by Beth Wiseman
“I will be at your wedding, Saul.”
Saul leaned forward again and laid his forehead in his hands for a moment, relieved that if his father left, he wouldn’t be gone long. He looked back up after a few moments when his daed started to speak again.
“Bishop Ebersol and Noah are gut men. I have an illness, Saul. And that is what the bishop will tell our community if anyone asks, but we know that sometimes rumors and gossip can start, and I hope—”
“This is all Rebecca Raber’s fault!” Saul bolted from the rocker and took two steps toward his father, feeling the heat in his face. “She told the bishop about your—your problem. She only did this because she doesn’t want me to marry Miriam! And now you’re going to be sent away! How am I going to run the farm with just Ruben and James? Miriam probably won’t even want to marry me once this gets out, and—” Saul closed his mouth and took a deep breath when he saw the pain in his father’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Daed.” He backed into the rocker, sat down, and put his face in his hands, then looked back up. “I’m sorry.”
“There will be talk, Saul. I’m sure of it. But you won’t be here to hear of it, and your bruders are stronger than you think.” Daed reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope that Saul recognized right away. “You will be working at your new job in Pittsburgh. With Miriam, after you’re married, of course. If that’s what you two want, that is.”
Saul’s heart leaped in his chest. “What?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” His father lifted the envelope, then put it in his lap and hung his head. “Never mind. I know why. You’re a gut boy, Saul. You knew I wasn’t able to properly tend to James and Ruben.”
“I don’t understand.” Saul shook his head, trying to piece together what was going on.
“Saul. . .” Daed sighed. “I don’t want you to leave our community, but in a strange way, I feel you deserve to pursue this dream. You’ve earned it. But I pray that you will take your faith with you as you and Miriam begin your life in Pittsburgh. It will not be easy for you to make this change. And marriage requires much work, even in the best of times.”
Daed reached into an envelope that was on the couch beside him. “Here is the property that I promised you, the deed. Jake Petersheim has always wanted that tract. I’m guessin’ he would buy it from you, and that will give you and Miriam some money to help you begin your life.”
Saul stood up from the rocker again and paced for a moment. Then he faced his daed, unable to believe what his father was saying. “Daed, if you’re leaving, that’s even more reason why I can’t leave.” He shook his head, frustrated by all of this. “I can’t leave Ruben and James. They aren’t old enough. What are you thinking?”
His father stood up, approached him slowly, and put a hand on his shoulder. “I leave in two weeks for Chicago, to a place Noah suggested. You will leave for your new job that same week. James and Ruben will be staying with Rebecca and her family.”
“What?”
“Rebecca spoke to Bishop Ebersol, and we can’t be angry with her, Saul. She is not part of the problem but part of the solution. Bishop Ebersol said Rebecca cried when she told him of her visit to our haus.” Daed hung his head and kept his eyes on the floor. “I feel shame for my behavior, but you and your bruders should not have to live like this.” He looked up. “Rebecca said that her family will help with our farm while I am away, and Ruben and James will take their meals there and spend the nights there.”
This was happening too fast for Saul. “But you said that you would be at my wedding. I don’t understand how—” He shook his head.
“To leave our world, sohn, you won’t be baptized, and you won’t be married in the Amish faith. . . Are these things you are willing to give up to live your dream?”
Saul thought about marrying Miriam, leaving for Pittsburgh in the next couple of weeks, and living out his dream. And without hesitation he said, “Ya, Daed.”
“I will pray that you take your faith with you wherever you go.” “And I will pray that you return soon.” Saul embraced his father for the first time in years. “I love you, Daed.”
“I love you too, Saul.” His father squeezed tighter. “I hope you can forgive me for the life I’ve led over the past years.”
“I forgave you a long time ago. You’re the best father anyone could have.”
He held his father, and they both cried, then agreed it was time that they go together to talk to Ruben and James.
Rebecca took the pot from the stove and pounded across the kitchen floor. She kicked the screen open, marched down the steps, and tossed the rhubarb soup in the yard. The chickens sniffed briefly at the red mush, then turned up their beaks and toddled away.
