“Colin! Andrew! Get back on the ship. NOW!” I ordered
“I’m almost done. Just give me a minute.” Colin pleaded
“You don’t have a minute. Get back on the ship or we are leaving without you. Do you understand?”
Everyone inside had their eyes on me after that statement.
Andrew, make no mistake, was no cold-blooded, heartless killer. He was out there deactivating whatever creature he could and avoiding as many casualties as possible but in no way was he a martyr prepared to die out there. He was already rushing back to the ship, his automated weapons following behind yet Colin, in his absolute stubbornness and misguided sense of heroism was still out there trying to save us! I knew I had to spark the engines. It’d get us a few miles, maybe. Whatever it would do, it would have to be enough but he was still so adamant on fixing the ship.
“LARS, start the engines.” I ordered.
I knew fully well that Colin would be left behind. This is not the way anyone would’ve wanted things to turn out. I didn’t want Leo to die and especially now, I could not bring myself to wanting another loss in my life and yet this is how it has to be? No. I can do better than that. I can make the impossible, possible.
“Beam him up.” I told LARS.
Fire spewed from beneath the ground and suddenly, all the building and the grinding gears of all the pressure and all the worry became blanked out by the great and furious roar of mother nature telling us that our time was up. This is it. The end. And that’s what anyone should believe, accept the coming storm, bellow to the waves of the inevitable and be at peace with the death state but this is not where I die. I have not yet given myself the permission to do so. Not yet!
I grabbed those controls as sweat dripped down the palms of my hands, taking the broken ship into the air – the windows outside revealing the chaos and destruction of two, rival factions still clashing with each other to the bitter end while the earth shoots rock, magma and fire, and soon, the best to come; the great explosion itself. We were caught in it but luckily LARS rerouted enough power to activate the energy shields to withstand the blast of the volcano’s eruption. We were tossed wildly into the air, with no artificial gravity systems active, we felt every bit of the astonishing ride as we were tossed miles airborne like a ragdoll without power, soon to be engulfed in the extreme heat and flame. Everything around us was overwhelmed by this fury, this unbelievable power that no one could deny – sets you in your place and makes you realize just how small you really are.
I’m not dying out here.
I don’t care if it’s a hurricane. I don’t care if it’s a war or a volcano, a black hole or the end of the universe, if it’s one thing that I am going to do before I die is complete my mission and no man or creature is going to stop that so with my legs shaking, my heart racing to the point where I was certain I would blank out, I pushed myself to steer that ship with what little power it had left away from the initial, tremendous explosion of the volcano and away from the pyroclastic flow that came rushing behind us. The ship would not hold on for much longer. Some few minutes away from the destruction and it was about to give off power over the sea. I tried my best to land the ship as elegantly as possible but I could only do so much.
“Everyone alright?” I asked as we floated on top of the rough waves. Most of the crew was silent but frustrated, although they did their best to acknowledge me and mirror the control I enforced.
“LARS, how are we looking? Are we safe here?”
“Ship integrity has suffered a drawback. Repairs will be complete before the disaster reaches us here.”
That will have to do.
Suddenly the native woke up, and started screaming in her local tongue. Logikos could not stand hearing a word of it. Lea rushed in to calm her down, using one of our language translator devices to speak to her.
“What is she saying?” Colin asked
Lea looked back at us, still trying to ease the creature – “She says it’s all her fault. That the people’s gods came forth and punished their land for the atrocities they committed.”
“Only a religiously-deluded, unevolved society would think such madness. They were fighting a war on an active volcano!” Logikos insisted
“How would they know better? They’ve been obviously persuaded of the delusions of ‘higher powers’, the only thing I wonder – is from whom?” Colin insisted – “Think about it. Naturally, a civilization would not look to higher beings to come save them. It’s possible the remnants may have influenced this society.”
It was a logical thought
“That means we don’t have much time before they find us here too.” I sternly added, “LARS, the hyperdrives, were they at all damaged again?”
“No, fortunately. The repairs will be completed in a few minutes.” LARS responded
“Where do we plan on jumping to next?” Michael was curious
“Sirius.” I told him, taking a good glance at the rest of my crew, “Everyone take a few minutes to rest and recover. I know some of you just want to scream, but we’re too close to turn back now. Keep it together.”
“What about the native?” Logikos was untiring
“We will come to a group decision on what to do with her.” I added fairly, “Lea, see to it that she’s fine until then.”
After that, I briskly walked away from the others toward my quarters. I needed a break. Days upon days, no, weeks of holding it together and I felt I was about to burst if we went through another tale of fire and brimstone. It did occur to me that Colin followed me. In a way I wanted nothing to do with him or anyone at the moment and in another way, I just needed someone there.
“I wanted to be alone.” My back was turned to him, looking outside at the wavy dark blue waters
“I can leave, sorry.” The sounds of his footsteps told me he was only trying to be there for me
“Wait.” I stopped him, “Don’t go.”
