by Holly Martin
‘I think I must be and I didn’t know what it was until Aidan saw it.’
‘What was it?’ Melody asked.
‘Aidan’s face inside a heart.’
Isla choked on her drink, Melody stared, her mouth falling open, then they both burst out laughing.
Agatha clapped her hands together in delight. ‘I thought it was wonderful.’
‘And Aidan saw it?’ Isla said, barely able to speak through laughing so much.
Tori’s cheeks burned red as she remembered his reaction. ‘Yes, he saw.’
Agatha’s eyes lit up. ‘But how did he see it? The tattoo is in the middle of your back. Was he taking you from behind and then saw his face staring back at him?’
Melody’s laughter got louder.
‘No. I was attacked by a bat and it got stuck down my hoodie. Aidan…’ she paused while she rectified the story, so it didn’t sound anything remotely sexy or romantic. ‘I pulled my top off and when Aidan came over to see if I was OK, he saw it then. To say he was freaked out was an understatement. What were you thinking?’
‘I’m sure he was flattered,’ Agatha said.
‘No, he wasn’t. Do you not know the art of subtlety at all? No man wants to date someone who turns up at their sort of first date with a vibrator stuffed in their bag or has their face tattooed in a heart. Why don’t I just go over to him now, get down on one knee and propose to him, scare him off once and for all.’
‘You two are soul mates. You’re supposed to be together forever. He is never going to run away from you because he loves you. He might not know it yet, but he does. I’m just helping things along a little. I haven’t got long on this planet. My bones are creaky, I find it difficult walking around. I think I’m well past my expiry date and I want to see you two get married before I shuffle off this mortal coil. I’m sorry if I want to speed things up a bit. When you get to my age—’
‘Stop with the feeble old lady act. We all know you’re going to outlive us all,’ Tori said. ‘I’m getting it covered tomorrow.’
‘No, you can’t do that. It’s a declaration of your love. Why would you want to cover it?’ Agatha protested.
‘Because it’s creepy and embarrassing.’
‘Well rumour has it, Aidan went to Rosie’s tattoo studio this morning and got his own tattoo.’
Tori stalled in her tirade. ‘He did?’
‘Yes, on his back apparently. Several people told me about it, it’s the talk of the village.’
Tori cringed at being the focus of village gossip. ‘What did he get?’
‘Rosie isn’t saying, but I imagine it was something beautiful and romantic, something just for you.’
‘I’m sure that isn’t the case at all.’
‘Rosie said you would love it.’
Tori had no words at all. What on earth would Aidan get tattooed on his back?
‘Ooh, must go and say my congratulations to Emily,’ Agatha said, moving away before Tori could tell her off any more.
Elliot came running over and climbed up on Isla’s lap.
‘Its exciting news, isn’t it, about Emily’s baby?’ Elliot said, playing with a toy tiger.
‘It really is,’ Isla said, kissing the top of his head as she wrapped her arms around him.
‘Marigold said the baby was growing inside Emily’s tummy right now.’
‘Hmmm,’ Isla said, visibly cringing as she waited for the inevitable question.
Elliot played with his tiger, moving the legs and letting it walk up Isla’s arm, giving little growling and roaring noises. Maybe the question wasn’t coming at all.
‘Marigold is going to be a big sister or brother.’
Isla smiled. ‘Big sister; it doesn’t matter if Emily has a boy or girl, Marigold will be his or her sister.’
‘I think I’d like a sister,’ Elliot said, simply.
‘You would?’
‘Yes, then I’d have someone to play with all the time. Girls are fun; Marigold is fun.’
‘Yes, she is,’ Isla said.
‘Do you think I could have a sister one day?’
Isla clearly thought carefully how to answer that question. Because a full sister would be impossible. A half-sister maybe, if his mum, wherever she was, had another child, but as his mum wasn’t in his life, he would be unlikely to know or meet her. If Isla was to ever have any children of her own, they would technically be Elliot’s cousin.
