by Anna Joung
“Oh, my God,” I moaned. I want to call Brooke so badly but I resist. I can do this on my own. I have to. If it turns out I don’t have a bun in the oven, no one ever has to know that I had a pregnancy scare. Inhaling, I stepped closer to the shelf. Eyes darting from side to side, I start throwing random boxes into my basket. Since I don’t know which one to get, why not buy them all? Red-faced, I marched to the cashier. I have a basket full of nothing but pregnancy tests. How embarrassing. So, I snatch up a chocolate bar, trying desperately to lessen the weirdness of my purchases.
The cashier, a petite blonde wearing way too much blush, gazes at me wide-eyed when I dump the contents of my shopping basket onto the counter. Each box she swipes, she pauses to give me an inquiring look.
“What?” I snap. “I have to make sure.” Snapping my fingers, I said, “Care to move it along?”
Eyes skating back to the register, she picks up speed. My hiss of breath sends hair that has fallen into my face fluttering. I immediately feel bad for being a bitch to the woman but I’m seriously on edge. And I saw the judgment on her face. How dare she judge me?
With my bag full of pregnancy tests, hold my head high and waltz out of the store.
I have a gazillion pregnancy tests lined out on the bathroom counter. The sight makes me laugh but it borders on hysteria. Glimpsing myself in the mirror, I wince. I look like a crazy person with my hair sticking out at all angles. It’s from constantly running my fingers through it as I wait for the results. The few minutes I have to wait feels like hours.
“Okay, this is it. They’re all going to be negative, of course. I am so not pregnant.”
Taking a deep breath, I look at the first one. My heart drops to my stomach. Positive. “Okay, chill, no big deal.” False positives are possible. Maybe that brand isn’t accurate. Moving on to the next, I gasp. Positive. The next one indicates positive too. Frantically, I check the rest. Heart pounding, and breaths coming out in short gasps, I stare at my reflection. My skin has gone pale and my eyes are wide with disbelief and apprehension.
“Oh, dude, you are so pregnant.” Clutching my chest―because it’s getting hard to breathe―I double-check all of the results. Maybe I’m dreaming, caught up in a bad nightmare. I roll my eyes when I pinch myself. Of course, I’m not dreaming. This is all terribly real. Taking a few steadying breaths, I force my brain to settle down and think clearly. I’ll have to see a doctor. The only way to be one-hundred percent positive that I’m pregnant is to head to the gynecologist. Still, there’s no way all of these over-the-counter kits are defective. I know I’m pregnant. I can feel it.
“No, no, no. This can’t be happening.”
What am I saying? Of course, it can. I remember the first time in the studio when we were overcome by passion and all thoughts of protection flew out the window? I have to tell him...or not. I haven’t even been to a doctor yet. But, how far along am I? Why freak him out now? And he will be freaked out. He’s fighting for custody of one kid, he doesn’t need the stress of discovering another one is on the way. And right after he pretty much told me to leave.
Sliding to the floor, my mind plays out the various scenarios of telling Rebel that I’m pregnant with his child. He could be happy about it. That would be ideal. We’d talk. He’d be happy about a baby. We’d kiss and make up and live happily ever after. As if. That kind of happy ending just doesn’t seem realistic.
Another scenario steamrolls over my fairytale. I break the news and he’s absolutely horrified. He asks me how I could let this happen and accuses me of deliberately getting pregnant to trap him… like his ex-wife. That makes me gasp. The sound echoes in the bathroom, ringing with sheer horror. That is the reaction that I’m likely to get. Rebel doesn’t want another child. With me. He doesn’t want me here. I’ll complicate his life.
Fighting back more nausea, I scramble for my handbag to fetch my phone. My breathing is unsteady and my fingers are shaking so much I can barely hold the device. I can’t call Brooke. Her crazy energy right now will drive me up the wall. I most certainly can’t call my sister or my mother. That will be like calling the judge, jury, and executioners. There will be lectures on how irresponsible I am.
