“We have to go back,” she said. “I can feel that something’s about to happen. Something you need to prevent.”
He didn’t question her certainty, but before they started down, he held her to him and kissed her hair, her eyes, her mouth. That was all they dared for now, and they went down to the Jeep together, their hands touching as they hurried.
Hayden drove, but the rain had settled the roads, and no clouds of dust rose behind them. There was no time, Christy thought—no time! Already they might be too late. Events were quickening, and Deirdre must be their only concern.
The roundabout way took no more than fifteen minutes, and they rushed together into the house, to be met by silence. Upstairs, Deirdre’s door was locked from the outside, so Nona must have gone out. But when Hayden opened the door and looked in, Eve Corey sat on the edge of Deirdre’s bed, and Deirdre was gone.
Eve grinned at them sardonically. “Good! I need to be rescued. I couldn’t make Leonie hear me—she’s doing laundry in the basement, or something.”
Hayden brushed her words aside. “Where is Deirdre? Why isn’t Nona here?”
“When I came in a little while ago,” Eve said, “Nona had just had an urgent call from Lili. Josef was warning her about something. So I offered to stay with Deirdre until she got back. Deirdre wanted to talk, and I sat down and listened. She seemed to be getting too excited, and I wasn’t sure I could handle her. She was talking about the Sun Wheel at Victor’s, and how it might help her. I told her she should wait till you came back, Hayden, and she seemed to accept that. She got up and dressed in jeans and a sweater, and then lay down again. But when I turned my back, she dashed out of the room and locked me in!”
“The Sun Wheel—that’s where she’s gone?” Hayden demanded.
For just a minute Eve hesitated, and Christy heard the pause uneasily. “That’s what she told me,” Eve said.
“Will you stay here, Christy?” Hayden asked. “In case Deirdre comes back. I’m going over to Victor’s right away.” He rushed off, and minutes later they heard him start the Jeep.
“I’m sorry,” Eve said, though she didn’t sound especially upset. “There were a lot of things I wanted to ask Deirdre, but there wasn’t time.”
Moving about Deirdre’s room, Christy was aware once more of Nona’s rainbow painting. She remembered the tiny face Nona had caught among the trees, and which Donny had seen. Looking for it now, she found it easily. A face that bore a resemblance to Deirdre, though the expression was sly and far from innocent. Had Nona, painting automatically, glimpsed the sister Deirdre had rejected?
She turned back to Eve. “I’m glad she told you where she was going.”
“She didn’t.” Eve went to a window to watch Hayden drive away.
“What do you mean?” Christy cried. She thought of the way Deirdre might have frightened Oliver with that snake, and that Eve had loved Oliver. So it might not be wise to trust anything Eve said about Deirdre.
Eve turned, her smile unpleasant. “She hasn’t gone to the Sun Wheel, but I had to convince Hayden, so I could get him out of the way. I don’t know where Deirdre has gone, but I know what she wants to do. There’s a payment she needs to make—and I don’t think we should interfere.”
Christy took her by the arm. “Tell me what you’re talking about! Tell me exactly!”
“Hey!” Eve shook off her hand. “I’m willing to tell you, now that Hayden’s gone. There’s nothing you can do except sit down and listen.”
Eve dropped onto the bed again, and Christy seated herself reluctantly in Deirdre’s chair, stirred by an impatience that urged her to action—if only she knew what action to take. Sinh crawled out of a corner and sat at her feet, mewing.
“It was the book that made her decide,” Eve said. “Nona was reading it, and she left it like that—open and face down.” Eve pointed to where the big volume lay on the floor. “Deirdre knew that Nona had found the place Oliver had marked, and that she would tell Hayden. Deirdre asked me straight out if I knew that Oliver had made notes in this book, and I said that Oliver had told me a little that night when he drove me down from Wintergreen. At least, he told me his suspicions. Deirdre almost cried when I mentioned Oliver. I couldn’t feel sorry for her, somehow. She said someone ought to read what was in the book and maybe try to help her. She’d meant to take it to Floris, but someone was up there in her house, so she buried it in the llama pen, meaning to get it later. Though I suspect she didn’t really know why she buried it—she’s been off in outer space for some time. She said it was as though someone told her to bury it—forced her to.”
Eve paused, and Christy prodded impatiently. “Never mind all that. Tell me what else Deirdre said.”
“She said, ‘I know where I can meet her. I know where she’s sure to come. And I know what I need to do.’ Then, before I could guess what she intended, she ran out of the room and locked me in. So when you and Hayden came, I decided to throw him off. He’d try to stop her—and that shouldn’t be allowed. Anyway, it’s too late now.”
“I must find her!”
“How are you going to do that? She could be anywhere.”
Christy didn’t trouble to answer. She picked up Deirdre’s nightgown that lay across the bed, and returned to Deirdre’s chair. Sinh watched intently, and she spoke to the cat with a strange sense that the animal could understand.
“Can you help me, Sinh? Can you help me to help her?”
Sinh mewed again and rubbed her head against Christy’s ankle.
The gown still carried a trace of Deirdre’s heathery scent, and Christy held it in her hands and closed her eyes, letting everything around her slip away. The cat leaped onto her knees and rested its head on the folds of the gown. Perhaps, between them, they could find Deirdre.
