by Susan Stoker
When he didn’t say anything, Jess looked up at him. Kason had his head tipped back so it was resting on the back of the couch with his eyes closed.
“Kason?”
“Yeah, Jess?”
“Are you okay?”
His head came up and he looked down at her. “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m just so relieved you’re here and that bastard didn’t hurt you any worse than he did. I’m trying to come up with a way to have you talk to me about what happened where you don’t have to re-live it all, but I’m not having any luck.”
Jess closed her eyes at Benny’s words and said in a small voice, “Do I have to talk about it?”
“Yeah, I think you do. Jess, look at me.”
Jess took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Kason was leaning over her now, one hand had moved to her cheek and just laid there, the other he put on her stomach.
“I’ve been there, gorgeous. Not exactly where you are, but I’ve been captured while on a mission. We were . . . asked . . . to give up information . . . but we wouldn’t. I had a cousin who killed himself too. Cookie’s woman lived through Hell after being kidnapped by sex traffickers down in Mexico . . . and she had a breakdown because she didn’t talk about it with anyone.
“I’ve been there, Jess. I know how important it is to talk it out. I’m probably not the best person you can talk to, but I’m here now and I’m your friend. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. Get it out. Then tomorrow in the light of day, we can start to figure out where to go from here. But for now, here tonight, let me have it. I’m your friend, Jess. Give it to me.”
Jess scrunched her eyes closed. “I-I . . .”
Before she could finish her sentence, even though she didn’t really know what she was going to say, Kason was moving. He stood up and encouraged Jess to sit up as well. He sat on the other side of her, then lay down so his back was to the back of the couch. He pulled Jess down until she was lying in front of him. Her back to his stomach. He curled one arm around her waist and pulled her back until she was completely surrounded by him.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No,” Jess whispered back, even though every time she moved she did hurt. She closed her eyes again. She curled her arms up until they were in front of her and her hands were resting under her cheek. She could feel every inch of Kason behind her. His legs were bent, as were hers, and they were touching from her feet to her head. The warmth of his body seeped into hers as if he was her own personal electric blanket. She hadn’t realized until that moment how cold she’d been. She shivered.
Kason leaned over her and snagged the blanket from the coffee table. He awkwardly spread it over their bodies, carefully tucking it in around Jess so that every inch of her body was covered. He lay back down and Jess felt his lips on the top of her head.
Jess could feel Kason waiting. “I don’t know where to start,” she told him honestly. So much was running through her head she didn’t know how to tell him anything.
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere. Start wherever seems right.”
After a few moments, Jess started.
“I met Tabitha when she was ten. She was overweight and sad. I could see the sadness right away. But she was so smart. She could write stories that made me cry. At ten, Kason. She was that good. Her mom worked two jobs, so she was never home. Brian . . . well, he wasn’t much of an uncle. I tried to make up for it. I’d take her places, we’d go exploring. We’d laugh, we’d have a good time. Every time when I dropped her off back at her place, she’d be happy. Then the next time I’d see her, I’d have to cheer her up all over again. This happened over and over. All the time. As she got older she retreated into herself even more. I tried to help. I tried to talk to Tammy about it, but she just got mad at me. I tried to talk to Brian, but he told me he didn’t care. That Tabitha was fat and ugly and I might as well not bother.”
Jess took a breath and felt Kason’s hand rubbing up and down the side of her body. It was rhythmic and soothing. He hadn’t interrupted her to ask questions, he was just listening. It felt good.
“It was earlier this year that Brian started getting physical with me. I always knew he had a temper, but after we broke up and were just friends, he seemed to have a handle on it. That’s why I moved in. He was more like the fun-loving guy I knew in high school. I don’t know what happened. Something had to have happened. It was like a switch went off in him. One day he was laughing with me over me spilling something in the kitchen and the next day he was grabbing my arm and flinging me across the kitchen telling me I was a worthless cripple.”
“Drugs.”