‘I’d like you to have a sister too,’ Isla said, carefully.
‘You would?’ Elliot said.
‘Yes. One day, I might have children.’
‘You would?’
‘Yes. How would you feel about that?’
‘I’d love that. And if you had a girl, she’d be my sister?’
‘Sort of, yes.’
‘Could we have a sister soon?’
Isla hesitated. ‘I have to find a man to have a baby with. I can’t have a baby on my own.’
Elliot frowned with confusion and Tori exchanged smirks with Melody.
‘How did the baby get into Emily’s tummy?’
Isla took a deep breath. ‘Stanley gave Emily the baby.’
Elliot nodded as if he understood. ‘Stanley could give you one too.’
Isla let out a strangled laugh, which she quickly turned into a cough.
‘That’s not how it works. A man can only give a woman a baby if they both love each other very much.’
Tori smiled at that very sweet, completely untrue statement.
‘Stanley loves Emily, he doesn’t love me,’ Isla says.
‘Oh, I see, so you need someone who loves you very much to give you a baby,’ Elliot said.
‘Yes.’
Elliot thought about this for a moment. ‘I love you very much.’
‘I love you too, this much,’ Isla said, holding out her arms so they were really wide.
Elliot giggled.
‘But the man needs to be someone my age.’
‘Leo!’ Elliot said, triumphantly. ‘He loves you very much. I’ll go ask him.’
‘No, that’s…’ Isla said, suddenly clearly alarmed at the prospect of that conversation. But before she could stop him, Elliot had climbed down and ran across the gazebo to Leo who was talking to a group of other men. Leo immediately scooped him up and held him on his hip.
Tori didn’t hear what Elliot said but she guessed the moment that he had announced his big plans as the whole group burst out laughing.
‘Oh God,’ Isla said as Melody and Tori barely contained their laughter. ‘Please let the ground swallow me up.’
Leo looked over at Isla, a big grin on his face. He whispered something in Elliot’s ear and Elliot smiled and nodded.
‘What is he saying?’ Tori asked.
‘I have no idea,’ Isla murmured. ‘But I don’t hold out hope that it’s anything good.’
Leo put Elliot down and he came running back over. ‘Leo says to tell you, if that’s what you want, he’d be very happy to oblige.’
Isla blushed furiously. ‘That’s nice of him.’
‘What does oblige mean?’
Isla swallowed. ‘It means… yes.’
‘Yayyyy!! I’m going to get a sister. I’m going to go and tell Marigold that I’m going to be a big sister too.’
He ran off before Isla could stop him and she let her head fall into her hands.
‘I’ll give it half hour before the whole of Sandcastle Bay knows me and Leo are going to have a baby together.’
Tori laughed.
Jamie walked over to Melody looking embarrassed and awkward. Silence fell over their little group and the smile fell off Melody’s face.
‘Hi Melody,’ Jamie said, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here.
‘Hello,’ Melody said, quietly.
Silence.
Tori looked at Isla; it was almost painful.
‘Hey Jamie. Why don’t you join us?’ Tori said, indicating the seat next to Melody.
Jamie cleared his throat, pushed his hand through his hair and sat down.
More silence and Tori cast around for a suitably neutral, easy topic of conversation.
Music started playing on the other side of the gazebo and Tori nearly sighed with relief at the distraction. She looked over at the source of the music. On a white screen, photos of Matthew were suddenly projected. People fell silent as they watched this tribute that had clearly been put together by one of his friends.
‘Oh yay, that’s my daddy,’ Elliot said as he stood in the middle of the gazebo watching the photos.
Different photos flashed up of Matthew on the beach, another drinking a beer at a barbeque. One in fancy dress. There was one of him with Isla and Melody, one with Leo.
As she watched the photos Tori swallowed at the sudden realisation that there wouldn’t be a photo of her and Matthew together, unless it was of them when they were children. There would be nothing to mark their sort of relationship, there was no proof it had ever happened, other than the memories in her head. God, she missed him, she missed talking to him, hearing his voice. Emotion clawed at her throat.
