by Aileen Erin
“We’ll make time. Like tonight.”
The ship touched the ground and the harnesses retracted.
Lorne stood and pulled me into his arms. “We’ll make a happy memory to replace one you’ve lost. Okay?”
He ran his hand down my back, and I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against his chest.
I wanted to believe him, but I felt like time was running out. He’d be king the day after tomorrow. Then we’d be dealing with the war. So, when would we have time for safe, happy memories?
But we had tonight.
We stepped out together and walked down the short ramp of the ship. His hand was firmly gripping mine, and I liked that it made me feel grounded when my dream world was suddenly right here.
The house was just as I remembered it. There were lights on around the house, making it nearly glow in the dark night. It was modern and looked like it was cut from a giant slab of cream-colored stone, although I was pretty sure I was wrong. The bottom story was a large rectangle at least ten steps up from the sand. There was a massive porch that followed the side of the house and curved around the back that faced the water. A massive wall of glass curved to the back, with no hard edges and with a double door framed by benches on either side.
The second floor was another great rectangle, but placed on an angle from the bottom floor. From what I could see, there were more wall-sized windows up there, too, and I knew that if the side I was seeing had all that glass, the side facing the ocean was probably glass as well. If I were building a house on the ocean shore, I’d have made it glass. The view from inside had to be amazing.
A woman rushed through the doors, yelling something in Aunare as she ran toward us.
Lorne yelled something back at her. “She’s excited to see you. She says dinner is about ready.”
It was nighttime, and while I’d slept so much today, I was tired. And I didn’t like to eat dinner because I always threw it up. “If I have a nightmare and—”
He rubbed his thumb up and down the inside of my wrist. “You have to eat. Even if you throw up part of it later.”
That sounded horrible, but maybe tonight would be different. Maybe it would be like my first two nights in Lorne’s bed. “Okay.”
I walked with him toward his sister, who was running toward us. Noriali was at least six feet tall—the Aunare norm for females—with her straight blonde hair braided and wound on top of her head. From a distance, she looked nothing like her brother, but once I got closer, I saw the same aquamarine eyes.
She was wearing a white flowing dress, no shoes, and her grin was a little infectious and identical to Lorne’s. It made me like her instantly.
She said something quickly and wrapped her arms around me as soon as she reached us.
I looked over her shoulder at Lorne. He’d said he’d translate.
“She says that she’s missed you.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.” He hadn’t told her about my memory? I felt awkward not returning her hug, but I didn’t feel comfortable hugging a stranger either.
Noriali pulled away from me and looked down at me with a confused look on her face. She stepped back and turned to Lorne, waiting for an explanation, but Lorne was quiet.
No. No, he hadn’t told her anything about me. “Lorne?” I was so annoyed. How could he do this to his sister? To me?
“Sorry.” He held up a hand for Nori to wait as he talked to me. He seemed pained, but this would’ve gone better if he’d just warned her. “I…I wanted to tell her in person. She was really close with you before. But I’ve upset both of you now, and I should’ve prepared her. She doesn’t know anything about the memory wipe or that you don’t speak Aunare, and—”
“Stop.” I cut off his rambling apology. “Just fix it. Explain to her what happened.”
“All right.” He’d put on his blank king face again as he turned to his sister. He started talking to her very, very quickly. I understood none of it.
She interrupted him a few times with what had to have been questions, but uncomfortable didn’t even touch the amount of awkwardness I was feeling at the moment.
Explaining all of that was going to take a little bit of time, and I couldn’t stand there for the whole thing. It was strange that they were talking about me in a different language.
I gave them a wave and motioned to the water, but didn’t wait for them to respond or follow me. I had to see the beach. I had to see the spot that I kept remembering. So, I walked toward the sound of water.
I remembered being on the beach building a sandcastle with the house behind me, so I rounded the corner to the back of the house and then stumbled to a stop.
It was real. It was here. I’d built a sandcastle just twenty feet away from where I was standing.
I quickly pulled off my shoes and left them in the sand, slowly walking toward the water. The light of the stars and planets in the sky glowed enough for me to see. Their reflection glittered and danced along the water’s surface as it lapped up the shore.
My breaths started to follow the push and pull of the waves, and when I closed my eyes, I felt like I was six again. Carefree and innocent. But when I opened my eyes again, I knew that I wasn’t any of those things. I hadn’t felt carefree in a long time, and I wasn’t sure I ever would again.
But maybe there would be enough time to make new happy memories.
I pulled up my pant legs and stepped into the water. It was warmer than I’d expected. The water was clear, but I couldn’t see any fish. Maybe it was too dark, but I remembered there being fish and some kind of little lizardlike creatures in the water here. I turned to go back to the house, but something else caught my eye.
A natural cliff wall behind the house. I could almost feel the sharp rocks under my hands and hear Lorne and Declan yelling at me. I didn’t know what they were saying, but they were so mad.
What was that about?
“Are you okay?” Lorne said.
I couldn’t look away from the cliff. I could feel the memory just out of grasp and I knew if I looked away, I might never find it again. And I wanted it. I wanted this little piece of my life back. I wanted to know what it felt like to be happy and safe.