“Even the birds won’t eat that stuff.” Aaron chuckled as he led one of the horses to the barn.
“It’s not funny, Aaron.”
“Why don’t you just ask Saul how to make the soup? You must be doing something wrong.”
“Because I have been cooking for over twice as long as that boy. I should be able to figure out how to make that recipe.” Rebecca pushed back loose strands of hair blowing in her face. She was heading back to the kitchen when she heard a car pulling in, so she turned and put her hand above her forehead to block the sun. Aaron came across the yard and joined her. They waited until two heads came into view within the car.
“Is that. . . ?” Aaron strained to see. “It is. It’s Abner and Janet.”
“What? Shelby’s mother isn’t due here until next Friday.” Rebecca twisted her neck to the right until she could see Miriam and Shelby on their knees in the garden. “Why are they here early?” She turned back toward the car and frowned, then spoke in a whisper to Aaron. “And I thought they were divorced. Why are they here together?”
Aaron shrugged.
As the car doors shut, Miriam and Shelby joined them in the front yard. Rebecca waited for Shelby to run into her parents’ arms since she hadn’t seen them in nearly three months, but Shelby walked tentatively toward them.
Abner threw his arms around his daughter, who looked like a limp doll before she slowly hugged her father. “Shelby, we’ve missed you.”
Janet waved to Rebecca, Aaron, and Miriam, then moved toward Shelby. She waited until Abner released his daughter, then Janet hugged her. Shelby pulled out of the embrace right away.
“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here until Friday. That’s almost a week away.” Shelby stared back and forth between her parents, her expression tight with strain. “And what are you both doing here?”
Her parents didn’t answer her, but both eased around and greeted Rebecca, Aaron, and Miriam. Ben, Elam, and John walked toward them from the chicken coops they were cleaning.
“What handsome boys,” Janet said as Rebecca introduced her sons. “And, Miriam, what a lovely young woman you are. We haven’t seen you since you were four years old.”
“Mom, Dad. . .” Shelby approached her parents. “What are you doing here? Together? Plus, I’m not scheduled to go home until Friday. We just had the barn raising, and. . .” Shelby waved her hand toward the barn.
Janet reached for Shelby’s hand. “Honey, we’re both your parents, and we both missed you.” She took a deep breath and seemed to force a smile. “Besides, your father and I are on friendly terms.”
“Since when?” Shelby let go of her mother’s hand.
“Sweetheart, we thought you’d be thrilled that we came early.” Abner reached out to Shelby as he ignored her question, but she backed up.
“It’s not time yet.” Shelby stuffed her hands in the pockets of her blue jeans, then bit her lip. This wasn’t the response Rebecca would have expected.
Janet pushed a shoulder-length strand of blond hair behind her ear, then pulled dark sunglasses down on her nose. “Honey, how long will it take you to pack? We tried to call, but of course your cell phone is dead, and we kept getting an answering machine for the number here.”
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��Why didn’t you leave a message?” Shelby edged closer to Rebecca, and Rebecca could hear the desperation in her voice. “I’m not ready to go.”
“Sweetheart, you’ve been here so long. We figured you’d had enough of. . .” Abner trailed off, then smiled. “I’m sure your hosts are ready to say good-bye to their houseguest.”
“Not at all,” Rebecca said, lifting her chin. “We’ll miss Shelby very much.” Rebecca’s voice cracked as she spoke, and she realized how much she truly would miss Shelby.
“Maybe everyone can spend the night?” Miriam walked to Shelby and put an arm around her, and it touched Rebecca at how close the girls had become. She didn’t know what kind of trouble Shelby had gotten into before her arrival here, but she had turned out to be a positive influence on Miriam.
“Of course you’re all welcome to stay.” Rebecca smiled at Janet.
Janet glanced at her watch. “We need to get back to the Harrisburg airport soon so Shelby can catch a flight home. Shelby’s Aunt Charlotte, my sister, will be picking Shelby up at the airport when her flight gets in.”
