“Um, wow.” My mouth hangs open in disbelief.
“I know.”
I feel responsible. Kent’s mess is my mess. “What are we going to do?”
“We are going to do nothing. I’m out of it. They are going to have to figure it out themselves.”
“I know this is going to sound crazy, because I just spent all this time wanting you away from her…but you should go to her house and talk to her. Don’t just call her. You need to go and straighten this out before school starts on Monday.”
Kent agrees, and I feel better.
Being we’re feeling better… “My dad’s still away. We can go hang out at my house if you want.” We never really finished what we started the other night.
“That is a great idea.” Kent is already up on his feet and pulling me by the hand out of his house.
Across the street and alone in my room, I pull the shades down. All the fantasies I allowed myself to have about Kent over the years, I’m finally able to start living them out.
We’re on top of the covers. I wrap my legs around Kent, straddling him, looking down uncertainly. I can do this. Hmm, just do something sexy, like um…I slip my shirt over my head. Overthinking it, my head gets caught and it takes me a few extra seconds to fumble it off. The clicking sounds of static sparks when my shirt comes in contact with my hair. I reach up quick to smooth it back into place. Okay, not quite as enticing as I pictured it would be.
The next step I expect is for Kent to reach up and touch me. Instead he removes his own shirt, which is kind of odd. Neither of us seems to know what to do next. Do I take off my bra? Does he do it? We’re both new to this. Of course it’s weird. We were friends and now, suddenly, we’re more. I lean down and kiss him. Aside from a few quick unsure grabs, it’s just kissing with our shirts off. I want more, but I’m not sure how to get there.
Ashley
I stare at my bedroom wall. Life has gone from bad to worse. After hooking up with Josh, a decision I immediately regretted, he left me. He literally stood up from the bed, zipped his jeans and walked out of the room without saying two words to me.
We weren’t back together. He didn’t miss me. He used me. Of course he did.
I sat in his room waiting for him to come back, but after a few minutes I knew he wouldn’t. There was nothing else to do but slink down the back stairs and escape to my car.
My mom is always warning me, “All guys leave.” I never wanted to believe it was true. I give guys everything they want, so they won’t leave. But so far they all have, no matter what I do. The first one to leave was my father. Maybe my mom’s right.
I doze on and off, each time I wake up, a fresh feeling of shame and regret washes over me. I’m not sure why. This has happened so many times. But I saw a glimpse of something at the Daniels’ house that makes me feel different. Makes what I did feel so much worse.
My stomach rumbles telling me strawberry gum and sips from a can of flat diet soda are no longer going to cut it. It’s noon. Slowly I go from my bed to my bathroom to take a long shower. I still feel like crap but the warm water feels good.
I throw on soft pink pajama pants, a tank, zip up a white hoodie and wrap my wet hair in a towel. I’m dressed like a slob but I still take the time to do my make-up. Next stop, the kitchen for some much needed food. No sign of my mom, who is undoubtedly still asleep.
The house is quiet… as usual, I eat all alone. I peel a slice of deli meat, rip it in half, crumple it into a ball and pop it into my mouth. My favorite meal, a turkey sandwich, hold the bread. My laptop is on the counter and I open it up to place a grocery order. Online grocery shopping has to be the best thing ever. There’s finally normal food in my house on a regular basis. Every once in a while my mom hires someone to shop, cook, clean but the person never lasts long. Drunken mom is one nasty bitch to work for.
After I collect all the empty wine bottles from the counter and rinse them for recycling I sit at the counter with an old magazine. Through the window I see someone pulling in my driveway. At first I assume it’s the mailman or a delivery. My mom is forever ordering crap online, another lovely addiction. But it’s Sunday. It isn’t until the car is parked in front of my house that I realize who it is. I run over to the window for a better look and see Kent getting out his car.
Instantly my hands snap up to the towel still sitting on top of my head. Taking it off won’t make it any better. It’s probably a half dried mop of frizz by now. Shit, why is he here?
