I sighed, took the envelope from her, and then stood. I looked into her eyes.
"Goodbye."
I turned for the car.
"No!" she said, dashing around me to stop me. "I can make you happy, Melissa. I know I can. You must give me a chance. You must give yourself time to heal."
"Then I give you two months to convince me, but if in the end, I choose this answer, you must give it to me, m'lady." I held the envelope back towards her.
She stared into my eyes. I stood waiting for her to decide. When she took the envelope from me, I began to sink to my knees again, but she caught my elbows and said, "No. You are done kneeling to me."
The driver was standing by the car, waiting. Demetria turned to him. "Does she have a bag?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said.
"She's staying. Please bring it into the house." She turned to me, pulled me into the house, and said, "Welcome home."
* * * *
It was strange to be back. It was even stranger to be clothed. I stood in the foyer, taking it in, then turned to her. "I have something for you." I retrieved the metal from my pocket and held it out in my hand. She couldn't see what it was. She held out her hand, and I dropped the piercings into it.
She stared at it. "Why are you giving me this?"
"I can't put it back in myself."
"Oh, Melissa. No. Not like that. That's not what either of us need." She tried to hand it back.
"I don't want it," I said. "I never want to see it again."
"I will keep it then. I don't think we should throw it away. It is a reminder of something that was both good and bad."
"How was it good?"
"It brought you to me."
I thought about it. "And you liked tugging on it."
"I admit, I did. A shortcoming. Will you forgive me?"
"For that, I forgive you."
We looked at each other, and she asked, "Are you as nervous as I am?"
"Yes."
"We have a new dynamic to resolve. You are not a blood slave any longer."
"I thought that's what you wanted from me. You wanted my obedience, and you enjoyed me as your slave."
"Is that why you are here? You wish to return to that? I should have your face tattooed again, and insert a new way of leashing you?"
I looked down. "I don't know what I want."
She lifted my face. "You look so different like this."
"Did you like me better the other way?"
She didn't answer immediately, and I thought perhaps she did, but then she said, "We are both at a loss. You made the decision to come. Would you like me to make your decisions for a while?"
"Yes, but there is something I want a great deal right now."
"I can guess."
"Oh? So you know I want you to take me to your room and just hold me?"
She smiled. "I believe that is a very good start."
She collected my suitcase in one hand and my arm in another, and she led me up the stairs. At the door to her room, she stopped and turned me towards her. "You have a choice. You need a place to sleep."
"I do not want a room with no windows."
"Then you have two other choices: your studio or another room in the house."
"In the house, if you have room."
She pointed. "Next door?" She led me inside, and said again, "Welcome home."
She set down my bag.
"Bed," I said. "Hold me."
And so she did.
* * * *
We didn't talk. She simply held me. I may have dozed. I felt safe. How odd? I felt safe.
It was quite some time before she said, "There are rules."
I laughed. "I thought there might be."
"You must be honest with me."
"Always."
"You must not run away, even if it gets difficult."
I thought about it. "All right."
"And I must not hurt you."
"That's a good rule."
I turned over to face her. "And you must feed from me."
She studied my face.
"You will remain addicted."
"You may not feed from any other necks. You may take no other blood slaves without my permission, and there better be a very, very good reason."
She smiled. "That is unlikely."
"A member of the household-"
"Yes, a member of the household, or a friend of yours, but I think you would rather Cathalina took her, if it became necessary."
"You are perhaps right."
"Are you hungry?" she asked. I nodded. "Then let us go see if the staff realized you're here." She grinned.
They hadn't, and the kitchen was deserted. "We fend for ourselves," I said.
"I can call Maria."
"Afraid of what I'll do to your kitchen?"
I raided the refrigerator, finding enough to tide me over.
"That is not enough."
"It will be." I sat on a stool, eating quietly. Demetria seemed to be at a loss. So was I.
"I believe a walk outside after I eat would be nice."
"And perhaps a little exercise."
"Have you returned the studio to your gardeners."
"You know I haven't, Melissa."
I finished eating and cleaned up, and we headed outside. I nudged us in the direction I wanted to go, and a couple of minutes later, we approached the circle of small homes used by the staff. Demetria chuckled.
"I lived here three years, and I never learned which one is Maria's."
She pointed, and I led us to the front door. There was no one outside, and so I rang the bell. A moment later, Maria came to the door.
"M'lady?" she said. She glanced at me, but she showed no recognition.
"We have a visitor," Demetria said. I could hear the amusement in her voice.
Maria stepped out of the house and offered me her hand. "I am Maria," she said.
"I understand you saw to my apartment while I was here, Maria," I said. "Thank you."
She stared at me. "Ashlyn! Get out here!" And then I found myself enveloped in her arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without, you know."
"I think it was the clothing that threw you off," I replied.
And then Ashlyn was there. "Melissa!" she screeched. Then I was hugging her, too. "When did you get here? Are you staying?"
