by Wild, Nikki
I felt sick when I realized what was happening.
Was this love? Or just nostalgic infatuation? Either way, she was under my skin, and I had no fucking clue what to do now, because this was so far out of my usual method of operating that I felt like a fish out of water.
A very horny, very confused fish.
MAISEY
I paid the cab driver and stood in front of Jesse’s building, staring up at the penthouse. My hands were sweaty and my stomach was fluttering like crazy. The morning sunshine was bright and warm, but I was still standing there with my nipples hard as rocks beneath my scrubs. Obviously, it wasn’t from the cold.
My body was pulsing with a confused mixture of desire and dread.
I had to go in. I had to do my job. I couldn’t just walk away.
But I also had to remember that I was there to do a job, not just live out my fantasies with Jesse.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself before walking through the revolving doors. Today was a new day. I’d faltered yesterday, but that doesn’t mean I had to make the same mistake twice.
I said hello to the ever looming Grady and knocked on Jesse’s door.
The smile that was plastered to his face told me he wasn’t going to make this easy on me. The kiss he plastered on my lips before I could even say hello to him told me my strong intentions to resist him were going to be fully tested.
But still, I let him kiss me. It was quick, casual, and the best I could hope for.
In the back of my mind, a little devil was telling me to keep going, to let this just be a casual thing until he was healed and moved on. It was my conscience that kept reminding me how stupid I was being, what a risk it was to be close to him at all.
I did my best to listen to that part of my brain and ignore the other part.
I walked in and sat down next to him on his huge couch, his smile disarming me right away.
“Jesse,” I began, “what we did yesterday was wrong.”
“It certainly was,” he agreed with a solemn nod.
“You agree with me?” I asked, shocked.
“Sure,” he nodded. “It was a complete violation of ethics.”
“Oh. Right, yes it was. I’m glad you see it my way.”
“Sure,” he said, inching a little closer to me on the couch. “How could I not? It’s obvious that it was so, so wrong. Totally and completely inappropriate.”
“Right,” I said, my eyes darting down to his full lips, remembering the way they’d felt between my legs yesterday. My body stirred with desire and I bit my lip. “Totally inappropriate.”
“Of course. Terribly inappropriate,” he whispered, his voice low and hypnotizing as he moved even closer. His face was inches from mine and my breath became ragged and shallow as he neared.
“Right,” I whispered, swallowing hard. “So we agree then? It can never happen again.”
That sexy, slow crooked grin spread across his face and he shook his head slowly.
“No, Maise. I don’t agree with you there.”
“But you said it was wrong.”
“That’s right, I did,” he said, his eyes locked on my lips as he leaned even closer. If I moved a half an inch forward, I’d be kissing him.
God, I wanted to kiss him.
“If it’s wrong, then we can’t —,” I began.
He reached out and put a finger on my lips, silencing me.
“It’s only wrong because of your job, Maisey. And guess what? I’m not going to tell anyone, and I bet you aren’t either, right?”
“No, of course not, but —,” he pressed his finger firmly against my lips again and I closed them.
“Then, what’s the harm? A little pleasure between two friends?”
“But your knee —.”
“My knee is healing thanks to your magic hands. Don’t worry about that. You said yourself that I need to be moving around and working on building flexibility in my knee… You’re helping with that.”
“But Jesse, I —.”
“Nope,” he protested, trailing his finger away from my lips and outlining the edge of my jaw. His finger moved so slowly, seducing me into believing that I wanted more than just the tip of his finger on my skin. “There’s nothing you can say that will convince me that making love to you isn’t amazing.”
“That’s not what I —.”
“Nope. Shhh, Maisey!” he said, finally bringing his lips forward and kissing me gently to quiet my protests. “Tell me you didn’t enjoy yesterday.”
“I - I can’t,” I replied, my eyes glued to his hungry gaze.
“That’s what I thought,” he smiled a sly smile. “Tell me something else, darlin’. When’s the last time you felt that good?”