I run to the door and open it before he has a chance to knock, fearful it’ll wake my mom. Instead of inviting him inside, I step outside and close the front door behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I hiss.
“I want to talk to you.”
“Why?” I didn’t even expect him to talk to me in school, let alone come to my house.
“I came over because we’re friends and because I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I had feelings for Robin and I went about it the wrong way trying to win her over. What I did was stupid and it was all me. I want you to know Robin had nothing to do with it.”
We sit down on the white wicker chairs decorating my front porch. It’s chilly to be outside with no shoes on. I look down at my feet and curl my toes in. “Kent, why didn’t you just tell me you liked Robin? You could have told me, if you just wanted to make her jealous. I would have even helped you. You didn’t have to do it this way.”
“I didn’t realize what I was doing was hurting people. I’m so sorry.”
This is strange. I’m actually getting to tell him how I feel. He’s the first guy to ever apologize after rejecting me, to give me an actual explanation. Maybe he can answer a question for me. “Kent, is there something I do wrong?”
Kent gets up from his chair and squats down in front of my chair to face me. “No, not at all, you’re terrific. I’m so glad to have you as one of my friends. I hope that won’t change.”
Can I trust him? He’s here that must mean something? “So, we’re friends and I can still sit at the lunch table tomorrow?”
“I would be mad if you didn’t.” Kent gives me a crooked grin. Without the pressure of having to force myself to think he’s attractive, I can finally see he’s a little bit cute. A little bit.
“Really?” I ask. I’m happy, but friendship is still something foreign to me. “I’m so bad when it comes to friends. I never really had any.”
“Well, now you have lots. Robin, Sarah, Megan, everyone and don’t forget Matthew, who is obsessed with you.”
The thought of Matthew makes me smile.
“And Patrick.”
The mention of his name causes my chest to tighten. I hug my knees into my ribcage and rub my hands down the front of my legs. “I don’t know about Patrick.”
Kent stands up and stretches. “He’s a good guy Ashley.”
“He is,” I agree under my breath.
“By the way, I like your hairdo.” He points to the towel on my head.
“Shut-up,” I fight back a giggle. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
He smiles down at me. “Are we okay? I need you as a friend,” he says with sincerity.
It’s easy to see how I could have been confused about having feelings for him. Kent’s a nice guy and now he’s my friend. My first real friend.
“We’re okay.”
He gives me a big hug and some, just some, of my confidence is restored.
Robin
We haven’t even made it to first period when we hear the first rumor about Ashley.
Raunchy, disturbing rumors about a hook up with Josh swirl through the hallways. Details of how he used her and tossed her aside, referring to her as a joke run like wildfire from person to person.
I’m sure Ashley’s already upset because of the drama over the weekend involving me and Kent. Now with these rumors buzzing around school, I feel sick waiting for her to walk in to class any minute.
Ashley walks in, a smile plastered acro
ss her face. She takes her seat, turns to face Kent and begins talking like usual. The only thing different is Ashley is going out of her way to include me in the conversation.
As we’re talking I can hear the whispers around the classroom. People are staring at Ashley, who seems completely un-phased. Giggling and chatting as if she really can’t hear her name being hissed from the mouths around her.
Class starts and everyone quiets down, facing forward. I glance over at Kent. He lifts his shoulders and raises his eyebrows. He’s as baffled by her reaction as I am.
“Keep an eye on her, I’m worried,” I whisper to Kent between classes.
Kent walks slowly. “Maybe she didn’t hear what was being said. I saw her yesterday and she didn’t say anything. It’s probably not even true.”
“Maybe, but there’s no way she couldn’t hear what was going on. Just look out for her.” I pull up on his shoulders to give him a quick kiss.
“Big Ashley fan all of a sudden, I see,” he teases.
“I admit she might have grown on me a little now that she’s no longer my biggest threat. I have to go or I’ll be late.” I peck him on the cheek and take off.
“She never was,” Kent yells out to me.
