by Leslie North
That made him dangerous.
He was a beautiful threat to her independence. What if he turned out to be controlling, like her mother or her ex?
It was hard to focus on that possibility as Jonas tugged her panties down to her feet and did away with them. He kissed up the inside of her leg, lingering at the side of her knee before he worked his way up her thighs. She was wretched with waiting by the time he took his lips away, inches from the core of her.
“Why,” she panted.
“Because I want to kiss you.” Jonas closed his mouth over hers, drinking her in, exploring her with his tongue, devouring her. Then he left her lips and worked his way back down the front of her until his lips met the most sensitive part of her.
Fireworks—it was like fireworks. Gentle, dirty fireworks. His tongue was a symphony. His tongue was a revelation.
It had been so long since she’d felt him like this, but it came back to her like it was yesterday. How had she ever been able to live without this?
He swirled his tongue over her, repeatedly, then moved toward deep licks at her opening that drove her wild. Just when she thought she’d scream, he moved his mouth upward and applied an exquisite pressure that had her coming against his lips.
Jonas hummed his approval as she came, the feeling setting each nerve off with light and fire. “I missed that,” he said, pulling back. He gave her folds one last kiss. “I want more of you.”
“You’ve already had more,” she reminded him, her hands grasping for purchase on the covers. The aftershocks of her first orgasm still came through her, smaller echoes of the larger release. “Please do it again.”
“I won’t make you ask twice.” His eyes darkened with need, and then Jonas pushed himself off her. She felt the loss of him painfully—come back, she wanted to shout, come back—but he sensed that, too. He moved to his bedside table, taking out a foil packet, and when he returned to the bed, Rachel scrambled up to give him more room. He paused at the foot of the bed and undid his belt, pushing his jeans down to the floor and stepping out of his boxers.
Naked, he was something else entirely. Clothed, Jonas was handsome—hot, even. Naked, he was a masterpiece. Strong shoulders narrowed to a nipped-in waist that featured an eight-pack of muscles. He must spend real time working out, she thought wildly. Jonas rolled the condom on and climbed between her legs, bending to lick the side of her neck. It was so primal and possessive that she tilted her hips up for him, wrapping her legs around his waist.
Good. This was good. All her conflicted emotions fell away, and a kind of electric peace came over her. A laugh bubbled up—why did it feel so intense, yet so right? More. She wanted more. Nothing could be better than the way they fit together.
His mouth met hers at the same time he positioned his hips to meet her, the head of him making contact, and she bit at his bottom lip while he entered her. Yes. The size of him, the fit of him, it was a challenge—almost. But she was so ready and waiting that her hips rocked up to meet him, taking him all in.
Jonas let out a hiss near her ear and went still for an agonizing moment before he moved again, grinding into her with strokes that lit up every nerve ending. That managed to touch every part of her she wanted, as they moved together easily—as if they needed each other.
She did need him. She needed every ounce of pressure against her clit and the slow slide of him inside of her. He held her tightly, kissing her senseless.
Rachel came again, contracting around him in a burst of heat. Oh, it felt so good to be invaded by him, to be taken by him. She’d waited so long for this, dreaming of it at night. But this was no dream as his body moved against hers, the low groans of pleasure that escaped his lips enthralling her.
Jonas pulled out and turned her over. Her peaked nipples grazed the comforter as she stretched out, opening herself for him. He entered her again, this time from behind, and she had an intense memory—they’d done this the last time.
Another sweet memory come to life. She craved the press of his chest against her back and the cage of his arms around her. Tears gathered in her eyes.
He paused, brushing her hair back from her face. “Do you need to stop?” he asked, pausing for a second.
She turned her head and kissed him fiercely. “No, don’t stop,” she whispered.
He held her hips down hard and took her again, strokes long and deep until he tensed. “Rachel,” he managed, and then he was coming, thrusting through his release until it was over.