“How could you get pregnant for your fake fiance, Summer? That’s beyond reckless.” That’s what Zoey will say. I can virtually hear her voice in my head. Big sisters were put on this earth to judge their younger siblings it seems.
Mom will say something like, “You’ve been making bad decisions your entire life. Something like this was bound to happen.”
“Screw you, mom!” I shouted into the empty bathroom. Dropping my head into my hand, I sigh. Great, now I’m yelling at Mom and she isn’t even here. Is this what she went through when she found out she was pregnant with Zoey? Our situations aren't exactly the same. I mean, I’m not a teenager, afraid to tell my parents I got knocked up. But, I am losing my mind and I do feel alone. This must have been how she felt after her parents disowned her and the father of her child abandoned her.
Poor Mom. For the first time, I feel a sliver of sympathy for the woman who’s judged me for years and lied to me my entire life. Maybe she’d have some valuable advice to give but I’m still not going to call her. There’s only one person to call who wouldn’t judge or ask too many questions. Taking a deep breath I call him.
He answers almost immediately. “Summer, what a surprise. A pleasant one, however.”
I gulp. “Hey, Van.” Big brother, Van. Christ is that crazy or what? “Why so surprised?”
He chuckles. “Honestly, after the bomb I dropped on your life recently, I assumed you’d avoid me… at least for a while.”
Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rested my forehead on my knees. “Since we’re being honest, I was totally going to ghost you for a while.”
A beat of silence passes before he laughs. “I appreciate your candor.”
“Not for too long, though, just until I processed everything a little more. I mean, it’s not like anything that happened is your fault.”
“I understand. Are you alright? You sound...off.”
My lips twist. “No, I’m not.”
“What’s the matter?”
The urgency in his tone makes me smile. “I um...need your help.”
“Of course, name it.”
Massaging my temple, I sigh. “I need to get away…”
“Okay…”
I can’t crash with Brooke or Zoey. There’s no way I’ll stay with my parents. Hell will have to freeze over twice for me to ever go back there...even then, I still wouldn’t go. I’d rather live on the street in a freaking box. It’s a good thing I have the money from my painting to rent somewhere for a few months, but I can’t find a place so quickly. I literally have one day to get out of Rebel’s apartment.
“I need to disappear for a while. I just want to be alone to think.” My voice cracks a little and I have to fight back tears. “I didn’t know who else to call.”
“Tell me where you want to go and I’ll make it happen.”
Sniffing, I lift my head, finally feeling a sliver of hope. “Really?”
“Really. Are we talking about a different country? A tropical getaway? What?”
I lift a brow. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Of course.”
“A tropical getaway.” I snicker. “Yeah, right. I only have the money I earned from doing your painting.”
Van’s soft chuckle makes me frown. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but your granddad opened you an account with some funds on it. You don’t have to worry about money.”
“He did? I don’t?” Great, I really don’t have the energy to deal with this whole new family thing. Right now, I’m just freaking out about being pregnant and I can’t stay here. “I just want an apartment somewhere...anywhere. I was hoping you could help me find one...today. If that’s too soon…” I roll my eyes. Of course, that’s too soon. Who finds an apartment to rent in a day? “Tomorrow would be good too.”
I smack my forehead. Yeah, like that’s any better. I chew on my lower lip, waiting for him to laugh and tell me getting a place that fast is impossible.
When he says, “Done,” My jaw drops. It’s a good thing he can’t see my flabbergasted reaction.
“For real?”
He laughs again. “For real. I can send a car to pick you up wherever you are.”
My breath escapes in a whoosh. “Oh, my God, Van, that would be...just amazing. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t mention it...sis.” I don’t respond immediately and he asks, “Too soon?”
Smiling, I put him at ease. “No, it just takes some getting used to. I feel like I'm taking advantage of this whole new situation.”
Rebel
“Hey, Rebel, where are you rushing off too?”