I give him a quick look over my shoulder and smile. Who cares if I’m late? I run back over and give him another kiss, much more than a peck this time. One of the teachers in the hallway scolds us for being inappropriate.
“Ahh,” I mouth silently to him as we break apart. My eyes are wild with excitement as I run down the hall to my next class.
In second period it’s no longer just whispers. Tessa has a group of people swarming around her as she gives a detailed account of everything she’s heard. Every sentence she ends with “And Josh doesn’t even like her, he just used her.”
Poor Ashley, I wish I had the nerve to say something to Tessa. Speaking up to Kent has taken all my courage. I’m not sure I’m ready to do it again so soon. Tessa is giving details that seem very unlikely. I’m starting to doubt if any of its even true. On Friday Ashley had planned on being with Kent, there was no way the very next night she would wind up in Josh’s bedroom. Impossible. Right?
I think about the slutty super-girl costume Ashley almost wore for my boyfriend. A little judgment sneaks in. Okay, maybe it is possible.
Ashley
First class of the day, people stare, laugh point, but no one says anything directly to me. I put on my plastic smile and do my best to ignore everyone. There’s no way I’ll let anyone see it bothers me. I’ve survived rumors before.
Instead I focus my attention on showing the new couple I’m okay with everything that happened. It’s easier than I thought it would be. That’s the good thing about never falling in love with someone. It’s never hard to get over them.
Robin seems to have finally warmed towards me. She’s actually smiling today. I’m relieved, because I genuinely like Robin. Her cool attitude towards me makes sense now. Geez, the poor girl was in love with Kent and I was telling her all about the super-girl plan…horrendous, but moving on.
The halls are tough to ignore the stares and occasional “whore” being coughed in my direction. I see Josh twice and both times I keep my eyes forward avoiding his smug stare. Kent walks next to me between classes. I know he’s trying to shield me the best he can from the nightmarish taunting.
The lunch table is the first time I feel unsure if I can keep up the brave facade. Everyone seems a little uneasy, not really sure what to say and no one will look directly at me.
Everyone in high school’s hooking up. Of course some more than others, but I can’t be the first person to ever hookup with an asshole. Am I really the only one to make bad decisions? By the looks on the faces in front of me, I feel like, yeah, maybe I am.
“I know everyone has been hearing all the rumors about me,” I say, and everyone’s attention immediately turns to me. “I just want you to know, none of it is true. I didn’t even kiss Josh that night. We used to go out over the summer, but that’s all.”
Oh my God, I just completely lied to all of them. I’m even more horrible than I realized. I’m going to hell.
“We knew that,” Robin’s the first to say something. “Even if you did, we wouldn’t have cared.”
“Josh is a complete liar.” I feel the need to keep feeding this lie.
Everyone at the table nods agreeing with me.
“He’s in two of my classes and I can’t stand him,” Megan says, showing me her support.
The tension breaks and normal conversation takes over. I’m relieved, my lie saved me. If anyone else says anything, I’ll just stick with this story, it never happened. Not the best choice, but if it gets me out of this, it’s worth it.
The day drags on endlessly but I make it to the end. Thanks to Kent, Robin and my little lie I have somehow survived. Kent offers to walk me to my car before he goes to practice, but I tell him to go, I’ll be fine.
Alone at my locker I turn to find myself face to face with Josh.
“I heard you’re telling people nothing happened with us.” Josh has an arrogant look on his face.
I try to control my uneven breath. “Nothing happened, Josh,” I say. “Please move, I need to go.”
Josh takes out his phone. “Oh, before you go you might want to see something.” He holds the phone up in front of my face.
I’m frozen in horror staring at the picture on the screen in front of me. A picture you consent to have taken is one thing. But I did not consent to the awful picture he is showing me. When did he take that? Sheer panic sets in. “Why are you doing this? You got what you wanted.”
“Just know that I have it,” he says. He slides the phone back into his pocket and laughs.