"Earlier, and for a while," I replied.
"She has the room next to mine," Demetria said.
"Her previous diet?" Maria asked.
"No," Demetria said.
"Yes," I said, "unless m'lady changes it."
Demetria smiled. "Her previous diet." She turned to Ashlyn. "She needs a tablet. Full privileges."
"I can do it right away," Ashlyn replied.
"Morning is fine," I said.
We stood there after that, staring at each other. I didn't know how to act, and they didn't know how to treat me. Finally I said, "I just wanted to say 'hi'. Lady Dunn is going to beat the pants off me at racquetball after our walk."
They laughed nervously, unsure if I meant literally. I decided to let them wonder. I took Demetria's arm and tugged her away.
"I'm glad you're back," Maria said.
Once we were back in the house, I said, "I don't know how to act. No one knows how to treat me. I bet you don't, either. Maybe I shouldn't have come."
"We'll work out a new dynamic," she replied. "And you absolutely should have come." She turned me to face her. "I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming. Thank you for trusting me."
I smiled. "What are we wagering over?"
"The game?"
I nodded.
She tugged me towards the gym. "Foot kisses."
I laughed. "All right."
"I was kidding."
"No, I think foot kisses are perfect, although I suppose you control whether I have a chance of winning or not."
"How about massages of your favorite body part?"
I grumbled. "I sort of was looking forward to you kissing m
y feet."
"We both know that's not going to happen. I could bite them if you like."
I did not play well, and she won easily, but it was the best exercise I'd had since my sentence was over. After our game, I showered while she stood by, watching me and talking quietly. It didn't even occur to either of us until I was done that I was no longer obligated to let her feast her eyes on my naked body.
Her words, not mine.
I smiled. "Do you like watching me?"
"Yes, very much."
"Does it make you more likely to offer me pleasures later?"
"I am sure the two are related."
She took my hand and led me upstairs. I owed her a foot massage, so we moved to her bedroom and sat on the sofa. "Did you want a fire?"
"Only if you do," I replied.
We didn't talk much while I massaged her feet. She made noises of appreciation, and I'd had a lot of practice learning what she liked done. But afterwards, she asked, "Do you hate me?"
"I did. I don't anymore."
"That's a start then."
"Demetria, I don't know what to do." I hung my head. "I know what I went through was nothing compared to what others have. I should just suck it up, right?"
"I don't think it's that easy for anyone," she replied. "People who have been through enough, or who have hardened their hearts, can shake things easily. But it is not your nature to harden your heart. I don't think 'suck it up' is good advice for you."
"Then what is?"
"Time. And the knowledge you can trust me. I haven't given you much reason to trust me and a great many reasons not to."
"Madame Cathalina believes I will not heal until I can forgive myself. I think she wants me to forgive you and the judge, too."
We talked until late. Nothing was resolved, of course, and I only grew more troubled.
"There was one good thing about being your blood slave," I admitted.
"Only one?"
I was weary and didn't want to play games. Rather than respond to her, I climbed to my feet. "In two months, are you going to keep your promise or not?"
"Why are you in such a hurry to die?"
"You had three years, Lady Dunn. You knew when I agreed to that promise, I thought you meant the end of my sentence. I gave you three years and there has been no improvement. In fact, I'm worse. I have no intention of continuing to live like this. Are you going to keep your promise or not?"
She didn't answer right away.
"Yes or no?"
"What will you do if I say no?"
"What I do then is none of your business."
"Will you seek more qualified help?"
"I have no intention of being institutionalized."
"That's not what I asked."
"I told you for the next two months, I will obey you. Bring in experts if you want. But in two months if I am still plagued by nightmares and producing horror where I once produced beauty, will you bleed me dry or not?"
"If that is still what you want."
"Thank you."
I turned on my heel.
"Wait," she said. "I shouldn't have responded flippantly a few minutes ago." I turned back to face her. "Would you like me to tuck you into bed?"
"If tucking involves biting and maybe a glamour to sleep well, yes, I would."
She smiled and took my hand.
* * * *
The next day, immediately after sunset, Edie arrived at the manor. I wasn't surprised to see her.
"Are you going to medicate me?" I asked her.
"Today let's talk."
"Do you mind if I draw while we talk?"
"No, of course not."
We took one of the small sitting rooms. She had a video camera and took a minute to set it up. After that, she took notes while we talked.
I drew.
We talked for several hours. I grew frustrated towards the end.
"Talk, talk, talk. You were here. You know the sorts of things I went through. Why do we have to talk about it? Why do we have to dredge it up?"
So we talked about that, which made me even more frustrated. Finally she said, "I think we're done for the day."
I looked down. "I don't want to be done. I want to stop hurting."
"I know you do, Melisa. It's going to take more than one evening."
"We're not any closer." I looked up. "If you had to make a guess, how long is this going to take? How long before I see the beauty again?"
