I looked at Symon and he nodded his head and shrugged a shoulder at the same time to answer my silent question. What’s wrong with him? It was clear that the fire, or whatever they’d been a part of today, had upset him, but there was no way that was all this was. Something set him off and I cringed at all the possibilities of what it could be, of all the things that could’ve happened to him in the past five years to make him react this way.
I slowly approached him and sat beside him on the couch, but Tanner didn’t move a muscle. I gently put my hand on his knee, and he finally looked over at me. He blinked several times before turning back and burying his face in his hands with his elbows on his knees. I removed my hand from his thigh and gently rubbed his back.
“Do you want to talk about it, Tan?”
He shook his head.
I looked over his head at Symon, who was carrying three open beers over. Sy sat on the loveseat and asked, “Do you want a beer?”
Tanner looked at him, grabbed the proffered beer and gulped half of it down before I even had a chance to take one sip of mine. He looked at Symon, then at me and said, “Can we please just pretend everything’s fine. I can’t… I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
I nodded even though I didn’t think it was the best plan. “Okay, sure. You guys want to play a card game or something?”
Tanner smirked at me. “Are you suggesting a drinking game?”
I shrugged a little. “Maybe.”
“What kind of drinking game?” Symon asked.
“Do you have a deck of cards?”
“I think so. Let me go look.” Symon got up and walked down the hall, probably looking in the hall closet.
I looked at Tanner. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
He sighed. “Yeah. I just… I lost people over there and tonight… seeing those… well, it just reminded me. But I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to go down that dark tunnel. Nothing good lies there.”
I eyed him for a minute, unsure of what to say to that. He clearly came home with more demons than he’d left with. I whispered, “I’m here if you need to talk, okay? I know I haven’t seen you much, but I’m here.”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
I thought about denying it, but there was really no point. I wasn’t a liar. “Can you blame me, Tan?”
“No,” he said without hesitation before chugging the rest of his beer. He slammed the bottle on the coffee table and stood up. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, though.” He walked away before I could come up with a good response to that. I watched his retreating back as he headed down the hallway and I heard him ask, “You need any help?”
“Actually, yeah,” I heard Symon say. “Can you reach those games on the top shelf, big guy? I was gonna grab my step ladder, but since the giant’s arrived, I shouldn’t need to.”
I heard Tanner’s quiet chuckle, and I didn’t know whether to feel relieved that he was at least talking and laughing a little or annoyed at the fact that he was doing it with my boyfriend. My boyfriend who apparently had a nickname for him.
I sighed and ran my hands over my face, plopping back on the couch. I had no idea what the hell I was going to do about this… weird situation. Tanner and Symon were friends. Which meant I needed to be friends with Tanner again, too. But can I really do that? After what he did to me?
I sighed again. If I was being honest with myself, I’d admit that no matter how much Tanner had hurt me, I’d always want him in my life. He’d always been a part of my life until he’d left. But even when he was gone, not a day went by without me thinking about him.
I blew out a breath, took a sip of my beer, then stood up and headed down the hall. “You guys need any help?” My breath caught in my throat when I rounded the corner and saw Symon and Tanner standing together, smiling at each other.
There weren’t doing anything wrong or anything. In fact, they looked like they were just talking about something in Symon’s closet. But they were standing really close together, looking directly in each other’s eyes. They were so distracted by one another that neither of them had even heard me coming. Tanner passed Symon a little box and Symon took it, then Sy looked at the ground. Even from where I was standing, I could see his cheeks turning pink. I stood at the end of the hall with my arms crossed over my chest as Symon said something that made Tanner smile in a way I’d never seen him smile before. I watched as the two of them stayed in their own little world, unaware of anything else around them.
My heart started racing and panic built up in my chest. What if Symon wanted to leave me for Tanner?
My heart squeezed at the thought, and I sucked in a ragged breath.
Symon elbowed Tanner and pointed at something else high up in his closet. Tanner reached up to grab it, and I couldn’t help but think about how perfect the two of them looked together. A pang of jealousy shot through me at the same time as a rush of lust ran through my body.
What if Symon chose us both?
The random, crazy thought ran through my mind, but once it was there, it was like every part of me wanted to grab onto it.
Symon is my future, Tanner is my past.
But what if I could mix the two of them together?
Symon saw me and his whole face lit up with a smile, and every little panicked and crazy thought flew out of me with just that one look. He lit up the room.
Symon was my future. Of that I had no doubt. I was falling for him more and more every day, and I’d do whatever it took to keep him.
He walked over to me and kissed my lips, then whispered, “You okay, Jax?”
I put my arm around his waist and pulled him to me, placing a quick kiss on his lips. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I leaned in and kissed his neck. “I just missed you.”
He cupped my cheek so I’d look at him and kissed me softly. “I missed you too.”
Tanner
I stretched my arms and legs out as I blinked myself awake and took in my surroundings. Symon’s guest bedroom was pretty nice, all things considered. There was a desk in the corner that looked like it was covered in bills with a laptop sitting on top, a small dresser, one nightstand, and the double bed I was currently occupying, and no room for much else, not even for walking. But the sheets were clean and the mattress was comfortable.
