by Eva Brandt
Selene wouldn’t be so lucky.
Oh, Helios. No, no, no, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Selene couldn’t be dead.
I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell her how I truly felt about her. I’d tried to apologize, but nothing I’d done had made up for my actions. I hadn’t been able to help her or make her forgive me.
Selene. Selene. Selene.
I screamed, the heat inside me increasing more and more. The drones were blasted back. The suppressor cuffs cracked, unable to contain the unleashed power of my grief.
“What the fuck?” Vincent cursed. “Stop!”
I didn’t stop. I didn’t care about anything anymore and I had no intention of waiting or relying on outside assistance. I felt broken and shattered, and I’d break and shatter everything in retaliation.
I remembered the first time I’d kissed Selene, when she hadn’t even been aware I was the one she was kissing. She had felt genuine grief over the death of Jared Glass, even if at the academy, I’d treated her like trash. She had always been so special, so determined, so beautiful and driven.
My life had been dedicated to my mission for so long that up to a point, I’d forgotten how to feel. Maybe that was why it had been so easy for me to hurt her, because I hadn’t realized that people experienced emotion differently.
I screamed again and the vials and machines in the room started to shatter. The guards retrieved their phasers. The doctors were attempting to evacuate. The drones lunged at me again, their lasers flashing.
At the back of my mind, I could now see my whole unit, supporting me in their own way. I could remember Teela’s stern eyes, Kallios’s sharp grin, Danadu and Viu’an’s bickering. I was Jar’yd again, standing in front of the Great Mother and receiving her blessing.
“You have such promise, my child,” she’d said to me once. “Never abandon hope.”
I wondered if she’d seen this coming, if she’d always known it would happen. If she had, I didn’t think I could consider myself a Heliad ever again. I loved my people, but I loved Selene more, and I could never forgive them for being the cause of her death, no matter how indirect. I couldn’t forgive myself either.
At last, the cuffs broke and I got up, clutching my middle to keep my insides from spilling out. I needn’t have bothered. The heat I was emanating instantly cauterized my injuries. It was a shame it couldn’t do the same with the terrible wound I’d received, all the way into my soul.
I half-expected the guards to try to kill me, but they didn’t. Their hands trembled on their phasers as they stared at me with wide eyes. “S-Stay back,” Vincent stammered. “I’m warning you. Stay back or I’ll shoot.”
“Oh, will you? And do you think I care about something like that? You just had your little toy vivisect me. Phasers won’t even tickle me.”
That might not have been completely accurate, but I couldn’t care less. Nothing could hurt more than the knowledge that I’d lost my family, what little hope for the future I’d had left.
I cared deeply about my fellow Heliads, but they couldn’t fill the hole that had just been carved inside me. They couldn’t change the fact that I’d failed to save the woman who was so special to me. And because of that, I didn’t care what happened to me from now on.
I’d die today, and I’d take these bastards with me.
I fully intended to find a way to blow myself up. Helios’s power wouldn’t obey me if I was self-destructive, but I was creative. I could have come up with something. Those phasers and drones had a lot of promise. I could use their tachyon diamond cores to create some kind of tool that would allow me to fulfill my goal.
Before I could go through with my tentative plan, something tugged at the back of my mind. It was unlike anything I’d felt before. I’d sensed such mental touches in the past, usually from Helios or the Great Mother, but none of it had been like that.
It reminded me of Selene and the mere memory of her paralyzed me, keeping me from attacking the guards. It was stupid to hope, but I reached back anyway.
A bright purplish light enveloped me. I’d have recognized it anywhere. It had the same feel and strength I could always read in Selene’s eyes, even when we’d been back at Nexus and she’d defied me with such determination in her attempt to escape.
Could she still be alive? Why not? She’d come very close to running away from me. A spaceship, even one owned by King Philip, was easier to handle than an alien planet located in a space-time anomaly. In fact, I would not be surprised if she’d had something to do with the explosion.
Her temper had been pretty short lately and her powers out of control. It would explain everything.
Ecstatic with my new realization, I shoved away my desire to die and pursued the power further. It wasn’t as effortless and painless as my regular traveling method, especially since I was still hurt. I didn’t care. I had hope again and as long as Selene was still alive, I had a future.
The next thing I knew, I was back on the main deck of the Venom, with Brendan, August and Archibald Chimera leaning over me. I stared up at them, dazed, my head still spinning with confusion and pain.
I must have looked pretty awful, because everyone gaped at me. “Tartarus help me,” August whispered. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“I got captured,” I replied. “But never mind me. Where’s Selene? Is she here?”
Brendan nodded, his lips twisting into a soft, but slightly pained smile. “Yes. She got away, although it came at a cost.”
The story he told me was so wild and crazy I almost couldn’t believe my ears. Selene had managed to escape King Philip on her own, but she’d been unable to save the chimeras. Left without another option, Sphinx had chosen to practically commit suicide and kill all the other mind-controlled chimeras in the process.
