“Talk to him. Patrick’s a great guy Ashley, he doesn’t deserve this.”
“Exactly,” I agree before walking away from her.
I cut first period. If I hadn’t seen Mom starting out the day with a Mimosa I’d leave and go home. Hiding out in the ladies room I open my purse and take out my make-up bag. Putting on make-up will at least give me something to do. Eyeliner goes on first. Patrick didn’t come to school today. He probably can’t even stomach the idea of being around me. Don’t think about it. More tears will only ruin the make-up I’m slopping on.
My face is done, might as well do something with the hair. The rubber band comes out and I stick it between my teeth. I scoop my hair back with my hands and bend over to shake it out. When I flip back up there’s another reflection staring back at me in the mirror.
Tessa walks over and takes a tube of lip gloss from her pocket. She leans in and applies it. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“No,” I’m cautious.
“Well, you’ve been busy.” Tessa raises an insinuating eyebrow. “First it was Josh, than who was it?” She taps her finger to her forehead, thinking. “Oh, that’s right it was Kent Daniels. Now looks like you’ve moved on to his little brother. Yikes. That had to be awkward.”
“I wasn’t with Kent.” I glare at her in the mirror.
“Oh, but you are with his little brother now. What is he again, a freshman?”
“He’s a junior. And no I wasn’t with him either.” I don’t even know why I’m responding to Tessa.
“You’re not with him either? So what have you been doing this whole time? What, are you just leading him on?”
“You’re one to talk Tessa. Isn’t that your thing? Aren’t you the big prude around here who leads guys on?”
My comment actually makes her look like she’s going to cry. Her face flushes full on red as she shoves the lip gloss back into her pocket and turns on her heels to walk out.
I stop her before she has a chance to leave. “Tessa wait.”
I’m not the only one who thought it, Robin said it herself, Patrick deserves better. Better for him will be if we never speak again. I need a way to make that happen.
“Actually I lied. Want to know the truth?”
Tessa lets go of the door and it swings closed behind her. She edges back over. Her eyes are wide with anticipation. “What’s the truth?”
Robin
It’s completely normal to hear Tessa running her mouth off about the latest gossip, even though Tessa herself has been the subject of a few dirty rumors. Well, clean rumors about how she’s not dirty. I tune out the details of the latest high school scandal, until I think I hear her say Patrick’s name.
Tessa notices me looking over. Her story becomes increasingly louder and she purposely repeats the name Patrick Daniels.
“His parents aren’t home and Ashley goes over there every single day after school and they go crazy on each other. They do all kinds of dirty things.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Where did this story come from? Who was spreading this?
“Tessa, shut up, you’re lying.” I’m brave enough to finally call her out. “None of that is true.”
“But it is,” Tessa shoots back. “I have a very reliable source, who gave me very detailed information.”
“What source is that?” I feel bad for whoever it is. Patrick’s going to kick the crap out of them.
“That I can’t tell you, but I can tell you that my source told me Ashley was just using him. Ouch right? That’s gotta suck to be your boyfriend’s little brother.”
I’m at a loss for words. This is going to destroy Ashley. It’s going to destroy Patrick. Who would want to spread something like this? I need to warn them.
The cafeteria is starting to fill up slowly. My jittery leg shakes the lunch table and my eyes are fixed on the door waiting for Ashley to show up. A few minutes later and there’s still no sign of her. I’m starting to worry and then I see her. She’s sitting at her old table right next to Tessa, whispering and laughing. Ashley looks over and we make eye contact. The smile fades from her face and she swallows. I’m not sure what’s going on but I know it isn’t good. Turning her head away from me she returns to laughing with Tessa.
Ashley glances back over and sees I haven’t looked away. She gets up from her seat and moves over to a chair next to Josh. He puts his arm around her, as she settles into him she looks over to make sure I’m still watching. A whisper into his ear and loud giggle complete this little act she wants me to witness for some reason. I don’t know why she would do this to Patrick. I thought she liked him.
The rest of the day the rumors continue to get worse, every junior and senior buzzes up and down the halls about the hurtful rumors of what was done and who got used. There’s a new spin on the story each time it’s repeated.
“She’s ignoring me in our classes and just like last time she seems completely un-phased about the rumors,” Kent gives me an update at the end of the day.
“What if she thinks Patrick is the one who started these rumors? He’s gonna go nuts. I don’t think we should go to practice today. I think you need to talk to him. Tell him about what’s been being said. I’ll go with you if you want.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want a repeat of what happened yesterday.” Kent takes out his keys and we skip practice, going directly home instead.
I’m a nervous wreck following Kent into the house to let Patrick know everything going on. We find him in the back room playing a video game with Matthew.
Kent approaches him with caution. “Patrick, we have to talk to you about something.”
“I already know. I’ve been getting calls all day from my friends.”
I’m surprised by his composed demeanor.
“You’re okay?” Kent glances uncertainly over at me and I shrug. Was it true?
“No,” Patrick raises his voice and then lowers it. “I’m dealing with it.” He looks back at Kent and then down at Matthew.
