by Leslie Pike
“About what?” I know my face tells him I’m not in the mood to talk. He looks a little taken aback. Shit. I don’t want to be a dick. I know he genuinely cares about her.
“Right, well I overheard in the makeup trailer, that Bliss was gone missin.’ I was just hopin’ you heard somethin’ by now,” he says.
“Sorry, man. I haven’t heard anything.”
He sits next to me. We’re both quiet for a few beats. He takes one of the bite sized Snickers bars he took from the craft service table, out of his shirt pocket, and offers it to me. I take it.
“Thanks. I haven’t eaten anything all day.”
“No? Well don’t go starvin’ now. You need your strength for the fight.”
“What fight?”
“The one you’re goin’ to have when she finally calls.”
I break a smile.
“Does she do this often?” I say.
“She only did it once to me. But she had good reason.”
“What was that?”
“She found out I had been with another woman. I’ll always regret hurting her that way. I’ve come to realize it’s just my nature. But now I don’t pretend to be anything else. Know thyself, is my motto.”
“Well, that’s not the case here. There’s no other woman. And it’s not my nature.”
Finn gets up. “Good. I’m glad to hear she’s being treated well. We both know she’s deservin.’”
As he walks away, he calls back.
“She knows her worth, that one. There’ll be no second chances. Not for Bliss.”
I guess I should go talk with Jack. See if he can … can what? I’m working in the dark here. Until I find out what happened it’s all just conjecture. I know this though, I’m going to let her know this kind of stunt doesn’t work for me. If you’re mad at me for something tell me.
Don’t run off for effect.
I need to have my mind on my job. Every day. There are no days where I can be daydreaming about my love life. I have to pay attention to the details that are involved with the action sequences, and my work as Second Unit Director. If I make one mistake, it could cost somebody their life.
If it’s going to work out between us, she needs to understand that concept. As fucked up as it sounds, our fights will have to take place on my off hours. That’s not arrogance, and it’s not rationalization. That’s necessity. Every wife, husband, girlfriend and boyfriend of a stunt person comes to that conclusion. If they don’t, it doesn’t last.
For the rest of the day, I bury myself in the work. I don’t hear from Bliss or Nicki, and Jack’s too busy to talk. Just as well. What the hell’s he going to say? At the end of the workday, I leave alone.
All the way back to the cottages I go over what the possibilities are.
And just as I’m driving through the gate, I hear my email tone go off. When I look, it’s from Bliss. I don’t want to wait to read it. I pull over.
Steven,
Clearly, you didn’t think I’d be back so early last night. But I’m grateful for your ignorance, otherwise I would never have seen your true colors. I would have continued to believe the lie, that you’ve been so adept at telling.
It’s been a long time since my heart’s been broken. And rarely have I been made a fool of. Congratulations, you accomplished both. But know this, as much as I was in love with you, I’ll get over it. And when that happens, you’ll only be a blip on my radar.
I want to be with a man whose moral compass is steady. A man whose standards match his ideals and his words. A man who deserves the woman I am. That man isn’t you. In a sentence, you’re just not good enough for me.
So now you have what you really desire. You two so rightly deserve one another. You chose well for yourself.
We will likely be thrown together occasionally over the next few weeks, and possibly in the future if my script sells. I need and want to maintain business relationships with Renee, Jack and Albie. Please don’t interfere with that. Let’s conduct ourselves professionally and not drag any of our friends into our broken relationship.
I think it would be best, to arrange for Nicki to pick up my things at your convenience. I’ll have her coordinate the time with you. I have no interest in seeing or speaking with you. Please don’t attempt to do so. Don’t come to my cottage. Don’t write, don’t call, don’t text. I’ve blocked your number and email address. Lose my number, forget my name.
Bliss
I sit confused. This I never expected. What the hell’s she talking about? It’s obvious she thinks she saw me with another woman, but who and where? She was dropped off at her cottage last night. I was at my place all night. I went to bed early, and I never left till morning.
She must have thought she saw me going into Caprice’s cottage, or maybe Albie’s with a girl? Those are the only options I can think of. Bliss, don’t you know I’d never hurt you. Not ever, baby.
I immediately pull over to her cottage. Fuck her instructions not to contact her.
I go to her door, but the shutters are closed, and the porch light isn’t lit. She always puts that on if she’s home. I knock, and call to her, but there’s no answer. Her car’s not in the driveway. The cottage stands empty.
Inside of one day, it’s become a reflection of what’s happening between us. And every last sense of the spell cast within these walls, seems missing. She’s gone, and it went with her. Once more, the cottage is an inanimate object. It’s as if the magic we found there has vanished, and it’s now just a house again.
BLISS
I’ve been less than forty eight hours in this new reality, and it’s almost too painful to process what brought me here. I spent the last two nights at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco. I watched TV, ate my meals, and slept. I slept a lot. I stayed in my pajamas. I never left the room. I never made a call. I never stopped thinking about him. I’ve been in a psychological fetal position.
In my mind, I’ve made every argument possible defending the man.
Then I played the devil’s advocate, and tore those excuses apart. Because no matter how I frame it, in my heart I believe that they’re only excuses. My ability to think clearly has become my enemy.
