by Leah Torie
“C’mon.” Tom got to his feet and held out a hand. Hesitantly, Jessie took it and let him lead her over to where Anna and Taylor were still busy with a bucket of sand.
“Would you two mind accompanying us on a little trip?” Tom asked.
“Sure,” Anna replied.
The four of them followed the path that snaked between sand dunes until they reached the hotel, where Tom led them all to the pavement outside the front door.
“I need a cab, please,” he said to the bellhop, handing him a crisp bill.
“Sure thing, sir.” The man found a vehicle and held the door open.
“Carmel Heights, please,” Tom said to the driver, and soon, they were heading along a leafy road in the tropical paradise.
They arrived at a small shopping mall and all got out.
“Are you going to tell us what we are doing here?” Anna asked at last.
“Jessie needs something to wear to a black tie dinner, tonight,” Tom explained.
“And you want us to help?” Taylor surmised.
“Exactly. Here’s one of my credit cards, Anna. I’m giving it to you because I suspect if I hand it to Jessie, she won’t use it. Be sure she has anything she needs.”
“Wait, where will you be?” Jessie asked, realizing Tom wasn’t coming shopping with them.
“At the barber’s, getting my hair trimmed,” he explained.
Jessie sighed in defeat. Unless a volcano exploded and destroyed the mall, it looked like she was going to have to spend at least some of the afternoon shopping.
“You’re lost at sea, you can only take three things with you. What do you choose?” Tom asked. Jessie frowned and thought about it. They were out at the fanciest restaurant Jessie had ever seen. There was a thirty-foot tall waterfall in the middle of the room and it sparkled with flecks of gold. Jessie sipped at a glass of exquisite fruit juice that, according to the menu, was the most delicious citrus fruit in the world—and since it was priced at thirty bucks a glass, Jessie guessed it might also be the most expensive.
“Any three things?” she asked. She stretched one of her feet out from under the table for two they sat at, and she gazed at the Christian Louboutins her sister had convinced her to buy. They’d almost been the price of a horse. Now, though, Jessie knew Anna had been right. Jessie’s old sandals would have looked out of place here. Anyway, the shoes matched the Dior dress Taylor had admired. Overall, Jessie was grateful to her daughter and sister for helping her navigate how to look stylish, but at the same time, she looked forward to being able to don her usual, practical clothing again soon.
He nodded. “Anything at all.”
“A fully-functional powerboat, a map of all the oceans, and a hundred gallons of fresh, clean drinking water.” Isn’t that what everyone would choose?
“Interesting.” He sipped at his own glass of dekopon juice, and Jessie copied, deciding the drink tasted half-way between mandarin juice and orange juice. It was the perfect, thirst-quenching drink.
“Why, what would you have chosen?”
“It didn’t occur to me to take something that would get me out of the situation, I guess. I would have chosen a Bible, a fishing rod, and a bottomless supply of water.”
Jessie laughed. “Why a Bible?”
“If you could only keep one book, out of every book that exists, what else would you possibly choose? It’s the bestselling book all around the world for a reason.”
She nodded. “I guess. Okay, my turn to ask you a big and meaningful question.” She tried to come up with something that make him think, and which would also tell her more about the kind of man he was. “Would you rather an eternity in Hell with someone you loved, or an eternity in Heaven alone?”
Tom’s mouth fell open. “Wow. That’s a hard one. Okay. I guess I’d rather spend an eternity in Heaven alone, but only because if I was in Hell with someone I loved, that means they’re down there, too, whereas if I’m in Heaven, I might think I’m alone, or not be able to find them, but there’s a chance the person I loved would have also been saved.”
Jessie gasped. “That’s... that’s... you’re too good at these.”
Eyes twinkling, Tom shrugged and winked. “My turn. If the only way to save Taylor from something was to do something that would upset her, would you do it?”
Jessie nodded. “Of course. Parenting is all about giving children everything they need, not anything they want. Do you have children?”
She regretted the question as soon as she asked it, because Tom’s expression became fixed and he didn’t answer immediately.
A silence fell between them, during which the waiter brought their starters.
“I didn’t mean to pry,” Jessie offered.
“I had a daughter. She died when she was two years of age.”
Jessie’s jaw dropped. “Gosh, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s not your fault. She got leukemia. We tried everything.” He clenched his fists together and Jessie sensed how hard this was for him to talk about. “All the money in the world, and I couldn’t save her,” he lamented. She didn’t dare look at his face, because she suspected he had tears in his eyes, and she thought he deserved the dignity of being able to pretend he wasn’t crying.
“Tom, are you married?” Jessie knew she was being rude and insensitive, so soon after what he’d just said, but it suddenly seemed like the most important question in the world and she had to know. Her stomach fluttered and she braced herself to hear the truth. Had their weeks of friendship been going nowhere? Was he just a generous and thoughtful family friend?
“I used to be. After my daughter passed away, my wife lost her way. She moved in with another man, and she divorced me in Puerto Rico.”
“What does that mean?” Jessie asked.
“She did it without my agreement. I believe marriage is sacred. I never would have signed any divorce papers. I would have preferred for us to seek therapy as a couple, and figure out what had happened.”
