by Lynne, Donya
“How much weight have you lost?” Rob said as they made their way to the boxing area.
Mark killed his second bottle of water and screwed the cap back on before chucking the empty container in his bag. “Since January?” Mark thought a couple seconds. “About ten pounds, I think.”
“You look it. Shit, but you’ve leaned out.”
“Thanks to you and this killer workout you’ve got me doing.”
A couple of gym bunnies on their way to the stair climbers smiled at him and Rob and giggled as they passed. A year ago, Mark would have given them a second look. Maybe even a third. But not now. Karma consumed one hundred percent of his interest. There wasn’t room for anyone else. In fact, the last time he’d had sex was with Karma last September. Talk about a drought. But at least this was self-imposed. There had been plenty of opportunities to wet his wick. He just couldn’t stomach the thought of doing so with anyone other than her.
Rob helped him tape up his hands. It was time for punching practice. As Mark flexed and fisted his fingers, Rob grabbed his pads, strapped them to his hands, then raised them out to the sides.
Mark was no boxer, but playing one in the gym sure helped cut his body fat percentage. And it gave him another outlet to both vent his frustration and build his fortitude. The universe was taking way too long to get its act together and show him the door that would lead Karma back into his arms. As the weeks passed, he grew more and more determined to take matters into his own hands.
He cross-jabbed and his fists popped against the leather pads. The exertion felt good. Again, he crossed then jabbed, then jabbed again. Pop-pop-POP!
“Good.” Rob clapped the pads together then held them up again as he stepped to the side.
Mark followed, keeping his eyes on the targets.
Pop-pop!
He never should have left. He should have turned around on the way back to Chicago.
Pop!
Rob circled him, moving the pads, turning one so it faced the floor and holding the other out to the side.
Mark hooked then sent an uppercut into the downward-facing pad.
Downward-facing. That made him think of yoga, which made him think of her again. Did she still do yoga?
Maybe he should take up yoga. Maybe that would help clear his mind even more.
Rob sidestepped and backed up. Mark stayed with him.
Pop-pop!
He envisioned the red leather pads on Rob’s hands as representations of fate.
POP! He laid into the right pad with a fierce jab. Take that, fate. Maybe that will get you off your ass and pick up the pace.
It had been seven months, for God’s sake. How long did it take to create a goddamn sign?
One thing Mark knew for sure, he was on his last legs of waiting around.
One way or another, he was getting back his precious Karma, even if he had to do it himself and ditch his promise to the universe.
Come hell or high water, she would be his again.
Chapter 9
March 27
“I like your hair,” Jan said as she settled into the chair across from Karma.
“Thank you.” Karma ran her hand down her shorter tresses, which hit just below her shoulder. She hadn’t cut her hair this short in…well…ever. She felt refreshingly lighter. Her stylist had also added some burnished highlights, bringing out the red tones.
Jan crossed her legs and rested her tablet on her lap. “How’s training for the Mini-Marathon coming along?”
“Slow, but good. I might end up walking part of the marathon, but it won’t be for lack of trying.”
Karma had been interval running three times a week since getting her treadmill. On the days she didn’t run, she rode her spin bike and lifted weights, and two or three times a week, she met Brad at the gym. They usually grabbed a quick bite afterward.
That first week had been brutal. Not a night had gone by when at least one muscle group or another hadn’t protested the new routine.
“How are things going with Brad?” Jan held her stylus over her tablet.
“Good.”
“Has he asked you out?”
“Not officially, but we’ve been spending so much time together that it feels like we’re already dating.” The time she spent with Brad did actually feel more like dating than two training partners preparing for a marathon together. Still, going out on a real date, where he asked her out and they got dressed up, would be nice.
“And how do you feel about that?”
Karma shrugged one shoulder. “I’m ready. It’s time for me to move on.”
Jan made a note on her tablet. “And you want to move on with Brad?”
“Yes. I guess. Maybe.” Admitting that she wanted Brad to ask her out made her feel like a traitor. “But I feel guilty.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Karma glanced down at her hands then out the window.
“Because it makes you feel like you’re not being loyal to Mark?”
She met Jan’s gaze again and nodded. “Yes. I know it’s stupid, especially since I know he’s moved on.” She’d told Jan about the New Year’s Eve picture of Mark with that woman. “But I still feel like I belong to Mark. Like he’s just away on business or something and that any minute he’ll be back and will expect me to still be here waiting for him. I don’t want to hurt him.”
Jan’s expression softened. “First of all, it’s not stupid. It’s human. Nothing you think is stupid, especially where your feelings for Mark are concerned. With that said, it’s my job to help you explore why you’re feeling this way about a man who has clearly moved on…who told you from the start he didn’t want a commitment and would leave…and did exactly what he said he would.”