I’m a woman who can’t look away from the truth. If I believe it happened, I won’t pretend otherwise. Even if it works against me, and even if it brings me unmeasurable sorrow. Better to face the facts, and take the blow now.
I’ve always had to be my own champion. When there was no one else to comfort me or protect me, I had to do that for myself. That’s how you end up with a life shaped by your hand, not someone else’s.
But it’s so hard to forget what I thought he was. I thought he was the one. I never had a moment of doubt.
I only sent two emails, and those were this morning. The first one was to my friend and closest ally. The second to Finn. I read them both twice, to make sure I said everything needed.
Nicki,
I’m sure you’re worrying about your friend, who so dramatically left Pacific Grove. I’m fine. At least I will be. The short and the long of it is that I saw Caprice and Steven through his window. She was dancing for him, and she was nude. I’m picturing your face right now, and I can see the shock. You can imagine how I felt.
So I’m taking a few days to regroup. I’ll be back by Tuesday, I think.
I’m not about to run away from home.
I’ll try to make things as easy as possible. I’ll try to handle things gracefully. I’ve got to admit, I’m happy the film will be wrapping in four weeks. Until then though, I’m going to go on as normal. Except for Steven, of course. I’ll avoid him and Caprice.
I’m going to do everything to maintain my relationships with Jack, Renee and Albie. Not just because of my script, but because I genuinely like them. If it’s too awkward for them, then of course I’ll understand. Just let me know how Jack feels about it, and I’ll go along.
Please don’t let my pseudo love story affect your real one. Jack is not Steven.
We’ll talk on Tuesday, and you can email if you need get ahold of me. But I don’t want to rehash the ugliness right now, so please hold yourself back till we’re together. I just need this time alone to shore up my strength. Thanks, friend.
Bliss
And then my letter to Finn.
Finn,
I don’t know how much you’ve heard about Steven and I, but suffice to say we are now a non-item. But it’s fine. Why I’m writing is to tell you I called your father this morning, and asked if I could come for a visit. He was gracious as always, and agreed to my spending a few days there. I knew you’d be worried, so I’m letting you know I’m ok. You know, more than most that I’m capable of taking care of myself.
I know the Kennedy Compound will be my healing place, and where I’ll be able to regroup. I’ll take extra care to make sure Carl gets a few of Mary’s delicious meals. It’s going to be good for him and for me.
I’ve been wanting to visit for a while now.
Please know that I’d like to be alone with your dad, and this isn’t an invitation to join us. You understand, don’t you? I don’t want consolation, I only want to be with someone who doesn’t know the details of my story. Please my friend, respect my wishes, and don’t share this information with anyone.
I’ll see you back in Pacific Grove in a few days.
Bliss
All the way to Carl’s, I resist the urge to call Nicki. She’s my go to girl. We talk every problem through, and I always feel better after hearing what she has to say. But this is a unique situation. She’s with Steven’s best friend. And while I know she’d never betray my trust, I also know women talk to their mates. We run things past them, to get another perspective. We trust them, so we tell them. I know she’ll tell Jack about what I saw, and that’s fine. That way Steven will hear without me having to tell him.
Jack trusts his best friend too, and wants to help him as much as Nicki wants to help me.
Better that I keep as much as I can to myself. It’s not as if anybody can repair what’s broken.
I stop at the store, and get some groceries. I’m going to make Mary’s famous seven bone roast. I buy the meat, potatoes, carrots, onion and chili sauce. I’m sure I’ll find the other ingredients at the house. For dessert, I get Carl’s favorite, chocolate éclairs.
And just for me, I buy the National Enquirer. I figure I’m entitled this week. I know fifty percent or more of the content is probably bullshit, but it is fun guessing which fifty percent it is. The cover story is about Jack. “Jack’s Summer of Loves.” Small cameos of different women surround his face. This should be a good one.
When I make the turn onto the Kennedy Compound road, I exhale. This place has healed me before. I’m counting on it working its magic again.
By the time I park, and get out of the car, Carl’s on the porch. He looks thin.
I grab my bag, and head his way.
“Hello, friend.”
“Bliss. You’re a sight. Come here and give me a hug.”
“Oh Carl, you have no idea how happy I am to see you, and to be here.”
“Good. Let’s go in, I’ve made your favorite tea.”
“I’ve got a few grocery bags in the back. Can you give me a hand?”
“Oh yeah. What did you bring?”
“Everything you like. Mary was whispering in my ear.”
He looks happy for a moment. He lifts my right hand in his.
“I see you’re wearing the ring.”
“I rarely take it off. It was the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” He pats my shoulder. I see his eyes begin to mist.
“Let’s go in, and get cozy,” he says.
All afternoon, we just talk and laugh and relax. Around three we play a few games of Uno. He wins every game.
“How did that happen?” I say.
“I’m the King of the Cards, that’s how.” He laughs.
“Well King Carl, I’m going to start the roast. Will you be hungry by 5:30?
“That’s fine. Are we having the seven bone roast?”