When he was finished, Jonas took her in his arms, breathing fast. After a minute, he got up and went to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later with a wet washcloth. He dipped it between her legs, then patted her dry with a towel.
Rachel nuzzled into him, and he held her close as he crawled back into bed under the covers. They lay like that in silence, basking in the afterglow of what they’d just shared.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who I was,” Jonas said, tracing his thumb across her jawline.
She swam back up out of the sea of hazy pleasure. “I know who you are now.”
“I didn’t tell you because I thought this lodge would be my entire life. My parents—they died when I was young, and my grandparents raised us.” She’d gathered some of this from the brothers’ conversations, but not all of it. “I never wanted to do anything to get in the way of repaying them for what they did. My grandmother—” His mouth quirked in a smile. “I thought she’d want all of us to focus on the family more than anything, but now that my brothers have found love—and I’ve found that I have a family—” His hand stroked down her arm. “I didn’t tell you because I thought I could never feel anything like I feel right now.”
His vulnerability crashed into her, unlocking something at the center of her chest. “There are things I didn’t tell you, either,” she admitted softly.
“Tell me now.” There was no judgment in his voice, only warmth.
Rachel took a deep breath. “I was here at the Elk Lodge because I was running from my wedding.” It came back to her in jarring memories, ones Rachel had worked hard to forget. “Because I ran from my wedding,” she corrected. “I clammed up at the altar and couldn’t go through with the ceremony. My ex-fiancé—he was a jerk. He was like my mother. He wanted to control everything I did, and as much as I tried to convince myself that it would be okay in the end, I didn’t believe it.”
“Oh, Rachel.”
“After things settled down a bit, we agreed to come here to reconnect.” She swallowed a certain bitterness. “Except that time, Daniel didn’t show up. I was here alone, and I felt adrift. I’d been cut off from everything in the scandal of canceling the wedding. My mother was furious with me. She’d been the mayor of our hometown for years and was in the middle of a senatorial run.” Rachel laughed. “She’s in the middle of one now, too.”
A weight had lifted from her shoulders. The more she spoke, the lighter it got. “Anyway, when I was at the Elk Lodge, I saw you, and you—you looked like a safe place. The same way you do now.” She felt, in a way, like she was putting her heart in her hands and showing it to Jonas in all its beauty and imperfection. “But that’s why I didn’t get your number afterward. I didn’t want to ruin anything. I didn’t want the perfect fantasy to be ruined for us.”
Jonas made a noise in the back of his throat. “And then you got here, and I ruined it.”
“Not completely.”
He laughed, the sound a rumble against her skin.
“I didn’t love it when you took charge and wanted to hide Scott and—and all those things. It reminded me of my ex. But now that I know you a little more, and know about your family, I can see why you did.” Was she too forgiving? Too vulnerable? It just felt so good to trust him. So peaceful.
“I’m sorry,” Jonas said, pulling her closer and kissing her temple. “Truly. I’m sorry about that.” He offered no excuses and didn’t run from the confession. “I’m sorry for something else, too.”
“What is it?�
� she asked.
He stared up toward the ceiling, blowing out a quick breath. “That I want you so much.”
Rachel trailed a hand down the front of his body and found him already hard, though they’d just finished their first round of sex a few minutes ago. “I’m not sorry,” she said. She swung one of her legs over him and straddled his body.
He ran his hands up the sides of her waist, grinning at her.
“I’m not sorry at all,” she repeated, rocking back against his length. It was like Christmas all over. The lights coming on. The fire starting. “Don’t be sorry, Jonas.”
“If you’re sure,” he said, his eyes locked on hers. Such a gorgeous man, such a gorgeous room, such a gorgeous place. Was it so bad to let herself live in the moment?
It was too much—too trusting. But when Jonas entered her again, all her fears melted, taken over by desire, and Rachel let go.
11
A knock at the front door woke Jonas from a sound sleep.