Karma had thought the same thing a hundred times, maybe more. But Jan hadn’t been with Mark like she had. Karma had seen the glint in Mark’s eye. She had heard the love in his voice and felt it in his touch. Mark might have done exactly what he said he would do, but she would bet her last dollar that he had grown to see her as more than just some random woman with which to kill time.
Which made the picture of him spending New Year’s Eve with another woman that much harder to understand. Maybe she’d never understood him as well as she’d thought.
“Despite what Mark said, I feel like he fell in love with me, too.”
Jan’s eyebrows raised. “Maybe he did.”
“Then why did he leave?”
Jan pursed her lips and drilled her gaze into Karma’s as if she’d just latched on to a key piece of evidence. “You tell me.”
Karma searched her mind for several seconds, not seeing what Jan apparently did.
Jan uncrossed her legs and sat forward. “Why would a man who’s in love with you leave you behind, Karma?”
She lowered her gaze, searching her thoughts. Then, “Oh…” She met Jan’s gaze, and her breath rushed out of her as if she’d been hit. “Because he didn’t love me enough to stay. His fear of commitment was stronger than his love for me.”
Jan’s expression shifted into one that said she’d hit the nail on the head.
Karma’s shoulders fell as she looked back down at her hands resting on her lap.
“Mark might have fallen in love with you, but the demons of his past were apparently too big to overcome. He may never get over what his fiancée did to him.”
“And it would be a waste of time to put my life on hold and wait for him to come back when that’s not going to happen.”
Jan grinned like a proud mother. “Very good.”
There was no way Karma could compete with Mark’s painful past. He would always bow down to what had happened, unable to put Carol’s jilting behind him and move forward.
At the end of the session, Jan set aside her iPad. “So, you’re seeing Brad again tonight?”
It was Tuesday. Single Servings night.
“Yes.”
“And what if he asks you out?” Jan walked her to the door.
&nb
sp; There was no reason why she shouldn’t go out with Brad. Maybe her heart still felt loyal to Mark, but in time, it would come around.
“I’ll say yes.”
Jan smiled. “Glad to hear it. I’ll see you next week.”
From Jan’s office, Karma drove directly to Single Servings.
Brad was already there and greeted her as she entered. “Hi there. How you feeling after Sunday’s run?”
The weather had been nice enough that he’d persuaded her into jogging with him. His pace had been fast, but she’d managed to keep up…just barely.
“I felt great Sunday, but last night? Let’s put it this way.” She hung up her jacket. “I was in bed by eight. Must have been delayed exhaustion. That run really took it out of me.”
She’d slept a full nine hours, too, but when she awoke this morning, she’d felt great. She was living proof that there was something to the exercise endorphins theory. The more she exercised, the less depressed she felt. The post-Mark funk dissipated a little more every day, even if he still haunted her heart.
For the next three hours, she and Brad laughed and chattered their way through boning and roasting a duck inside a layer of pastry dough. By the time they sampled their efforts—delicious!—and boxed up the leftovers, which Karma planned for lunch the next day, it was after nine.
The evening was unseasonably warm.
As usual, Brad walked her to her car.
“I was thinking,” he said as she set her take-home bag in the passenger seat and walked around to the driver’s side.
She turned and noticed the pink color in his cheeks. His smile was the same one he’d worn when he’d tracked her down in nonfiction at the bookstore last summer.
“Yes?” She hesitated beside her door. He was going to ask her out. She could just tell.
“Well…” He glanced toward the windows of Single Servings as the lights shut off. “Maybe next week instead of coming here and making dinner we could go out. Just you and me. What do you say?”
Karma felt Mark’s specter fade a little further, even though her heart still beat for him. He’s not coming back. He’s moved on. Brad was a nice man. He really was. Any woman would be honored to go out with him.
“Are you asking me out on a date, Brad?” She palmed her keys but made no move to get in her car.
He smoothed his lips together then nodded as a warm smile broke over his face. Such a lovely smile. “Yes, I am. I’m asking you out on a date. A real, bona fide date.” He gestured toward the Single Servings building. “I mean, heck, I already feel like we’ve been dating every Tuesday night anyway. Why not break away from the herd and see how we do on our own?”
The ache in her heart beckoned her to say no, but the voice in her head demanded she say yes. Logic over emotion. As much as she still loved Mark, he was her past. Brad was right here, right now, wanting to be her future. In the way she knew winter would turn to spring, she knew Brad was looking for more than just dinner. A lot more. He was a man who clearly wanted to get married again. She’d learned as much from their talks over the past several weeks. He was willing to try for forever one more time despite his first marriage falling apart. He was prepared to risk his heart in the pursuit of love and happiness. Mark wasn’t capable of that. Didn’t she want someone to pursue her? Didn’t she want a man to give her his heart?
In a way, she felt as though she’d passed some kind of romantic audition for Brad to ask her out on a real date…as if the past month and a half had been a way for him to feel her out to make sure she would fit into his world.
She met Brad’s gentle brown eyes and smiled. “I think I’d like to strike out on our own next week for a change.”
