Still Yours,
Brad
Sadness overwhelmed her at first, wishing she had read his letter years ago. He was so scared, but he still loved me when he left! Why didn’t he just tell me in person? On some cosmic level, it brought comfort to her as she lay there worrying about her grandmother and their future.
Hannah heard a loud growl emanate from her belly, so she got up and took a shower, then walked downstairs to the kitchen. When she opened the refrigerator, she saw the plates, her name written on a piece of paper affixed to the top one – a note from Brad. She read it, tore it off and crumpled it in her fist, and threw it across the room. It will be a miracle if this is even edible, she thought spitefully, knowing very well that he’d always been a better cook than her. She removed the foil from the plate to find a beautiful Caesar salad. The second plate was filled with shrimp fettuccini alfredo. It almost looked too pretty to eat. A smile spread across her face. Now that is the man I remember… the man I loved. The man I still love. She warmed her pasta and devoured everything in a matter of minutes. Delicious.
*****
“I’m here to see Lois McRae, please,” Brad said politely to the front desk nurse.
“Are you a family member?” the nurse asked politely.
“No ma’am, but I hope to be. You see, I’m in love with her granddaughter and I need to ask her permission to… to marry her before it’s too late. Please? I won’t be long, I promise.”
The nurse could barely hold it together. She simply smiled, nodded her head and whispered, “Room 204.”
“Thank you.”
He walked inside Lois’ room. She was hooked up to hoses and wires, sleeping. Her chest would rise and fall as squeaks and groans echoed from her mouth. It was a sad sight, and Brad nearly walked out without saying a word, but she opened her eyes and looked right at him. Lois lifted her arm and motioned him over to her side.
“Hi Lois. Sorry I woke you. I wanted to check on you. Hannah is home resting. Can I get you anything?” Brad asked.
Lois took her oxygen mask off her mouth. “Come closer.”
Brad leaned down closer and took her hand. “What is it, Lois?”
“You need to tell her,” she said in a scratchy voice.
“What do you mean? Tell her what?”
“Tell her… how much… you love her,” she said, taking deep breaths between words.
“I can’t. She hates me right now. How do I get her back, Lois? I don’t know what to do.”
Lois closed her eyes and Brad continued to hold her hand, waiting. After a few minutes, she continued, “She needs to see you living out your commitment.” She paused to take several breaths. “She needs to know you’ll never leave her again.” Lois smiled and placed the mask back over her nose.
“I want to marry her, Lois. I can’t live the rest of my life without her in it. Will you allow me to marry your granddaughter?
Lois coughed, removed the oxygen mask again, and looked at Brad. “You are the answer to my prayers son, and you’re the answer to hers. She just doesn’t know it yet. Give her time, and don’t give up on her. You two are meant to be together.” She placed the mask back in place, laid back and closed her eyes.
Brad was overwhelmed with her approval and her words. “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, Lois. How can that be when we only just met?”
Lois was overcome by exhaustion, simply smiling in reply, and fell fast asleep. Brad stayed and continued to hold her hand. “I need her more than air, Lois. She’s the best part of my unfinished story, my happy ending, and it’s time I let her know,” he whispered, and gently laid her hand back on the bed and slipped out.
10 – Letting Go
Hannah was exhausted, now spending the majority of her time at the hospital with her grandmother, and still trying to run the estate – doing what she could in the evenings. Per her grandmother’s wishes, Hannah decided to be the bigger person and slowly relinquish control of the estate to Brad. He was constantly spewing new ideas to increase traffic and had created a new website, which to Hannah’s surprise, was already generating business. They even received their first online reservation for the summer. She hated to admit it, but he was doing everything right and giving her the space she needed at the same time. Among other things, he also built a fire-pit, power washed the patio, and started to remodel the wine tasting area. It was hard not to notice all his efforts. His demeanor was different too – more at ease, comfortable… happy even. Part of her was grateful that he was there, but it constantly fought against the part that hated him being there. Even after reading his letter, she still struggled daily with their past, how he’d hurt her, and she worried that he would just hurt her again. It was hard to let it go.
*****
With her grandmother still in the hospital, Hannah was hesitant to take Clare riding, but Lois had insisted upon it, so she picked up the phone, and dialed the stables.
“Hi Sarah, this is Hannah Blake. I’ll be out at the stables tomorrow. Could you have Storm and Molly prepped to ride? Yes, I know. It’s been far too long. Around eleven would be fine, thank you. See you then.”
After she hung up, she smiled, more excited about riding her parents’ horses again than she’d realized. For years after their death she avoided riding altogether, and thus avoided the memories associated with it, both good and bad. If she were being honest though, they were mostly wonderful memories. Hannah’s dad had taught her to ride when she was barely big enough to walk or talk, against her mother’s wishes. Mother had never been a fan of horses – always the prima donna – but she loved spending time with Hannah, and on a few rare occasions they would enjoy a ride together. It was time for Hannah to embrace the good memories, and put the past behind her once and for all – to move forward, starting with tomorrow’s ride with Clare. She threw on her red pea coat, and headed out to the winery. There was work to be done before the fun.