He rolled over onto a cooler part of the mattress and rubbed at his face. Did he imagine the knock? It came again. Rachel didn’t stir. He listened hard for any sound from the spare bedroom down the hall—nothing. Scott was still fast asleep.
Jonas crept out of bed at top speed, throwing on a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved shirt, the first available from the dresser. The cold hallway floor against his feet made him wish he’d taken enough time to put on socks.
He pulled open the door.
“Good morning. We need to talk.” Chase stood there in his oversized parka, the hood pulled up over his head.
Jonas stared at him. “Right now?” A high, cheerful peep from the spare bedroom alerted him that Scott had awakened. Jonas’s stomach plummeted. “You’ll have to come in.”
He ignored Chase’s wide-eyed expression and ushered him inside. “I’ll be right back.” Before Chase could answer, he headed up the stairs to the second floor two at a time. There was no sound coming from his bedroom—a good indication Rachel was still asleep.
Jonas found Scott standing in the crib, grinning at him. He swept his son up into his arms, emotion tightening his chest. It was a first of its kind moment. And the last thing he wanted to interrupt the moment was having to deal with whatever it was his brother found important at this hour of the morning.
Jonas noted Chase had taken off his parka and seated himself on the sofa. He didn’t stop to answer the questioning look on his brother’s face but headed for the kitchen to get Scott a sippy cup full of milk.
Jonas settled into the loveseat opposite where Chase sat, his brother watching them closely. Gradually, his expression turned to a dawning recognition. He knew the truth.
“That little boy has your eyes,” Chase commented casually.
“Yeah,” Jonas said. His heart burned in his chest. This was the conversation he’d been trying to avoid since Christmas Day, and in all that time, he still hadn’t settled on exactly what he was going to say.
“I thought you were just sleeping with Rachel.” Chase cocked his head to the side. “The way you’ve been looking at her is a dead giveaway. But now it looks like—” He gestured to Scott. “What’s the deal?”
“It’s really none of your business.” No matter how much he didn’t want to be talking about this, Jonas forced his body to stay relaxed. It was as if he had some instinct to stay calm, to protect Scott from any agitation. “What’s happened in my life belongs to me, not the rest of you.”
Chase put both hands through his hair. He’d come back to the Elk Lodge not long ago, after his ski career collapsed and he was rudderless, his leg hurting him and his heart bleak. “I don’t understand how this could have happened.”
“Life happened.” Anger pricked at the back of his neck. Things happened. Like Chase’s relationship with Tana, which had happened fast, and which Jonas hadn’t been thrilled about. Tana was a ski instructor at the Elk Lodge, and Chase had felt the need to hide the relationship from his family because of employee-employer relations. And yet, Chase was here, confronting him about Rachel.
“It’s not like you,” Chase said, keeping his voice even, confusion written on his face. “You don’t keep secrets like this. Why now?”
Jonas swallowed another flash of irritation. He’d needed them to look up to him over the years. To listen to him, for the good of the family and the good of the resort. That had been hard enough to maintain over the years, especially with Gabe. His brother had left as soon as humanly possible and only showed up for the holidays because of Grandmother’s illness.
“I’m disappointed, honestly,” Chase said, his hands open on his lap. “You’ve been pushy with us for years, but now you want us to turn a blind eye to your own indiscretions.”
“First of all…” Jonas struggled for control. Scott readjusted in his arms, still drinking from the sippy cup, unaware of the thick tension in the room. “Scott is not an indiscretion. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bring this up with Grandmother.”
“What? You can’t have it both ways, Jonas. Either he’s a secret, or he’s not. When do you plan on letting her know?” Chase narrowed his eyes. “Or are you planning on waiting until she passes away to bring your son’s existence to light?”
“I don’t know,” Jonas snapped. “Is that what you want to hear? I don’t know what I’m going to do, or say, or when I’m going to say it. If I recall, you also kept us in the dark about someone close to you until the time was right. Maybe in this situation, the time will never be right.”
