He stood slowly and took measured steps to where she still sat, staring at him with molten lava in her eyes. She wasn’t wearing anything special, the same jogging suit she’d had on last night, but she still looked amazing, and he covered her hand on the table with his own. Closing his fingers around hers, he drew her to her feet with infinitely slow movements, waiting for her to cry out and tell him to stop. But she didn’t, even when he pulled her against him so the length of her body was pressed to his.
He released her hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her steady and locking eyes with her. She still didn’t try to push him away, and he gave her one last warning. “If we start something, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to stop it.”
Her response came in a deep, raspy tone. “Who says I would want to stop?”
It was enough to drive him into action, and he came down on her lips with bruising force. Amanda answered him with equal desire, opening to him so he could taste her. Cherries, exotic spice, and a hint of citrus blended in an enticing and addictive poison that flowed through his veins, and Ryder felt enslaved by it. He pressed his hands against her back, crushing her body to his and letting her feel the hard length of his arousal.
She moaned and fisted her hands in his hair, twisting his head so she could get a better angle and deepen the kiss. He devoured her, his pulse quickening to the point that his heart was ready to explode and his extremities throbbed. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest, even faster, and the pace of his sped to match it, thump for thump. Amanda shifted, inadvertently rubbing against his erection, and he groaned, shivering at the erotic sensation.
As much as he wanted to strip her down and take her to his bed, he could have gone on like this for hours. The tease and torment of it fired him up, and he felt infused with energy. Sliding his hands down her back, he cupped her round ass and squeezed. She squealed shortly and all but crawled up his body in response. Her hold on his head tightened, and her body seized, tense with her own need.
He broke the kiss to catch his breath and reach for the zipper of her jacket, and the way her face flushed was flattering to her features. It only added to the appeal, and his lungs seized. Her eyes burned into him, and she bit her lip as he drew the zipper down, revealing an inch at a time of the creamy, unblemished skin beneath, and the jacket fell open, exposing her round, perky breasts. His mouth watered, and he slid his hands up her torso, cupping them and watching her head fall back as she moaned in response.
The sound of a phone ringing made Ryder grit his teeth. It wasn’t his ringtone, and for a minute, he could tell that Amanda was so caught up in the moment she didn’t recognize the sound. He saw the moment it dawned on her, and his hopes fell flat as her face crumbled. He wanted to tell her to ignore it, but maybe it was for the best. That sort of interruption was the only thing that might stop them from making a big mistake and being riddled with regret.
She drew out of his arms, and he let her go as she cleared her throat and walked away. “No electricity, no roads, but we have cell service,” he grumbled, teeth clamped together as his groin ached.
He watched her face as she picked up the phone, her brows drawing together in a deep frown. “Amanda Halston.” She was so formal when she went into business mode, and Ryder knew there was no going back to the road they’d been barreling down a moment ago, now that she had switched personas. In fact, he doubted he’d ever get her to loosen up like that again.
“Yes, Mr. Barrow. I’m all right. The people here are prepared for weather like this.” She glanced briefly at Ryder and then ducked her head, listening to whatever Mr. Barrow had to say. “Yes, sir. I’m not sure. There are no corporate banks in town.” She was quiet again, and then she said, “I believe that would be just fine, sir. I promise the funds will be appropriated fairly.” What was she talking about? “I’ll text you an address to send it later today.” She glanced over at him again and said, “I’m not sure when the weather is going to clear, so don’t bother overnighting it. I’m sure that things will clear up by the time the regular postage arrives, and I’ll get the check in plenty of time. This isn’t going to be an overnight process, sir.”
Ryder realized at that point she was referring to the investigation. She really had talked to her law firm and gotten approval to help fund it. He was stunned, though he shouldn’t have been. She’d impressed upon him that her integrity came before loyalty to a client, and she was going to see this through, assuring herself and her law firm that they weren’t representing a corporation that took the law into their own hands. But he also knew it was as much for his benefit as hers.
What was he doing here? He’d brought Amanda to his house to make sure she was safe from the storm, and he’d told himself it was a sense of honor that made him do it. Had he subconsciously hoped for something to happen between them? Had he unknowingly but purposely set himself up to bring them together?
As she hung up the phone and zipped up her jacket all at the same time, she turned to face him. “That was one of the partners. They’re sending a rather sizeable check to help with the investigation into the cause of the fire.” She gave him a sad smile that he suspected had more to do with the failed attempt at intimacy than anything else. “I told you I wouldn’t dare represent a client that would stoop to damaging people’s property so they could buy it. And I chose my position carefully, making sure I was at a firm with partners that felt the same way.”
“I believe you.” His voice was gravelly, and now it was more than his groin that ached. If he hadn’t just had a physical, he would have thought the dull ache in his chest was a heart attack. An awkward silence fell over them, the space between them heavy and thick and spreading out like a deep chasm. No matter how badly Ryder wanted to go to her, he couldn’t cross it without falling into a dark place filled with the unknown.
And he doubted there was a net to catch him before he was shattered at the bottom.