Hannah walked inside to find Brad already there, as usual, busy working on the wine bar. He was buried behind it, using some type of hand tool, undisturbed by Hannah’s entrance. The construction was finally to the point where she could visualize the end result, and the sight took her by surprise – not at all what she expected. She stopped to take in the view, noticing the sleek contours of the bar, how smooth it was with its clean lines. The best word to describe it, had she the nerve to say it out loud, would have been sexy. The frame had a strong character, with large posts positioned underneath, evenly spaced along the length of the bar. As she walked closer, her mouth dropped – realizing that he was carving twisted grapevines into each post from top to bottom. Even unstained in its natural wood finish, it was a work of art. She smiled, then moved closer and squatted down to admire Brad’s handiwork up close. That’s when she saw it. The figure sculpted at the top of the post…the head of a fox. One on every post. She took in a sharp breath, amazed at the sight, and keenly aware of how much time and love he had invested.
“Mornin’ sunshine,” he said smiling, looking down over the bar at her.
Hannah shot up like a rocket, startled by his greeting. “Oh, hey! Good morning. Uh, I was just admiring your handiwork here. Looks like you’re making progress – I… I like it.” Hannah’s face was flushed, embarrassed at her clumsy reaction.
He grinned at her – his shiny white teeth gleamed against his tan face. Brad never did lack in the ‘external beauty’ department. The worst part was that he got better with age and she felt her heart do a little jump. He wore a snug sweatshirt – the sleeves of which were ripped off of course. And against every fashion law, he was wearing cargo shorts! She smiled, noticing the thin layer of sawdust sprinkled on the top of his tousled, dark brown hair. Okay, Jules… simmer down! You are NOT going to let him get to you again. You’re stronger than that!
“What did you say? I’m not sure I heard you right… did you just say, ‘I like it’?” he teased.
“Very funny. You heard me. I really like it. It’s more modern than I thou
ght it would be. I figured you would give it a ‘log cabin’ look, being from the south and all. I’m glad you didn’t. You surprised me.”
“I guess it’s never too late to learn something new is it? Besides, Mitch is more of the ‘log cabin’ guy. I may be the carpenter in the family, but I’ve always been drawn to the more modern look,” he paused, almost like he was nervous, “Um… if you come around here, you’ll see where I’m making room for two wine coolers behind the counter.”
She stepped around the back of the counter to see his progress.
“When it’s finished, it will have a smooth, black quartz countertop. Then I’ll add a foot bar and some lighting under the front for a nice effect. I think you’ll like it.”
Hannah could feel her face glowing and knew it was time to get out of there. “I remember your apartment back in North Carolina… it was pretty contemporary I guess, but I never figured it was by choice.”
“I remember that apartment too. It always looked better when you were in it.” Brad’s own candor caught him off guard, not realizing what he’d just said until it was too late. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said…”
“It’s okay. We can’t pretend like we weren’t together. We were. It’s a fact, but it’s in the past.”
“Yeah right. In the past. So, do you want to help me?”
“Oh, trust me… you don’t want me to help. I’ve never been real handy with power tools – I would probably end up shooting you with a nail gun or blowing something up,” Hannah laughed.
“I’m not worried, and it’s only a small belt sander. Just hold onto the handle, press down lightly, and push it back and forth. It’s easy. Here, you give it a try.”
Brad set the sander in front of her, then handed her a pair of safety glasses. She put them on, reluctantly, then grabbed the handle and turned it on. It lunged forward and she pressed down, guiding it back and forth across the counter’s surface like he told her. So far so good… this is kind of fun actually! After a minute or two though, she noticed some big divots in the wood and freaked out, then turned off the sander in a panic.
“Oh no! See? I’ve already ruined it! I told you I’m horrible at stuff like this.” She looked at Brad in defeat, another addition to her portfolio of recent failures.
“Calm down and let me show you.” Brad stepped around behind her and put his arms around hers. He placed her hand on the sander and rested his hand on top, weaving his fingers through hers. He turned it on, then together, they gently guided it back and forth on the bar surface, slowly nudging it and letting it do the work.
Hannah’s heart ached as it pounded inside of her chest, feeling his warm body snug behind her, his breath blowing down her neck. He smells like sawdust and… fresh berries? Odd combo, but wow does is work! He’s good at this… too good. I’ve missed him so much! Memories of their time together flooded her mind, how they used to laugh and giggle, act silly and just enjoy being with each other. It didn’t matter what they were doing. Spending time with Brad was when she felt most like herself. He was her favorite place. That, she realized, had never changed. He was everything to her then, and now. What am I doing? Hannah used her other hand and quickly turned off the sander, then wiggled out of his embrace.
“What’s wrong? You’re not done – we have this entire counter to do yet.”
“I… I just remembered that I need to go get a room ready – we’ve got a guest coming in tonight,” she said.
“I see. Of course, duty calls. That reminds me actually. I took a call this morning before you woke up and left you a note in the reservation book. There is another guest coming in tonight. Can you make up two rooms?”