A photo of Matthew and Elliot together flashed up.
‘Yay! That’s me and Daddy,’ Elliot said, clapping his hands.
Leo probably saw it before anyone else – maybe he had been waiting for it. The smile on Elliot’s face faded, his lip wobbled. As his little chest heaved and Isla stood up, Leo was already hurrying across the gazebo and scooping Elliot into his arms.
Elliot wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck, sobbing hard as he buried his face into his shoulder.
Leo moved quickly across to Isla and sat down next to her on the bench, shifting Elliot so he was sitting between them on both their laps. Leo wrapped an arm round Isla’s shoulders and kissed her head as she leaned on his shoulder and snuggled into Elliot, whispering words in Elliot’s ear that brought the sobbing down to a whimper and a tiny smile appeared on his face.
Tori looked over at Melody who had tears streaming down her cheeks as she alternated between watching her nephew and looking at the photos. Jamie offered out a tissue. Melody smiled gratefully as she took it and after a few seconds Jamie reached out and held her hand.
Tori smiled slightly that they both had someone. Even if they weren’t in proper relationships with them, they at least had men who cared about them.
She glanced over at Aidan who was watching her with concern. She wanted him to come over and hold her hand, or wrap an arm around her shoulders as she continued to watch the photos of Matthew, but not only was that weird, him comforting her over the loss of another man, but she’d already made it clear that she didn’t want any public displays of affection. He wasn’t going to come anywhere near her now, at least not publicly, and that was her fault.
The photos came to an end and there didn’t seem to be a dry eye in the house.
Emily stepped forward, wiping her eyes, and Tori realised just how much Matthew’s death must have touched everyone. Marigold and Elliot were best friends so of course Matthew, Emily and Stanley would have spent time together.
‘It was Marigold and Elliot’s idea that we have a balloon release. We have some helium balloons and we’re all going to write a message to Matthew on the balloons and release them into the sky.’ Emily gestured to the multi-coloured balloons that were all currently weighted down and bobbing gently in the sea breeze. She offered out a pile of felt-tip pens and labels and people came and took one and went back to their chairs to write a message.
Some of the lads started laughing as they showed each other their messages, obviously writing something funny to Matthew, and Tori liked that. People had very happy memories of him, the photos reflected that, and their messages were obviously a reflection of that too.
She took a label and a felt-tip pen and watched as Isla and Leo helped Elliot and each other to write one.
What could she say to Matthew? All the things she never told him, all the things she had wanted to tell him over the last year.
She placed the pen on the label and wrote down one line.
I loved you too.
She stared at the words. Was it enough? It was everything that she ever wanted to say and had always been too afraid to.
She read it again. Loved not love. She would never forget the time she had with Matthew but she knew, in her heart, she had moved on now. And not just because of Aidan, that transition had happened a while ago. The only thing she had to decide now was whether she was strong enough to take a chance on love again, which meant taking a chance at being hurt again.
She looked over at Aidan and smiled at him. There was no choice here. She was already in too deep to walk away.
Everyone moved to tie their labels on the balloons and then gathered together on the cliff top. As they all shuffled together in readiness to release the balloons, she felt a warm hand slip into hers.
She looked round to see that Aidan was standing next to her, holding her hand. Everyone was standing too close together to notice and her heart filled with love for him. She squeezed his hand in return.
The small crowd started a countdown and as they reached ‘one’, the balloons were released and bobbed in a rainbow of colour into the sky. They watched as the balloons floated out over the sea until they disappeared into the horizon.
People started to move back into the gazebo and Aidan quickly dropped her hand.
‘I need to get off and deliver the fruit we picked last night. Jamie is going to take you home whenever you’re ready. I’ll see you later,’ Aidan said.