“What?”
“Drugs. It’s the only thing I can think of that would make his personality change so drastically like that,” Benny said in a low confident voice.
Jess thought about it. Kason was probably right. She didn’t know who Brian was hanging out with at the construction site, but something had to have triggered his change in personality. Drugs made as much sense as anything else.
“I hadn’t thought it could be drugs affecting him,” Jess said. “Whatever it was, it scared me. But when Brian started belittling Tabitha when she was visiting, I knew I couldn’t bring her there anymore. I was scared for her. I was scared for me. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to get out. I’m not an idiot, Kason, I swear I’m not. I knew I shouldn’t stay with someone who was hitting me, but if I left, Tabitha wouldn’t have anyone on her side. I struggled with it for a while.”
“I know. I could see your struggle when we came into Aces.”
Jess nodded against Kason, but fell silent.
“What happened tonight?”
“I knew I had to get out. If Brian had no problem choking me, how far would he go? I knew I couldn’t stay until the end of the month, even if that meant I wouldn’t get to see Tabitha. I contacted a women’s shelter and they said they’d take me for a while until I could get the money to get my own place.”
Jess felt Kason’s muscles clench behind her. The arm around her waist tightened a fraction. She could feel him consciously loosen his grip on her.
When she didn’t continue, Kason urged, “Go on.”
“So I got some of my stuff together and put it by the door. I went over to talk to Tabitha. Tammy was out, so we stayed in and I talked to her for an hour. I explained what happened with Brian and why I was leaving. I told her I wasn’t leaving her, but I couldn’t live with Brian anymore. I warned her about him. Told her not to listen to anything he said to her, that she was a beautiful person inside and out.” Jess’s breath hitched and she forced back a sob. She had to get through this.
“She hugged me and told me not to worry about her, that she’d be okay. We both cried a little bit. She gave me a copy of the newest story she’d written. I felt pretty good about it when I left. I’d been so scared to tell her, but Tabitha was strong. She was encouraging and said she understood. But Kason . . . she didn’t. She was lying.”
“It’s okay, Jess, I’ve got you. Finish it.”
Jess could feel Kason’s arms tighten around her. She burrowed further into the blanket and his arms.
“A little while later, I’d arrived home when Brian came in. I was getting the last of my stuff together and he slammed the door open. He came right up to me and punched me in the stomach without saying anything. I fell back against the coffee table and he ranted at me. He screamed that Tabitha was dead. That she’d taken a bunch of pills and was dead. There wasn’t a note or anything, but I know why she did it.”
“No, Jess. You will not take this on yourself. I won’t let you,” Benny said firmly.
“But Kason . . .”
“No. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t kill her. She was a fourteen year-old teenager, whose mother didn’t take care of her emotionally. She was overweight and probably picked on at school. She was a loner who didn’t have any friends. She was the creative type. I could go on and on, but your words to her today did not make her do this. She obviously had it alread
y planned. Think about it for a second.”
Jess didn’t want to think about it. Kason continued anyway, even when Jess shook her head.
“Maybe she was hanging on for you. Maybe she was just existing in her life as you were in yours, because she was worried about you. Once she knew you’d be okay, and were getting out, she felt free to do what she felt she had to do. I’m not condoning it. I don’t think anyone should end their life in order to escape emotional issues, but Jess, you can’t blame yourself. You’re a victim here too.”
Jess couldn’t speak. It just hurt too badly.
“Turn over, gorgeous, let me hold you.”
Jess awkwardly turned around in Kason’s arms until she was facing him. She buried her head into his chest and sniffled.
“Finish it, Jess. What else did Brian do?” Benny knew. He’d heard the story as she told it to the officer in the hospital, but he wanted her to get it all out here and now, safe in his arms.
“Nothing he hadn’t already done before. He called me a cripple. Made fun of me. Kicked me, smacked me around, then threw me against the wall. He said if I was leaving to get the hell out. I didn’t hesitate. I just grabbed my purse and left. I don’t have any of my stuff. I don’t have anything.”
