Cathalina was already gone, the image dead.
"Edie," I said, "listen to me. Lady Dunn wouldn't want me turned. I'd lose my art. She wouldn't want that. You saved me. You got more blood. Davis and Maria can change them out. There's enough for a few hours, and Cathalina will bring more. You can sleep."
She looked about the room wildly, but she was also growing slower and slower. She looked me in the eye once, and nodded, and then she slumped over me.
"She didn't show us how to change them!"
"I know how," Davis said.
I zoned out again, and there wasn't anyone to stop me, and I didn't care anymore. It all felt so good. I clasped Demetria's legs and sighed, relaxing further in her grip.
And then Cathalina was there, yelling at me, and Demetria was growling at her.
"Wake up!" she yelled.
Maria and Davis were nowhere to be seen.
But it was very, very difficult to ignore Cathalina. I opened my eyes.
"You came," I whispered. "Edie didn't turn me, did she?"
"No. She's too young to do it, anyway. She would have helped her maker do it. What happened here?"
"Cassius was destroyed by his blood slave."
Her eyes grew wide.
"Am I going to die?" I smiled. "It feels good."
"You aren't dying," she replied. "You are too important."
"Just a blood slave."
"You're a lot more than that," she said. She prowled the room for a moment then made a call. "I need all the A-positive we have. Every bit. Lady Dunn's. Get it here. Now."
Then she checked the I.V.'s.
"They're doing well," she said. She made another call. "I need you. Lady Dunn's." There was a pause. "I don't care. Get here. And keep it quiet. Cancel whatever you have to cancel."
She looked at me. "I'm not a doctor. I can change the bags, but that's about it. Now, you need to talk to her."
"I have been."
"Do you love her?"
I didn't know anymore. "She hurt me. She... there's a table downstairs. Why does she have that table? She was going to use it on me all along!"
"No. Every vampire has one. We used to bottle our own blood. Your vampire used to prowl the streets as a helpless woman and wait for someone to attack her. She preferred that over sipping from innocents, which is what I used to do."
"Sipping?"
"A little here, a little there. Rarely do any of us have enough servants to keep us fed without killing some of them."
"You have one?"
"Yes."
"Why, if you prefer innocents."
"Traitors and people who think they can break into my home. No one steals from me twice. No one cheats me twice."
I stared at her.
"I haven't used it since the wars, but emotionally, none of us could part with it. Now, can you get past that? Do you love her?"
"I shouldn't."
"Emotions are rarely logical. Do you love her?"
"Yes! I love her."
"Tell her that. Remind her of that."
And so I did. I felt her jaw move, and she rewarded me with a wave of pleasure but none of the lassitude.
Madame Cathalina kept me awake, and I kept talking to Lady Dunn. The doctor arrived, a woman, and Cathalina talked to her before letting her in.
"Melissa, this is Doctor Charles."
"What kind of doctor?"
"Emergency Room," Doctor Charles said. She took my vitals and checked the bags. "Can we pry the vampire loose?"
"No," said Cathalina, "unless I'm prepared to destroy her, and I'd rather not."
"A lot of work for a blood slave," the doctor said.
"If you don't want to help me, get out," I whispered.
"I didn't say that. I'm surprised the vampires are working so hard to keep you alive. I couldn't possibly leave you, as long as Madame Cathalina ensures my own safety."
"She's more than a blood slave," Cathalina said. "You might know her as Grace Faire."
The doctors eyes grew wider. "Oh."
I didn't understand, and I didn't particularly care.
"We can't keep pumping blood like this," the doctor said. "It's a miracle she hasn't had a negative reaction to one of them."
"Melissa," said Cathalina. "Look at me." I turned a vacant face to her. "Do you have any of her blood in you?"
"Not recently," I said. "Unless they did it while I was unconscious. I don't remember tasting blood on my mouth."
"How not recently?"
"A few weeks maybe."