I held my eyes with two fingers in frustration, trying to get over this new incoming headache. Colin simply stood still and waited for my next order. Is that the way they were seeing me? As just, some robot ready to pass orders? I’m doing what I’m doing for the good of mankind.
Can anyone please understand that?
“Why did you come here?” I asked him
“Why did you save me? I could’ve fixed the ship and got you all back on course. Now we might be in danger again.” He retorted
“I couldn’t leave you out there.”
“What about the mission?”
“What about the mission? Have I not been doing everything to get us there?” My tone grew in deep agitation at his questioning
“Astraea… I didn’t come here to frustrate you. I came here to help.”
“By sacrificing yourself like those idiot natives out there? I don’t need you to sacrifice anything for me.”
“You’re right. You don’t need me to, but I will.” He confidently took a step closer, “You’ve been holding together for so long, losing so much and up to now you have not broken but don’t you try to deny what is going on inside. I can feel it. They might not be able to but I can.”
A nerve cracked in me, “What! What do you want from me? You want me to crack? You want me to scream? You want me to tell you how much unloving thoughts I have for this whole period in my life? You want me to break Colin? Is that what you want?”
“I want you to let go.”
“And what about you?!” My voice started cracking, “You’ve lost so much too and you’re holding it together but I have to be the one to break?! How is that fair!”
“Astraea…” He came closer
“No! How can that be fair! My life does not matter unless we get this done and I am going to get it done no matter what!” I was at the point of screaming
“And then what?” He said calmly
I wasn’t sure what to say. All I could feel is anger rising in me
“And then… I can die…”
Were t
hese words truly coming from my mouth?
“And then I can die…” I repeated the words softly trying to decipher through everything I’ve been through. All my life I have been consciously striving for perfection. In the darkest hour, my light has always shun the brightest and yet here I am in this time, throwing myself out there for what? So I could reunite with Leo in another lifetime? So I can get away from looking at this shade of him in front of me? What… happened…
Colin’s strong arms came around me and hugged me close. I did not hug him back but I did not refuse his embrace either. I simply stood there in shock, thinking over how far I’ve gone and what has really happened to me. Trying to keep all this hurt in by drowning in work so I can reach an early grave, and for what? For what? Leo is dead. I am not.
Tears streamed down my face as Colin held me. It was so embarrassing. I never wanted him to see me like this. I felt weak. I hated showing this part of me – I wanted nothing to do with it. People always need a shoulder to lean on and I’m supposed to be that rock and yet here I am, crying in the arms of a lesser evolved spaceman.
But crying in the arms of a Sphere.
Stood there dumbfounded at my giving in to the unwanted shaking of my body.
“I’m supposed to be an example to you. How could you stand to see me like this?” I somehow managed to conjure up the words. Colin backed off and folded his arms proudly at me. I saw him smile like I had never seen before. It was a smile of acceptance.
“You’re more of an example to me now than you’ve ever been. You’re human and what’s happening now only solidifies that fact.”
“Is a human supposed to be weak?”
He chuckled, “I don’t find you weak at all. You’re the strongest person I know.”
For the first time, in who knows how long, I felt something I hadn’t quite experienced before. I know Leo would’ve been there for me too, yet he wasn’t and instead, it was an earlier incarnation of him still encouraging me to go on. Yes, letting go did make me feel better and I can say the embarrassment was starting to diminish. I had someone who wouldn’t judge me at my lowest point.
“Fine.” I was wiping away my tears, “Do not speak to anyone on what happened here.”
Colin smiled again, “Our secret. Okay?”
“Alright.”
I turned away from him, fully intending to go back looking outside alone. However, I found myself gripping his hand tightly to follow me there. He didn’t refuse. Colin walked with me to the windows willingly. We both stood there silent yet so quietly talkative, just like we did hundreds of years ago on his ship.
“You said you came all this way for me.” I recited bits of his past wording reflectively, “I didn’t realize how much I needed you here till now.”
“You may not have known it but I knew it since then.”
I tilted my head at him curiously for that comment
“The very moment I saw you, I could sense there was a… displacement. A loneliness that couldn’t be replaced by anyone else. I trusted my gut and my gut told me to go out there and find you. That’s why I’m here.”
Couldn’t say a word to him. All I could do is blush, which is very ironic. This aged-old spaceman was melting my heart. Part me of still wanted to fight him off and keep as much distance between us as possible but truth be told? It felt so right. I couldn’t deny it.
“Promise me something.” I found myself speaking without a thought, “Don’t die on me yet.”
“That’s a strange thing to promise. The hour of death can come at any time.”
“It can, but I can’t lose you… again.”
I knew he was looking at me. I couldn’t stand to look at him at that moment. It was a faulty promise but please, just let me hear those words
“Okay. I promise.”
I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder. We stood watching the shores for a few minutes. It was the best few minutes I’ve had in so long. For once, I wasn’t worried. I actually leaned on someone else. It was so strange. I couldn’t do this forever though, I had a ship to command and a mission to complete but nevertheless, thank you, Colin Sphere.
