand what a big deal this was.
“They could be donors,” she said. She hated the way her voice cracked when she spoke. He was mad about a violation of his privacy, which was purely accidental, when her life was on the line.
“They refuse to be tested,” he said, his voice tense. “As a matter of fact, they want nothing to do with Ricky or the family. They’re a product of an extramarital affair their mother had, and it’s completely shaken their world to find out about their parentage. If you dig a little deeper in those papers, you’ll find a letter from their attorney, asking us not to have further contact with them.”
It was a lot of information to process, especially because the hurt in Ty’s voice made her feel even more guilty for opening this can of worms.
This had been the exact problem in her marriage. When Chris had done wrong, he had always found a way to turn it around and make it her fault. Why did she feel so bad when she hadn’t done anything wrong?
Then his words hit her.
“You asked them to be tested?”
Ty made a frustrated noise. “Repeatedly. I did everything short of begging them to come out to the ranch, and I would have done that, had their lawyer not contacted me.”
He’d done that for her? Or Ricky? That was the trouble. It was hard to tell with Ty, and as much as the questions burned in her heart, she also wasn’t sure how badly she wanted the answers. Still, if he said he’d done everything short of begging, she had to believe he’d really tried. Ty wasn’t the sort of person to beg.
“Thanks for trying,” she said. “I’m sorry for going through your papers. I didn’t mean to pry. It truly was an accident, and I was only trying to keep them from being ruined.”
Once again she felt herself falling back on her old patterns of behavior, apologizing to keep the peace when she really didn’t have anything to apologize for.
Frankly, she was tired of always having to apologize. This wasn’t all on her, and even though she wasn’t sure she still wanted a relationship with Ty, if theirs was going to work—if any relationship was going to work—communication had to go both ways.
“But it was still wrong of you to keep this from me. Maybe if I had reached out to them, they would have been more open to being tested. Or maybe, if we all discussed it as a family, we could have worked together to solve the problem. But you thought you knew it all, and you didn’t include anyone else.”
The words came out in a rush, and she barely recognized her own voice. But she was standing up for herself, and it felt good. It didn’t even matter what Ty’s response was. She was standing up for herself, and for what was important to her. And if Ty didn’t like it, then he obviously wasn’t the right man for her.
“I did what I thought was best,” he said. “This isn’t just about you. I have Ricky’s feelings to consider, too.”
He still didn’t get it. He was stepping in and making decisions for others without even consulting them. Why did she find herself so attracted to controlling men? Maybe this really was the answer she’d needed all along. Just because she and Ty had chemistry didn’t make them a good match for one another.
But she couldn’t just let this go. “That’s not always for you to decide. Maybe you should talk to Ricky about these things, see what he really wants.”
“Who wants to know they have family members who want nothing to do with them? It isn’t as if he knew they existed. The Bennett twins, while they are Cinco’s sons, are not Luanne’s. It’s just further evidence of what a lying, cheating jerk Cinco was.”
The tension in his jaw made her want to comfort him. Which made her feel ridiculous. Hadn’t she just told herself all the reasons why Ty was completely wrong for her? What right did she have, feeling so much compassion for him?
<
br /> Ty sighed, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And he probably was, taking everything upon himself and not letting others help. Funny, since that was the crime he often accused her of.
“He was really upset when he realized that Cinco cheated on Luanne with your mom. How do I tell him there were others? The more I look into the past, trying to find information about Cinco and Luanne, the more I think Ricky would be ashamed of his son. How do I break an old man’s heart?”
She honestly didn’t know, but it didn’t feel right for him to keep so much from everyone else. Especially when it impacted them so greatly.
“But if you’re keeping the truth from him, isn’t that like telling a lie? If you hate lies so much, why would you let Ricky keep believing them?”
Ty didn’t answer. And in the silence that hung between them, she had to wonder if she’d pushed him too hard. But she’d told him the truth, which is what he said he valued. And you couldn’t only have the truth when it was convenient.
Just when she started to think they’d end up spending the rest of the drive to Denver in silence, Ty said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the Bennetts. I thought I was doing the right thing in waiting until the right time to tell you. I’ll talk to Ricky.”
Rachel supposed Ty’s apology was progress. But he also didn’t sound convinced.
“Thank you,” she said. “I know this is a learning process for us all, but you’ve got to realize the double standard here. You can’t expect everyone to adhere to some crazy version of the truth without being completely honest with them.”
“Maybe so,” Ty said. “But you’re just as guilty. Like I said, I’m not sure this is the right time for us to have a relationship. I have more important things on my mind right now. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to put some music on for the rest of the drive.”
He didn’t wait for her answer as he reached for the radio and turned the dial to the Christian music station they liked to listen to. She couldn’t fault his choice in music, though it was frustrating he didn’t want to talk further.
“Fine,” she said. “But I do need to know—are you keeping any other secrets from me? From here on out, everything needs to be on the table.”
If Ty wanted their relationship to be based on honesty, then she needed a foundation of no more secrets. Maybe then she’d feel safe in opening up to him more.
For a moment he looked thoughtful, then he said, “I’ve told you everything I can.”
As far as answers went, it wasn’t what she’d been hoping for. But she supposed it was too much to expect a straight answer from someone who seemed to keep everything close to his chest. Definitely the lawyer in him. Still, it was a good warning that she needed to continue guarding her heart.
