Truffle Hunters_Secret of the Mountain

by Stanimir Mirov

  Ivan just went berserk, “Hey chump, remember me well, so you can recognize me too next time when I come, or I'll beat your tablet in your ass.”

  The guard like a shadow approached them and tried to speak, but Ninth saw him with his peripheral vision, abruptly grabbed his arm and locked it behind his back. The guard squatted leaning with his right hand behind his back, huddled in the wrist and Ivan while holding it continued to talk to the doorman, without paying attention of what happened, “Did you remember me? You will not check me again, right?”

  “Yes, sir, I remembered you.”

  The cameras spotted the intruders and part of the guardс headed to the scene. For their luck, they were outrun by Buca.

  “The gentlemen are with me. There has been a misunderstanding. Everything is okay.”

  Ivan dropped the arm of the guard sharply as if he was holding a chicken and followed the host. They settled comfortably into the hall and waited for the auction to start. Many people were waiting for this event for sale tonight offered a variety of antiques, gems and more.

  There was silence in the hall, the auctioneer appeared on the small platform and greeted, “Good evening ladies and gentlemen. The auction is officially opened. Object number one from today’s catalog is An Etruscan Red-figured Volute Krater, circa 340-300 B.C. with stepped foot and ornate volute handles with corkscrew ornaments molded in relief. The starting price is five thousand euro. Home auctions ...”

  “5100 for the lady in pink. Will someone bid 5500?”

  “5500 ...

  “Number 79. Will someone pay six thousand?”

  “Six thousand,” the man next to Ivan raised his hand.

  “Someone 6500? Do we have a bid for 6500? Six thousand going once, six thousand going twice, sold to number 20 for six thousand. The next artifact of our catalog is Egyptian Ankh Pendant – the Egyptian famous key of life with unknown origin. Starting price is five thousand and five hundred euro. Will someone start the bidding?

  Sideways of the chairs walked the waitress with a tray in hand, and Ivan thirsty raised his hand to attract her attention. But the girl did not notice him and left the room. The auctioneer did accept his raised hand as a sign of bidding.

  “Five thousand and five hundred euro for the gentleman with the rose on his jacket. Will someone offer six thousand?” he quickly continued.

  Ninth didn’t notice, however, that he participate in the auction as he continued to stare at the table with drinks in the corner. Vasil punched him in the kidneys, “What are you doing? Why the fuck do you need that medallion?”

  “What medallion?” asked with interest the ex-con. “I just can’t understand why this waitress decided to play dump and pass by me, without stopping. Does she also want to slap her? he started to increase tone.

  At this moment from the podium was heard, “Sold to the gentleman with the rose.”

  “Congratulations!” Pisco hit his shoulder. “The medallion is very good. You hit the jackpot for such a low price.”

  “Yo, what medallion, what are you talking about?”

  From aside was heard in English, “Perhaps we should have bid for this gold pendant. Obviously, we would take it for six thousand. It seems that we missed a priceless antique.”

  Ivan finally understood.

  “Not bad, indeed. I'll wear it for luck.”

  Over ten items were sold before came “the pearl” of the evening.

  “And now, ladies and gentlemen, the great white truffle from Alba, with a total weight of 1.320 kg. The starting price is thirty thousand euro. Please, bid ...”

  Kuwaiti billionaire stood up and shouted, “Eighty thousand ...”

  The saleroom became noisy. There was euphoria. Talking in different languages was heard everywhere. A fat Chinese man stood up and raised directly to ninety thousand. Someone else suggested ninety-five. Kuwaiti rose up again with a new offer, “One hundred and thirty thousand euro. If anyone wants, we can dance all night.”

  The Italians nearby whispered, “Let’s bid, we can make him pay more if this is his desire.”

  “Don’t, he might be bluffing and we will be once who have to pay. If he wants this mushroom, let him take it. There are enough truffles in Italy.”

  “Uhuu,” jumped Ivan pleased because of the high price.

  The auctioneer saw him and with waving hand asked, “Sir, what's your offer?”