“Wow, that’s great! I can’t even remember the last time we had two rooms filled. I’ll make sure everything is ready,” she smiled. “Oh, and afterward, I need to head up to the hospital to check on Grandma, then I can come back and help sand later if you want. Sorry. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to get out of doing work or anything. It’s not that. I’m just hot… I mean, I’m not good at this stuff.” Embarrassed at her blunder, she rolled her eyes and turned her face away from him. Hot? Really, Jules?
Brad smiled. “It’s okay. I know you’re working – there’s a lot to do around here. Go on, and if you have time and want to come back later, the sander will be here. How is your grandmother anyway? Any news?”
“No. She’s stable and holding her own, but there isn’t much improvement. I just want her home.”
“I know, Jules. I do too… for you, of course.”
“Can you greet the guests if I’m not back in time or do you want me to call Clare?”
“Don’t worry about it – I’ve got it covered. You do what you need to do. Don’t call Clare – she’s not too fond of me anyway.”
Hannah laughed. “Clare will do whatever it takes to make sure no harm comes to me or Lois. She’s family.”
“That girl is a teenage pit-bull – she has more grit than I’ve seen in most construction workers!” he laughed. “It’s great what you are doing for her. You’re a strong woman, Hannah Blake. I admire you.”
“She’s done more for me than I could ever do for her. She saved me and brought me back to life when I needed it most. I don’t know what I would have done without her. This week is her birthday. She’s so excited! We’re going horseback riding tomorrow for her present. Will you be able to watch the place while we’re gone?”
“Sure, no problem. I never knew you liked to ride.”
“Well, it’s never too late to learn something new about someone is it?” she turned and walked out, smiling.
By the time Hannah arrived at the hospital, Lois was eating, which was a big improvement in her condition. The medicine was finally starting to work and her lungs were slowly improving.
“Hi Grandma! You must be feeling better – you’re eating.”
“Hi, Sweetheart. I’m doing alright I guess. Are you doing okay?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, the estate is fine, Clare is fine – we’re all fine. You just concentrate on getting better so we can get you home.”
“How is Brad?” she coughed, struggling to catch her breath afterward.
“Oh he’s fine, I suppose. He’s quite happy taking over my family’s estate – almost too happy. He’s making repairs, coming up with crazy marketing ideas, and he’s being very nice to me. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be pretty happy too.”
“Jules, honey. When are you going to realize that you are the reason he’s so happy.”
“I think they’ve given you a few too many doses of that pain killer, Grandma.”
Lois scooted up in her bed and pulled on Hannah’s arm to draw her closer. “Sweetie, you need to listen to me, because I don’t know how much longer I have on this earth, and if you don’t remember anything else I’ve ever told you before, you need to remember this… if you don’t let go of the past and the pain it carries, you are going to be alone forever. You have to trust the love you have for him now – it’s still right there in your heart, sweet girl! I know it didn’t work out before, but it wasn’t the right time then…,” she coughed, then cleared her throat. “You’re both different people today, and you still share the same love my dear. Now is the right time. After all, isn’t life all about God’s perfect timing?”
“I understand what you’re saying, I really do, but my timing has always been a little off. I’m the one who is late for everything remember?” she joked. Lois grinned and nodded in agreement. “And please don’t talk like that. You’re going to be back at home before you know it, silly. I love you.”
The nurse walked in and cleared away Lois’ dinner tray, then proceeded to check her vital signs. “I’m going to step out for a bit, Grams. I’ll be back soon okay?”
“Alright, Sweetie. I love you, Jules. You’ll always be the jewel of my heart,” Lois said softly.
Hannah kissed her on the cheek, then got up and walked out, replaying her grandmother’s word
s in her head. Maybe she’s right, but I don’t know if I can forgive him. I won’t let him hurt me again! He’s definitely changed though – I can see it… and I feel it. I’m lying awake at night thinking about him for crying out loud! My heart still belongs to him, I admit it. I’m so scared though – letting go means tearing down all those walls and forgiving him. I suppose that’s part of the risk in loving someone, and I do love him. I guess he’s earned his second chance after all. She smiled.
The nurse came out of the Lois’ room. “She’s already fallen asleep, Ms. Blake. You might want to let her rest for a while. She hasn’t slept much today.”
“Oh, of course. I’ll come back in the morning. Please call me if… ”
“We will dear. Don’t worry,” the nurse replied.
It was late when Hannah returned to the estate and the guests had already checked in. Brad didn’t seem to be anywhere around, which relieved her somewhat, so she put on some grubby clothes and went out to the winery to do some work. I have a date with a belt sander. It might get rough. “Ha!” she laughed aloud at her own bad joke, then began to sand the bar.
An hour later, it was finished. She turned off the sander, then took a step back to admire her handiwork.
Brad had walked in unbeknownst to Hannah, admiring her tenacity with the sander. “Nice work, Jules!” his deep southern voice boomed behind her.
“Ah!” she screamed, then turned around and scowled at him. “You scared me to death Brad Young! That’s twice today. How long have you been standing there?” Her cheeks were the same shade of red as her hair.
“Hold on, Red – don’t freak out. I heard the machine after I got out the shower and wanted to see if you were doing okay.” He walked over and ran his hands over the surface of the counter, checking the quality of her work.
Grace After the Storm Page 13