“Astraea.” LARS interrupted us, “The crew is awaits your presence in the decision concerning the native human’s fate.”
I turned to Colin, my face expressing the phrase ‘Back to work already’ and he understood it as much as I did. This trip was never intended to allow much resting if any resting at all. It was time to get back to work. I’d let out what was eating me up inside. Now I felt stronger and more capable. Maybe it was best things happened the way it did thus far. Being emotionally compromised would do this mission a great disservice. Still, part of me was disappointed in myself for breaking in tears. I wanted to be stronger than that and furthermore, I wanted to, I don’t know – prove, that I needed no one. And I still don’t, but my father once said something to me I’ll always remember.
‘No man is an island.’
When Colin and I arrived at the command deck, the whole crew was gathered in a circle with the native included; ready for democracy. My eyes met with everyone there. The stories written across the bags of their worrisome eyes told me tales ranging from homesick to hopelessness, to why? And to what next?
“Lea, did you find out anything concerning the history of this world and its people?” I asked across the room – my tone already shifted away from the crackles of my late breakdown back to commander mode.
Lea cleared her throat as she prepared to address the room, “This planet has been used as one of the backwaters to The Remnants. They have been coming here for centuries, setting up bases and reestablishing their technology from the damages they encountered in their former wars. The natives on this world, like Arilia here, were caught up in the mess. The Remnants followed the strategy of their old enemies and started religions on this world to control the masses into servitude.”
“Why?” Colin asked
“These people have been subject to genetic manipulation, much like our ancestors were on earth. The Remnants have been out here creating their own war-human army. Arilia was one of the breeders to these war-human groups. She escaped to another tribe, one that was willing to end the tyranny of the Remnant-Creator-gods, but it erupted into an all out war.”
“Stupid enough to fight over an active volcano.” Logikos bitterly interrupted
“Most of them don’t know any better Logikos. They’ve been taught it’s a great service to die in honor of their gods.”
“What about Arilia?” I decided to ask, “She too – believes these ‘gods’ to be above Creation? Above truth?”
Lea turned to Arilia, then back to me. A look of pity shaming her face – “No. And she’s not the only one who didn’t believe in them either. Some of the humans on this world have been wanting their freedom for so long. But it’s like when everyone on earth used to say the world was flat and the few who did not, were thought to be crazy. Arilia is an outcast to her tribe. One who sees truth in a world of darkness.”
Everyone in the room entered a state of deep thought. I think now, no one could deny these remnants were not only causing chaos and havoc for us, but seemingly, other nations and other parts of the galaxy. Colin wanted to help this world. I could say that without a doubt in my mind. Lea would also be on his side, while Andrew remained neutral – able to sway either way, and Michael was right there with him. The main hiccup remained in Logikos, who wanted the native off the ship in order to continue our own duty and not involve ourselves in anyone else’s trouble. To be fair, he did have a point. We are not saviors. We are not missionaries. We are not the all-seeing-all-wondering-all-encompassing-arms-of-bliss. We are simply human.
This was a tough decision to make. I needed to hear other voices before I finalized my own
“There are two options. We leave her here on this planet, which is still unstable and will suffer many other forms of destruction after that supervolcano – including a dramatic climate shift, or, we take her with us and make
her useful.”
“How is this unevolved human supposed to be useful to us? She will only slow us down!” Logikos raised his voice, “We have neither the resources nor the time to upgrade her to a suitable level.”
“You wish to leave her here? To rot and die?” Lea painfully asked
“You only think on her, but what about the rest of humans out there that must suffer and die – who, by all means probably do have great intentions and dreams for their world yet they had nobody and no one to step in and intervene like we did with her! So you tell me, how is it fair to the rest of her planet?”
He had an undeniable point.
“That does not matter.” A low, modest voice finally spoke at last. Andrew – “The point is we did step in. We did intervene. She’s our responsibility now.”
“How can you say that?” Logikos was wondering why Andrew wasn’t siding with him, “Not all of us agreed to step in the first place!”
“We still did.” Andrew plainly stated, “Whether you want to say who said this and who said that and sure, it may as well have been a stupid mistake but it’s a mistake we made. Now she’s our responsibility and she might just be an asset to us if we keep her around.”
“Her?!” Logikos turned to her with a slight look of disgust wondering ‘how?’
“I say we take her with us. She might not appear useful now but she may be in another time. This is the feeling I gain from my inner voice.” Andrew stood up strong, defending his position.
It inspired the rest of the room. Lea and Colin were already in agreement, and now Michael and Branson would soon join them. Logikos may have been against the idea but he was still a part of our team and he really could not deny Andrew’s logic. We had the room for another passenger and who knows what she could reveal? It may be a stroke of fate we needed and even if it wasn’t, so what if we performed an act of good for another creature out there in the cosmos?
“Are we in agreement?” I asked the room – ““We will take Arilia with us but if she becomes a problem or a liability, we will return her to her home world.”
Zero Sphere: A Space Opera Thriller Page 28