“Good morning,” Rachel’s soft voice cut through his soul, and a chill ran down his spine. How long had she been standing there? She padded across the living room and held out her arms to Scott, who beamed at her and leaned forward to scramble into her arms. “We’ll get out of your way.”
“No.” Chase stood up. “I’ll get out of your way. I shouldn’t have come.”
Jonas stood too, at a loss for what to say or who to follow.
Rachel was heading back up the stairs and Chase was making a hasty exit, pulling his coat on as he went.
“Stop,” he said, calling after his brother. “Wait.”
“We’ll talk later,” Chase said. “That’s what you want, isn’t it?” He opened the door and stepped out into the morning light, and then he was gone.
Jonas stood for a heartbeat in the middle of the living room. The meeting between brothers hadn’t gone well. And now, he was left to face Rachel. He ran up the stairs after her and found them in the spare bedroom, Scott playing on the bed while Rachel tugged a shirt over his head. “—go soon, buddy,” she was saying.
“Go, go, go,” Scott repeated.
Jonas’s mind was a storm. No—don’t go. He didn’t want her to leave, not even a little. The closeness from the night before had been shut off, hidden behind a closed door, but that couldn’t be the end of it. His brothers couldn’t be allowed to dictate the relationship. He could not let them take this chance from him.
“Talk to me,” Jonas said.
She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes bright with hurt. Rachel gave him a brave smile anyway. “You know, if you don’t want your grandmother to find out about us, then we shouldn’t risk the gossip. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to stay any longer.”
“What I said down there—” He was at loose ends. “What I meant was that I need a better plan of attack when it comes to telling my grandmother about us. And the way I said it came out wrong. I didn’t expect Chase to come over here. I didn’t expect them to know about Scott or us.”
“It’s okay.” Her answer wasn’t convincing. “I know how hard this is for you. The timing. But I know what’s good for me, too. I know I can’t stay here while you struggle to keep me hidden and fight with your brothers.” Rachel’s eyes glistened. “Really, Jonas, I think we have enough photos to make a wonderful picture scrapbook. You can take some of your own photos on New Year’s, and I’ll be happy to add them in, it’s just—I don’t think we can stay. We can
’t stay,” she said, more firmly.
It reminded him of every anxiety he’d had as a child, as powerfully as if he were experiencing them all over again. It had started with a car accident. His parents had both died, and everything after that was a whirlwind of trying to get any sense of stability. If their car could go off the road, then anything could happen at the resort. Jonas hadn’t expected that this specific scenario—the one in which his one-night stand reappeared in his life with his child—would happen, and now it was all coming apart at the seams.
His heart beat frantically. Chase’s questions—and his sorry responses—couldn’t be the reason they left. But he had no reasonable way to explain what had happened, other than what he’d already said. But he couldn’t stop casting about for the magic words that would take them back to before Chase had shown up on his doorstep, to before Rachel had overheard the conversation.
Except there weren’t any.
She took a pair of small pants out of the diaper bag and helped Scott into them. It was like standing on the train tracks, watching the train come, and being powerless to stop the collision.
“We could figure this out.”
“Not now, we can’t.” When Rachel looked up at him again, there were no more tears in her eyes. “If you’re so intent on keeping this from your grandmother until the very last moment, then all we can do is focus on the work we have to do, and duck out early. That will free you up to say whatever you need to say. And then you can—” She shrugged, picking up Scott, and nuzzled his cheek with her nose. “We can always talk later.”
It hurt him to the core, that small sentence. Jonas, better than anyone, knew that you couldn’t always talk later. Sometimes, later never came. A car went off the road. A plane crashed. A heart stopped. There were a hundred ways to lose out on possible futures.
Rachel picked up the diaper bag and put it over her shoulder. No—no. Time was going too fast, streaming around him in a way that made him slightly dizzy. “I’ll let you know if we need anything else for the scrapbook,” she said.