“You can’t show that to anyone. I’m only seventeen, I’ll have you arrested,” I hear my voice crack as Josh struts away.
The tears I held back all day are coming. I run to the ladies room and lock myself in the stall. Thankfully the bathroom’s empty so I can let the tears come out. Rumors are one thing, pictures are another. If the picture gets out I don’t think I could handle it.
The door creeks open and soon two feet are visible under my door. It isn’t a girl. Fear that Josh has followed me into the bathroom floods through my body. I creep up onto the toilet seat, hiding my feet, holding my breath, wishing him away.
“Ashley, I know you’re in here. I saw you come in.”
It’s not Josh, it’s worse. My heart drops. I don’t move.
“Please come out.”
He’ll go away if I just keep quiet.
“Listen Ashley, I know you didn’t do anything. Josh is a lying sack of shit and everyone knows it.”
Why is he doing this? There’s no way I can face him. I can’t bear seeing that look again. No more pity from him, please.
“I will bust the door open if I have to.”
I still won’t budge. The door’s locked and I’m staying put. The tears still fall but I manage to suppress the sound from coming out with my hands. Hearing his voice is not helping. I think I’m actually crying harder now.
The feet under the door shift and a second later the door to the stall pops open. Patrick stands in front of me. He takes me by the hand and pulls me from the stall.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I held it together all day and now I’m crying in front of Patrick.
“Ashley, don’t cry over Josh, over something you didn’t even do.”
I catch a glimpse of my tear stained face in the mirror. Mascara and eyeliner is everywhere. I take a paper towel, wet it in the sink and wipe under my eyes. “How do you know I didn’t do it?”
“I just know,” Patrick says. He sounds confident, like he believes in me or something.
Here’s Patrick, again, probably ready to tell me, again, that I’m better than this. Try and tell me I have some good in me or something. It’s time for him to know the truth.
“Well, you don’t know shit Patrick because I did it
. Probably everything you heard I did. Maybe I even did more.”
Patrick’s expression doesn’t change. I keep on talking. I want him to get it. “Are you surprised Patrick? You of all people shouldn’t be. Friday night, super-girl, well that’s just who I am. You don’t need to defend me. I am exactly what everyone says I am. I’m the girl who will do anything with anybody, a slutty girl with a lot of daddy issues.” My eyes spill with fresh tears.
Patrick pulls me into his chest and hugs me. “You’re not that girl, Ashley.”
“I am. I am that girl. I always have been and I always will be.” My words are muffled sniffles against his solid physique.
“You didn’t kiss me,” Patrick says matter-of-factly.
I lift my head up and look at him through my wet eyelashes. Why didn’t I? Even if it was just a pity kiss, why didn’t I kiss him? It felt wrong. Why?
Patrick nods his head down and looks away. He lets go of me and leans back on one of the sinks. “I think you’re being hard on yourself. You made a mistake with Josh, it’s over and no one needs to know.”
“He has a picture,” My voice is barely audible. I wonder if Patrick can even hear me.
He straightens up and the composed expression on his face vanishes. He takes a deep breath in and holds onto it, as he exhales he appears calmer again.
“Patrick, what am I gonna do?”
“Nothing. You’re not going to do anything. As far as you’re concerned it’s over.”
What does that mean?
Patrick places his hand on my back and guides me out of the bathroom. His hand stays on me protectively all the way to my car. The soft grey sweater he’s wearing has a wet spot lined with expensive black mascara. I ruined another one of his sweaters. My hand travels up to the stain I left on his chest when he hugged me. Through the fabric I can feel the steady rhythm of his heart. I want to feel the strength of his arms around me again, protecting me, making me feel safe. He doesn’t touch me again and I take my hand away. “I’m sorry about your sweater,” I say getting into my car. He looks down noticing the spot for the first time and his hand touches the spot where my hand just was over his heart. He doesn’t say anything and I see him wait until I drive off before walking away.
Fast (The Fast Series) Page 9