“You’ll get your stuff, Jess. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it. And you have something. You have me. I’m your friend. I have your back. You don’t have to go to the women’s shelter. I have two bedrooms. It’s a crappy apartment, but you aren’t homeless. You can stay here as long as it takes to save up enough money for a place of your own.”
At Kason’s words, Jess burst into tears. She couldn’t hold them back anymore. Kason didn’t tell her to hush, he didn’t tell her it would all be okay, he just held her. He rocked her and ran his hands up and down her back.
Jess had no idea how long she’d been crying when she finally found herself out of tears. She was exhausted, completely drained. She opened her eyes and saw she’d soaked Kason’s shirt.
“I got you all wet.”
Kason chuckled above her. “I’ve slogged through the pits of hell on missions. I survived Hell Week. I’ve trudged through jungles without a shower for a week. A few tears and some snot doesn’t bother me in the least.”
His words made Jess blush. She hadn’t even thought about snot! “Jesus. Well, I’m sorry anyway, this isn’t the jungle or Hell Week.”
She could feel the chuckle rumble through Kason’s chest. It felt nice.
“Do you want some water or anything?”
Jess shook her head. She was comfortable right where she was. “I don’t want to move.”
“Okay.” Jess felt Kason’s hand on the back of her head. He pressed until her cheek was once more resting on his chest. “Go to sleep. We’ll figure things out in the morning.”
“But . . .”
“Jess, I’m tired. You’re tired. It’s been a hell of a day. Just relax. Trust me. I’ve got you. You’re safe, just sleep.”
“Okay.” Jess paused then quickly said, “Thank you. For everything.”
“You’re welcome, Jess. Thank you for contacting me. It means a lot. Sleep now.”
Jessyka didn’t think she’d be able to sleep, but surprisingly, she was out of it within moments. She never knew that Kason stayed awake for another hour, simply enjoying the feel of her in his arms. She never heard him mutter softly, “You’ll always be safe if I have anything to say about it.”
Chapter Six
Benny tried to be quiet in the kitchen as he fixed Jessyka a good hearty breakfast. He was still going through all she’d told him last night. He had a lot of work to do in order to help her, but first he wanted to get some food into her.
All his life, Benny had felt a need to protect people, but his thoughts about Jess were way beyond anything he’d ever felt before. He’d been a horndog in the past, sleeping with women for a night and then not thinking twice about how they were feeling when he never called them again. But Benny had never found anyone who he actually liked. Who he wanted to get to know outside the bedroom. But with Jess, he found that he wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to know who her friends were, her favorite foods, her everyday routine, just everything.
Benny had never been friends with a woman before. He supposed it was cliché, but there it was. He used women and they used him. Now that he thought about it, he was friends with his teammates’ women, but that was different somehow. They were already taken. There was no chance of them wanting to be in his bed, and he certainly didn’t want to be in theirs. But Jess? Yeah, Benny could admit he wanted her in his bed, but along with that was the fact that he just plain liked her. She was strong, hardworking, witty, and she was compassionate. She didn’t look at him and see a conquest. At least he didn’t think she did.
He knew Jess was different when the thought of her in his kitchen didn’t freak him out. He didn’t like when people tried to “help” him when he was cooking. He was meticulous about it, and had been made fun of on more than one occasion by his teammates and their women, but it was just the way he was.
The first thing he’d thought of this morning was a vision of Jess standing next to him as they fixed breakfast together. Benny supposed it was partly because he’d held her all night. The feel of her body next to his was unlike anything he’d felt before. In the past he’d cuddle with a woman because it was expected of him after sex, not because he felt any real connection with her. That probably made him an asshole, but he couldn’t force feelings when there weren’t any there.
But with Jess, Benny had been completely satisfied holding her all night. He didn’t feel the urge to have sex with her, he just wanted to hold her and make sure she felt safe.