His chin rose a little higher, and his skin appeared more radiant as he held her gaze. It looked like he was breathing a silent sigh of relief. “Well, uh…” He nodded, his smile widening. “I’ll call you.”
“And I’ll look forward to it.” She climbed behind the wheel and glanced at him as he waved and took a couple steps backward.
She waved back then put the car in gear and slowly pulled away.
As she drove home, she warred with her emotions. Part of her clung desperately to Mark’s memory, as if warning her she was making a mistake by moving on, but the other part eagerly anticipated this new journey. Brad seemed like the ideal guy.
But would he be ideal for her?
Chapter 10
April 7
Mark finished his run as he approached Millennium Park. Slowing to a walk, he breathed heavily, hands on his hips.
Winter was finally breaking, and even though the air still held a chill, there were a lot of people in the park today.
He stopped and stretched for a few minutes before wandering farther into the park, past the colossal silver “kidney bean” sculpture and into the courtyard, which was decorated with huge pastel-colored eggs. Tomorrow was Easter, and there was a giant Easter egg hunt planned. Children and their families would descend in droves, squealing with laughter, stuffing plastic eggs into baskets and bags, gorging on cotton candy, jelly beans, marshmallow Peeps, and chocolate bunnies. Afterward, they’d probably go home and collapse into a post-sugar high coma the way he had when he was a kid.
Fond memories touched Mark’s thoughts as he found a bench and took a seat, content to sit back and watch a little boy dart up to a giant, white bunny holding a basket full of flyers as it made its rounds to promote tomorrow’s festivities. The little boy was maybe three years old, toddling in sneakers and a puffy red jacket, pointing his tiny finger at the bunny as he looked over his shoulder at his mom and dad, who strolled up behind him. His dad knelt and pointed at the bunny, too, and it looked like they were having an animated conversation about how special tomorrow was. Then the dad lifted the little boy as he stood and set him on his shoulders. The boy screeched and laughed, hugging his arms around his dad’s head, which made the mom laugh.
Mark smiled as he watched them. He wanted that. He wanted what that man had.
Bowing his head, he nodded to himself. Maybe he was going about this all wrong. Perhaps he didn’t need the universe to give him a sign. What if fate was simply waiting for him to act?
Could it really be that simple? Maybe instead of sitting around waiting for the universe to pull a miracle out of its ass he should take a more active role in making his own dreams come true.
He glanced up and watched the family meander away, the little boy still on his dad’s shoulders, rocking back and forth in time with his father’s footsteps.
Being a dormant bystander wasn’t getting him anywhere. It was time to take back control of his life.
But talk about poor timing. Mark was starting a new assignment in Wisconsin on Monday. If not, he would drive to Indianapolis this weekend to see her. But just when he was ready to leap, his job interfered. For the next three months, he’d be eyeballs deep in work. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t start making plans. In the little down time he would have, he could formulate the perfect way to reenter Karma’s life. Something grand. Something that conveyed just how much he loved her and how serious he was about making her a part of his life. This was something he definitely didn’t want to do over the phone.
So, the universe had three more months, and maybe not even that long if he finished his assignment early. If the powers that be didn’t produce a sign before his assignment in Wisconsin was over, he was taking matters into his own hands. Karma belonged with him, and he would have her.
As he stood and glanced back toward the family in the distance, the first flicker of hope he’d felt in eight months flared inside his chest. He stood a little taller, feeling a bit of his old swagger reemerge.
If that wasn’t a sign, he didn’t know what was.
Chapter 11
Karma pulled her keepsake box from the top shelf of her closet and carried it to the bed. Was this really a good idea? Brad was picking her up in an hour. Now probably wasn’t the time to go through old memories.
Even so, she pulled the top off the box and closed her eyes. Until last September, she hadn’t put much in her keepsake box, but after Mark, she had damn near filled the thing up.
His scent captured her first. She could still smell him on the sheets and the pillowcase he’d used that last night in her apartment. When she opened her eyes, she inhaled heavily. There he was. Mark. All she had left of him, anyway.
The sheets that still smelled like him, the red scarf he’d used to blindfold her, which she had turned around and blindfolded him with their last weekend together in Chicago. And the gold brooch that started everything.
Digging under the folded sheets, she found the case of dildos he’d given her. And the Ben Wa balls. She smiled as she remembered the night he helped her remove one that got stuck. Then the smile faded and tears took its place.
“I don’t want to say good-bye.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater. “Not again. Why couldn’t you be what I needed you to be?”
Talking to the things that reminded her of Mark was as close as she could come to actually speaking to him. Sure, she could call him. She assumed he still had the same number. But what good would that do? Calling him would only exacerbate the pain and reawaken the heartache she’d managed to compartmentalize. At least until she’d opened the box. Now all the sorrow rushed back and hurt her heart, and the ghost of last fall’s depression threatened to consume her once more.