That must have been what I’d felt before I’d gotten caught. The confirmation of Zephyrus’s death hurt more than I expected. I’d already heard about it from my captors, but still, I had hoped to finally patch things up with her. It was too late for regrets and anyway, the only thing that had been destroyed was her metallic shell.
“We’ll get them back,” Brendan finished. “But to do that, we have to finish this. We have to face The Grand Judiciary, once and for all. And I have to finally make a stand.”
“And how are we supposed to do that?” August asked. “We don’t even have our chimeras anymore.”
I thought about New Washington and the sudden attack of the Centaurs on Gaia’s Temple. A sudden suspicion niggled at the back of my mind. “That might be true, but their power always stemmed from one source—from the gods. The Grand Judiciary can’t touch it either. We’ll find a solution. Because guess what? We’re not in a rush.”
****
Wesley
A few months later, the Apsid Quasar
“I don’t know about this, Great Mother. It still seems dangerous.”
“More dangerous than rushing forward into a gravitational anomaly with only your chimera’s shields for protection?”
“That’s different.”
“It really isn’t.”
I stood in the throne room of the apsid leader, watching her and Brendan argue. It was a somewhat repetitive episode. The Great Mother seemed to revel in making things difficult for us. She’d agreed to help us when we’d come here, desperate for assistance, but that aid didn’t come without a price.
I clenched my recently reconstructed fist and wondered if that price had been too high. It wasn’t myself I was worried about. There were other, far more important people at risk here, people I cared about.
Selene sat down on the steps of the Great Mother’s throne, cradling her pregnant belly. Part of the reason why we’d come here was because we couldn’t risk going further with our plans while she was still in such a delicate condition. Her health and that of the baby took precedence. The delay wouldn’t matter that much anyway, since the Great Mother controlled time in the Apsid Quasar. We could, in theory, stay here for ye
ars and come back the exact moment we’d left.
Unfortunately, Selene had been feeling more and more off as of late and nothing, not even the care of the apsid sun spirits, had been able to snap her out of it. The condition didn’t seem physical at all. Sometime, she’d just randomly slump down on the ground, staring at nothing. Other times, she’d lose her temper and explode at people. I’d have liked to believe it was the natural behavior of a pregnant woman, but I suspected it was a little more complicated than that.
Her hair had yet to grow back, which was somewhat of a mystery, since her body had not stopped changing. Then again, maybe that was the whole problem. There were too many changes, and none of us knew how to handle them.
I didn’t dare to sit down next to her, but Knox did. Over the past weeks, he’d grown distant, his relationship with Brendan having suffered after the incident with the tablet. Selene’s presence helped, but nowhere near as much as it should have.
The damage I’d first noticed all those months back was still there, for all of them. For all of us.
It was a relief when the Great Mother finally decided to stop their useless argument. “Perhaps we should set this aside for now,” she said. “We’re not getting anywhere. And you’re all unwell.”
Brendan glared at her. So did the others. The tension in the room skyrocketed. My arm started to throb, reminding me of the times in my life when I’d been torn apart.
“We’re fine enough to get to the bottom of this and make a decision,” Knox snapped.
“I’m not the one being stubborn. I offered you a solution. You’re just refusing to take it and accept that I’m right.”
“I don’t think you can blame us for that, Great Mother,” Jared said, “considering what happened to me when I was captured. No one wants to see that episode happening again.”
Silence fell as we all remembered the horrifying state Jared had been in when we’d managed to bring him back to the Venom. He’d been vivisected, and the only reason why he’d survived was because of his apsid nature.
“I’m not afraid,” Selene said softly. “Once my baby is born, I’ll be ready to fight.”
That was what I was most afraid of. Selene had always been so fearless, so determined. As her teacher, I’d admired that in her and had thought she had great potential. As a man, it had made me want her even more. But I wasn’t just a teacher or a man now, and I didn’t need my cybernetic enhancements to know her potential and determination could be very dangerous for her.
Maybe the Great Mother realized this as well, because she didn’t pursue the issue further. “There’s plenty of time for you to do that, child. You should go get some rest. You look exhausted.”
I half-expected Selene to protest. She didn’t. Instead, she just got up and nodded.
“I suppose I am, a little. Thank you for everything, Great Mother.”
“Don’t mention it, child. Off with you now.”
We left the Spire in silence, with Jared and Selene walking ahead of us. I scanned everyone and considered the facts I knew and my possible courses of action.
The awkwardness between the group wouldn’t just disappear. They hadn’t told me the reason per se, but it had persisted even through our journey to the Apsid Quasar.
Selene was increasingly down and the others weren’t getting better either. They might have plans for taking over The Grand Judiciary, but at this rate, they wouldn’t survive this battle with their sanity intact.
Prince Archibald and Odette were no help. Health-wise, Archibald was barely hanging on and it was only apsid healthcare that kept him from drifting altogether. Odette had been quiet since finding out Philip was dead. I had my suspicions about why that was, but I hadn’t said anything, since it was none of my business.
That meant the dynamics between the Grand Chimera Unit were left to me, and I was perhaps the worst possible person to handle the problem. But even leaving aside my strange feelings for Selene, I was their teacher and had a responsibility. I had to help.