Before she could say anything, he gave her a half smile and walked off. She returned to her seat with Melody and Isla, feeling an ache in her heart. In trying to prevent hurting Isla and Melody she had hurt Aidan and she knew she needed to talk to him later.
17
Tori knocked on Aidan’s door, still not entirely sure what she was going to say to him. Her brain was overthinking everything again. Had she hurt him by dropping his hand? Was she ready to go public with what they had and be a victim of the gossip of the village and Agatha’s crowing that she had got it right the first time she had seen Tori? And spending the day today thinking about Matthew, and remembering how much it had hurt to lose him, would it be better to call time on this thing now so neither of them got hurt again?
Aidan opened the door.
‘I just wanted to talk about…’ Tori trailed off as she realised that Aidan was standing there in only his jeans. He was barefoot and the jeans weren’t even done up properly at the top, revealing the top of tight black shorts and his chest in all its yummy glory. Words failed her as she stared at his body, all smooth and toned and strong. Just below his belly button a thin smattering of hair disappeared into his jeans.
‘You ogling my elbows again, Tori Graham?’
‘Oh god, sorry, I just wanted to say… today at the memorial…’
‘How are you doing with that? It must have been emotional for you. I just wanted to come over and hold you, but I knew you didn’t want that.’
‘I didn’t not want that. I’m sorry I hurt you by dropping your hand. You were being so sweet and supportive, and I basically threw that back in your face, but I was worried about what Isla and Melody would think of us. They’ve only just found out that I had this sort of relationship with their brother and I wondered whether showing up to his memorial with another man would be insensitive. I didn’t want to hurt them and then I hurt you instead.’
His face softened. ‘It’s OK, you didn’t hurt me. It takes a lot more than that to hurt my feelings. And what you did was completely understandable.’
‘It was?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s just… this…’ she trailed off. She had no idea how to tell him that she was scared, how to put into words that this felt like something special, something incredible between them, and that made her even more terrified of losing it. She had fallen in love with Matthew and it hurt so much losing him.
‘I
was just lying down for a nap.’ He paused. ‘Why don’t you join me?’
She stared at him, words getting stuck in her throat as emotions bubbled through her.
‘You said a nap was something you did with someone special.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s just a nap. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. It is just two people sleeping in the same bed after all.’
She hesitated.
He held out his hand and her body betrayed her by automatically stepping forward and taking it. He pulled her gently into the house and shut the door behind her.
She stared up at him and couldn’t resist reaching up and stroking his cheek. He placed a kiss on her hand.
‘I don’t have any pyjamas with me,’ she managed to say.
He smiled. ‘I don’t think we need to worry about that.’
Aidan started to walk upstairs, tugging her behind him. Her heart was thudding inside her chest. Would they not need to worry about pyjamas because they’d both be naked? Oh god, were they really about to have sex? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. But sex with Aidan would be amazing, she had no doubt about that. If he made love half as well as he kissed, she was in for an amazing time.
She eyed his strong, muscular back and realised he had a tattoo in the middle of his back, exactly where hers was. It was dark brown and had obviously been done with henna as well.
She pulled him to a stop and he looked round at her with concern.
‘Your tattoo?’
He grinned and turned back so she could see it.
She stepped up and laughed loudly. Right in the middle of his shoulder blades was a heart with her face inside.
‘Oh god, that’s so funny. And so creepy.’
‘I thought it might make you feel better about yours.’
Tori couldn’t stop laughing. ‘It’s certainly done that. I can’t believe you’ve done that. You know people in the village are talking about it.’
‘People are talking about yours too, so hopefully mine gives some balance.’
‘It’s so amazing and not at all stalkery,’ she said, dryly.
He laughed as he walked into the bedroom and Tori was relieved – the tension that had been hanging in the air about what was going to happen next had vanished. There was a huge, king-size bed in the middle of the room and a large walk-in shower in an en-suite just off the bedroom, which was all black marble tiles. The shower looked easily big enough for two people and her head was suddenly filled with images of the two of them in the shower together.