“What?” Shelby looked as confused as Rebecca felt.
Janet turned to Shelby. “Shelby, your father is catching another flight out of Harrisburg for a business trip, and I. . . well, I am leaving for another flight from Harrisburg to meet a—a friend.” Janet pulled her eyes from Shelby’s for a moment, then looked back up at her. “This was a way for your father and me to get to see you before we each leave, and you enjoy staying with Aunt Charlotte. Right?” Janet smiled. “Or Aunt Charlotte can drive you home, but I know you’re not crazy about staying by yourself.”
Rebecca stifled a gasp. “You’re picking her up just to leave her again?” Right away she knew the remark was snide and uncalled for. It was not her business. But when she felt Shelby clutch her hand in hers, she didn’t regret having said it. It was clear to Rebecca that Shelby’s parents only came to pick her up because that’s what fit into their schedules. How can they do this?
Shelby glared at her mother, then turned to Rebecca. “Please, Rebecca. Please let me stay here.” Shelby wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’ll never be any trouble, I’ll be baptized here and live here forever, until I have a home of my own right here in this community. Please, Rebecca.” Shelby threw herself into Rebecca’s arms. Rebecca was unsure what to do or say.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Janet walked toward them, but Shelby did not pull from the embrace with Rebecca. “Are you saying you want to be Amish?”
Rebecca eased Shelby away and whispered, “Ya, Shelby. Is that what you’re saying?”
Shelby wiped away a tear and faced Rebecca. “When I came here, Rebecca, I was a mess. But Miriam helped me to find my way back to God.” She glanced at Miriam and Aaron, then looked back at Rebecca. “All of you did. And Miriam explained to me what a Daughter of the Promise is, someone who takes a spiritual journey where she finds out what faith, hope, and love really mean. I’ve done that, Rebecca. Please don’t send me away.”
Rebecca saw Janet throw her hands in the air before she started talking to Abner, but Rebecca grabbed each of Shelby’s arms. “You dear, sweet girl. Finding your way to the Lord is a wonderful thing, no?” She smiled, and Shelby smiled back. “But you don’t have to be Amish to be a Daughter of the Promise, Shelby. You can take your faith anywhere with you.”
Shelby hung her head. “I understand. I’m sure you’re ready for me to go.”
Rebecca’s heart was breaking. She wasn’t sure what to do. Help me to say and do the right thing, Lord. “No, Shelby. I am not ready for you to go at all.” She swallowed hard as she watched a smile tip the corner of Shelby’s mouth.
“Honey, we should have contacted you before coming.” Janet pushed her sunglasses up on her head. “I can see that you’ve become attached to Rebecca and all of them, but—”
“It’s more than that, Mom.” Shelby faced her mother, glancing at her father also. “I love it here. I love the fellowship, the honesty, the way families take care of each other. I love worshipping God in a way that I never have before. There’s a peacefulness here that I’ve never felt before.”
Rebecca felt the need to speak up, no matter how much she would love for Shelby to stay in the community. “Shelby. . .” She spoke softly. “You are welcome to stay here, but I want you to know that the peacefulness you speak of can also be found anywhere. The Lord is everywhere.”
“Can I really stay?” Shelby turned to Aaron, who nodded with a smile on his face.
“Uh, this is ridiculous, Shelby.” Janet thrust her hands on her hips. “You can’t stay here.”
“Why not, Mother? All you’re going to do is send me home, then leave again. That’s the way it has been my entire life. When I did something you didn’t like, you sent me away.” Shelby paused, blinking back tears.
“Shelby, that’s not true, and—”
“Mom! Even when I didn’t do anything bad, you and Daddy always had somewhere for me to go—summer camps or visits with relatives while you traveled. And it’s no different now, even though you’re divorced. You’re just going in different directions.”
“Shelby, we thought you enjoyed those things, and—”
“Mom, I’m happy here. I want to stay here. I can’t be a hundred percent sure that I will become Amish, but I want to learn more about it and make that decision on my own.”
“Absolutely not,” Abner said strongly. “We need to go.”