As soon as we got to the private quarters we’d been assigned, the others spread out, determined to avoid one another again. I stopped them before they could flee.
“All right, guys. We need to take a step back and reassess this. We aren’t getting anywhere.”
They all turned toward me, eyeing me with clear suspicion. “I don’t see how this is any of your business, Sir,” Knox said with a sharp smile. “You’re only here out of loyalty to the true crown, not because you care about us.”
Pointing out that I did care about them—or at least about Selene—would have been really stupid, so I didn’t. The Grand Chimera tamers were jealous enough of Jared and suspicious of me. It was better to be practical and hope that Selene would listen.
“I think my loyalties are beside the point here. We all share the same goal. We want to bring down The Grand Judiciary. And we can’t do that if we’re constantly arguing, with each other and with the Great Mother.”
“Commander Trevor, with all due respect, this is none of your affair,” Brendan snapped at me. “Our problems are related to our relationship and you have no right to interfere.”
“I beg to differ. Your relationship is affecting your actions and has been doing so ever since Acting Pilot Renard joined the academy. You understand the Great Mother’s suggestion is dangerous, but what you can’t seem to grasp is that it’s just as dangerous to keep going the way you have been until now. You’re sick, Your Highness. You need to stop pretending, or it might get you all killed.”
“You don’t even know what happened, what any of us did,” Jared answered with a bitter smile.
“I don’t have to know anything. What matters is what you know. And I assume, what Selene thinks about this whole situation. Unless, that is, you think her opinion doesn’t matter either.”
It was a bit of a low blow since I knew for a fact that they did care about her opinion. But if I wanted to push them, there was nothing I could use except this—except her.
Selene didn’t seem to mind. She hummed thoughtfully, scanning her lovers’ faces with eyes that could have very well held the same skills mine did.
“Does it? Does anything?”
“What do you mean, Selene?” Pollux asked slowly.
“Does my opinion matter?”
“Of course it does,” August argued. “How could it not? You’re so important to us. Surely, you must know that.”
“I do,” she replied. “I mean… You’ve fought for me, defended me, loved me. But I can’t help but feel…” She rubbed her chest, as if there was an ache there she couldn’t reach. “Maybe everything we did was a huge mistake. All my decisions, all my determination… Where did it lead us?”
“None of this is your fault, Selene,” Jared replied. “You tried your best. If anything, I’m the one you should blame for most of this mess.”
“I could do that, yes, but that would be lazy and selfish. Look, Commander Trevor isn’t wrong. We have to leave aside our dispute. And the last time we came here, we made each other a promise. We said we would try to set everything aside. We haven’t made much progress since then, but it seems stupid to not try.”
There was something she wasn’t saying, a secret knowledge I saw on all of their faces. I heard it even if they refused to acknowledge it. Before it’s too late.
It was very possible that at least one of them would die in the imminent conflict with The Grand Judiciary. They were sick and they’d lost their chimeras. The only real advantage they had was Selene, but Brendan didn’t want to use her, because it was too dangerous.
I couldn’t encourage them. I couldn’t tell them to not give up hope. There was something in my heart that burned and refused to let me say the words. Instead, I said, “You have a little time. Make good use of it.”
As silence fell over the room, I turned on my heel and left. They were right about one thing. I didn’t belong here and I couldn’t help them fix their broken relationship.
I found refuge ou
tside, in one of the plazas. As I sat down on a bench, the Heliads gave me space, probably sensing I was upset.
It wasn’t just the Grand Chimera tamers I was frustrated with. I had issues too, and I still couldn’t understand my feelings for Selene Renard.
The Great Mother showed up out of nowhere and plopped down next to me on the bench. “You worry too much, Wesley Trevor,” she said. “I promise you things will become clearer in time.”
“Do you always talk in riddles?” I asked her, too tired to remain respectful.
“Of course,” she replied with a light laugh. “For what it’s worth, I can tell you this. Feelings aren’t always what we think they are. Sometimes, they’re just meant to guide us in the right direction.”
“That might be true, but they’re not helping me a lot.”
“They are. You just don’t realize it yet.” The Great Mother took my hand and squeezed it. “Don’t be afraid, Wesley. Your path is difficult to tread, but you’ll find your answers in time. Believe in yourself. Your future is out there, waiting for you. You just have to fight for it.”
Looking into her unfathomable eyes, I felt a secret knowledge stir at the back of my mind. “Thank you… Gerema.”
She smiled at me, and the weight of my confusion dissipated a little. I was still worried about my future, about everything we’d have to do. I still wondered if we were strong enough to face The Grand Judiciary. But at the same time, I had faith. Somehow, we’d get by. We just had to.
Looking Toward the Future
Pollux
“I have a feeling that if Commander Trevor made a note of how badly we messed up, we should be trying to improve.”
“Gee, you think? What gave you that idea, Your Highness?”
I listened to Knox and Brendan bicker and wondered how the hell we’d let our relationship deteriorate so much. We’d been inseparable once. Granted, Brendan had made a serious mistake when he’d hidden the secret of the tablet from us, but it hardly warranted this reaction.