"We need to get some into you. It will protect you. But if we use mine, she's going to go insane. Tell her you need her blood. She'll hear you."
"Lady Dunn," I said, "m'lady. Listen. I need some of your blood. The doctor is worried I'll have some kind of reaction to all this blood they're giving me." I talked to her and talked to her, and then she shifted, holding an arm out.
"She's offering to let someone open it," Cathalina said, "but I think you have to do it."
"I can't," I said. "My teeth won't pierce her skin."
"I have scalpels," said the doctor. "Will that work?"
"Yes," Cathalina said. "Take one out and give it to Melissa."
I watched as the doctor fumbled through a first aid kit, eventually reaching from a distance to give me the handle of a little knife. I pulled Demetria's arm closer.
"You're sure?"
"Do it. Two deep cuts lengthwise about an inch long, right where she normally bites for you." She showed what she wanted on her own wrist.
"Oh god," I said. "I don't know if I can."
"You must."
Demetria worked her tongue, and I felt calm settle over me. That's when I knew it was right. I cut lightly at first, but Cathalina said, "Deeper. Much deeper."
I jammed the knife in, and my vampire didn't even move. I made two cuts then pulled the bleeding wrist to my mouth. As soon as I felt her blood on my tongue, I closed my eyes and moaned in anticipation.
Yes, I was an addict.
The doctor took the knife from me, and I sucked on the wound.
I sucked for a long time, long after she had stopped bleeding, but it was like a pacifier to me, and my lady seemed to enjoy it, too.
"Good," Cathalina said eventually. "That will help with the connection. If this goes on for more than a few hours, we'll do that again."
A while later, I looked over at her. "Thank you for coming."
"You're welcome." She paused. "You are owed a great deal, Melissa."
"I am just a blood slave," I said quietly. "We both know this isn't going to end well for me."
My vampire tightened her hold on me.
"I don't think that's a good topic," Cathalina replied.
I looked at the doctor. "What did you give up to be here?"
"A shift at work," he replied. "When Madame Cathalina calls, which she doesn't do very often, I answer."
"Are people dying because you're not there?"
"No. Another doctor is filling in for me."
"Thank him or her for me."
"I will remember to do so."
"We need to get her to slow down now," Cathalina said. "Talk to her. Tell her she's had enough. She's strong enough to handle this now."
I spoke quietly to her. I slipped in how tired I was, how I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't until she was under control. I talked for a long time.
She shifted. She worked her fangs, but they were shallower.
"Her eyes are open," Cathalina said. "Demetria, do you hear me?"
Behind me, she nodded, very slightly, but I felt it in my neck.
"Your blood slave has given you enough and more than enough." Cathalina kept talking to her, and I felt the fangs withdraw. Still, my vampire drew on me, but her tongue tapped against the wound, too, and slowly, it began to heal.
And then she shifted position again, pulling her mouth from me. She kissed my ear and whispered, "I'm so sorry."
"I am too," I said. I leaned my head against hers.
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Ten minutes later, I was asleep.
Winter
I was deeply pampered for the next few weeks, although Lady Dunn was haunted. She admitted it was a mix of grief, the weight of responsibility, and guilt over what she had done to me.
I stopped showing her the drawings I was creating, but a few days later she called me on it. "You know what they are," I replied. "You don't need the guilt."
But she insisted, and I let her see them.
"Will you paint?" she asked after looking through them.
"I thought I could hide these from you," I said, "but I can't hide a painting."
"Paint this," she said. "Let it out."
So I did, quick paintings, nowhere near the details of the triptych I had done for Cathalina. My mistress accepted them all, commenting on them.
"They're so ugly, so horrible," I said. "To anyone else, they are the images of nightmares."
"Yes."
The worst was of me, suspended over the table downstairs. I didn't need to embellish.
One evening, Lady Dunn came to me after dinner. "I am going away for a week or two. There are things requiring my attention."
"Are you bringing me?"