“Amihanna?” His voice hooked inside me like he was dragging my soul to him.
I blinked a few times, hoping for more of the memory to come, but all I had were fragments.
When I finally looked at him, his eyes were filled with concern and worry and maybe even a touch of fear, but I didn’t mean to scare him.
I pointed to the cliff. “I climbed that once and you were yelling at me. I don’t know what—”
A startled laugh slipped from Lorne. “Yes. Yes, I did yell at you. You remember?”
“No. I got a couple pieces to the puzzle but the rest are missing. All I remember is the feel of the stone under my hands and being high up and then the sound of you and Declan yelling.” I closed my eyes, trying to force it, but it was like listening to someone shouting down a long, echo-filled tunnel. I could hear the tone, but I couldn’t make out the words. “I don’t know if I can’t remember what you’re saying because I just don’t remember or if it’s because you were yelling in Aunare and I don’t know it or…but you sounded pretty mad.”
“I’m still mad when I think about it. I could yell at you all over again!” Lorne grabbed my shoulders and shook me, but when I opened my eyes, he was smiling.
“What did I do?”
Lorne pulled me against his side and turned to face the cliff. “Declan and I decided to free-climb the cliff. See how far we could get before one of us chickened out. Stupid, but we were fourteen and a couple of idiots. We thought we were invincible.”
I nudged him with my elbow. “So, basically a typical boy.”
“Exactly. But we were taunting each other. We’d made it to just there. Where that small bush juts out from the side.”
He pointed, and I was impressed. “How far up is that?”
“I guess in Earther terms it wa
s like nearly one hundred feet up, and then I looked down and there you were. Not ten feet below us.”
“So, you’re saying I could keep up with you.” I teased him. The man was about to lose his mind all over again, and it was pretty funny.
“You were three years old!” He screamed as he pointed to the cliff again. “We weren’t totally stupid, because we had backpacks with parachutes, but you had nothing. Nothing. You were basically a baby, hanging on with no harness and no parachute.”
“Yikes.” I laughed, but he was still lost in the memory. His anger was winning out, but it was pretty funny to think of three-year-old me keeping up with Lorne and Declan.
“You scared me so bad, I thought I’d lose you forever.” He groaned. “But it was my fault. You never wanted to be left out, and I wasn’t watching you. I should’ve made sure—”
“You have to stop taking the blame for things. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sure I was a pain.”
“A lovely pain, but I don’t know who was more mad that day, me or your mother or you. Your little ego was so tender then, and you wanted to be able to keep up with us. You kept saying you were a big girl, not a baby, but you were three.”
I looked back at the cliff. “I wish I remembered all of that.” I really did.
“Me, too.” He ran his hand through my hair. “Me, too.” He said it softer this time, and I could feel his loss. Before we left Jesmesha’s house he’d said that he felt like he was losing his best friend all over again, and I finally understood what he’d meant.
We were quiet for a second, and I leaned my head against Lorne’s shoulder. “Is she upset?”
“Noriali? A bit, but not at you. She’s mad at me that I kept it from her.”
“Should we leave?”
“No. She’d be so hurt if we did. She’s just embarrassed. She used to know some English, but she hasn’t used it in a while and…”
“Oh. Well, don’t mind me. You guys can talk, and I’ll eat and be happy.”
“Come on, Amihanna. I’ll translate. It’ll be okay. She’s definitely the sweetest of the ni Taure family, I promise.”
I grabbed my shoes from the sand as we walked back to the house, but didn’t bother putting them on. If Nori wasn’t wearing shoes, then I guessed it was okay if I didn’t either. I dropped them by the door, and when we entered the house, Noriali was fussing around the kitchen. She turned to us and motioned to sit, saying something.
“She’s sorry that her English is terrible, and for everything that you’ve gone through. But she wants you to know that you’re welcome to stay here if you’re tired of the estate. You always liked it here.”
I nodded. “I guess that’s why it’s one of the only things I remember.”
Lorne quickly said it in Aunare, and smiled. “Probably. Sit. We’ll eat.”
Lorne and Noriali chatted quickly, and he wasn’t translating. He kept looking at me and then away, and I wondered what they were saying because it was obviously about me.
Nori slapped his shoulder and pointed to me.
“She—like most of the Aunare—is asking when our wedding is.”
I sat down in the chair. “What’d you tell her?”
“That I’m working on getting you to like me first. She says that you already love me, but I said that you forgot, and that I was working on that, too. Then she said she knew it and to ask you.”
“Ask me what?” If I loved him? If I was going to marry him?
“Ask you what you wanted and if you’d marry me, but that’s putting you on the spot right now and I feel like I already won a big battle today. I got you to agree not to leave and to help me.”
If he put me on the spot, I knew what I’d most likely say, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to say it.
He muttered something to Nori. “I told her to drop it.” He rubbed a hand across his forehead. “Having no translator is going to make my brain hurt by the time we leave.”
He had to be joking. “I told you I could go back for it.”
“If I’m being honest, I just didn’t want to be without you while you went back to our room.” His cheeks colored just a little, and it made my heart soften in my chest.