  “No, no, the medallion is enough,” startled Ivan and went out, looking for the waitress.

  The auction ended half an hour later. Buca came out in the foyer and saw the hunters sitting on a leather sofa with a few bottles of champagne on the table. He sat down with them visibly pleased.

  “What was that with truffle from Alba?” asked Fantomas.

  “This is a publicity stunt to raise the price of the mushroom. I own a forest in Alba, and it was easier to write the documents. The money is wired into the bank account that you gave me, minus my rate according to the contract. I would love to work with you again in the future, you know my phone number. Ivan, go to the clerk to take your Egyptian medallion. I paid them with your money. You have an excellent eye for antiquities. Good evening, gentlemen.”

  “Good night, Don Buca. Be healthy,” all shook hands with him.

  Ninth took his gold ornaments, put it around his neck, and started walking towards his friends with the confidence of a pharaoh. He was so in the movie, that inadvertently knocked a lemon tree with his shoulder. Already come to himself, he stood the tree and looked around if anyone had seen him. Once he realized that nobody noticed, again continued walking with divine gait.

  “Ivan, relax a little, you are still on Earth. Alessandro, drive to the city to see what kind ofentertainment can offer Milan.”

  In the morning they woke up in a luxury hotel suite in downtown. Fantomas moved first. His feet were in the chair, his head on the soft Persian carpet, dressed only with the curtain from the balcony, and his nose was so white that a normal person could get high just at the sight of him. In his right hand he held a vacuum brush for drain, and between the fingers of his left leg was dangling someone's wig.

  Ivan was asleep naked on the half-opened door, but on the inner side, with a white ribbon tied to his dick and a phone number on it, written with lipstick. On his head, he wore hi boxers, pulled up to his nose as sleeping eyeglasses. His left arm was stuck under his pelvis, looking like was getting out of his ass.

  In the corridor was passing a young lady with a puppy in her hand. The Yorkshire terrier jumped vigorously on the carpet on the floor and rushed into the half-opened door. He quickly began to lick the big toe on the right foot of the Ninth, which was smeared with black caviar. The woman looked inside, yelling for the dog and went into shock. Ivan woke up and from the tickling began to grin. He tried to move his left hand so he can remove his boxers away from the head, but she was numb and just moved insensitivelyaround. The ribbon also moved ethereal, prompting, like a stripper on a pole. Then he decided to try with the right hand and managed to pull the boxers somewhat looking like Cossack Ataman with a cocked hat. The dog barked and energetically rushed into the apartment. The lady, still shaken followed him and shouted, “Mikele, Mikele, come to mama ...”

  The woman froze again, but this time, her nervous system did not withstand, and she collapsed on the bed beside a sleeping huge fat woman. Between her legs was sleeping cuddled Pisco, with head touching her fat. From aside it seemed like he was just born with legs forward.

  Vasil rose up and looked around. Ivan also revive and approached looking like Vlad Dracula. Their eyes met for a moment but abruptly turned towards the elephant on the bed, as it was hard to be missed, even from a man with great spectacles.

  “Oh God, with which one I had sex?” muttered Fantomas, seeing the two women on the bed.

  Ninth noticed that the fat woman’s mouth was stained with caviar and stared at his feet, “Holy mother, what the fuck happened last night? Where do we’ve found that we can make even a selfie with her?
It will not fit on the camera. Let’s wake your brother and get the fuck out of here!”

  Vasil looked into the fat of the unknown fairy, “Huh, isn’t that your medallion, sticking around her navel?”

  Ivan stared, and his lower lip hung.

  “The thing with the finger and the caviar I understand it, I fed her. But what the fuck is my Egyptian medallion doing in her belly? What a nightmare … This can’t be true. I’m dreaming now and probably will become gay or a monk. I don’t want to see women. Wake up your brother until I wash my trinket,” Ninth approached the fat woman and with two fingers gently pulled his chain.

  His friend dragged Pisco’s leg and whispered, “Bro, please get up so we can go, the situation is complicated.”

  Pisco opened his eyes, and in the first moment saw nothing.