As the picture came into Christy’s mind, the mists flowed in gently, leaving their center clear, so she could see Deirdre standing alone, waiting. Then, as foggy edges moved back, Christy knew where she was, knew the terrible threat to Deirdre. For a moment longer she sat very still, with an inner listening. It was as if she heard her mother’s voice speaking words that gave her strength and direction.
Go deep inside yourself and accept, Chrystal. Make peace with yourself. Then you can act.
A quiet recognition of her own powers flowed through Christy, filling her with a sense of confidence. She knew what she must do, knew she must act swiftly before it was too late. As she moved, Sinh flew off her lap and Christy ran to the door. Eve called after her, but she paid no attention, rushing downstairs and out the front door.
This place was one she could reach only on foot, and she ran with a new, tireless energy. Past Nona’s without a glance. Past the cabin where she’d sheltered with Victor. Turning away from open sky and mountains, and down through the darkness of the woods.
Clouds had covered the sun again, and the path ahead grew misty. But these were real mists, with a hint of red earth showing through at ground level. Columns of trees on either side formed a high wall, and she knew she had been here before, not only in her dream but in her waking hours.
She slowed her progress, lest she run into a rock or trip over a fallen log. The only part of the dream that was different was that she heard no pounding footsteps following her.
When she came into an opening in the trees and found herself above the high pinnacle of rocky cliff from which Rose had fallen, she knew this was her destination. Deirdre stood near the edge—stood still, as though she waited. Almost as though she knew someone would come.
Christy ran to throw her arms about Deirdre’s slight body and draw her back from the edge. Deirdre went limp, weeping helplessly as Christy held her.
“You have to let me go,” she whispered. “This is the only choice I can make.”
“No! There are always other choices, other ways! Hayden wants to help you.”
Deirdre look
ed sadly into Christy’s face. “Hayden deserves happiness—and it can’t be with me. Christy, let me go. Let me go before she comes back!”
“Your sister?” Christy said gently. “Tell me about your sister.”
“There’s no time,” Deirdre said. “I know she’s coming.”
She began to struggle in Christy’s grasp, moving nearer to the place where the rock pitched downward. Then, even as Christy tried desperately to hold her, she saw the change that began to happen in Deirdre—as though a terrible metamorphosis was taking place. The soft contours of Deirdre’s face hardened, her eyes turned dark with hatred, and the woman in Christy’s arms struggled with a strength greater than Deirdre’s. She could never hold this woman who was not Deirdre. There was no time to understand—but only to know that there were two women in Deirdre’s frail body, and the other was the stronger of the two.
Christy was being pulled toward the edge, and in a moment she would be thrown over—to her death far below. But now, strangely, as though she were in her dream again, she could hear feet beating heavily on the earth. Someone was following, after all.
When Hayden hurled himself into the clearing, she felt no surprise. He snatched her from Deirdre’s grasp, drawing her back from where the cliff plunged down. She stood trembling in his arms, and they both stared at Deirdre—who was changing again. Changing into the gentle sister, who only loved and would harm no one. She smiled at them both—a smile of happy triumph.
“Look!” Deirdre cried, and opened her arms wide.
Christy and Hayden looked toward the sky to see the rainbow curving above the trees and rocks, rising from the mist to paint a tremendous arc across the heavens. An arc that held all the colors, as though they had been set there and would never fade.
Deirdre’s arms seemed to embrace the glowing arc. “Do you see what it means? The green is for healing, the pink is for joy, and the blue is for—peace.”
She looked at Hayden with love and stepped out into space as if beneath the rainbow, disappearing into the mists below. The two who were left stood in shocked silence. As mist blew aside in a light wind, Deirdre’s slight body could be seen lying far below, unmoving. She had known, and she had chosen, taking her “sister” with her.
But now, with her own special sense, Christy saw that something strange was happening to the earthly body Deirdre had left behind. Two wisps of vapor rose from her inert form and separated, to float away in different directions. One seemed to lift upward toward the rainbow that still arched across the sky. The other drifted off into the woods and disappeared.
With a wonder she did not question, Christy knew that Deirdre was safe. About the “other” she couldn’t tell. Only she had seen those two wisps separate. Gently, Hayden released her, and as she moved farther from the cliff’s edge, she saw the woman who stood near the woods watching.
Lili was smiling with her own radiance. “I came as soon as I sensed something wrong. But you’re fine, and you didn’t need me, Chrystal.”
“I couldn’t help her.” Christy moved toward her mother, and Hayden came with her. “I couldn’t help Deirdre,” she repeated sadly. “She chose the rainbow.”
Lili looked up at the sky where the colors held clear, and she seemed to understand.
“There were two Deirdre’s,” Christy said. “While she lay on the rocks down there, the two separated.” She turned to Hayden. “I saw it happen—their spirits, like wisps of smoke, rising in different directions.”
Lili nodded sadly. “Sometimes two souls are born into one body. They can be so opposite in nature that they struggle against each other all their lives. Deirdre chose to free herself in her own way. I thank God, Hayden, that you got here in time to save my daughter.”