I definitely knew what I would say if he asked me that question. Every time we talked, I grew more sure of it. Even if I was still too scared to say it aloud.
He’d told Nori to drop it, so I was going to drop it, too. Tonight was about relaxing and having a date. “I could fly us back.”
“Maybe after a little practice.”
Noriali stomped her foot, and then said something quickly.
He said a few quick words to her. “She’s getting frustrated.”
Something dinged, and Noriali rushed off to open an oven. She grabbed a towel, pulled out the rack, and a familiar scent filled the room.
Noriali leaned over the food, sniffed, and her skin started to glow—her fao’ana lit up her arms. She rushed around the counter, grabbed a few containers of what had to be seasonings, and then pinched out a few, mixing them in the palm of her hand. She sniffed the spices, added a little bit of one more, and then sprinkled it over the food.
It was mesmerizing to watch her work. I’d spent so much time in the kitchen at the diner watching my mother cook, but this was entirely different. She was cooking with so much joy, and her face when she bent over the tray again and smelled—the happiest smile broke across her face, like she knew whatever she’d made would be perfect.
She pressed her finger to something in the dish and hummed, and then did a little wiggle dance.
I looked at Lorne. “She really likes cooking.”
“Yes. The kitchen is her happy place, and she gets really happy when she makes the perfect dish for someone. Something exactly that they need. It’s her gift. Her fao’ana are for cooking and baking, much to my father’s disappointment. He wanted her to go into politics, but she fought hard against him and won. I think that makes her enjoy it even more.”
She turned to Lorne and nodded.
“It’s ready.”
Lorne led me to a dining room filled with a large wooden table. The chairs matched it, but had floral cushions on the seats. The lights were dimmed, but the candles in the center of the table gave the room a nice warm feel. The place settings were simple, and she’d placed a fish shaped trivet at the end of the table.
Noriali placed the baking dish on the trivet and dished out a plate, passing it to me.
I didn’t really look at the plate or the dish because I was too busy taking in the room, but she wasn’t plating anything for herself or Lorne. She just stood there watching me.
After a second, she motioned to the plate and said something to Lorne.
“She wants you to try it. She wants to know if she got it right.”
I finally looked and really saw the food. “Oh my god.” I looked at Lorne and then to Noriali. “Oh my god. How did she know?”
Noriali grinned. “You like. Yes?” Her voice was thickly accented, but beautiful.
“Yes.” I blinked away the tears.
“Taste. Please.”
My fork shook in my hand, and I cut into the enchiladas suizas. It wasn’t that the food on Sel’Ani was bad. It was actually amazing, but also foreign and way too fancy for me.
Enchiladas suizas was my favorite dish in the universe.
The ingredients were completely out of our budget, but my mother would save and save each year so that I could have it on my birthday. When we got to Albuquerque, she’d make it more often to remind me that we would survive. Shit could be going horribly and we could be scared and not sure about anything else, but with this dish, I always knew that everything was going to be okay. It was our sign to each other that we would get through this year and the next and the one after that.
Except this year I knew I wasn’t going to have it. And I was so broken, I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday. Especially not the party my mother suggested. And here I was, a week later, with the biggest dish of enchi
ladas that I’d ever seen.
A tear rolled down my cheek as I took a bite. The sour of the tomatillo sauce was softened by the sour cream. The chicken inside was perfectly seasoned and shredded not too finely.
It was hard to eat when I was crying, but I wasn’t going to waste a bite of this. I swallowed down the food. “Peshmeho.” The word was broken and hard to get out.
I put down the fork and tried to hold on to the walls that I’d built around my heart so that I could survive all the years on Earth. But they were slowly, steadily breaking.
I stared at the food, but my eyes blurred as the tears kept coming.
How could she know that this was the meal that would break my heart open?
Lorne moved to the chair next to mine and rubbed his hand up and down my back. “This is quite a reaction, even for one of Nori’s dishes.”
“Ask her—” I wiped my face with my napkin, and then dropped it to hold his hand. I needed him to steady me so that I could talk without breaking. “Ask her how she knew.”
Lorne threaded our fingers together as he relayed the question, and then Nori sat down on the other side of me. I watched her speak, not understanding any of it. She was going too fast and it sounded familiar, but I didn’t have a clue about any of it.
When she stopped, I turned to Lorne for an answer.
“What did she say?”
“I feel like a jerk because I forgot. Totally.” He said something to Nori. “I told her that she was truly the kindest person I know. And before that, she said that when you were a toddler—maybe about two or so—you came to Sel’Ani and were homesick for Earth. Your mother tried to make you your favorite dish—enchiladas suizas—to give you a piece of home on your birthday, but she couldn’t get it quite right. We have an acidic fruit similar to tomatoes but it’s a poor substitute for a tomatillo. We have citrus fruit, but no limes. It was similar, but maybe twenty percent off. The attempt seemed to make you sadder. You said you’d rather have nothing from home than have something that felt fake. So, Nori told your mother the next time you came, to—” Lorne paused as his own eyes started tearing up.
“Sorry. I can’t believe she knew and…Nori!” He whispered something quietly to her.