  “Brother, I'm blind! I can’t see anything.”

  “Ascent over the fat then, just be careful not to wake up the beast because we are only three.”

  The brother carefully slipped off and at the sight of the thing, he almost vomited. He began to cross himself and swore never to use drugs again.

  “Did Ivan saw me in this position?”

  “Don’t worry, his pendant was in her navel, and the caviar on her mouth came from his big toe. Let's hope I'm not involved.”

  “It is a good thing that Mincho “The Jewel” wasn’t with us. He loves fat women.”

  The three friends quickly dressed and left the hotel. They sat to drink some coffee on the square and called Alessandro to pay him for the services he provided.

  “What we are going to tell in the tavern in Malko Tarnovo? Tell me some of your memories from last night, we are in Milan after all.”

  Ivan tried to remember, “I have no memories after the auction. Don’t you remember?”

  “No, what a case. Were we so drunk?”

  “Hardly, it wasn’t just alcohol. Did you forget Godzilla in the hotel.”

  “Well, better than that we don’t remember anything.”

  “In that case, what are we going to tell them when they question us?”

  “Well, we are going to say that it was the last supper! Hahaha ...”

  Chapter VIII

  Hummer time

  Alessandro arrived in the cafe and sat at the table with a smile on his face.

  “Where is your reward? Let's see it. You have a super luck.”

  The three hunters looked at each other, and all were thinking about the fat woman, because the chef was grinning, and clearly saw her. Ivan sheepishly answered, “We left her at the hotel.”

  “Will you let me try it?”

  Vasil was surprised, “Are you serious? Isn’t too big for you? Aren’t you going to take something first?”

  “What to take? I've been on such a large animal. My cousin has one.”

  Three Bulgarians again looked at each other.

  “You do that to your family?”

  “Well, he gave it to me. I didn’t steal her!”

  “Wow, and we think that in Bulgaria people are crazy for fat women.”

  “Are you calling the hammer that way?”

  “Don’t know her name, but her size is like a jeep.”

  Alessandro thought for a second, “Are we speaking of the same thing?”

  “What are you talking about?” Ivan got interested.

  “About the Hummer, who you won last night at the lottery in the casino!”

  “Ahh, you ae speaking about the mystery dinn er? Nobody has memories from last night. You are saying we played in a casino?”

  “Yes and won a Hummer, that is what I’m repeating all morning.”

  “And we thought you for a fucking pervert,” grinned all three. “Let’s go to collect our reward, so we can go home in Bulgaria, for I’m disoriented here.”

  In the casino greeted them friendly, handed them the keys and documents and sent them with applause, trying to make them play a little more ...

  On the road …

  “Enough drinking, let’s go home. Can you imagine if there are more mushrooms like the last one in our place?”

  “The fastest way is to catch the ferry in Bari and through Greece to go back to Bulgaria.”

  “Let's stop to a bank to withdraw some money, we haven’t paid Alessandro yet.”

  In the early afternoon, they drove to the south. Eight hours later, they were on the ferry. They took a cabin because the trip lasted just as long. They slept, ate and satisfied descended on the Greek coast in the morning.

  “We have visited so many countries, didn’t stop to see even one landmark. No pictures, what so ever, just for memory.”

  “Somewhere along the way, I saw a sign for the tomb of Philip II of Macedonia. Check on the GPS where is this Vergina and drive there.”

  “After ten kilometers you have an exit. Attach to it, follow the road and we are there.”

  They stopped in the parking lot in front of the mound. They paid the fee and went inside. For a while, they were admiring the tombs and artifacts. However, they were disappointed when realized that are not allowed to take pictures inside because outside were selling books with everything exposed. While viewing the armor of the Macedonians saw a strange person with a notebook in hand. One older man, with big glasses on his head, was arguing with himself. He gesticulated with his hands, shaking his head and looking at the ceiling all the time. He bit his pencil with his teeth and froze in a comical pose staring at the three friends.

  “Wow, wacky tourist!” laughed Pisco.