* * *
As far as failures went, this hadn’t been Ty’s biggest. But he also couldn’t consider their conversation a success. He’d thought he was sparing Rachel from having to hear the hateful words from her half brother. He was angry and confused, and Ty didn’t blame him. He didn’t know how he would react if, instead of his gift of a peek into your genetic heritage, you found out that everything you believed about your family was a lie. Which was why he’d been trying to give the Bennett brothers the benefit of the doubt.
There hadn’t been much time for patience, however. As he looked over at Rachel, the lines on her face spoke of exhaustion, even though she’d closed her eyes and appeared to be resting.
On one hand, he felt guilty for his answer to her. He didn’t know how people who lied on a regular basis could do it. He was hiding something from her, and while part of him didn’t want to tell her that they were very close to finding a donor for her as long as he passed this last test because he didn’t want to get her hopes up, he also didn’t want to tell her while she was angry with him. The last thing he wanted was her to forgive him simply because she felt obligated to him for being willing to donate one of his kidneys.
Besides, he still wasn’t sure if their relationship could be salvaged. Yes, she’d apologized, but she didn’t understand why it had been so hurtful to him. Which meant it was just going to happen again.
As much as he hated to admit it, she did have a point about not telling Ricky about the Bennetts. Ricky was an adult, and Ty needed to let him decide for himself whether or not he wanted to know everything Ty had learned about Cinco.
By the time they arrived at Rachel’s office, Ty felt good about having a plan, both for telling Ricky about Cinco and for letting Rachel know the last thing he was keeping from her. When he pulled into the parking lot he gently shook her awake, and when she came to, she had much more energy than he’d seen from her in a while. Maybe they had overreacted in insisting that she go to the doctor.
“Let me walk you in,” Ty said.
“I’m fine,” Rachel said, an irritated tone to her voice.
This wasn’t how he was hoping things would go. He smiled at her. “I know you are. I just wanted to let you know that I did think about the things you said to me. I know it seems like I was shutting you down, but I honestly just needed some time to process. You made some good points, and I wanted to let you know that.”
She gave a tiny nod. “Thanks. I appreciate that. But I’d still rather walk myself in. I shouldn’t be too long.”
He watched as she walked into the building, hoping that what he’d just said was enough. She got halfway across the parking lot when a woman he recognized from his previous office visit stopped to talk to her. They both looked in his direction and talked for a moment longer. Then Rachel turned around and walked back to him.
Maybe she’d reconsidered his offer. When they’d spoken previously, the lady had seemed friendly, chatting him up in the coffee shop. He’d originally been thinking he’d go in and get himself something, but after the taste test at the gas station, he’d had his fill.
“What were you thinking, going to my office and asking people questions about me?” Rachel said as soon as she got to him.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” he said. The lady had been asking him questions, not the other way around.
Rachel glared at him. “Allison said that after the two of you talked in the coffee shop, one of our other coworkers asked her about you because you had been at the office previously asking questions about me.”
He did remember. Before they’d even had the paternity test results back, he’d made a quick trip to Denver to meet with his investigator and had stopped in the office to ask some questions of his own.
“Our coworker saw your notes. One of them was a section about me being an unfit mother. How could you think that about me?”
Of all the crazy things. Now he was defending himself against random office gossip based on something that happened months ago.
“Yes. I did look into that, when you first came to the Double R, because it was a huge issue in your divorce case. While I had absolutely no doubts about your parenting in the first place, it should please you to know that all of Chris’s accusations against you were completely unfounded. I saw the reports.”
Even though he thought his words were reassuring, they only seemed to make Rachel angrier. Her face turned a deeper shade of red than he’d ever seen on her before, and her eyes flashed with so much rage that if they’d been lasers, they would have melted him on the spot.
“Who gave you the right to do all that? And why didn’t you tell me? You said there was nothing else you were hiding from me.”
He hadn’t known it would be such a big deal. “Everything that both me and my investigator found exonerated you. There are no skeletons in your closet. No one had anything but positive things to say about you. The only reason Chris’s case against you got so far was because he was a master manipulator.”
The look she gave him burned straight to his heart. “The only master manipulator I know is you
. I can’t believe I honestly thought that you trusted me. Only it isn’t so much that you trusted me, but that your investigator couldn’t find any dirt on me. I told you I didn’t want any secrets, which in my opinion are just as harmful as the lies you so despise.”
They’d already had this discussion, and she couldn’t have driven her point home any harder if she’d put a stake through his heart.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I truly never intended to hurt you. All of this happened before we knew the results of your paternity test. When we get back to the ranch, I’ll show you everything in my file. You can go through all my files. I meant it when I said there would be no more secrets between us. You just have to trust me for a little while longer.”
The braying laugh that came out of her was a horrific sound that he hoped never to hear again. “Trust you? Ha. Maybe once I get the report from an investigator.”
He’d really messed up, and he had no idea how to fix it. “If that’s what you want,” he said, trying to keep his voice even.
“I’ll tell you what I want,” she said. “I want you out of my life.”
She seemed like she was about to say more, but a strange look crossed her face, and then she crumpled to the ground.
“Rachel!” He ran to her, hoping she was okay.
When he got to her, she was unconscious, and he couldn’t wake her. At least she was breathing.
As Ty pulled out his phone to dial 911, he prayed with everything he had in him, and he hoped it would be enough.
Why had he waited so long to decide to get tested? All of this was his fault. As much as he hated to admit it, Rachel was right. All the things he’d been doing in the name of protecting her and Ricky were just as bad as the deception he’d accused her of. He should have included them in the discussion about the Bennetts. He should have told Rachel he was getting tested to be a donor, and he should have kept her informed about how they thought he was a match.
The Cowboy’s Sacrifice Page 16