I could hear muffled voices, but I couldn’t tell if they were coming from the other bedroom or out in the open living area. Symon and Jax were obviously awake, so I stretched a little more and decided I should get up as well. I didn’t really have plans today, but I was sure they’d want me to leave so they could get along with their day.
When Symon had asked me to stay with them last night, I’d been completely surprised. Surprised, but extremely grateful. Going back to my empty apartment and being alone all night would’ve sent me into a dark place I never wanted to be in again. Symon and Jax had kept me distracted last night. They’d reminded me about the good things in life. They’d even made me laugh. I don’t think either of them will ever know how much it really meant to me.
I got out of bed, pulled my jeans back over my boxers and made my way to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth with my finger, washed my face, pissed, and made my way back out into the hall.
“You think he’ll eat the turkey bacon?” I heard Symon ask.
“I dunno, pumpkin. Maybe. If not, we still have plenty of other food for him to eat,” Jax answered.
It made me smile knowing that they’d made breakfast for me. I walked out and stopped on the other side of the kitchen island. “Good morning.”
Jax looked over his shoulder. “Morning.”
Symon smiled at me. “Good morning. How did you sleep? Was the bed okay?”
“It was perfect,” I said with a smile. “Thank you for letting me crash here last night.”
Symon waved me away. “It was no problem. You’re welcome anytime.”
I could tell that he meant it, too. He was seriously too sweet for his own good. “Thank you.”
Jax looked back. “You still like your eggs scrambled, right?”
“I’m not picky, so I’ll eat them however you make them.”
Jax nodded. “Okay, but you like them scrambled, right?”
“Yeah, that’s my favorite.”
Symon asked, “Do you want a cup of coffee?”
“Sure.”
He grabbed the pot and poured me a cup, then placed it, along with a bowl of sugar and some creamer, in front of me. I set about making my coffee while he sipped his own mug.
“What are your plans today?” Symon asked.
“I don’t really have anything planned,” I answered.
“I thought you were going to see your parents or something this weekend.”
“Eh, plans changed. My father decided he had more important stuff to do other than talk to the son that disgraced the family name.”
Jax put the spatula down and turned around to face me. “Is he seriously still giving you shit?”
I nodded. “Yeah. He’s still the same old dick as before, but what are ya gonna do about it?”
Jax frowned, then glanced at Symon, and they shared a look before Jax looked back at me, clearing his throat. “We’re going to take my nephews and nieces to the park later. You’re welcome to join us.”
I looked at him with a furrowed brow. I mean, wouldn’t that be weird for me to tag along with them?
Symon added, “You should come. It’s worth it just to see Jax running around on the playground like a little kid.”
I smiled a little at that visual. “You guys really wouldn’t mind if I tagged along?”
“We wouldn’t have invited you if we did.” Jax shrugged.
This was the first time Jax had initiated hanging out with me in any way. Maybe I should go with them. It wasn’t like they were going on a date or something. They were going to be surrounded by kids. And the kids outnumbered them, so I really could help them out.
Symon quietly said, “Come on, Tanner. It would be nice to hang out with you outside of work. And his nieces and nephews are really cute.”
Symon’s gentle voice did me in. There was no way I could deny him anything. I cleared my throat. “How many kids are there now?”
“Five. Julia has three—two girls and one boy—and Tommy has two—both boys,” Jax said.
I nodded. When I’d left five years ago, Julia only had two kids and Tommy only had the one. It was weird to think about the fact that these people that had been such a huge part of my life growing up didn’t even know me anymore, and that I didn’t even know them. I took a deep breath. “As long as you’re really sure you wouldn’t mind, then, yeah, I’d love to come.”
Jax smiled a little and Symon’s whole face lit up as he said, “Awesome. I’m packing a huge lunch for everyone. We’ll have to stop at the grocery store on the way for a few more things since I didn’t get to stop last night, but I made Jax tell Julia and Tommy that I’d take care of lunch.”
“Can I help with anything?” I asked.
Jax walked over and set a plate in front of me that was piled with food. “You can help by eating your breakfast.” He grinned a little and I couldn’t help but smile back. Every little nicety, every little smile he threw my way was helping mend my broken heart a tiny bit each time. I knew it’d never truly be fixed; I knew that it was all my fault and that I deserved it, but it was still a nice feeling when Jax seemed to forgive me, or maybe it was more like he temporarily forgot that he hated me every once in a while.
Symon and Jax joined me at the counter with their own plates of food. When I made a face at the bacon, Symon laughed a little and said, “Sorry, no red meat, remember? It’s turkey bacon. But it’s really good.” So I shrugged and ate a bite. It didn’t really taste like bacon, but it was still pretty good. Good enough that I ate every slice on my plate and two more from the stove.
