by Ford, Linda;
Joanna laughed. “Found him up the hill toward the mission. Of course, it wasn’t the first place I looked. Freddy, he was some worried about you.”
Freddy shrugged. “I can take care of myself.”
Glory hooted. “I remember being ten. Thought I could do anything. Mostly I tried to.”
Freddy perked up. “What’d you do?”
Mandy nudged Glory. “Don’t be filling the boy’s head with your wild stories.” She turned to Freddy. “She thought if she proved to everyone she wasn’t afraid of anything, she might convince herself. But she had the same fear the rest of us had.”
Rudy gave the youngest sister more careful study. She’d set the bait and reeled it out most wisely. Now she just had to wait for the bite.
And it was almost instant. “What were you afraid of?”
“Being left. Our Pa had a habit of riding away. Most times he made some sort of arrangement for us while he was gone but not always. Once we came home from school and the house was empty. The landlord wouldn’t let us stay. We didn’t know where to go. I was really worried, but Joanna told me not to fret. She’d find us a place.” She gave her older sister a look full of admiration and affection.
A tremendous amount of responsibility had been thrust on Joanna. And from what she’d said, she wouldn’t have been more than about fourteen. Small wonder she felt so strongly about men living up to their responsibilities. Somewhere deep inside a conviction rooted itself to bedrock. He would do his best to never let her down.
Freddy seemed to consider Mandy’s words.
Joanna sat at Freddy’s side. “You have your uncle Rudy to take care of you, so you don’t have to worry.”
“I’m not worried. I can take care of myself.”
Glory leaned back and eyed the boy. “It’s a good thing you don’t have to. How would you feed yourself? And don’t say you’d steal it. Not everyone would be so generous as Joanna.”
“He worked for me to pay for it, and I’m satisfied.” Joanna lifted her hands to signal the end of the discussion. “Now hadn’t you two better be getting home before your husbands come looking for you?”
“Oh, didn’t we tell you?” Glory pretended to look surprised. “We told them we were spending the night. In case it’s the last time we can all be together here.”
Joanna grinned widely. “That’s a great idea.”
Rudy had sunk to the corner of the bench next to Joanna and now pushed to his feet. “Come along, Freddy, so these ladies can go to bed.”
“Aw. I don’t want to go.”
“You don’t have to. I brought our sleeping rolls. We’ll sleep here, and in the morning we’ll do chores for Miss Joanna and help her out.”
The announcement brought a sudden silence to the table. Cora and the two younger sisters stared at Rudy then shifted their gazes to Joanna.
“Yes, I asked if he and Freddy could help. I’ll need to leave things shipshape for Mr. Tisdale.”
“Good.” Freddy swung away from the table. “At least I get good food here.”
Rudy knew it was the closest thing to thanks he could expect. But he paused at Joanna’s side before he left the room. “Thank you for doing this.”
He bade the others good night, and he and Freddy retired to the other room. Freddy curled up on his mat, pulled the covers over his head, and was soon breathing deeply.
Sleep did not come so easily for Rudy as he reviewed the events of the day. He tried to get comfortable, but his thoughts swirled. It was only this morning he met Joanna, and yet he felt as if he’d known her a long time. She likely knew more about him than any of his other acquaintances. He crossed his hands behind his head and studied the darkened ceiling. No one else had ever heard the story of how Joe and Betty hurt him. In fact, he’d not even admitted it to himself. Just rode away without a backward look. If not for Ma, he likely wouldn’t have ever returned to the only home he’d ever known. But with Betty living there and Freddy growing from a squalling baby to a toddling two-year-old to a little boy proud for his first day at school, even his brief visits were awkward.
Had Joanna likewise told him more than she’d confessed to others?
He smiled into the darkness. What had come over him to kiss her on the forehead? The feeling was so unfamiliar he didn’t even know what to call it.
She made him believe things could be better between him and Freddy. She was prepared to make it happen, even though she had her hands full with getting ready to sell the place. From what he’d seen of her sisters, she managed to help them overcome their fears and likely a degree of anger. Maybe she’d succeed with Freddy equally as well.
She was some kind of woman.
Joanna and Mandy lay side by side in one bed, Cora and Glory in the other. Joanna was tired but knew there would be little sleep tonight. Her sisters seemed set on recounting their many adventures.
Glory reminded them how she and Mandy would hide in the woods and sneak up on each other. “Mandy got to be a lot sneakier than me, though.”
Cora laughed. “That’s how she caught Trace—sneaking up on him in the woods.”
Mandy snorted. “Took a lot more effort than that.”
They all laughed.
Glory rolled around, twisting the blankets. Cora complained about her letting in the cold air.
“I have to look at my sister so I can talk to her.”
“You can’t see her in the dark,” Cora protested.
“Which sister?” Mandy and Joanna asked in unison.
“Joanna, what are you doing asking Rudy to work for you? I thought you were going to set him straight about Freddy.”
Joanna smiled into the dark, grateful the others couldn’t see her face. Little did they know how far her conversation with Rudy had veered from talk of Freddy. Something inside her had shifted. Perhaps because, for the first time ever, she’d told someone exactly how difficult it had been to be the eldest of the sisters, responsible to keep them safe.