Hayden said, “Sometimes I sensed that there were two—but I didn’t understand. There was—deception. And I was fooled.”
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” Lili said. “How were you led to come here?”
Hayden put an arm around Christy as though he couldn’t let her go. “I went to Victor’s because Eve told us Deirdre had gone there to the Sun Wheel. She wasn’t there, but Victor told me to stand inside the Wheel and ask for help. So I went into the quadrant of the western fire and asked for wisdom. Right away, Christy, I knew your danger. And I knew the place. I have Victor to thank for making me listen.”
“The time was right, and you were ready to listen,” Lili said.
She stepped to the edge of the cliff and looked down sadly. When she had spoken a few words of prayer, she turned toward the path up the hill. “I’ll go back now, and find a telephone. You’ll stay, Hayden?”
Hayden nodded, and Christy waited for him while he climbed down the cliff to Deirdre.
Good and evil, she thought. All human beings were a mixture of the light and the dark. In Deirdre the separation had been extreme, dividing into two parts, each trying to defeat the other. In this strange way the split had become absolute, and perhaps Deirdre’s real goodness had won.
I don’t know where I am, or what has happened to me. Something is terribly wrong. Everything around me is familiar, but I seem to be floating, drifting. I can go anywhere—but no one sees me or speaks to me. There’s no sense of time where I am, and nothing is solid around me.
I have seen Donny, but he never sees me. He is not my son—he is Deirdre’s, and she is no longer with me.
Will I go wandering down the years like this? Through the meaningless centuries? Always searching, though I’m not sure for what?
Those two will be happy together in each other’s arms, but I feel nothing about them any more. Only the sight of a rainbow fills me with sadness. Then the loneliness comes in and I stray through the woods, hoping that someone will see me, speak to me. But no one ever does.
17
Days had passed since Deirdre’s death. Lili had stayed on without explanation. For the time being she appeared to have cut all ties with her own life, and she made an effort to be as little trouble to Nona as possible. It was as if she knew she must wait because there were still unfinished matters at Redlands, and perhaps she would be needed. For Liliana Dukas, she was unusually quiet.
During those days Christy came to feel closer to her mother than ever before. Closer than she was able to feel with Hayden. The way Deirdre had died seemed to place a block between them and, like Lili, Christy could only wait.
One evening when those who had been closely concerned had gathered at Nona’s, Eve clarified for them some of what had happened as far as Oliver was concerned. He had been caught, trapped, by the other Deirdre, though he didn’t realize the truth for a long while. When Deirdre told him she had pushed Rose to her death in order to free him, he was horrified. But he was still held in the thrall of his own terrible obsession, even though he’d grown afraid of the changeling Deirdre. He began to read about divided personalities, about jealous siblings, and even about obsession. All too late.
“He told me a little that last night before he died,” Eve said. “I think he believed that he might help the two personalities to merge and recover. Then he’d have sent the real Deirdre back to you, Hayden. I cared about Oliver, but I thought his feeling about Deirdre was a lot simpler than it turned out to be. I suppose I was too angry to be of much help. Rose was my friend, and when she died, I know Oliver was devastated. But I didn’t understand all the reasons why.
“When he talked to me that last night, he swore me to secrecy until he could find a way out. Think of the horror if the real Deirdre had been arrested! I’m sure the other one would have gone into hiding and let her sister go mad.”
Hayden made a despairing sound, and Christy watched him unhappily as Eve went on.
“Then Oliver had a heart attack because of the snake, and I guessed what might have happened. But I had no proof. Nothing I dared go to the police with. I thought of talking to Hayden, but that would open a whole new nest of vipers.
Again, the real Deirdre would be blamed. So I acted a lie too. I needed to see the change for myself, but Deirdre kept out of my way and, like Oliver, I waited too long.”
A few questions were answered during that sad evening when they listened to Eve, but Lili was the only one who commented.
“It’s still not finished,” she said. “There’s something more to come.”
Donny was the most stricken, the most frightened. Since his mother’s death, he had slept in Hayden’s bed, and one night he sat up suddenly in the early hours, no longer terrified, but smiling.
“I was walking in the woods,” he told his father. “I got up in the night and went outside and I found my mother. I think she was calling me, and she didn’t run away this time. She sat close by on a rock and talked to me. She said everything was fine for her now, and I mustn’t cry for her, because she was happy and had other things she needed to do. So I should be glad for that, and learn how to let her go.”
The next day, relating this to Christy, Hayden said, “At first I thought he’d had a comforting dream, though I didn’t tell him that. Then, in the morning when we got up, I saw grass stains and red earth on his bare feet.”
Christy felt no surprise, no doubt. From her own storytelling experience with children, she knew how close the young were to the mysteries of being born. It was only when the “real,” left-brain world of grown-ups took over that they lost the power to see. Now it would be a little easier for Donny.
Nothing was easy for Hayden. He continued to be torn and unable to find his own peace. Christy knew he was still tied to the unresolved past, still reproaching himself. Though she longed to help him, the way was never clear, and he held everyone off. There was too much guilt in him, and she had no way to get past his self-blame for not recognizing what was happening to Deirdre.
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