Benny was brought out of his musings when he saw Jessyka’s head pop up from over the couch.
“Sleep well?” he called out, stirring the eggs in the bowl he was holding.
Jess turned her head and saw him in the kitchen. “Surprisingly, yeah.”
“I’ve got an extra toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom. I don’t have any girly soap or shampoo, but you can use mine if you want to shower.” Benny watched as Jess’s eyes got big. Yeah, she wanted to shower.
“Clothes will be an issue until Dude gets here this morning with your stuff, but in the meantime, I put one of my shirts in the bathroom along with a pair of boxers. They’ll be big on you, but they’ll do until later.”
Jess blushed, hoping Kason couldn’t see it. Just the thought of wearing his underwear made goosebumps break out all over her body. She tried to tamp down her reaction. Kason was her friend, no matter how sexy he was, she didn’t want to ruin the best thing to happen to her in the last year.
“I’d love a shower, thanks.” She stood up and swayed a bit, catching herself on the couch.
Before she could take a step, Kason was there with a hand on her elbow, steading her.
“Are you okay? I should’ve asked that first.”
“I’m good. I just stood up too fast.”
“How’s the hip?”
“Kason, I’m okay. I promise.” Jess watched as he backed off, still looking worried.
“If you don’t mind, take a few steps so I know you won’t face plant on my floor the second I turn my back,” Benny demanded, wanting to see for himself that Jess could walk.
He watched as Jess did as he asked. She looked okay, she had her normal limp, but it didn’t look any more exaggerated than he’d seen it before. He headed back to the kitchen and the words popped out before he could stop them.
“Brian’s a fucking idiot. You’re not crippled. I love your gait.” Benny watched as Jess turned to him with an incredulous look on her face. He decided to play it off as nonchalantly as he could. Sometime between his making breakfast for her and coming to her side to make sure she didn’t hurt herself, he’d decided she was his. Benny couldn’t have all these protective feelings about her and not want to keep her. He’d give her as much time as she needed, but he hoped in
the end, whenever that might be, she’d want to keep him right back.
“I don’t know why you have that limp, but I’m assuming somehow your left leg is shorter than the other. I’ve watched you for several months now. Jess, it’s sexy as hell. You don’t get that, but I do, and so do my teammates. When you walk, you sway. Because of the difference in the length of your legs, your hips have an exaggerated back and forth movement to them. From behind, your ass just begs to be caressed. From the front, your sway makes your breasts move with your body. Again, it’s sexy as all hell. For Brian to call you crippled just means he doesn’t appreciate the female form. And Jess, your form is abso-fucking-lutely perfect. Own it, because I swear to God, every man in that bar appreciates it. Swear to fucking God.”
Jess stood in the entrance to the hallway that apparently led to the bedrooms and bathroom. She simply stared at Benny, not knowing what, if anything, she was supposed to say to him.
Benny smiled and continued to beat the eggs, getting them just the right consistency before he poured them into the pan to make an omelet. He’d gotten to her, as he’d meant to, but every word out of his mouth had been the truth. It was time she stopped believing the words that asshole spewed to her for too damn long.
“You taking that shower, gorgeous, or are you just going to stand there staring at me?”
Jess turned and fled down the hallway, ignoring Benny’s laugh as she hurried away.
Thirty minutes later Benny heard the bathroom door open. He turned to the hallway and waited for Jess to appear.
She walked into the living area of the apartment and he could only stare at her. Her black hair looked shiny and clean and he could smell the scent of his soap wafting out into the room. But what really caught his attention was her body. Jess was wearing his clothes and that made his heart beat faster.
She walked slowly over to the stools at the bar counter and pulled herself up. Benny could see more of her body than he’d seen in a long time. The boxers left her legs bare and the shirt covered most of her upper arms, but her forearms were exposed. The shirt was also big enough that it kept falling off one shoulder. He watched as she hitched it up with her hand as she sat.