Because it was a luau, we, of course, ate empanadas, taquitos, and poi. (It’s normal.)
About fifty people squeezed into the office. (Because Roman only invited the immediate family.)
Sylvia danced to Elvis Presley—she moves very well for a large-sized woman—and Julio watched her as if she were the most beautiful woman on earth. Twenty years together, and they’re still like a couple of kids.
It was much more fun than I thought it would be.
March 4 -
Happy Couples
Raining Down
From The Sky
Mom’s been humming around the house—huggy, happy. Probably because she’s dating. I repeat: my mother is dating a man, Alex, substitute teacher at her school. They’ve been out a few times now. So the really important thing to note about this situation is: my mom is dating.
It’s been two and a half years since she’s been all on her own, alone, dealing with all of our troubles and woe. Alex is okay. I don’t mind him too too much. I mean, he’s balding and tells me lame jokes, trying to be cool, I guess. But just seeing Mom looking forward to going out and putting on a dress and heels and jewelry is worth all of the awkwardness.
It seems like everyone’s pairing up these days; everyone’s looking for their match. It must be because spring is just around the corner; there’s something in the air. Something like hope. Or desperation. Or loneliness. But what do I know?
Summer’s mom Evelyn, seems to have found her soulmate, Gary. He owns a restaurant and bar, and she met him on one of her dates (with another guy). Gary spent a lot of time checking on her drinks and asking if her meal was okay and if she wanted dessert. Pretty soon the guy she was with felt like he was crowding in on their date. Anyway, she and Gary are in love. Fourth time’s the charm, I guess.
Now when I spend the night at Summer’s house, for the first time since the seventh grade, when she asks, “So, Stacy, is your mom dating anybody?” I can say, “Yes. Why, yes, she is.” And this makes Evelyn happy, because she thinks everybody in the world should have somebody. Everybody should be paired up, even dogs and cats and penguins and panda bears. And I think she’s right about that. But when Evelyn asked me if I was dating anyone, it hurt just a little.
“Stacy, aren’t you seeing anybody? You’re such a pretty girl.” Summer shot her this look like, “Shut up, Mom.”
“No, Evelyn. There’s no one I’m interested in right now.”
“Well, there will be. Don’t worry.”
Who says I’m worrying? But that’s okay.
A few minutes later, when we were hanging out in her bedroom, Summer asked, “Stacy, isn’t there anybody you’re interested in?”
I rolled my eyes. “Not you too.”
“You know, when Bradley gets a weekend pass, I’ll see if he can introduce you to one of his friends, ’kay?”
Oh, not on your life, Summer. I can just picture us on a double date, Summer and Bradley, and me with some twenty year old with a flat top or, even worse, shaved head.
“You know, Summer, I’m not even looking at guys right now. I just don’t see them. Don’t worry about me though. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, if you change your mind, let me know.”
Summer might be ready for her very own Marine, but I know I’m not, being fifteen. And the truth is, I haven’t been looking at the guys at my school, I really haven’t. I know it’ll happen for me some day, just not now. It’s hard once you’ve lost someone—it’s hard to just pick up and move on to the next.
March 12 -
My Friend Chad
I see Chad every day in English, but we haven’t had much to say to each other with me being so quiet and lackluster. He’s been keeping his distance, at least that’s what it seems like, even though we sit fairly close to each other.
Today, leaving class, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, and there he was, looking a little more handsome than usual for some reason. He’d been out in the sun; his skin looked tanned and was kind of glowing. (I mean, if skin could actually glow.) He was wearing a nice plaid button-up shirt. His hair was relaxed and wavy, the ends were light blonde, and it wasn’t sticking up at odd angles. He looked good.
“Stacy, I wanted to talk to you a sec.”
“What’s up?”
“Listen, I talked to Summer…”
Since when did he and Summer ever cross paths? He must have noticed the confused look on my face, because he said, “We ran into each other in the library yesterday.”
I just couldn’t let that one go.
“‘Summer’ and ‘library’—two words that don’t belong together.”
Chad brushed my comment aside, gave a little shrug.
“Yeah, well, anyway, she told me about your friend…” He paused, looking down for a second. “…and I just wanted to say I’m really sorry.”
And he seemed sorry, the way his eyes looked soft, and the corners of his mouth were kind of turned down.
That Summer. I’m gonna kill her.
“Uh, thanks, Chad. That’s really sweet of you.”
“It’s been so long since we’ve talked. I thought you hadn’t seemed like yourself, so I talked to her—asked about you.”
Wow. He really does care about me. This was a surprising development. I started to feel just the faintest hint of a tiny butterfly in my stomach, then I remembered horrible Vanessa.
What the heck, I decided I was gonna go for it. I was just gonna ask.