Jessie let it all sink in for a moment.
“That’s terrible. Leaving you, when you’d just lost your daughter.” Jessie felt anger toward a nameless, faceless woman she’d only just heard of. Was that wrong? It had opened the wound from when Taylor’s father had turned his back on his unborn daughter.
“What about you? How long were you married for? You aren’t married now, are you?” Tom didn’t disguise the hopeful tone in his voice and Jessie flushed as she shook her head.
“No. I’ve... uh... never been married.”
“At all? But what about Taylor?”
“Her father said all the right things, bought me dinner—nothing so fancy as this—a few times, and I really thought he was the one. I let him...” Jessie couldn’t say the words. It was too shameful. “Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant, I told him. I expected him to marry me and do the right thing.” She bit her lower lip as she remembered the way he’d reacted. “”Get rid of it. I’m going to college.” Those were his exact words.” A tear tried to escape but she dabbed at the corner of her eye carefully with her napkin. “Sorry, this is a pretty gloomy topic, let’s go back to something lighter.”
“It’s not so gloomy. Now we both know we’re free to marry one another,” Tom said. The casualness of his tone made her gasp as her heart leapt. Quickly, she stamped down the feeling. She liked her single life too much. She wasn’t the marrying type. Taylor needed stability, and Jessie knew better than to allow herself to think about getting married, it wouldn’t be fair on her daughter to add a man to their life.
Would it?
How different would things be if Tom was a permanent fixture? Jessie dismissed the idea as ridiculous. How would that even work? Two adults with their own separate lives... wouldn’t it be too complicated to try and join their households together?
“I don’t think marriage has ever occurred to me,” Jessie said quietly.
Tom smiled and took one of her hands in his. “And that, sweet Jessie, is why I’m going to make
you my bride.”
Jessie giggled and shook her head. “It’s kind of you to say that, but I’m sure there’s a long line of heiresses and princesses just waiting for your hand. Why would you come down to my level?”
Tom sighed. “I don’t want an heiress. I want you. And I wouldn’t be coming down to your level. Just because someone treated you wrong before, doesn’t mean that’s what you’re worth. With all due respect, I hope I never meet Taylor’s father, he sounds like a piece of work. You deserve to be treated like a queen.”
It was getting too big. Jessie wasn’t sure how to navigate this conversation. And if she couldn’t even manage the discussion, how would she deal with being married to anyone?
“I don’t even go to church on Sundays,” she confessed before she stopped herself. Why was she telling him? It was as if her brain was throwing up any reason at all that he would think less of her, so he would see she really wasn’t such a great investment.
“I’ve noticed. And I know you’ve been having a hard time making sense of your faith, lately.”
“That’s one way to describe it.” She picked at the remains of her starter and wished she had the words to explain how she felt. The mysteries of God weighed heavily on her, especially since her mom had died, and she didn’t know how to return into His grace.
“You’ll get there. Be kind to yourself, and give it time. I’ll still be here.”
The conversation fizzled out as the starter plates were removed, and Jessie knew she had to do something to try and salvage the conviviality of their earlier chit-chat, so she tried to think of something fun.
“I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with C,” she said, purposely not looking at the elegantly-painted ceiling, in the hope he wouldn’t guess the right answer straight away.
After dinner, they walked side-by-side on the beach. The sun had set during dinner and the almost-full moon had taken its place, surrounded by stars.
“The sky is so bright, here,” Jessie marveled.
“Ever been to the desert at night?” Tom asked. Jessie shook her head, then realized he couldn’t see her.
“No. Never been to a desert during the day, either.” She wasn’t very well-traveled, a fact which was becoming more and more apparent with every passing conversation. Tom, it seemed, had been everywhere at least twice.
“Huh. My father used to take me to New Mexico once a year. He’d park his Range Rover on some flat sand at the side of the road, and we’d unload the supplies. He would hand me the map and a compass, and I would navigate us to a spot he’d marked on the map. When we arrived, we set up camp.”
“That sounds horrible,” Jessie remarked.
“No, it was great. At night we’d build a fire and toast marshmallows, and we would gaze up at the stars. Best place to see them is the desert.”
Jessie smiled and tried to think of something positive to say, since the memory obviously meant a lot to Tom.
“Do you think he’s watching over you?” she asked at last.
“Every day.” Tom’s expression changed, and as he sipped his juice, Jessie thought the mood had turned soulful.
“Do you talk to him?” Her cheeks flushed as she asked, feeling silly for even wondering, but she had to know.
“Yep. When I wake up, the first thing I do is bring in the newspaper, and I read it in the dining room. Once I’ve finished, I sum up the day’s events to my dad. I know, it’s a weird routine—”
“I think it’s sweet,” Jessie interrupted.
“—But it’s what he would have wanted. He always liked to stay informed. When he was in the hospital, I used to read the news to him. Even if he was asleep.”
Tom’s face had tightened and it was clear he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
“I talk to my dad, too,” Jessie admitted.
“Not your mom?”
“She wouldn’t have wanted to hear my voice. If she’s up in Heaven, I’m pretty sure she’d be irritated because I’d interrupted something more interesting.”