“Answer the question,” Glory said.
“What better way to make sure he takes responsibility for Freddy than having him where I can keep an eye on him? Besides, I might be able to help him find a way to connect with the boy.”
Glory snorted. “You’ll end up excusing his behavior just like you always do for Pa.”
Joanna wished she could explain. For too many years she’d acted as buffer between her sisters and the hurtfulness of Pa’s behavior. She had tried her best to explain him, and she couldn’t stop doing it now. “I’m sure Pa was only doing what he thought best.”
“For him. But not for us. Never for us.” Glory sighed. “But it doesn’t bother me the way it used to. Why should it when I have a man like Levi to love me? He’d never walk out on me.”
Mandy found Joanna’s hand and squeezed it. “Jo, I don’t like to think you might be taking on another mothering job with Freddy. You’ve taken care of us for years. You deserve to follow your own dreams now.”
“Thanks, honey. That’s exactly what I intend to do. Rudy knows this arrangement is only until I leave. Perhaps by then he and Freddy will be getting along.”
“And if they aren’t, tell us you’re not going to change your mind.” Glory wouldn’t let it go.
“I’m not going to change my mind.” After all, she was not the kind of person who said one thing and did another.
Mr. Tisdale appeared at breakfast and seemed to enjoy the meal. Joanna watched for some signal from him, but he never once met her look. Determined to learn what he’d decided, she waited for him to finish.
He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave as he engaged in an animated discussion with the man next to him. She caught enough of what was said to know they talked of the gold discovery to the north.
Almost everyone had departed when the pair got to their feet. Joanna rose, too. “Mr. Tisdale, may we talk?”
He nodded and told the other man, “I’ll join you shortly.”
“I’m wondering what you’ve decided about my
place.” She kept her voice calm, though her insides churned. So much depended on his offer. She had a bottom line, but there was still a lot of room to haggle about the price. She wanted enough money to be able to go to California, enjoy herself, and start a new business venture somewhere.
He twisted his cap. “This place is fancier than what I expected. I read some dime novels and thought all I’d need to serve is beans and bannock. I practiced them both until they’re passable, but that’s all I can cook.”
“I’m sure it will be most acceptable. Most of these men only care about getting enough food in their stomachs to get them through the next day.”
“It’s not what I expected. I hear there is gold for the plucking in the Kootenais. I’ve decided to head north. I expect I can make a fortune without having to work so hard.”
“You’ve changed your mind?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.” He donned his hat and left.
Unable to think, she stared after him. She never considered this possibility. He’d been so eager in their correspondence.
“Joanna?”
Rudy’s voice jerked her from her stunned state.
“I couldn’t help but overhear. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
For the life of her she couldn’t form a word. Barely a thought. She hurried into the kitchen and stared at the stack of dirty dishes Cora scrubbed.
Cora dried her hands and came to Joanna’s side. “I heard, too. Are you okay?”
Her brain kicked into gear. “I’ll simply have to find another buyer.” She took a wet rag and returned to the dining room to scrub the table. Round and round her hands went. She couldn’t seem to stop.
Rudy reached out and took the rag from her hands. He gently pushed her to the bench and sat beside her. “You’ll find someone else.”
She faced him, her eyes burning with emotions she couldn’t name. “So he didn’t keep his word. Why should I be surprised? You’d think I’d be used to it by now.”
He searched her gaze, perhaps seeing more than she intended. The way she’d unburdened her heart to him last night, he likely thought he had the right to see more than she wanted him to. He took her hands and held them between his. “Joanna, there are people you can trust and count on. You have to believe it.”
“Do I? Do I have to believe it? Seems to me that’s a rather foolish thing to do unless you enjoy having the rug pulled out from under you time and again. I’d think you’d know that as well as I.” She clamped her lips in a tight line to control the quaver in her voice.
He didn’t blink. Didn’t shrink from her anger. Instead, his gaze held steady as if silently promising he would be different.
Pshaw. As if she should believe that. “You’re just the same. Can’t wait to return to your footloose, fancy-free ways.” She managed to get her feet under her and escaped to her bedroom, closing the door tight.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her hands clenched together. Why had she counted so much on Mr. Tisdale’s offer? Nothing was for certain until she had his name on a bill of sale and his money in her palm. But he’d been so sure. She’d trusted his words.
How many times did she have to repeat the same lesson?
Was she really so mentally slow?
She stared at her white knuckles and released her clasped hands, smoothing her damp palms on her split skirt. Seeing her mother’s Bible, she opened it seeking comfort, guidance… sanity.
She found them all as she read familiar passages, hearing her mother’s gentle voice in the words. Her fingers turned the pages to Numbers 23:19. “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it?”
She knew the verse by heart, but reading it strengthened her resolve. To her sorrow and pain she knew she could not trust man, but she was learning she could depend on God.
Finally she was able to pray. God, I don’t understand. She had nothing more to say or ask. Except… Help me find another buyer.
Soon. It would have to be soon. Sarah had warned her they wouldn’t be able to cross the mountains once the passes filled with snow.