After everyone was showered and ready—I’d brought some of my clothes from work—we picked up Jax’s nieces and nephews from his brother’s house since his sister went over there with her kids. Jax made me wait in the car, and I figured it was because his sister was pissed at me. I didn’t like it, but I knew he’d need to talk his hot-headed sister off the ledge once she found out I was going with them. Symon walked inside with Jax to say hello, then came back out to wait in the car with me, which I thought was really sweet of him.
Once we had all of the kids strapped into Jax’s sister’s mini-van, we headed out. I’d been surprised when Jax expertly shifted the seats in the middle row around so it had three seats just like the back seat. I’d thought I was going to have to sit on the floor. Symon insisted on sitting in the middle row, so I rode up front with Jax driving. Luckily, it wasn’t a very far drive.
As soon as we piled out of the car, I started cracking up laughing because Jax was already running around in the grass, chasing the kids, and swinging them around. Symon grinned at me and said, “I told you it was worth it.”
I chuckled. “He’s always been just a big kid.”
“I believe that.”
All of the kids were tackling him, and he pretended they knocked him over, so he fell on the ground, and the kids jumped on him. “Is it like that the whole time?”
Symon laughed. “They’ll calm down eventually and go over to the playground.” He walked around to the trunk of the mini-van. “Wanna help me carry over the food?”
“Sure.” I grabbed a huge cooler, and he grabbed a few bags, then we headed over to the closest pavilion. I was happy to see that it wasn’t very crowded today, so we easily found a table. “Do you guys take the kids often?”
Symon shrugged as he set down the bags. “Um, usually every couple weeks. It really just depends on when Jax has to work. Sometimes he has shoots all weekend, and since the kids have school and activities during the week, we can only get them on the weekends.”
I nodded and opened the cooler to pull out a water bottle.
Symon and I watched Jax running around for a long time before Jax called us over to come run around, too. I’m sure we looked ridiculous, three grown men running around playing tag and cracking up laughing, but it was a lot of fun. It was more fun than I’d had in a long time. Seeing Jax run around so happy made me feel like I was finally seeing a part of Jax that I’d missed since I’d gotten back. He used to be a lot more carefree, but now he was usually pretty guarded, at least when he was around me.
When Jax and Symon hugged and gave each other small pecks on the cheeks, I really wished I could be a part of that. But I was content with having them as my friends and seeing them so happy together. And they really did look happy together.
After the park, we took the kids out for ice cream before dropping them off at Jax’s brother’s. Jax’s siblings invited me inside, and surprisingly, Julia was pretty nice to me. By the time we’d left Tommy’s house, we were hungry again. I’d planned on going home to cook dinner, but to my surprise, Jax invited me out to dinner with them. This time I easily accepted the invitation.
It turned out to be a wonderful day after such a traumatic night the night before. I was incredibly grateful to be building a life here again with some of the best men I’d ever known.
Chapter Six
Jax
I hadn’t seen Symon in a week. We tried to get together this past weekend, but I’d had two weddings to assist on. And when he was going to come over one night, just to spend the night, he’d ended up needing to go in for an overnight shift because his coworker had an emergency. We’d talked and texted multiple times every day, but we hadn’t been able to spend any time together. I missed him.
“What are you sulking about?” Alex asked from behind the counter.
I sighed. “I haven’t seen Symon and he’s working tonight.” I pulled out my phone to look at the time. “Actually, he’s already at work and won’t be off until one in the morning or something like that. There’s no way I can stay up to wait for him and still be functioning at nine a.m. tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, it does.”
Before we could say anything else, the bell above the door rang alerting us of a customer. We both smiled at the couple with a baby and a little girl around three years old. Alex got them checked in, then I called them back into Studio One. The family was pretty nice, and luckily, the kids were being easy and smiling for me, so the pictures were going to turn out great. When I was just about finished up, I heard the front doorbell go off again, so I figured I’d have another client to photograph as soon as I was finished with this one. Which was good. Keeping busy was good and distracted me from the fact that I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a week. Or at least, it kind of distracted me.
After the family finished, I sent them out of the studio, and I stayed behind to look over the photographs, editing and enhancing some of them. I sent them over to Alex’s computer up front so he could go through everything with the client. I figured he’d send the next client back to me, but after a couple of minutes without a new customer showing up, I walked out of Studio One to find out what was going on.
As soon as I turned the corner from the hallway where the studios were, a huge smile formed on my face. Sitting in the little waiting area were Symon and Tanner. They were both in their uniforms, so they were probably on their lunch break, even though it was almost dinnertime. I walked over to them. “Hey.”
Symon looked up and smiled widely, then jumped up and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back, but he pulled out of my arms quickly, kissing my cheek along the way. My brow furrowed for a second, wondering why he pulled away so quickly, but then he nodded a little to the right, and I looked over my shoulder, seeing the clients still standing there. I nodded, but couldn’t stop myself from kissing him on his lips quickly. As soon as those customers left, I’d have to give him a real kiss.
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered to him.
“Me too, Jax.” He cleared his throat. “Could I take you out to dinner with me and Tanner?”
Tanner interrupted us. “I told you I didn’t have to come, Symon. I don’t want to intrude.”
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