Shelby stood taller. “Dad, Mom. . . I love you both very much. But I’m not going.”
Rebecca took a deep breath. “Aaron, Miriam, why don’t we let Shelby talk with her parents.”
Aaron and Miriam followed Rebecca into the house, and after Aaron went upstairs, Rebecca turned to Miriam. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you than I was a few minutes ago. You’ve made a huge difference in Shelby’s life.”
Miriam smiled, but it wasn’t the smile of times past, the smile that Rebecca so longed to see.
“Danki, Mamm.”
Rebecca sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside her. She waited until Miriam sat down. “Now. . . we have less than a week to plan a wedding. It won’t be an Amish wedding, most likely somewhere in town, but we will still need to have something memorable for you.”
Miriam stared at her like she’d lost her marbles. “What are you talking about? Saul and I will be baptized in October, then married here in November.”
Rebecca shook her head, then smiled. “No. I don’t think so. There’s been a change in plans.”
19
MIRIAM TRIED TO WRAP HER MIND AROUND EVERYTHING. It was all happening so fast. Shelby was staying, and Miriam was leaving, moving to Pittsburgh with the love of her life. Miriam knew she should be the happiest girl on the planet. She was marrying Saul tomorrow at one o’clock. It would be a small private ceremony in a Christian church in town, the church that their friend Barbie Beiler attended. Barbie had helped make the arrangements. And the Fishers would get a new start. Her mother had explained the help Zeb would be receiving, which opened the door for Saul to have a chance at his dream.
Miriam sat down on her bed and glanced around the only bedroom she’d ever had. After a few moments, she put her face in her hands, and the tears came on full force. Once they started, she couldn’t get them to stop. She couldn’t believe that her mother had worked with the bishop and Saul’s father to arrange all of this so that Miriam could go with Saul to Pittsburgh. It was the most unselfish thing a parent could do, and Miriam knew the cost for her parents. They’d never wanted any of their children to leave the community. But Mamm told Miriam that she knew the Lord would guide her steps no matter where she went, and that she wouldn’t hold her back if she wanted to go with Saul to Pittsburgh.
She wanted to be with Saul, but leaving her community terrified her. It was exciting in the beginning, and Saul’s face always lit up at the mention of it. But now she was going to be married— something
exciting but frightening on its own—and moving to a new place, leaving the only home she’d known.
“What’s the matter, mei maedel?”
Miriam lifted her head and quickly swiped at her eyes. “Mamm.” It was all she could say, then the tears started again. Her mother sat down beside her and pulled her into a hug. Miriam felt like she was five years old, and certainly not old enough to be getting married and venturing out on her own. “I’m scared, Mamm.”
Her mother held her, rocking back and forth the way she’d done when Miriam was a child. “I know, Miriam. A lot is happening for you all at once.” Mamm eased her away. “But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Sniffling, she said, “I know. And I want to be with Saul.”
“These are decisions only you can make, mei dochder.”
Miriam reached for a tissue on her nightstand, then blew hard. “Saul said we can stay here and raise a family, that we don’t have to go to Pittsburgh.”
“And what did you say?”
“That I really want to go to Pittsburgh.”
“Do you?”
Miriam thought long and hard about the new adventures they would be sharing together as husband and wife. “Ya. I do. I’m just scared.”
“But it’s also not too late to change your mind.”
“I want to start a new life with Saul, and I’m excited about going to a new place.” She stared into her mother’s sympathetic eyes. “Will you come to visit us?”
Mamm smiled. “Pittsburgh is not that far.” She paused, winked. “I think we can travel to the city to see our only dochder.”
Miriam tried to smile, but another tear found its way down her cheek.
“Let me ask you something, Miriam.” Mamm cupped Miriam’s cheek. “Do you feel led to go on this new venture?”
“I’m so scared, Mamm. But not only do I love Saul with all my heart, I do feel led to go in this new direction. I really do think Saul would stay here if I really wanted him to, but I want to share his dream, and I feel like there is something there for me too.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what, though.”