14
It would have been much warmer in the living room, but Amanda couldn’t bring herself out of the bedroom. She spent some time reading through her files and deleting contacts on her phone she no longer needed. She picked up a guide to modern property law she’d bought to stay in touch with current legal trends and read three chapters before she gave up, realizing she had no idea what she was reading.
When all else failed, she stood at the window and gazed out at the vast white landscape, the blanket of snow making everything blend into one solid mass. The sunlight reflected off it, making the daylight bright white rather than the yellow glow she was used to. It was almost blinding.
But then, so were the black ashes that coated her heart like the snow coated the ground. Both her heart and the sprawling scene outside were barren, and she couldn’t reconcile the sense of complete and utter loss she felt. It made no sense. She had never had Ryder, and she didn’t even want him. He wasn’t the husband that would help her achieve her goals in life. His world was nothing like hers, and she didn’t think either of them could live in the other’s world for long without growing sick and feeling out of place. Albert Barrow had done them both a favor by interrupting an event based on pure sexual drive and not reason or emotion.
So why did she feel empty inside?
She had so many questions about her reaction to Ryder, about the circumstances under which she’d arrived in Five Forks and the elements that were keeping her here, and even her own life plan. She’d been on a particular path since she was fifteen years old. Nothing had ever made her question if it was the right direction for her. Amanda was secure in her present and her future, and she’d reached every goal she set for herself on or ahead of schedule.
And what did she have to show for it? A lot of doubts and strange inclinations to veer from her clear direction in favor of a man with whom the future would be uncertain at best? No, Amanda liked having things laid out for her so she could follow the map without distractions.
But it was like she was a horse in a parade headed tow
ard the center of the city, and Ryder had removed her blinders. It was an overwhelming ordeal to realize that the trail she was blazing forked in more than one place and offered several different destinations, or even different paths to the same one. How did she know she wouldn’t hit a giant obstacle she couldn’t scale if she chose another path?
It didn’t matter anyway. After the phone call, she’d given him another chance. She’d stared at him from ten feet away, her heart fluttering and her body burning as her lungs seized in the hope that he would close the distance. She waited forever for him to wrap her in his arms again, kiss her until she was dizzy, and take away all reason and choice. She wanted him to demand what she had offered earlier.
But he made no move, and her disappointment was profound. Resigned to the fact that she’d missed the one chance she was willing to take to try something off the beaten path, she’d excused herself, claiming she wasn’t feeling well, and she’d been locked in the bedroom since. Ryder hadn’t come to check on her or ask if she was hungry or anything.
Amanda realized too late that tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she swiped at them angrily. Who was she to cry over a man who would only complicate her life? One who hadn’t given his love and then taken it away, because he held no love for her in the first place? One who had threatened to destroy her career this time yesterday?
But he was also the man who’d spun her around the living room like it was the dance floor at some club. The man who kissed her with a combination of question and utter confidence. A man who had been so concerned with her safety that he’d brought the enemy inside the gates and given her shelter and sustenance. And a man with the same morals and determination Amanda banked on.
Maybe they could talk this through. Maybe there was something to be learned, or something that they needed to share and explore. Maybe it was just a matter of working out a few kinks to smooth out a trail they could take together. Amanda sniffled and cleared her throat, going into the bathroom to check her face and make sure it wasn’t red or splotchy. She wiped away the last evidence of her tears and decided to brave the common space in hopes of having a reasonable conversation with Ryder about what happened this morning and why. Without letting their attraction get in the way and take charge of their actions.
She threw open the bedroom door just in time to see him shut the front door, bundled in layers of clothes against the cold that waited to bite at him outside. Her resolve faltered. If she didn’t get this off her chest now, she would lose her nerve and create a new layer of protective coating for her heart. She couldn’t let this happen twice. If Ryder wanted something from her, it had to be now, before she changed her mind. Because once it was changed, she would not allow herself to question her future and her goals ever again.
She decided to wait fifteen minutes. Amanda knew she was an impatient person, and she tried not to let herself make a snap decision without considering every aspect of the alternative. She had no idea what Ryder was doing out there, and for all she knew, he was grabbing some more wood for the fire and coming right back in. But she saw the large stack still on the hearth and doubted it. Five minutes passed, and then ten. When it had been fifteen minutes, she convinced herself to wait another ten.
Half an hour took all the gusto out of her, and with her head hanging, she got up from the couch and dragged her feet as she headed back to the bedroom. She was being pathetic anyway. She didn’t need a man in her life. She didn’t need passion and romance, and she didn’t need to fall at a man’s feet and beg him for anything.
She turned the knob and heard a door click open behind her. She looked back over her shoulder, her eyes wide and her heart pounding out of control. Ryder stood in the doorway, the backdrop of the white plains making every nuance of his face under the cowboy hat he wore stand out. And the stormy shade of the eyes staring back at her was full of question and regret. She swallowed hard, debating. If she chose the door on the left, she faced the possibility of rejection or an unknown road she might share with a sexy, delightfully passionate man. It offered fear and excitement and surprises. If she chose the door on the right, she knew exactly where it led, and she never had to worry about heartache or failure. But she would never experience the true meaning of love and passion for another person. And she would never know the exhilaration of venturing into the unknown.