“So how are things going with Vanessa? You two engaged yet?”
He laughed. “We’re not seeing each other anymore. You know, she’s great. But she’s just not…that…”
“Smart?”
“Yeah, that’s it.” And he laughed. I laughed. We laughed. Hahaha. Sometimes I just crack myself up.
“Well, I could’ve told you that, Chad.”
And we walked out of class, laughing at the poor, dumb, hot girl, horrible Vanessa. And I felt a little bit more hopeful about life.
March 12, Later –
Becca’s Kind Of Annoying
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I watched Becca fold her laundry. She’s about five percent neater now and actually matches her socks up instead of shoving them all in her drawer in a pile. (I’ve never known somebody to have so many black socks.)
“So, Chad broke up with horrible Vanessa,” I said casually. She gave me this look like, “Oh, no, you don’t. Not again.”
“Isn’t he the one—wait. It’s all coming back to me. Isn’t he the one you said you never ever wanted to kiss ever again? Ever?”
God, what is wrong with her? How does she remember every little thing she’s ever read or heard or seen in her entire life? Maybe it’s her medication? No, she’s always been like this.
“Becca, you don’t understand. That was, like, six months ago. He still had his braces. And it’s not like he’s asked me out or anything. Yet. I’m just glad he saw Vanessa for who she really is. She’s not good enough for him.”
“Yeah, that must be it. You keep telling yourself that, Stacy. But I like Chad anyway. He’s sweet. Much better than that dickhead Anthony you were so in love with.”
“God, why do I tell you anything?”
“Because you value my valuable advice? I don’t know. If you don’t want to hear it, then stop telling me things!”
I grinned. I’m really glad that Becca and I are getting along so well these days.
March 21 -
A Duck Walks Into A Bar
Mom was getting ready for her date with Alex. She wore a little black dress. Her hair was down, extra eyeshadow, red lipstick, and a crystal pendant necklace with matching earrings. She looked beautiful. Alex was taking her to the opera. Yawn.
The doorbell rang, and I invited Alex in while she finished touching up her mascara. He was wearing a brown sport coat and tie and looked kind of handsome. I could smell his cologne, and I pictured him kissing my mother and wondered if they already had. What was I thinki
ng? Of course they had.
“Hey, Alex. Come on in.”
He led off with a joke, because that’s how he is.
“A duck walks into a bar, orders a drink, and tells the bartender, ‘Put it on my bill.’” Then he gave a little rimshot complete with sound effects.
“I don’t get it,” I told him, even though I really did.
“Uh, well, see, the joke is that the duck’s telling the bartender to put it on his bill. Get it? He has a bill already—ducks have bills—but he’s also asking the bartender to put it on his bill—his tab—so he can pay him later. So it has a double meaning.”
“Ha. I get it. That’s pretty funny, Alex.”
He’s such a dork. I planned to be nicer to him next time. I just didn’t want him thinking he could come right in and move in on my mom and everything. Not yet. He was gonna have to work for it a little. I mean, it was good to see my mom going out, but I wasn’t so sure if I was ready for a stepdad yet.
Mom made her entrance, and the way Alex looked at her, it was as if he was seeing something really special.
“Wow, Maryann. You look beautiful.”
He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Mom was all glowing and happy.
“Oh, you’re sweet, Alex.”
“No, Mom, you really look great.”
Mom put a little, gauzy wrap around her shoulders and grabbed her black cocktail purse, the one with the sequins.
“You two kids have fun tonight. And stay out of trouble now,” I said, which cracked them up, and they left, all smiles and chatting. I picked up the book I was reading, a worn-out copy of Pride and Prejudice that I’ve already read once and we’ve all passed around. I was killing time, waiting for Becca and Roman to come back with our pizza so we could start our movie, Rocky Horror Picture Show—a very freaky movie, but one of Becca and Roman’s favorites. I think they mostly like it for the fashion. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday night though.
March 23 -
Do You Give
A Girl Named
Rose Roses?
It’s official, Rose and Darrell, the hairless swimmer, are a couple. Rose, my protector, my friend, my partner in petty crime. Bethany seems happy but a little sad too. She and Rose have been best friends for as long as I’ve known them; now the dynamic has shifted. Instead of Rose and Bethany, and me tagging along, it’s Rose and Darrell, with Bethany and me tagging along. It was bound to happen eventually.
Darrell’s nice. Always says, “Hey, Stacy. What’s going on?”
And I say, “Absolutely nothing.”
For being bald, he’s not bad looking. Deep brown eyes and long eyelashes. He didn’t shave his eyebrows off. They’re nicely shaped, no monobrow. The hair on his head, if he did have it, would be dark brown and curly.
Another couple has been formed, and our group’s adjusting. Except I don’t know how long the group will last with Bethany as the third wheel on their dates. (That can’t be much fun for her or them.)