A few minutes later she left the room with two letters in her hand—one to Sarah explaining what happened and asking if she would mind delaying her trip. I’ll understand if you feel you can’t. The second letter would go to another man who’d expressed interest in buying the stopping house. Originally Joanna had informed him someone else had made an offer. Now she wrote that the place was again on the market if he was interested. The rest was up to God.
Rudy turned from the dishpan, water dripping from his fingers. It crossed her mind that God might have a reason for this delay, for it allowed her time to work with Rudy and Freddy and perhaps help them learn to be friends. And perhaps there was another reason. She recalled Rudy’s confession that he didn’t think much about God anymore.
God, help me help them.
Rudy turned as the door opened. Joanna stepped out, her expression settled, perhaps even serene. Her shock had fled. Tension had made him aware of each breath, but now Rudy’s ribs eased. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” She glanced around and took in Rudy’s shirtsleeves rolled to his elbows, the water glistening on his hands. Her gaze flicked toward Freddy, who held a bowl he’d been drying. Seems he had forgotten about it as he watched Joanna. Cora had explained to him why Joanna was disappointed.
“Where’s Cora?”
“She had an errand. I said we’d take care of the dishes. Freddy is drying. I’m washing.”
Freddy, eager to please Joanna, nodded. “We’re almost done.”
“Thank you. I’ll be with you in a bit. First I want to take these letters to be posted.” She hurried from the house.
Freddy and Rudy both watched out the window as she rushed along the trail toward the combined mercantile and post office.
Freddy continued to look long after she’d disappeared from sight, his face puckered.
“She’ll be back,” Rudy said. “We better get the dishes cleaned up before she does.”
“Why’s she selling this place?”
“She wants to go to California with her friend.”
Freddy scowled. “Why does everyone want to leave?”
The question struck a note of misery in Rudy’s heart. It echoed Joanna’s hurts. But leaving wasn’t the same as being unfaithful or untrustworthy. Freddy needed to understand this as much as Joanna did. “Sometimes a person doesn’t have any choice. Or there are very good reasons for moving on. If you think about it, this place is the result of someone leaving and moving to a new home.”
Freddy glanced around. “I guess.” He picked up the next dish to dry it. “But I wish she would keep living here so I could stay with her.”
Had he purposely left Rudy out of the picture? Did he expect Rudy would leave him behind? Not that it hadn’t crossed his mind. The boy would be better off with someone who could provide a proper home. But he didn’t want Freddy to think Rudy’s leaving was inevitable. “Seems you and me are going to be together from now on.”
Freddy’s expression shifted to one far too familiar—angry, defensive, shutting out Rudy. “You can leave if you want. I’ll be okay on my own.”
A dozen different arguments sprang to Rudy’s mind, but he suspected anything he said would be met with increasing anger, so he let it go. “Joanna has asked us to help her for a few days.”
“Then what?” The words were spoken as a challenge, but Rudy figured they revealed Freddy’s fear. Thanks to Joanna’s words last night up on the hill, he was beginning to understand how uncertainty could upset the boy. Freddy needed to know that Rudy would stand by him.
Rudy looked Freddy in the eye. “Then we’ll figure out what’s next.” Would Freddy take comfort in the words?
Freddy perked up, all interest in Rudy gone.
Rudy followed his gaze out the window and grinned. Joanna was on her way back. She swung her arms as she walked, looking happy with h
er world.
“She’s smiling,” Freddy announced.
“Yup. She sure is.”
“Guess she’s not mad.”
She stepped into the room, giving them both a beaming smile.
Rudy forgot how to swallow.
Freddy looked like someone had handed him a sweet. “I told you she wasn’t mad.”
“I figure Joanna never stays mad longer than a minute.”
Joanna raised her eyebrows. “You two been talking about me behind my back?”
“Yup.” Rudy couldn’t contain his grin.
Freddy seemed surprised. “Grandma used to be mad for days.”
“I remember that.”
Joanna chuckled. “You look like a matching pair. Both smiling while sounding morose and sad. How do you do that?”
“Special skill known only to the Canfield men. Isn’t that right, Freddy?”
“Yup.” He sounded so much like Rudy that Rudy laughed. As did Joanna. Something warm and sweet seemed to fill the air.
Rudy realized how long he’d been grinning at Joanna and jerked back to the dishpan. But the dishes had all been washed. He went to the door and tossed the water into the nearby trees.
Joanna sprang into action at the same time. “Freddy, would you take these scraps out to the cat?”
Freddy took the container. “What’s the cat’s name?”
“Cat. That’s all.”
“How come?”
Joanna kept her attention on something beyond Freddy’s shoulder. “Cat doesn’t need a name.”
Freddy headed outside. “I’m going to name him.”
Rudy waited until the door closed behind the boy. “So you don’t name cats. Why? Don’t want to get too attached to them?”
She made a great show of putting away dishes. “Don’t go making something out of nothing.”
Except he suspected it was something. “You don’t trust cats not to leave either.”
She ignored him. So, he had guessed right. He waited and watched. Finally she stopped all her frantic scurrying about and faced him, her expression revealing nothing. “I guess if I’m to stay a bit longer I’ll need some wood split. Maybe you could do that.”