“Jesse,” I replied, shaking my head. “Don’t…” I didn’t want to answer his questions, because I didn’t want to admit the truth to myself. The truth that he and I both knew. The answer was never.
“You don’t have to say it, I could feel it,” he replied. “You want me just as bad as I want you, Maisey. You can’t deny it. I saw the way you shuddered under my touch,” he said, trailing his finger down my jaw, sliding it slowly down my neck and into my shirt, into my bra, twirling quickly around my hardened nipple. I shivered beneath his touch, my body proving him correct. “Ah, yes, that’s my girl. See?”
His touch shot electricity through my body and I sighed.
“Fuck, Jesse,” I whispered, his fingertip still tracing circles around my nipple. I arched my back, giving him easier access to my breasts, despite myself. He reached his entire palm into my shirt, pulling out my left breast, his head falling to take it into his mouth. His tongue circled my nipple, taking the place of his finger, the feeling of his mouth on me so delicious I almost leapt out of my skin. I moaned and leaned back on the couch, pulling him with me. He sucked my nipple into his mouth, biting gently as I squirmed beneath him.
This wasn’t supposed to be happening.
I was supposed to be doing something else, anything else, besides this. Massage, stretching, those kinds of things. Work, not play. Not this excruciatingly pleasurable assault I was gladly welcoming.
“No!” I said, summoning the strength to push him away. I looked over at him and was surprised to see hurt in his eyes, mingled with the same desire that I knew was in mine. He was so fucking sexy, so real, so in the moment, so right there with me. He was pure sex, his flashing eyes, his soft hair, his fucking perfect body. And he obviously had no intention to hurt me.
What the fuck was I thinking saying no?
“Oh, fuck! Come here and kiss me!” I said, pulling him to me, our lips crashing together in a delicious passionate explosion. Our arms wrapped around each other and we laid together on his couch making out like a couple of teenagers.
His large hands pulled my shirt off, and I had a flash of awareness that he’d not seen me wearing anything but scrubs. He didn’t seem to mind, though. At least they were easy to get off. He pulled off my pants quickly and stood up, dropping his shorts and pulling his shirt over his head, leaving me gasping at the sheer masculine beauty he possessed.
Before he could lay back down with me, I stopped him, grasping his shaft and sliding it between my lips, the velvety softness of him throbbing in my mouth. My tongue twirled around him, and I delighted at the moans and gasps coming from him. His fingers tangled in my curls, holding my head gently as I pulled him in and out of my mouth.
“Maisey, my god, Maise, that’s amazing,” his voice was ragged with emotion, his cock swelling in my mouth as I slid up and down, pulling the pleasure from his body.
“Stop, baby, stop,” he growled, pushing me back and laying on top of me, quickly mounting me, his swollen cock sliding into my pussy with perfect ease. He moved against me, filling me up deliciously with his massive hardness. I whimpered below him, wrapping my thighs around him, and holding on for the ride.
And what a ride it was.
Gentleness faded away, and our bodies slammed into each other
, working together with one hungry purpose, one starving mission, harder and faster and deeper, over and over and over until we exploded together in a chorus of moans and cries that echoed through his penthouse until we lay spent and gasping for air together, a light sheen of sweat sliding between our skin. He kissed me for what seemed like an eternity, our arms wrapped around each other, both of us holding on tightly.
I don’t know about him, but I never wanted to let go. I never wanted this moment to end. I pushed all the warnings away, and stayed in the moment with him, letting everything else except his perfect body and his comforting touch fade far away.
“Your knee is never going to heal this way,” I whispered.
“Fuck my knee. It’s my cock that needs your attention.”
I laughed, and he rolled back over on top of me, his cock hard again and sinking into me once more, as if to perfectly prove his point.
JESSE
We’d managed to pull our naked bodies away from one another and, after serious protest from me, Maisey insisted I do my exercises. She went from making me explode in pleasure to making me cringe in pain with her torturous regimen.