“Matthew, why don’t you go back upstairs and work on your homework some more? Okay?” Patrick puts his hands on Matthews little shoulders and gives them a gentle squeeze. “You did good today, you almost beat me this time.”
Matthew flashes us all a proud smile.
“You’re getting big Matty.” Kent grabs him pretending to wrestle. Matthew elbows him in the gut and Kent releases his grip. “I give up, you win.”
Matthew giggles as he leaves the room. Patrick makes sure he’s out of earshot before he starts talking. “Who’s spreading these rumors?”
“We don’t know,” Kent answers for us.
Patrick seems desperate. “Who did you hear it from?” Instead of the raging beast we expect, he seems shattered by what’s being said about him and Ashley.
Kent runs his hand through his hair. “We basically heard it from everyone.”
“It wasn’t me who spread them. I don’t know what I’ll do if she thinks it was me who spread them.” Patrick drops his head down. “You guys have to help me find out who started these.”
“I heard it from Tessa first. She said she heard it from a very reliable source,” I offer. “I asked her who, but she said she couldn’t tell me.”
“Ask her again, keeping asking her until she tells you.”
Patrick looks hopeful and I assure him I’ll keep trying. “I’ll ask her again tomorrow.”
“What was Ashley like at school today? Did she say anything? Did she seem upset? I want to call her, but I wanted to hear from you guys first. See if she said anything to you.”
Patrick’s aiming all the questions at me now. I hate the answers I have for him.“She seemed upset this morning when I first saw her, but then I didn’t really talk to her again the rest of the day.”
“What about at lunch? You had to talk to her at lunch.”
“She didn’t sit with us today.”
“Where did she sit?” Patrick’s anger is resurfacing. I look over at Ke
nt for support.
“Robin, where did she sit?” he repeats.
“She sat back at her old table with Tessa and everyone.”
Patrick’s about to blow, his jaw clenches and I know the question he’s going to ask next. Kent walks over and put his arm around me protectively. “Don’t make me be the one to say it to him,” I whisper in Kent’s ear.
Kent speaks up and tells him the last thing he wants to hear, “Josh was at the table too.”
I close one eye cowering into Kent, unsure what Patrick will do next. You could practically see the thoughts racing through his mind. He brings a tight fist up to his lips, takes a deep breath and holds it.
“I don’t understand,” he exhales. “I was so careful not to mess this up. I made sure not to rush things. I tried to make her comfortable. I thought I got her to trust me. Now this happens.”
“Aww, Patrick.” I step forward to offer him comfort placing my hand on his arm.
Patrick flings my hand away from him. “Don’t aww Patrick, me,” he bellows.
“Whoa, Patrick.” Kent pulls me away and stands up to his brother. He pushes his hands into his brother’s chest. “Get a grip.”
“Stop it. I’m fine.” I need to pull Kent away. The last thing needed right now is for Patrick to bash in Kent’s handsome face.
Patrick cools down. “I’m sorry, Robin. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay, Patrick.”
“I’m sorry,” he says again.
I get it. I know what Patrick needs now is space. I motion to Kent and we walk upstairs to his room shutting the door behind us.
“Who do you think started the rumor? Do you think it’s Josh? I don’t think he would be that stupid.” Kent doesn’t answer me. Is he listening, does he care? I watch him clear off his bed so we can sit. Sitting on the bed becomes lying in the bed. “What should we do to help him?” I push Kent’s greedy hands away from me. Lately, it just feels nonstop with him.
“Nothing,” he kisses me. “They’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t think we should just do nothing, it’s your brother.” I don’t hide my frustration. I sit back up in the bed and fold my arms. Enough already. Kent has become completely annoying with all the constant touching and groping.
“Is this really about Patrick and Ashley or is something else bothering you?”
“I think I just need to go home.”
Kent sits up leaning on his elbows. “Do you still want me to come over later?”
“Yeah I guess,” I say not meeting his eyes. “I’ll see you later.”
I don’t go home right away. First I go for a long walk to contemplate if something else is in fact bothering me. The fresh air helps clear my head. Halfway through my walk I come to a conclusion.
Now I need to figure out - what am I going to do about it?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ashley
The afternoon is spent crying in my room.
Heartbroken and it’s all my fault.
I did it, fixed it so Patrick will hate me. Probably the first good thing I’ve ever done in my life.
“Need a tissue?”
I look up to see my mother’s face snarled up glaring at me, drink in hand.
“Are you sad because of a boy?” My mother puckers her lips into a frown, mocking me. “Have I not taught you better? Men want one thing Ashley, once they get it they move on.” She waves her hand. “Actually in our case, two things…we have money. They take that and move on too. Your father cheated, lied, embezzled and then poof…he left. All guys leave.”
It’s the same speech every time. I’ve been hearing it since I was ten.
“So what Mom, I’m supposed to never be with anyone?”
“Oh, you can be with anyone you’d like. Just don’t be stupid enough to fall in love.” My mother tips her head back and finishes her wine. “Don’t believe for a minute anyone is ever in love with you.” She trips on her way out, knocking a bottle of perfume off my vanity.
“Don’t worry Mom, no love…got it covered,” I say after she leaves the room. She’s reminding me why this is all for the best. We don’t do love in my house. It’s not allowed.