"Everyone is different."
"How many patients have you had that have been through what I have."
"We're not here to talk about my other patients."
"I'll take that as 'none'."
"Everyone is different, Melissa. Have I had patients who were past blood slaves? No. But I've had patients who were victims of other forms of abuse, many of them for years."
"How many of them do you cure?"
"We don't think of it in those terms."
"I see. Can you stop the nightmares?"
"I don't know."
I tore the drawing from my pad and held it out to her. "Can you make me see the beauty again?"
The drawing was of her and me. She had sawn off the top of my head and was eating my brains with a spoon.
"Do you think I like seeing that?" I screamed. "I don't care if my old art wasn't important. I. Want. It. Back! I don't care if I was immature and naïve. I don't care. I want to produce beautiful things again, not that!"
She looked at the drawing for several heartbeats before looking up at me. "Maybe, in time-"
"Maybe? In time?" I began to hyperventilate. "In time? What does that mean? Years?"
"If that's what it takes."
"No!" I said. "You have two months minus a day. Or give up now and maybe we can handle all this tomorrow."
And I fled.
Demetria found me a half hour later, hiding in my room and staring at the walls. She invited herself in and sat down in my line of vision.
"Didn't go well?"
"You have two months. Do you think she's going to achieve what you want in two months?"
"I don't know," Demetria replied. "You agreed to obey me."
"Yes."
"You will see her as often as she wishes to see you. You will talk about anything she wishes to talk about. You will do anything she asks you to do."
"Fine." It wasn't even said belligerently.
"You will exercise."
"With you?"
"Yes, in the afternoons."
"I like playing with you." I focused my eyes. "Does Edie have theories about that?"
"I'm very compelling."
I cracked a grin.
"Seriously. I am. Everyone wants to be near me."
"So I'm just one of your groupies?"
"We could start a rock band. Demie and the Bleeders."
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
"Melissa," she said. "You can laugh. Doesn't that tell you something?"
"Laughing in the face of danger?"
"Tell me three things you've wanted to do but you never have."
"I've never been to Paris. I bet you have."
"Yes."
"I've never been skydiving."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. I've never been skydiving."
She smiled. "Seriously, you want to?"
"I think I'd be terrified."
"Maybe we should save that one."
"Afraid?"
"Afraid it won't help you to do something else that will frighten you."
"So I still need two?" She nodded. "I've never climbed a mountain. And I've never flown first class. Are we making a bucket list?"
"No, we most definitely are not. We'll leave the day after tomorrow."
"You don't have to take me to Paris."
"I haven't been in years. Do you have a valid passport?"
"Yes, but I'll have to go home and get it. I suppose I have to go pack."
"We'll do that tomorrow," she said.
"Are yo
u going to spend the next two months spoiling me?"
"Yes."
I thought about it. "So, does that mean you're also taking me to Switzerland?"
"You didn't think we were going to climb mountains in France, did you?"
"There are mountains in France."
"True. Would you rather climb one of them?"
"You're really going to take me to climb a mountain?"
"An easy one. It won't be Everest."
"What if I can't make it?"
"Do you really think I'll let that happen?"
"You'd carry me?"
"If I had to. More likely is I'd pull you like a skier."
"So, as long as we're going to be there..."
"Venice?"
I laughed.
"Rome?"
I shook my head. "Athens."
She didn't even pause. She pulled out her phone, and I knew whom she was calling. "How would you like to climb a mountain? No, I was thinking Allalinhorn. And then maybe we could stop by Venice. And maybe Athens. We could take the train, I suppose, but I thought we'd fly. Oh, sure that would work. Day after tomorrow, if that's not too soon. I was going to charter one. Yours? Even better." She looked at me. "Anything else?"
I shook my head.
"No. Okay, perfect. We'll expect you." She hung up and smiled. "We leave late tomorrow night instead. We'll fly through the night and arrive in Paris in the early afternoon."
She made another call. "How hard would it be to move all your clients to someone else for the next two months? You did? Great. We're flying to Paris tomorrow night."
She hung up the phone and smiled at me. "I love being me sometimes."
"Just like that?"
"Almost." She made another call and spoke briefly in French before hanging up. "Just one more. Sorry." This one involved checking the directory on the phone. She spoke in what sounded like German for a few minutes. She looked at me after hanging up. "That takes care of that. Madame Cathalina will handle Italy and Greece, I think, if you don't mind staying at her palazzo."
"She has a palace?"
"No. Like a British townhome but Italian."
"You're taking me to Europe. Just like that.
"Just like that," she agreed with a smile. "Now, who should we bring for staff?"
"Staff?"
"Someone has to carry our packages when we go shopping."
"Shopping?"
She grinned. "I intend to buy your affection. Do you think it will work?"
"Don't tease about that," I said. "I might think you're serious. You can tuck me into bed."
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