“The rift between you and your mom... it’s a real shame she passed on before either of you could heal it,” Tom said.
Jessie sighed. “Yeah, but there was only one thing that would ever have satisfied her.”
“Maybe we can make it happen. What is it?”
Jessie shook her head. “She wanted me to be married.”
Tom didn’t say anything.
“...Yeah, see? It’s impossible,” Jessie said.
“Only because you won’t let it be anything different,” Tom remarked. Jessie looked up at him in surprise, but before she said anything, a street vendor appeared and began listing the twenty or so fruits he had available, and by the time Tom had explained that they were still full from dinner, the moment had passed.
The waves still sounded the same at night. Jessie thought that was strange. She’d always expected the beach to be silent after dark, although now, that seemed ridiculous.
“Would you swim in it?” Jessie wondered.
“Right now?” Tom asked. “No.”
“Me either. There might be jellyfish.”
“And if you got swept out to sea, the coast guard wouldn’t be able to find you very easily in the dark,” Tom pointed out. “I think it’s one of those ideas that’s best left for the movies.”
“Agreed.”
They took two more steps and Tom stopped dead. Jessie almost tripped over her feet because she was still holding his hand.
“What is it?” She frowned and looked around, in case there was a problem.
“Here.” Tom bent down to the sand, and pulled something out. He shook it off and examined it in the moonlight.
“A shell?” It was about the size of Tom’s fist. Jessie had no idea what kind of sea creature would have lived in it.
“Yeah. A conch. Here.” He placed it against her ear. “When you do this, you should be able to hear the sea, wherever you are.”
Jessie giggled. “We’re standing beside the sea, silly, of course I can hear it.”
Tom threw his hands up in mock-defeat. “You’ll just have to take this shell home and try again when you’re at the stables.”
He held out the shell and Jessie took it. The surface glimmered, and Jessie wondered how much shinier it would look in daylight.
“Thank you,” she said, feeling like they were sharing a moment.
“You’re welcome.”
Their eyes met and Jessie stared into the abyss of his blue irises. There was something so comforting and familiar about his eyes, but at the same time, she was pretty sure they held hidden depths.
“We should get back,” Tom said quickly. Jessie nodded, and they turned around, heading in the direction of their hotel.
Back in her room, Jessie looked at Taylor's sleeping figure and wondered if things were moving too fast. She and Tom had spent so much time together, and she worried in case she wasn’t paying Taylor enough attention. It was supposed to be a family vacation to see Anna, and yet, Jessie had left her daughter with her sister all evening. The time had gotten away from Jessie and she’d thought it was much earlier than it really was.
Time always seemed to disappear when Tom was around.
She got ready for bed and resolved to spend all day tomorrow with Taylor, to make up for not seeing her at all tonight.
Don’t panic, Jessie told herself, but there’s only three minutes left to get to crazy golf if we want to make the last admission of the day. She looked over her shoulder. Taylor was hurrying as quickly as her little legs could go. Jessie didn’t think it would be enough. She was torn between running on ahead, to get their tickets, and staying with Taylor, for solidarity.
She chose the latter, and they arrived at the admission booth in time to see the lone employee turn over a “closed” sign before pulling down a blind.
“Well, the thing about crazy golf is, it’s so crazy that you can’t even do it some days,” Jessie said, trying to make light of the situation. Taylor
sighed. Jessie didn’t blame her.
“Mom, can we go waterskiing instead?” she asked.
Jessie didn’t much like the idea of waterskiing, but her daughter’s face was so hopeful, and the crazy golf was so closed, that Jessie nodded.
“Sure. Where do we sign up?”
They found the place in the end. The spotty boy taking their money couldn’t have been older than seventeen, and Jessie was very grateful right then that she had a daughter, so she would never have to endure the frustrating indignity of waiting for a teenage boy to do anything at all.
The cashier counted slowly, then printed their tickets at glacial speeds. By the time they got to the jetty where the speedboats launched, Jessie was pretty sure her hair had grown two more feet.
The speedboat driver gave them a brief talk on safety and Jessie didn’t really take any of it in. How could she, when something as exciting as a waterskiing adventure was right in front of her.
As soon as they were in their water skis, the boat set off.
“Don’t let go of your handle,” she warned Taylor. The boat went quickly, however, and when they went over the first ramp, Jessie heard a squeak, then the second line went slack.
“Taylor!” Jessie tried to wave to the speedboat driver, but he wasn’t paying any attention to his mirror, so she let go of her own line and tried to swim back to her daughter. Swimming with skis on her feet was awkward, and they kept messing with her position in the water as she tried to move.
“Mo—” Taylor cried, before her face dipped under the water.
Jessie didn’t have any breath to reassure her daughter because she was swimming too fast. When she reached her, she realized they had no way of getting back to shore. Jessie had used most of her energy on getting to Taylor, and now she was trying to tread water for both of them as Taylor clung to her.
“Are we going to drown?” Taylor asked through ragged breaths.
“No. Absolutely not. I promise,” Jessie lied, but really, she had no idea how to fix this.