The next morning I’m relieved to see Patrick return to school.
That doesn’t mean I’ll talk to him.
First thing in the morning he’s at my side trying to discuss the rumors with me. I stare directly ahead pretending to ignore him, but I hear every word he says. He tells me he didn’t spread the rumors. He begs me to believe him. Without saying a word, I walk away from him and over to my old circle of friends.
How could he think I’d ever believe he was the one who spread the rumors? It’s ridiculous. Good guys don’t do stuff like that. Bad girls do. Of course he’d never do that. The desperation in his voice as he pleads for me to listen to him kills me. I want to confess to him what I did. I just can’t.
After lunch Patrick tries to talk to me again. Same as before I walk over to my circle of friends, including Tessa and Josh, sending him the message to stay away.
He steps right into the center of the circle. This is Patrick. He doesn’t get intimidated; he’s the one who does the intimidating. The crowd quickly disperses leaving the two of us alone.
“I promise you I will find out who spread these rumors and that person will pay dearly,” he declares. The gallant hero, all that’s missing is his suit of armor.
I look down at the floor, over his head anywhere to avoid looking at him. Don’t worry Patrick; the person who spread those rumors is already paying dearly. There’s no way that person could be hurting any more than they already are. There’s a burning inside my chest, one that won’t go away. I walk away from him before any signs of how I really feel come through.
“Ashley,” he calls out, but I keep walking. “Ashley, please.”
I stop and face him. “No, Patrick, you please.” Quick, say it quick. “Please, Patrick, just leave me alone. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
His face is confused, and hurt. I want to run to him, make him understand why someone like him could never be with someone like me, but I stand there stone faced and wait until he walks away. The overpowering sadness makes me want to drop to the floor and sob. I don’t. My brain knows this is for the best. It’s my heart that’s all confused.
Tessa walks over to me, witnessing the whole interaction. “You really like him.”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. I know you do. You really like him, just like I really liked Josh,” she says sadly and walks away.
My stomach turns. Running to the bathroom I barely make it in time. I’m hunched over the toilet heaving up the small amount of food in my stomach.
I’ve reached the point where I literally make myself sick.
Robin
The sleepless nights are back. My father’s away and Kent is over every single night. Late nights waiting for him to sneak over are followed by early mornings getting up for him to leave. It’s too much. Way too much.
Yes, I love Kent. But I’m not so sure I will if we keep this pace up. It’s been hitting me lately its school, practice, hooking-up, there isn’t a whole lot else between us anymore. We say no to everything we’re invited to and we never go out. Before we were together we did those things. I don’t know what happened.
I’m yawning trudging out of my third period class. I woke up with “my friend” this morning and I’m not just talking about Kent.
Patrick’s standing in the hall, waiting for me. Every day he asks if I’ve found out from Tessa who started the rumors. Every day it’s the same answer. “No.” Now it looks like he’s not even waiting until after school to harass me. I walk out behind Tessa and to my surprise that’s who he’s actually here to see. Curiosity gets the better of me. I need to know what this is about. Walking fast to keep up behind them I’m only able to pick up pieces of what’s being said, but one thing’s for sure, he’s flirting with her. Not this game again. Does Pat
rick really think flirting with Tessa will bring back Ashley?
Patrick finishes up his conversation with Tessa and doubles back over to me. I shove my books into my locker dreading whatever it is he’s about to tell me.
“Tessa will tell me who told her the rumor if I go to her party on Friday.”
“So, go to her party.” Cramps are moving in to my lower stomach. I’m feeling way too sick and tired to deal with drama like this.
“Oh, I’ll be at the party and so help me God when I find out.”
“What will you do? Beat the hell out of them? Get arrested, go to jail? That’s stupid.” I slam my locker shut. Patrick isn’t even listening to me. His mind is already made up. He walks away from me with a determined look on his face. Good Luck Patrick.
I need a freaking vacation away from the Daniels boys.
I spend all day with Kent and before I know it he’s climbing into my increasingly smaller twin size bed. It hadn’t seemed so small at first, but now it feels like we barely fit. At least I can’t. His long body takes up my entire bed. He pulls me in for a kiss and reaches for my shirt. If his hands moves two more inches I’ll lose it.
His hand moves two more inches.
“Stop, I’m too tired,” I screech. This is what it’s come to. I’m screeching at my boyfriend for touching me.
His hands pull back right away. He hears the irritation in my voice and looks surprised. “So, you want to just go to sleep?”
“Yes.”
I watch as he sprawls out in my bed, folding my pillow positioning it under his head. In less than a minute he’s sound asleep. What the hell is this? A cramp tears through my stomach. I’m clutching my sides and biting down on my lip to keep from crying out in agony.
Kent rolls over taking, if possible, more of my space away. Another cramp takes hold. I get up from the bed and go into the bathroom. Two aspirin with water. A half hour of waiting. The pain doesn’t budge. I throw my hands up to my face, there’s nothing else I can do but cry.
I miss my privacy. I miss getting a good night’s sleep. I miss my bed. Kent has to go. Now.
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