I complained the whole time and she just laughed, never letting up until we were completely finished with the therapy.
“Let me take you on a proper date,” I’d urged before she left, pulling her into my arms and kissing her again.
“A date? Why? That’s not necessary,” she shook her head, her messy after-sex curls bouncing around her lovely face.
“What do you mean why? Because you’re a beautiful woman that deserves the world, that’s why. Let me take you out.”
“No, way, Jesse. That’s not part of the plan.”
“Do we have a plan?” I asked.
“No, I guess we don’t,” she replied with a smile. “But it’s not good for us to be seen together.”
“Why not? You’re single, I’m single, who fucking cares?” I asked.
“My boss would care. And you have fans taking pictures of you everywhere you go. I don’t want to have to answer anyone’s questions, and I certainly don’t want my face plastered on TMZ.”
“Okay, okay, I get it. So let’s have a date here. I’ll cook for you. We’ll have dinner on the balcony. Come on,” I said.
“You cook?” she teased.
“I do a lot of things you don’t know about,” I said, leaning down and kissing the side of her neck. “Tonight?”
“Mmm…no, I can’t tonight,” she murmured.
“Tomorrow night? It’s Saturday, we don’t have PT on the schedule during the day. Come on, Maisey, it’ll be fun. You deserve it.”
She sighed, her eyes filled with indecision.
“You know you want to….” I tempted, leaning down and biting her earlobe until she squirmed away.
“Alright, what will one dinner hurt? But you can’t tell my boss, okay?” she said.
“If I’m not going to tell him how amazing your pussy feels, I’m certainly not going to tell him we’re having dinner together, sweetheart.”
She laughed and playfully punched my arm.
“Alright,” she agreed. “Tomorrow night. 8 p.m. okay?”
“Perfect!” I laughed, pulling her close and kissing her deeply again before opening the door and watching her walk away.
My eyes grazed over her perfect figure, my cock begging me not to let her leave.
But I did.
She’d be back, I told myself with a smile.
In the meantime, I needed to learn how to cook…
MAISEY
So much for saying no, I thought, as I waited in the cab for Maddy to come out of her school. What was that saying? The road to hell is paved with good intentions? Something like that…
Was that what this was? Hell?
I’d sure gotten myself tangled up in something, hadn’t I? I wasn’t even going to pretend to resist anymore. I’d just enjoy my time with Jesse, and when it was all over, I’d move on. Like it had never happened in the first place.
I knew trying to say no was useless at this point. If I didn’t enjoy his touch so much, I’d have hated myself for being weak. For being powerless to his charms. It was like some bad dream but it felt so fucking good.
The truth was that I hadn’t been touched in so long, I was starving for it. With one kiss, Jesse had opened up a dam that I’d been holding back for so long. A dam of emotion, of yearning, of need. I’d put my own needs on hold for so long, putting Maddy first, and in the process I’d even forgotten that I had my own needs to begin with.
I’d been living on autopilot for so long, coasting through life just trying to stay afloat.
I’d forgotten what it felt like to really live. To feel things. To be touched. To be desired.
The thing is, Jesse had done more than just awakened my body, he’d awakened a part of me that I’d buried a long time ago. His touch had reminded me that I was a woman. A healthy, twenty-eight year old woman that had perfectly natural sexual desires. I’d shut that fact away in the back of my mind a long time ago. I’d spent too many years pretending I wasn’t a woman. I was just a mother. A provider. An asexual being that didn’t even waste timing thinking about the pleasures her body could provide.
But now that Jesse had woken up that side of me, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to shove it back in its cage after he was gone. But I couldn’t think about that right now. Because the thought of him leaving had gone from something I was eager to happen to something that hurt to think about. None of that matters, though.
My life doesn’t have room for Jesse in it. Not in any long term way. And I didn’t fit in his world either. We were two completely different people, living two completely different lives, and it had always been like that. Nothing could ever change that.