I wonder if he has a hairless friend for Bethany?
Maybe I should mind my own business; the last thing I need to do is play matchmaker. But Bethany’s lonely. There’s got to be someone out there for her too. Someone who likes down-to-earth girls who can really throw a softball and keep a 4.0. Someone who doesn’t mind a girl who dresses like a boy and doesn’t wear makeup.
I really hope so. I really hope there is someone out there for everyone. That’s what they say at least, isn’t it?
March 27 -
Teenage Wasteland
We’ve been studying poetry in English, and I sat reading The Waste Land, trying to make some sense of it, and I have to say, my head was a wasteland reading it. And instead of telling us what it actually meant, Mr. Selden wanted us to study it first. (What I “think” is that T.S. Eliot wasn’t a big fan of people, but I could be missing something.)
As I sat there mulling it over, trying not to be too depressed (but it’s hard when the first section is titled, “The Burial of the Dead”), I caught Chad watching me out of the corner of my eye. He looked away, but I’m pretty sure he was looking at me. I could see the littlest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, like he was thinking about something good, like he just got the punch line of a joke. I wonder—I just wonder—if he was thinking about me.
March 30 –
Almost All Is Revealed
Today Mr. Selden gave his in-depth analysis of The Waste Land, and I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s all symbolism, and it might as well have been written in a different language. It’s still way over my head—too much for this freshman brain to handle. Except Daria got it. She totally got it. But then, she would. She’s freaky that way.
I watched Chad for a while when he wasn’t looking. I noticed how pretty his brown eyes with the green flecks are and how golden brown his skin is; how white and straight his teeth are.
I watched him write, and I watched him think, and this is what I thought as I watched him: Chad’s a hottie. Chad is a fox.
I wonder if he believes in second chances?
April 3 -
Springing Forward
Somehow—I don’t know how—I’ve made it to spring. I know this, because I’ve started to see colors again—blue skies, puffy white clouds, green leaves. I mean, the colors were there all along—the leaves had been changing, the trees weren’t bare anymore—but now I’ve started to see them. Notice them.
Before, everything was flat and gray, just like me. Now, it feels like there’s hope in my tragic little world. I feel hopeful, like things might actually turn out okay. Like I’m going to survive after all. I’ve been talking more, laughing more, pulling my head out of my shell like the tortoise who’s been hibernating all winter. That’s kind of how I feel right now, and it’s good. Really good. Kind of awesomely good, in fact. Super fantastical.
Today was the last day of school before spring break. I’ve been practically marking the days off my calendar like a prisoner who’s only got fifteen more years to go. Finally. One week, plus the two weekends. A whole nine days. What will I do with all of that time?
And something interesting happened at school. And when I say “interesting,” I mean completely out-of-control awesome. Chad asked me out. On a date (I think).
I repeat. Chad asked me out today.
We were sitting in English as usual, and when the bell rang and I was walking out of class, he caught up to me.
“Hey, Stacy, wait up.” (His face had a serious look.)
“What’s up, Chad?” (Giving him a serious look back, trying not to laugh.)
He seemed a little nervous, which intrigued me.
“Um, there’s a Star Wars, uh, retrospective at the Egyptian tomorrow.” He was stumbling and fumbling around. “A group of us are going. Uh, I was just wondering, um, if you wanted to go with us.”
A group of us? Was this a “date”? I searched his face for a clue, but I couldn’t be sure.
“Sure, Chad,” I said, trying to sound light and casual while I was jumping up and down on the inside. “That sounds like fun. Should I wear my gold bikini?”
I was joking. I’d never have the nerve to go out of the house wearing Princess Leia’s bikini and her Cinnabon braids.
He laughed. “Absolutely. That would be great.” And he looked all happy and relieved. He looked at me, right into my eyes. “I’ll call you later, Stacy.”
“See ya, Chad.”
I watched him walk away. He looked confident, like he was walking about a foot taller.
So the sky’s a deeper blue now, and the grass is definitely greener. Things are looking positively Technicolor. Even if it is Star Wars, which is fine, but it is kind of a guy thing. Very cornball, if you ask me. But I’m really excited about seeing it with Chad for some reason. I just hope he doesn’t show up with a lightsaber or, even worse, a stormtrooper uniform.
April 4 -
Bunnies And Flowers
When Chad came to pick me up for our “date,
” he wasn’t wearing a stormtrooper outfit or a Han Solo vest. He was just Chad with his big, beautiful smile and a Star Wars T-shirt (because I guess he couldn’t help himself). I smiled back at him, and it felt like we were ten years old, and my stomach had the butterflies again. I invited him in to say hi to Mom and to see if he passed Roman’s inspection.
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