Throwing my overnight bag into my car, I turn to Bane. “Home.”
“Home?” I thought we were going to grab a coffee or something? Or maybe head to the Firehouse Pub for breakfast.”
Breakfast at the Firehouse Pub sounds great. Usually, I’d be down for hanging out with Bane. Today, I’m eager to get home. Things with Summer didn’t go as planned last night and I desperately want to talk to her.
“Not today.”
Bane grins. “Let me guess, you’re rushing home to Summer?”
Throwing my hands up, I shrug “You got me. I bet you never thought the day would come when I’d be rushing to get home to…” My woman? My fake fiance―former fake fiance since I called things off. I’ve heard about complicated relationship statuses but this one takes the cake.
Bane lifts his brows and eyes me expectantly, probably waiting for me to tell him exactly what Summer is to me. The thing is, I don’t know yet. I won’t know what’s going to happen, what we’ll be after today until we talk.
“You alright man?” Bane steps closer to peer at me. “You look a little green.”
I swallowed. “Do I?” Yeah, I guess I look ill since I feel like I’m about to puke up the water I drank before I walked out of the station. Every time I think about me telling Summer to leave last night, I feel a little sick.
“No, I’m not alright.” Leaning against my car, I vent. “I told Summer to leave last night and now I’m sick with regret.” Pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, I shake my head. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
Arms folded, Bane rocks back on his heels. “You did what?”
“You heard me, man. I said, I told―”
“Yeah, okay, I heard you loud and clear. I guess I’m just wondering...why the ever-loving fuck would you do that?”
“Because I’m an idiot that’s why.” Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I try to fight back my oncoming headache. Yes, the thought of losing Summer because of my stupidity actually causes me physical pain. It’s a fucking out of this world phenomenon. Did I make a huge mistake telling her to go? So what if she’s into that fucker Van? I should have fought harder for her. Right? I want to bash my head against my car right now.
The bag hanging from Bane’s shoulder drops to the ground. “I’m hella confused here. I thought you took her to dinner with Landon, Rachel, and the girls to show her how much you love her? That’s what you told me in your crazy rant after you ditched me at the Firehouse Pub. I thought for sure today you two would be announcing your real engagement or something. I admit, I was skeptical about your intentions at first.”
“I know. You made that clear many times with your annoying lectures.” I give him a pointed look, hoping he can see how irritated I still am about his earlier negativity regarding my relationship with Summer.
He grins sheepishly. “The important thing is, I started rooting for the two of you. I mean, you changed, man, for the better. Summer is good for you.”
“Leo and Summer are the best things to ever happen to me,” I utter forlornly.
Bane sighs. “I know.” He glances around the station’s lot. “What happened with you and Summer?”
So much happened between us. I gaze at the bar and grill across the street, remembering the moment I first saw her. Summer had been a waitress at the restaurant. My first glimpse of her had sent me spiraling into a strange fascination with the redhead whom I’d never met in person. She became my perfect fantasy. The woman who had a starring role in the life I wanted. My dream life. One where I was happy―with my son and a genuine woman I loved and who loved me back. A family. I obsessed over Summer ―whose name I didn’t even know at the time―for weeks until I decided to do something about it. She quit the bar and grill before I mustered the balls to talk to her.
I never thought I’d see her again until she sauntered into my life, hips swaying and sweet smile holding me captive. I’m not a man who believes in fate and the alignment of the stars and all that shit. Never when it comes to relationships. Not until I saw Summer again anyway. I mean, what else could it be other than fate to send her walking into the Firehouse Pub? To this day, I haven’t told her that I saw her before the night in the bar. Not just saw her, but fantasized about her. I haven’t told anyone, not even Bane. He thinks my interest in Summer was solely to get laid with a random hot woman I met at the bar. If I tell anyone they’d think I’m crazy.