  Professor moved when he heard Bulgarian speech and walked energetically asking them in the same language, “Guys, where are you digging?” pointing the medallion on Ivan’s neck. “Can I touch it?”

  Ninth, pleased and flattered, with a tough gesture, took off the pendant and handed it to the stranger. With trembling hands, the wacky started looking the trinket, spinning it in all directions. He pulled out a large magnifying glass from his pocket, dropped on one knee and continued to explore it. Suddenly his condition changed again. His eyes widened, his smile turned into an adder, smug and euphoric ...

  “It can not be,” spoke again to himself. “The key is not a myth. And I’m not crazy. Only if my father was alive,” he cried, at least to touch ...”

  “Yo, take back your medallion,” said Vasil, “because this the wacky person passed into another dimension.”

  Professor jumped like a young kid.

  “Guys, did you find it Strandzha?”

  “No, in Milan ...”

  “I’m professor Parlatov from Veliko Turnovo University, archaeologist, linguist, historian, paleontologist, genius and you didn’t dig this in Milan ...”

  “We haven’t dug anything. We bought it at auction.”

  “How did it get there?” wondered the wacky professor. “But it does not matter …” continued to argue with himself while waving with hand. “Do you know what that is? This is the key to the pyramid of the goddess Bastet, located in Strandzha Mountain. Inside is a portal to other dimensions ...”

  Ivan pulled his medallion from the hands of the madman.

  “For now, we will stay in ours. Let’s go, we have lots of miles to cover. Chao Professor.”

  The Wacky followed them like a puppy, “Guys, take me with you. I'll show you where is the entrance!”

  “We're busy. We'll call you,” they lied the professor to get rid of him faster.

  “Well, you can find me on the University web page. I will await your call. I know you will call me, you can’t do it otherwise.”

  The truffle guys got into the Hummer and drove to the border checkpoint Kulata. The journey to Malko Tarnovo was long. They arrived late in the evening. The next day withdrew the money from the bank and divided them between the four. The captain took his share satisfied and asked, “Well, is the Hummer stolen?”

  “Ivan won it at the casino in Milan.”

  “Oh come on, you are kidding me. I’ve missed the show!”

  The three of them looked at
each other, remembering the fiasco from the hotel.

  “You have not missed much, believe me,” smiled Vasil mysteriously.

  “Did you make pictures, at least?”

  Ninth pulled the phone from his pocket, “We did some in Greece, wait to find them,” he started looking in gsm. “Huh, here is a video that I don't know?”

  “Really? Let see it.”

  Ivan leaned phone to the big ashtray on the table, four settled like they were in a movie, and he played the clip. Fantomas with a bandage over one eye and wrapped in a curtain as a Roman toga, was riding the fat woman from the hotel. They passed stools, chairs, and tables unsettling everything aside, making unrecognizable sounds. Finally, they stopped in front of an armchair on which was sitting Ivan. He held his thumb into the mouth of the fatty in order to feed her with caviar, as most likely there was no pig food around. She tried to whinny because was playing the role of a horse, but was more like a grunt. Contentedly, she licked his finger as a prize. Seconds later appeared Pisco astride second fat woman, but Ivan didn’t have an award for the. Dying of laughter, the person who was shooting turned around the phone to make a selfie.

  “Hah, that’s the bellboy,” Vasco roared as if that was the most important part in the video. “I thought that I wasn’t involved. Who knows what else I've done ...”

  The video ended and the captain didn’t know what position to take, to hide his laughter. But there was no way for that to happen, and everybody became euphoric. Followed a great laughter and banter with guesses what else happened there and where did disappear the second fat woman ...

  “You know what? Next time you go to Italy, don’t call me. I'll wait here. Now on business. Tomorrow I have a day shift and will search from the morning. Check well the last place, it may have another big truffle.”

  Chapter IX

  Ninth underground

  Hours after hours they were circling the place of the great truffle, but there wasn’t another.

  “We will hardly find another one. Let’s move on.”

  “In which direction?”

  “Let’s go south towards the Turkish border. Led the dogs lead.”