I’d known it ten years ago and I knew it now. That was one thing I couldn’t pretend wasn’t real.
And the reason for that was waving and running at me right this very second.
I was so pleased to see a smile on Maddy’s face today. Her ponytails bounced around her head as she jumped into the back of the cab with me.
“Hi, Mom!” she kissed my cheek, and settled in to put on her seatbelt as the driver drove away from the curb. “I love taking a cab home! Can we do it every day?”
“Well,” I groaned. “At least for a few days until I can figure out how to get our car fixed.”
“Can’t we just buy a new one?” she asked.
“No, honey. We can’t afford that right now,” I said. After paying for the roof over our head and her medicine, I was barely making ends meet. Extra expenses like new cars weren’t in the budget.
“Well, I don’t care. I like this,” she said, smiling at me and then looking out the window. I couldn’t help but stare at her in a new light today. Her blonde curls, those blue eyes…I reached over and touched her soft hair, pulling her close for a hug.
“I love you, baby,” I said. “How was school today?”
“It was alright, I guess,” she said.
“Just alright?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she murmured.
“What happened, babe? Was it Sara again?”
“Yeah. Sara and Brittney, too.”
“I’m sorry, baby. Were they making fun of your inhaler again? I think I should talk to the principal, Maddy. This can’t go on.”
“No, that wasn’t it. Not this time,” she said, looking away from me.
“Then what?”
“They were - well, they were making fun of me because I don’t have anyone to go to the fifth grade dance with.”
“What dance? You didn’t tell me about a dance, Maddy. And you’re only in the fifth grade, since when do you need a date for that?”
“It’s um… It’s a father daughter dance.”
“Oh. I see,” I stiffened. Maddy had taken the fact that she didn’t have a father in stride, but I knew things like this would come up eventually. It was something I’d told myself I’d deal with when the time came.
I guess that’s now.
“I can take you, honey,” I said, gently.
“You’re not a man,” she replied, her voice filled with sadness.
“Well, that’s true. How about Eddie?” I asked. “Eddie’s a man.”
“Yeah, I guess. He’s not my father though…” her voice trailed off and I stared over at her, contemplating how to fix this.
It was all my fault. I got that.
I’d known I’d have to pay for my decision eventually, and yet the timing was so damn awful that it made me want to cry.
“I’ll ask Eddie, honey,” I said, rubbing her shoulder and pulling her closer to me. I didn’t have any other answers for her.
All this time, it’d just been me and Maddy, and that had been enough. She’d never really questioned me. Once, when she was five, she asked me if she had a father and I told her yes, but he wasn’t a part of our lives. That answer had been sufficient then, but it probably wasn’t anymore. I was surprised, though, that Maddy had never asked any more questions as she got older.
But with this new development, I had the distinct feeling that my time was very close to being up.
And what the hell would I do then?
* * *
“Darling, it’s so good to hear from you!” Eddie gushed through the phone. “It’s been over a week and you haven’t called! You must be up to something good!”
I smiled at the sound of his voice. He was the most expressive person I knew. I could see almost see his smile through the phone.
“Not really,” I said, feeling guilty for lying. He’d faint if I told him the truth, right before bitching at me for not telling him sooner. “How about you?”
“Well, I’ve been in rehearsals for the new revue we’re putting on at Charlie’s. It’s already sold out for the first weekend - can you believe that?”
“That’s so great, Eddie, I can’t wait to see it!” He’d been performing for twenty years as a drag queen in Denver, and I loved going to his shows. They were entertaining, hilarious and over-the-top flamboyant. It was always a good time, and I always ended up drinking way too many margaritas, because Eddie practically fed them to me in between his performances, insisting I didn’t have enough fun in my life and that I needed to loosen up. That was another reason he’d lose his shit if I told him about Jesse. I’d definitely upped the level of fun in my life with him.