"No. It may not be safe. I am the head of my line now, but Cassius had other lines. There are some that seek to dominate all lines, assuming everything that once belonged to my maker. You would be at great risk."
"And are you at great risk?"
"Risk, but not great. I must protect my line."
"Is it long?" I asked. "Do you have many..."
"Progeny," she supplied. "No. I don't expect to be gone long, a couple of weeks." She laid out the rules for me, which were fairly liberal, although of course, I was to remain on the grounds. "I have given Edie and Cathalina permission to feed from your wrist, if you ask them. Do you understand?" In other words, if I needed the pleasure a feeding offered. I nodded. "Edie is young, and the pleasure she offers won't be as rich as you get from me."
"I'll be fine," I said.
"You don't need to put on a brave face, Melissa," she said. "You are not a soldier. You are an artist. If you need their comfort, then ask them for it."
"If I need it, I will," I agreed. "I wish you were taking me."
"I want you home, safe," she replied.
"When do you leave?"
"Later tonight, once you sleep." She looked away for a moment.
"Do I get you until then?" I asked, and she returned her gaze to mine.
"If you want."
"I want. If you're going to be gone, perhaps we should play a game of racquetball before you go."
Later, curled up in her bed, she fed from me, drinking slowly, but giving me a great deal of pleasure. She held me as I slept, and when I next woke, she was gone.
I cried.
* * * *
She emailed me every day. Short emails, asking me if I was doing all right, asking me how I had spent the days. I sent longer emails back. She never answered my questions, but she expressed pleasure with the notes I sent and asked me to continue to send them.
I stopped sleeping. I didn't tell her.
I tried to sleep. I lay in bed, and I might doze, but then I woke from nightmares.
I tried moving to her bed. At night, I was the only one in the house, and no one locked me into my own room. So I moved to her bed, and that was only marginally better.
After three days, I was a wreck.
By the fifth day, I was snippy with everyone. Maria finally cornered me and said, "I have not reported your moods to Lady Dunn, but you will now explain what is wrong, or I am obligated to do so."
"I'm not trying to be a bitch," I said sullenly.
"You're not being a bitch. But something is wrong, and I am responsible for your well-being while she is gone. You will tell me what is wrong."
"I'm not sleeping very well," I said.
"Very well?"
"At all."
"All right. There are solutions to that. Do you recognize my authority over this matter?"
I thought before answering. I was the blood slave. "Yes, Maria."
"You will sleep tonight. I will give you the choice of an over the counter sleep aid or the assistance of either Edie or Madame Cathalina."
"They have better things to do than baby-sit me."
"It is a few minutes of their time in exchange for a light snack. Either of them would be pleased to help."
"Let's try the sleep aid," I said.
"Very well. If it does not work, then it will be the other choice tomorrow night."
I did a combination. I exercised as hard as I could before bed, showered, and then Maria met me in my room and handed me a little pill and a glass of water. She stood by while I swallowed.
"All right," she said. "Ashlyn will sit with you while you fall asleep. She is dying to tell you about something she refuses to share with her mother, anyway."
I settled back in bed, and a few minutes later, Ashlyn slipped into the room. She curled up on the bed with me, sharing my pillow.
"You don't have to do this," I said.
"I wanted to talk to you," she replied. "Close your eyes and relax."
I tried to obey, but I was ragged, and it was difficult.
"Do you like boys or girls?"
"I thought this was going to be a relaxing conversation."
"Which?"
"Um. Ashlyn. You're a little young for me."
She began laughing.
"Okay, so that's not why you're asking." I was relieved. "What's going on?"
"Please just answer," she said.
"I've been flexible in the past."
"So, you're bi?"
"I never thought about labels."
She started the game of, "Who would you do?" throwing out the names of two celebrities, usually one male, one female. Most of the time, the women were a lot hotter than the guys, so I was picking them.
"Sounds like you're gay," she said after a while.