“Yes we are, with all the trimmings. And for dessert, chocolate éclairs.”
He comes to me, and wraps me in his arms. It feels like I could break him if I squeezed too hard.
“Bless you, child.”
I work effortlessly in this kitchen. Familiarity in this case breeds comfort. Before too long, the whole house smells like bygone days. Carl sits in his recliner smoking a joint, and watching a rerun of Wheel of Fortune. He’s guessing the puzzles aloud, and as I cook, I’m guessing with him. I peek into the living room every so often, and read the board. Vanna’s turning the letters like a motherfucker. I’m sure she dreams about it.
Dinner gets served at 5:45. I’ve set the table, using a tablecloth, and Mary’s good dishes. I had Carl pick some flowers from his garden, and those roses sit on the table in a pretty glass vase.
Tangerine, pink, red and white are the colors, and they complement each other as only nature is capable of.
“You know, the red rose is from Mary’s grandmother’s house,” he says.
“Really? How did that happen?”
“When we came back from Ireland, and settled here, her grandmother Libby was still alive. She took slips of each of her roses, and planted them here with Mary. I think that’s the last bush that’s survived.”
“That’s beautiful. I’m sure Mary treasured them all. Too bad there’s only one left.”
“It’s just the circle of life, Bliss. You have something, and then it’s gone. Even the things you value most.”
Carl has no idea I’m going through just that.
“I guess so.”
“But what counts is how you loved it while it was yours. We really tended to those flowers, and they thrived for fifty years. I guess once Mary was gone, the flowers wanted to follow her to heaven and bloom for her there.”
I just sit for a minute. This is a man who loved a woman. Loved her spirit, and her very being. He’s still enchanted by her, even when she’s left the Earth.
This is what I want. It only confirms to me that Steven wasn’t the right man. But with everything in me, I thought for sure he was. It’s so difficult to reconcile those two thoughts.
“Carl, let me ask you question.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you think it’s possible in this day and age, to stay true to just one person? There’re so many temptations and opportunities now. More than when you were young.”
“Listen, there was always opportunities. Just think of the sixties, when for the first time women had access to birth control, and they had the will to have sex. First time in history that had happened. They weren’t quote unquote bad girls anymore, if they enjoyed sex. There was nudity and drugs and just plain fun.
It seems like the consequences were fewer. And it had the best music ever, to inspire the party. In my opinion. It was awesome, believe me.”
“When you put it like that, I can see.”
“But once I met Mary, everything paled beside her. I was never tempted. No. It doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate a beautiful woman. But they held no power over her. When you’re really in love with someone, it’s not hard being faithful. Let me ask you Bliss, why the question?”
“I don’t know. Just wondering.”
“Is it Finn?”
“God no. Sorry, Carl. I know he’s your son, but I went through that once. I wouldn’t volunteer for it again.”
“Ok, good. Because I don’t really think he’s changed in that area.” We laugh.
“But I will say, I do care for your misbehaving lad. He’s a good son, Carl. You had everything to do with that. You and Mary.”
“Thank you. And he’s a good man. And I think you had something to do with that.”
After dessert, we watch a little TV, then it’s off to bed. It was a good day, and I know we’re both going to sleep a little lighter.
Before I turn the lights out, I grab the National Enquirer and page through to Ja
ck’s story. As soon as I see Caprice’s photo, I toss the magazine in the trash. I have no interest in seeing that face again.
As I fall asleep, I try to dwell on something good. I think about the story of the roses. I’ll be adding that, and Carl’s comment to my script.
Two days and nights at the Kennedy Compound was the right thing to do. I got out of my head for a while, and into caring for someone else. Actually we cared for each other, only Carl didn’t know it. By the time I left, we were both the better for the visit.
I can still see him in my rear view mirror, bidding me goodbye with a peace sign.
As I drive toward Pacific Grove, I’m steeling myself for what’s ahead. I wish I could snap my fingers, and everyone connected with the movie would forget they ever met me. We could start again, and be cleansed of the mistakes I made. I don’t want to eliminate these people from my life, I just want a reboot.
I’d steer clear of Steven and Caprice, and my troubles would be gone. But short of that scenario, I simply have to go through this as it unfolds. Don’t be embarrassed Bliss, just be strong. After all, I didn’t do anything wrong.
I twist Mary’s ring around my finger.
I’m home. There’s the gate to the cottages. Why has it taken on such a different look? This was always the point in my journey where I felt at peace. But tonight, it almost looks foreboding to me.
It’s only six o’clock, but because of the weather it looks later. There’s fog and mist and the sea is dark. That’s about right. “It was a dark and stormy night.” Exactly what I’m feeling inside. Cue the thunder and lightning, and we’d have the scene.
No one is outside of their cottages, and for that I’m grateful. I’d rather face them individually then as a collective. I make it inside. As I drop my bags, I see this isn’t going to be easy. I lean against the door.
All around me, are reminders of Steven. There’re photographs, and that card he gave me with beautiful butterflies on the front. I see one of his jackets thrown over a chair. And I haven’t even made it into the bedroom. That will be a mine field.
I remember how he felt to be in my arms. How he felt in my bed.