Admittedly, a part of my intention had been to get laid for sure, but a major part had been to get a taste of Summer hoping to get her out of my system. At the time, I thought something was seriously wrong with me for being so intrigued by a stranger. Now, I realize that I’m an asshole for thinking I could sleep with her and get her out of my head, but at the time I really thought it was the only way to end my weird fascination with her. Fast forward months later and I can’t imagine a life without her.
“Hey, man where did you go?” Bane snaps his fingers in front of my face and follows my gaze across the street. His brows pucker. “What are you looking at? The bar and grill? Are you that hungry because we can go in.”
I laugh. The clueless bastard. “I’m not hungry, Bane. I was just thinking about your question. What happened between Summer and me? I was a goddamn idiot again, that’s what happened.”
He nods. “Huh, being an idiot seems to be a trend with you.”
“Fuck you.” I give him a dirty look but he’s isn’t wrong. I don’t know why I tend to handle things poorly with Summer. It could be because I’m not accustomed to feeling something more than anger or lust for a woman. My ex-wife incites fury… all the time. And it has only ever been physical with the other woman I’ve messed around with. With Summer, these deep emotions surface to the point of being overwhelming and it messes with my head. I’m afraid.
He chuckles. “I'm messing with you.”
“But, you’re right.” I tiredly rub a hand over my face. “Dinner with my family and Summer went great. Everyone loves her.”
“Of course, they would. She’s great.”
“She is. That’s why I told her to go. I made it clear that our arrangement is off.”
Bane’s eyebrows come together over his nose and he studies me for a while. “So, you’re done pretending to be in a state of domestic perfection to get an upper hand in the custody battle?”
Blowing out a breath, I nod. “Before, I was ready to do anything to get my son back but now… I want to do it right. No more underhanded methods or pretending.”
“Seriously?”
It irks me that my best friend seems so surprised that I’m ready to do things the right way. But, I suppose he has every right to be shocked. I haven’t exactly been a paragon of decorum thus far. “Seriously. I’m going to do things right for once. For Leo...and Summer, even though I set her free of our agreement.” Arms folded, still gazing across the street, I explain. “She seemed so unhappy lately. I couldn’t bear to be the cause of it.”
“How do you know you’re the cause?”
“Why else would she be so miserable, Bane. Of course, it’s because of me. Which woman do you know that would enjoy being in a fake engagement?”
He looks skyward as if actually thinking about it. “Oka
y, you have a point. However―”
“Of course, there’s a however.”
“You should talk to her; make sure there isn’t something else going on.”
A tsunami-sized wave of fury rises inside of me. Of course, there’s something else going on. Summer is seeing someone else. I bite down on my molars so hard, I’m surprised they don’t shatter. Thinking about it makes me damn near homicidal so I won’t even mention it to Bane. If I talk about it, I might go ape shit and smash a window on my car or something else equally stupid.
“Yeah, talk to her,” I mutter. “That’s the plan. So, I should get going.”
“Alright. If you need to talk or just shoot the shit later, call me.”
I smile but it’s forced. It’s hard for me to feel anything other than worry and uncertainty until I talk things over with Summer.
Standing at my door, I stare at the bouquet of flowers in my hand. Flowers won’t even begin to fix things but I have a lot of sucking up to do to Summer. I figured this would be a good way to start. Taking a deep breath, I go in. I’m actually starting to sweat a little because I completely forgot the apology speech, I rehearsed on my way home.
“Shit.”
If I could only forget my past, things wouldn’t be this tense between us. I’ll just wing it and speak from the heart. That shouldn’t be a problem because she owns my heart. I just have to let her know that. I’m not feeling so sure of my ability to properly articulate my feelings because of how immensely I fucked up yesterday.
My apartment is quiet. There’s no sign of Summer. Usually, there would be a sound or a smell. Either the sweet floral scent that’s all her or the delicious aroma of her cooking up something in the kitchen. I allowed myself to get accustomed to having her here and maybe I shouldn’t have, considering our arrangement. We agreed that she'd be gone after a month or so. The thing is, I hadn’t expected to fall head over heels for her.