"Why aren't you playing?" I asked. "If you weren't picking such horrid guys, maybe my answers would be different."
"Cary Grant or Katherine Hepburn?"
I sighed. "Katherine."
"Gay."
"I know I'm supposed to swoon over Cary Grant, but I just never did."
"Taylor Lautner or Jennifer Lawrence?"
"Oh please, they're both children."
"Which one?"
"Jennifer."
"Gay."
"Oh please. Who could pick anyone except Jennifer? I bet you pick Jennifer, too."
"Fair enough. But who? Come on, what guys do you like?"
"All right." I thought about it. "He's old now, but my mom had some of his workout tapes."
"Oh, an athlete. Who ?"
"Billy Blanks."
"Who?"
"The Tae Bo guy. What a body. But he's my mom's age, I think, or close enough."
"Still gay," she said. "Just not one hundred percent gay."
"I dated guys."
"Name your last three romantic relationships."
I sighed. "Okay, maybe I like women more than men, but not exclusively."
"All right. You ask me."
"Cary Grant or Rock Hudson?"
"Seriously? Two guys that are both dead? You want to know if I'm a necrophiliac?"
"You've seen their movies from when they were younger."
"Neither of them do it for me."
"One of the Jonas brothers?"
"Nope."
I tried a few more. Finally I said, "Jennifer Lawrence or-"
"Jennifer."
"Kristin Stewart or Taylor Lautner?"
"Neither."
"Pick one."
She sighed dramatically. "Fine. Kristin."
"Selena Gomez or-"
"Selena."
I paused. "How do you know I wasn't going to say Jennifer Lawrence."
"You weren't."
"Honey, did you just come out to me?"
"Yes."
"Oh Ashlyn
." I hugged her. "How do you feel about it?"
"I haven't told mom."
"Your mother loves you very much. She'll continue to love you. And in this house, I don't think she's going to judge."
"I used to think, you know, her and Lady Dunn."
"If so, I don't know about it," I said.
"I wondered for years if that's why the lady took us in, but I finally asked Mom about it and she said, 'no, honey. Not like that.' "
I was growing sleepy, but the conversation was important.
"I've checked you out," she said.
"Ashlyn-"
"Lady Dunn would kill us," she said, "And you're too old for me. But that didn't stop me from ogling your body. You look pretty good for almost forty."
"I'm barely thirty-six!"
"Yep. Almost forty. If Lady Dunn is going to turn you, she should do it soon. Before you get all saggy."
"Brat."
She giggled. "I'm glad I told you."
"That I'm getting saggy?"
"Now who is the brat?" Ashlyn smirked at me.
"How are you going to tell your mother?"
"Well... I was thinking I should bring my girlfriend home to meet her."
"Oh ho!" I replied. "That might be a little sudden."
"I can't bring her here, anyway. She's a bigot."
"Excuse me?"
"Hates vampires. Wants me to move in with her to get me away from Lady Dunn. She saw the scars on my wrist and about had a cow."
I thought about it. "Honey, most people hate vampires."
"Do you?"
"I don't know if I hated them. I feared them. People tend to hate what they fear. I hated them quite a lot when I was first brought here."
"And now?"
"There are no vampires in specific that I hate, but as a group, yes, I hate them. After what they did to me? Yes."
"How can you say that? You don't hate Lady Dunn, do you?"
"No," I said quietly. "I don't hate her."
"And if anyone, you should hate her the most."
"I know. I should. I don't."
"Do you hate Madame Cathalina?"
"No. She's my friend."
She paused. "This probably isn't helping you sleep. Mom said to help you sleep."
"What's your girlfriend's name?"
We talked for a little while, my responses growing slower. Finally she said, "Sleep now, Melissa. I'll stay here for a while."
I slept, but my sleep was filled with nightmares, and I was wide awake far too early, groggy, exhausted, and crabbier than ever. I found Maria, and she took one look at me.
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