She didn’t know which was worse, but at the moment, both seemed agonizingly difficult.
15
Ryder paced his bedroom, starting to feel claustrophobic. It wasn’t the first time he’d been snowed in, and it wouldn’t be the last. But he was full of restless energy, and he wanted to bust through the walls. And it had only been a few hours, with days ahead to suffer through.
He gazed toward his closed door with a scowl, and his heart sank. When he’d come in from checking on the pigs and repairing a couple of damaged boards, Amanda had been out of the blasted bedroom she was holed up in like it was a fort that protected her from him. He’d seen something in her eyes, watched her take a breath like she was going to say something important, and he’d hoped she wanted to try again. To invite him into her inner sanctuary to pick up where they’d left off.
Then, she’d pressed her lips together, and the light in her eyes died. Her lips curled into a smile, but it didn’t glow on the rest of her face. “Is everything all right?” she asked, glancing at the open door behind him.
Realizing she’d changed her mind about whatever subject she’d originally had in mind, Ryder simply nodded and brushed off his coat, closing the door. “Just went to check on the pigs and feed them. What about you? Are you okay? You want some lunch?” He’d growled at himself for the rapid fire questions.
She’d just shaken her head and said politely, “No, thank you. I’m not hungry.” Then, she’d stepped into the room and shut the door with a finality that resonated like an echo through his veins.
Since he’d eaten so little breakfast, Ryder was hungry, but he didn’t want to eat. He’d slapped a couple slices of ham between two pieces of bread, and swallowed it in three or four bites. He’d stoked the fire and added some wood, in case Amanda decided to come back out and take advantage of the warmth, but he’d been holed up in his bedroom ever since. His rage and the guilt he felt kept him warm enough.
On the verge of throwing things and breaking them just to release some aggression, he paused at a quiet knock on his door. He swallowed past the lump in his throat—one that shouldn’t have even been there. Why was he so anxious to get things back under control between him and Amanda? He didn’t even necessarily want to pursue the route they’d started down this morning. He just wanted to relieve the tension between them. It didn’t make sense. The two of them were very different people with absolutely nothing in common, and even something as basic as good sex could lead to disaster, especially with the business relationship they had to maintain.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he missed her already, just separated for a couple of hours. He opened the door and looked down at her, a wave of calm washing over him just to see her face. Of course, the hesitant expression she wore wasn’t very soothing, and he tried to keep his face from showing any emotion at all. He didn’t want to sway her one direction or the other, no matter what it was that had brought her to his bedroom door.
“I’m not bothering you, am I?” she asked.
He smiled ruefully and shook his head. “No, not at all. Saving me from the prison of my own mind, more like.”
A ghost of a smile played at her lips but didn’t quite manifest. He’d almost amused her. “I need to give my firm an address so they can send the check. I thought it should come here or to your office. Which do you prefer?”
So they were back to business. He sighed inwardly and told her, “The office is probably better.” He gave her the address, and she typed it swiftly into a notepad on her phone. “If we don’t have another round of snow, the roads will be cleared in a couple of days. The snow plows are faster than the elec
tric crews.”
She nodded and hesitated, like she felt the need to walk away but couldn’t bring herself to do it yet. She had something more to say. “Did you ever eat lunch?”
“I had a snack. It wasn’t very appetizing,” he admitted.
She smirked. “I’ve done that. If you don’t mind me nosing around your kitchen, I can cook something for us.” Us. The word made his heart jump, and he told himself to calm down. Food for two didn’t mean anything. “I’m no chef, but I can get further than boiling water.” Was she teasing him? He wasn’t sure he dared to hope.
But he told her, “Help yourself. I’ll come with.” He stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him, and followed her to the fridge. She opened the freezer and scowled. “That’s pretty barren, Ryder.”
“Well, I have a big freezer out in the garage. I bring things in from time to time but usually just go out and get anything I dare to try and cook. Mostly steaks.”
She closed the door and opened the cooler, ducking her head inside. She came out with eggplant he’d forgotten he had, tomatoes, garlic, and a block of parmesan cheese. “That’s a start,” she muttered. Then, she went to the pantry and pulled out sugar, flour, dried pasta, and a bunch of spices.
Ryder frowned. “Eggplant parmesan?” he asked. She nodded. “That’s a lot of work, and it takes forever, right?”
“You’d be surprised how fast I can throw together dishes I eat all the time. I’ve found a few tricks to help me speed up the process.” She set everything on the counter and told him, “I need a saucepan, a boiler, a cookie sheet, and a bowl that’s microwave safe.” He raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue as he set about giving her what she asked for.
He watched as she put the tomatoes in the bowl with a little water in the bottom and covered it loosely with plastic wrap, then put the bowl in the microwave for two minutes. “Stewed tomatoes,” she announced proudly.
The Cowboy In Me (Wild At Heart Cowboys Book 2) Page 7